perhaps that they wouldn´t accept amanda – like your own mother? you know, the other grandmother who refused to even meet amanda?
as much as andi is to blame for (some of) her behaviour, we tend to forget where she got it from – her own homelife/family was far from perfect.
Speaking as someone with anxiety issues of my own, and learned behaviors- that actually means literally nothing in this instance. On a logical level, she might *know* that they will accept Amanda- but on a subconscious level, she remembers her mother’s reactions, and the way she’s been taught to expect people to react by her mother.
Trust me, if your parents are bad, you assume everyone else is until very thoroughly proven otherwise, and, even when they’ve proven themselves trustworthy, you still have to contend with that doubt and fear clawing at the back of your mind. We’re taught that our parents are the ones who will treat us the best, so, when they treat us like shit, we assume the rest of the world will do even worse.
It takes a long time to learn to trust people outside your family if your family was abusive (even just emotionally…which really shouldn’t have the word “just” in front of it but many people mistakenly assume it’s not as damaging as the other types).
I wonder if her comment about being worried: Is it the worry she felt days ago? Or the worry she felt 8 years ago when she hid Amanda from her father’s family?
^This^ this was my thought as well. Maybe Andi is starting to realize that Todd’s family loved her and, had she kept Amanda, they would have helped her. Andi’s mother is, to be blunt, a heartless, self serving bitch, but Andi would have had Todd’s family, to help her through the birth, and to help them both raise Amanda.
Now that you’ve mentioned it, I do think the line is meant this way. This is hindsight on decisions that were based on a very skewed worldview that didn’t give due credit to either her boyfriend or her boyfriend’s family.
I can’t tell you how many stories I’ve seen/watched/played that rely on someone (Bob) imagining another someone (Alice) is going to react horribly, and therefore Bob hiding information from Alice in a way that creates, exacerbates, or prolongs a bad situation. But I can at least point out a couple shining moments:
1. Girl Genius: Just when I think Gil is going to be acting entirely from misinformation about a critical part of the plot, Zeetha pops in to tell him exactly what’s going on with the group he’s not able to be part of at the time — and the plot spins off a different character’s misunderstanding instead.
2. Sherlock Holmes: In my favorite story of all (though I haven’t read it in ages), one that echoes bits of this comic right here, a man hires Sherlock to find out what has got his wife so spooked and secretive. He thinks she’s cheating on him; turns out she’s hiding a part of her past (and present) that she is deeply ashamed of and thinks he won’t understand. When he finds out, he does something incredibly tender, and says this:
“We can talk it over more comfortably at home. I am not a very good man, Effie, but I think that I am a better one than you have given me credit for being.”
This is why I say that fear kills you. It is fear that destroys. It is fear that holds you back. Let go of your fear, realize that nothing is holding you back and nothing will hold you back.
Andi finally realizes this. Now she needs to work on herself and become better.
When your’e what, 16? The idea of raising a child you don’t want is terrifying.(Without mixing anxiety into it.) Even though Todd’s family is supportive HER mother wasnt. Think of how toxic that home environment would have been? Andi’s fears were well placed in some aspects.
I’m just do glad things are join well for the girls right now. I also hope nothing pops up to ruin it.
I honestly see it as also a sign of self reflection in general. I get the feeling she is trying to figure out what she really was worried about with having Amanda here in a more “Why did I think I had to be here?” manner, and is possibly, and to me at least, hopefully considering that her worries were more her own personal issues then concern for Amanda.
I think she was legitimately concerned about how Amanda would act and how she might be treated because of how she’s acted before. Certainly, I think she’s lamenting about prior things in her past as well. Such as why she was ever worried Todd and his family would not be there for her when she was pregnant. She most likely is reflecting on the fact that she’s missing out on a wonderful family because she thought no one would be there for her and realizes otherwise now.
Although Andi may not have HAD to be there, I do think is good she came. We got to see closer between Andi and Maria. As well self reflection for Andi. Character development folks its the name of the game.
I agree. I’ve been learning from friends who adopted older kids you actually aren’t supposed to leave them alone with extended family or friends for the first few months to the first year. This is to help combat attachment disorderâwhich is very common with children who are adopted at older ages. Especially kids who have serious rejection/abuse issues like Amanda.
Two years later and I still get gut-punched by the horribleness of Andi’s toxic mother. The number of lives she has affected with her bullying. I’m just glad Andi has come this far, she needs counseling as bad as Mandy, even if for different reasons/issues.
That they’d never forgive you? Or that they’d hate you?
To be honest,it’d be pretty deserved. But I doubt they’d be mean to Amanda. After all,she is their niece.
perhaps that they wouldn´t accept amanda – like your own mother? you know, the other grandmother who refused to even meet amanda?
as much as andi is to blame for (some of) her behaviour, we tend to forget where she got it from – her own homelife/family was far from perfect.
Yet she supposedly knows them and how they react to everything after spending so much time with them.
Speaking as someone with anxiety issues of my own, and learned behaviors- that actually means literally nothing in this instance. On a logical level, she might *know* that they will accept Amanda- but on a subconscious level, she remembers her mother’s reactions, and the way she’s been taught to expect people to react by her mother.
Trust me, if your parents are bad, you assume everyone else is until very thoroughly proven otherwise, and, even when they’ve proven themselves trustworthy, you still have to contend with that doubt and fear clawing at the back of your mind. We’re taught that our parents are the ones who will treat us the best, so, when they treat us like shit, we assume the rest of the world will do even worse.
It takes a long time to learn to trust people outside your family if your family was abusive (even just emotionally…which really shouldn’t have the word “just” in front of it but many people mistakenly assume it’s not as damaging as the other types).
I wonder if her comment about being worried: Is it the worry she felt days ago? Or the worry she felt 8 years ago when she hid Amanda from her father’s family?
^This^ this was my thought as well. Maybe Andi is starting to realize that Todd’s family loved her and, had she kept Amanda, they would have helped her. Andi’s mother is, to be blunt, a heartless, self serving bitch, but Andi would have had Todd’s family, to help her through the birth, and to help them both raise Amanda.
Re-reading the page, I got the same vibe as you: that could certainly be a profound question for Andi to (finally) start to ask herself.
Now that you’ve mentioned it, I do think the line is meant this way. This is hindsight on decisions that were based on a very skewed worldview that didn’t give due credit to either her boyfriend or her boyfriend’s family.
I can’t tell you how many stories I’ve seen/watched/played that rely on someone (Bob) imagining another someone (Alice) is going to react horribly, and therefore Bob hiding information from Alice in a way that creates, exacerbates, or prolongs a bad situation. But I can at least point out a couple shining moments:
1. Girl Genius: Just when I think Gil is going to be acting entirely from misinformation about a critical part of the plot, Zeetha pops in to tell him exactly what’s going on with the group he’s not able to be part of at the time — and the plot spins off a different character’s misunderstanding instead.
2. Sherlock Holmes: In my favorite story of all (though I haven’t read it in ages), one that echoes bits of this comic right here, a man hires Sherlock to find out what has got his wife so spooked and secretive. He thinks she’s cheating on him; turns out she’s hiding a part of her past (and present) that she is deeply ashamed of and thinks he won’t understand. When he finds out, he does something incredibly tender, and says this:
“We can talk it over more comfortably at home. I am not a very good man, Effie, but I think that I am a better one than you have given me credit for being.”
That was one of Doyle’s best lines ever.
Thats absolutely the way I read it too! Thinking back to her adoption/dead baby mess from 8 years ago.
I’d say:
panel 4 is about her worrying during the last few days/weeks
panel 6 is about her worrying 8-9 years ago
This is why I say that fear kills you. It is fear that destroys. It is fear that holds you back. Let go of your fear, realize that nothing is holding you back and nothing will hold you back.
Andi finally realizes this. Now she needs to work on herself and become better.
Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
Yes.
Hopefully this will make her realize where she went wrong.
When your’e what, 16? The idea of raising a child you don’t want is terrifying.(Without mixing anxiety into it.) Even though Todd’s family is supportive HER mother wasnt. Think of how toxic that home environment would have been? Andi’s fears were well placed in some aspects.
I’m just do glad things are join well for the girls right now. I also hope nothing pops up to ruin it.
Except if she’s willing to give up the baby to total strangers, why not give it up to Todd and his family?
Everyone is all deep & insightful and I’m just wondering how Tod can bed his arm like that in the first panel…
I’ve done that once. My arm took a few months to recover after. đ
I can’t even get my arm up that high!
All you need is good, trained flexibility and healthy rotator cuffs. I could do this when my sisters were eight, but that was nearly fifty years ago.
Yeah I don’t care how flexible your rotator cuff is, your elbow doesn’t bend that way unless its absolutely shattered.
Someone is projecting their fear on another.
I honestly see it as also a sign of self reflection in general. I get the feeling she is trying to figure out what she really was worried about with having Amanda here in a more “Why did I think I had to be here?” manner, and is possibly, and to me at least, hopefully considering that her worries were more her own personal issues then concern for Amanda.
ooh! I can answer this one! You were worried about how much anger and hate you’d have directed at YOURSELF!
I think she was legitimately concerned about how Amanda would act and how she might be treated because of how she’s acted before. Certainly, I think she’s lamenting about prior things in her past as well. Such as why she was ever worried Todd and his family would not be there for her when she was pregnant. She most likely is reflecting on the fact that she’s missing out on a wonderful family because she thought no one would be there for her and realizes otherwise now.
Although Andi may not have HAD to be there, I do think is good she came. We got to see closer between Andi and Maria. As well self reflection for Andi. Character development folks its the name of the game.
I agree. I’ve been learning from friends who adopted older kids you actually aren’t supposed to leave them alone with extended family or friends for the first few months to the first year. This is to help combat attachment disorderâwhich is very common with children who are adopted at older ages. Especially kids who have serious rejection/abuse issues like Amanda.
To keep the joy going, I found these christmas cookie cutters at work, immediately had to have my own along with my death star mug.
http://tinyurl.com/gs6xen4
Always expect Ninjas.
So she turned a common saying into a real question.
Two years later and I still get gut-punched by the horribleness of Andi’s toxic mother. The number of lives she has affected with her bullying. I’m just glad Andi has come this far, she needs counseling as bad as Mandy, even if for different reasons/issues.