I’m really glad Andi and Todd seem to be on reletively friendly terms again! That is so refreshing! But wait, “You can’t act the way you have been” implies Todd was aware that she’s been teasing Selkie at the house…? Todd? What the heck?
I don’t think he knows because he’s observed it. I think he knows because he’s dialysis connected the dots. Now if he would only notice the smug grin on Selkie’s face and flow up with something along the lines of “You’re both my daughters. That means we’re all on tee same team now. You’re sisters, not enemies now, and you BOTH need to start acting like it.”
Indeed, the forcing isn’t going to work. Kids who hate each other don’t respond well to being told they just have to get along because Adult Reasons.
On the other hand, events that happen while they are forced together can lead them to discover that the other kid has good points after all. I’m hoping there will be story developments along those lines.
While that is interesting now, the end game is a state wherein Amanda can be proud enough of her decisions and actions, secure enough in her self-esteem and in her family’s support, that she no longer feels that way.
At least, that’s the ideal. Honestly, she’s been hurt enough that it may be impossible (IRL, at least) to get to that stage, no matter how much she changes.
Having to go on the defensive constantly, even when you’re trying to do everything right, is psychologically devastating.
She hasn’t been trying to do right yet though, at least not that we’ve seen. Actually trying to be nice and good for a change would help for sure, her expression makes me think she’s not very willing though.
That’s a nice end game to have, but the intermediate game is a state wherein Amanda stops tormenting Selkie every chance she gets.
It’s all well and good to empathize with Amanda and hope that with enough love and patience she’ll grow up and become a decent human being at some point, but from the viewpoint of her victim it’d be even better to make her stop doing what she’s currently doing first.
And it doesn’t look like Amanda is “trying to do everything right”. Judging from the smirks in the panels during the timeskip, she figured out what she could get away with and then gleefully went on doing it.
As for psychologically devastating things, how about having the one safe space you thought you had invaded by the person who’s been tormenting you for years and the parent figure you thought was going to protect you not notice?
All Amanda has to do to not “constantly having to go on the defensive” is to stop doing indefensible things.
I don’t think he knows what it is. I think so much flew well over his “everything is going to go so well now” head he can’t even look back on what has happened in the past or find out what else may have happened he doesn’t know about. I think both Amanda’s reasoning and the extent of how she has harassed Selkie will come as a surprise to him.
B) No, as we saw before he was utterly clueless until his mom helped him out. Then, seeing how upset Selkie was getting, he connected the dots that there was behavior going on he hadn’t noticed on both ends.
I think after Selkie brought up part of what was going on, Todd probly connected dots of what other acts of torment Amanda was doing. He had siblings so he does have experience.While he was clueless on the uptake but it was not stupidity. Many people need a few pieces of the problem to fit together before they can address or fix it. But I’m glad Todd is setting clear boundaries for Amanda and Selkie so there is no one-sided rules or favoritism.
Todd keeps saying, “You need to…” Just his way, I suppose, but it’s an odd way of laying down rules. It’s inviting a kid to think, “What you mean is, you want. Stop talking like you know all about me.”
Judging from her expression, Amanda hasn’t heard any good reason she should want to treat Selkie better. “You’re sisters,” doesn’t cut it. That’s about Andi and Todd, it doesn’t mean anything to her. What she’s hearing is, “You will change your behavior, OR ELSE.” She doesn’t know what the OR ELSE is, but she knows it’s a threat. In fact, judging by Selkie’s grin, that’s what both kids are hearing: a threat.
Amanda seems scared and worried, so the implied threat may result in a short-term improvement, but sooner or later, I predict she’s going to test the rule.
Oh lord no that would not help. Amanda would read that as “Selkie is my real daughter cause I chose her not you”
Family is unconditional love. She needs to be grounded and have privileges taken away but LOVE is NEVER something that should be withheld as punishment.
I have to partially disagree here, I do agree that love should not be used as leverage to punish anyone. However, not being permitted to interact with others is a just punishment when an individual has shown they are willing to disrespect or damage another person, in this case, mental and emotional harassment abuse of Selkie.
My brother was and still is emotionally abusive and my family did nothing to stop it, and at times either enabled it and blamed me when I did lash out. I had zero self-confidence and self-worth growing up because of it. When I married my hubby put down the rule ‘anyone who demeans, humiliates or insults my wife is not welcome in our home until or unless a change of heart occurs.’ This included family. Now, we can keep in contact with each other, but I never allow my brother or father in without my hub there to support me. And this has drastically improved the relationship. Yes we are all adults but this sort of action would have saved me and probly my brother a lot of trouble, heartache and self-confidence growing up.
Not welcome in the house of her own father? I’m all for Amanda getting punishment, but that’s going WAY too far. That would put her in a place where she will never heal. No. I totally agree with Haukness here. Some punishment other than being banished from the house is a much better idea.
In this situation, though… Amanda is Todd’s daughter. Being treated like his daughter is not a privilege to be withdrawn as punishment, it is her right. Being his daughter includes being welcomed in his home.
I am pretty sure Todd is not thinking of withdrawing that welcome. That’s not in his universe of possibilities. He may not even realize that what he said sounded to both kids very much like a threat to do exactly that. He just wants her behaviour to change while she’s there, and he’s planning to watch more carefully to make sure it happens. There are many reasonable punishments that can be applied to an eight year old who breaks a clearly expressed rule. (Shoveling manure, for instance?) If he runs short of ideas, I’m sure Mari and Theo can come up with something that won’t translate into rejection.
Amanda might be intimidated now, by the threat she perceives Todd to have made, into behaving better in the short term. But we’ve seen that she doesn’t react well to intimidation. Nothing will have actually been fixed until someone convinces her she can stop hating Selkie.
She is welcome in his home, and to some extent should be but I think getting sent home when she misbehaves is an appropriate punishment to protect Selkie.
Ie Amanda visits, calls Selkie fishface, get a time out. After time out insults Selkie, is spoken too, and calmly sent home because she cannot play nicely that day. She is still loved and welcome, but part of that welcome is that she has to be civil.
Next visit is a clean slate, until she can behave kindly. Same goes for Selkie if she gets vindictive.
“Honestly some kind of treat or ultimatum like, āif you donāt stop being mean to Selkie you are no longer welcome hereā would probably help.”
No. Not only will that will not work well. It will feed Amanda’s sense of rejectionāas well as her aggression to Selkie. I think Todd paying closer attention to the girls and catching Amanda in the act would do so much more. They really should not be left alone in a room together until they have gotten past this. There’s plenty of ways to do this such as creating family situations everyone has to interact (positively) together such as the family game the grandparents pulled out.
Also, praise when the girls go out of their way to be genuinely kind to one another on their own. Affection, love, and presence should *never* be withheld. That only leads to more problems. Every child I’ve seen raised like ends up with serious issues as an adult they either aren’t aware of or need loads of therapy to become a decent and/or whole person. I can almost always point out a child who is raised like that, too. Their parents usually have the hugest insecurity issues.
Yes. My daughter attended a school which had the policy of “catch them being good.” When a child was caught, they would get a voucher with which they could CHOOSE their own reward. There was no teasing or bullying. All the kids had a great sense of camaraderie. I have never seen anything like it.
Todd needs to keep an eagle eye on Amanda, as well. She needs to face consequences for being mean to Selkie. What gets me about this is that Selkie has been more than decent to Amanda and she needs a little reward for that…that she can choose.
I keep saying that until the adults get to the origin of her problem with Selkie and see how she thought (i.e. she was ignored when she desperately needed reassurance and help for what she deemed as ‘a dumb fish’) that they cannot begin to explain to her and make her understand. Amanda doesn’t need to be told what she -must- do and she doesn’t need threats. What she needs is understanding and people to see what her thought process was so that they can fully explain to her why the way she thought was incorrect. I truly think that if they do that she can finally begin to move forward and stop hating Selkie. As it is eight now, no one has given her a clear reason why she shouldn’t hate Selkie. Her thought process is different from others. She needs to know she’s safe and understood and have a full explanation of why her neglect wasn’t Selkie’s fault even if she was a factor and cause in the neglect.
I’m worried that she might end up pushing back so hard the situation ends up much worse before it gets better. Both girls need a good reason to get along with each other but Amanda is only hearing “play nice with the girl you’ve convinced yourself is responsible for most of your hardships and is also in the life you believe might be the end of all your pain because we said so and there will be Scary Things if you don’t” and Selkie is only hearing “play nice with the girl who harassed you for things you had no control over and didn’t even know until recently while she continues to harass you and invade your safe space because I said so”. All people tend to push back harder then before when forced to do something they hate and don’t understand, but kids are usually worse.
This doesn’t seem like a conversation that should have been done by phone. Todd needs the visual cues of how Amanda reacts; she needs to see that he still cares about her even though he is being critical.
Agreed — immediate dealing-with-things helps Selkie, but it’s not necessarily going to get through to Amanda in any good way. (Hopefully Andi can ameliorate it some, after.)
Frankly, it was kind of a no-win there. Either Selkie doesn’t get immediate reassurance, or he’s not so effective with Amanda. He’s probably trying to be compassionate in his voice, but voice-over-speakerphone is THE WORST for nuance.
This is an ok start, but there needs to be more. Amanda needs to be taught HOW to get there vs just being told do it. I have been reading for a long time and thinking about what I personally would do as one of these parents. So far the lack of structure and thoughtless ‘lets all hang out and see what happens’ with lack of consequences is super frusterating.
Amanda needs counsuling for her underlying issues but right now both girls need strict boundaries of civility.
Step one seems to be never, ever leaving them alone together even for a moment. Selkie needs to be protected and Amanda needs to be corrected early, Selkie needs to see that an adult will handle Amanda so she does not need to violently defend herself.
They both need guidelines of “do this, not this.”
If Amanda visits and calls Selkie fishface, she needs to be corrected and sent to time out, if it happens again she goes home no if ands or buts. Next visit can be a clean slate. If Selkie gloats or baits Amanda she gets time out and if it repeats grts sent to her room or a room with no tv/books. The next visit is a blank slate.
If they have a good day of being civil they both get rewarded with ice cream or whatever at the end of the day, and seperatly at home both parents lavish praise.
I don’t think a big family christmas extravaganza is a great idea.. The tensions and distrust are still there. Maybe if they have most of the day in their individual homes, with a shared family dinner.. Guess we will see!
SO MUCH GREAT STUFF here!! Now, if only the commenters here represented the main population of parents’ awareness within the low income urban area of my life, I might not spend so much time trying not to cry, or trying awkwardly to comfort my children about the treatment they see on playgrounds and such. SERIOUSLY, folks! I may agree with specific points expressed to greater or lesser extent, but the caring and insight is impressive, and encouraging.
:’)
Very telling how Amanda immediately reacts to hearing there’s concerns about her behavior with Selkie. That isn’t a “what is he talking about?”. It’s a “what, I got caught?”
I appreciate that Todd seemed to put the pieces together. But…there may need to be consequences involved here at some point. Because right now, there’s no consequences for Amanda’s behavior. There never has been – not with what she did with Truck, not for what she did to Heather, not for what she’s done to Selkie, or for her behavior at the museum. Part of her problems are that there have been…no…consequences. How’s she going to learn anything that way? Because Todd’s got good intentions, but telling someone you need them to do something is not going to suddenly change the complete behavior of an eight year old.
I saw it as less of a, “What? I got caught?” and more of a, “Does he hate me? Does he think I’m a bad kid too now?” because of the reputation she has. Shes instantly scared that she will be cast away and judged.
They should be having these conversations in person. Todd is going about all of this so wrong. He doesn’t know, therefor he has no right to pretend. Andi, on the other hand, her raised eyebrow makes me think she’s fully aware of what Amanda can do at this point. I’m hoping after Todd finishes his awkward stumble that Andi can pick up the baton and finish strong. She needs to talk to Amanda and explain to her why Selkie isn’t a bad kid and why Amanda shouldn’t hate her. Andi doesn’t know she’s been picking on Selkie at the house, but she is aware they don’t like each other.
Heh. My sister and I will -still- pick fights with one another and tease each other and we’re in our early 20’s now. It is pretty normal for siblings to try and rile each other up. Although in Selkie and Amanda’s case, they went from enemies to siblings pretty quick so it’s a bit different for them.
Yes, that’s exactly what he means. And he’s right, as far as that goes. If he wants to disrupt the hatred between these two girls, he can’t go for half measures. He can’t say, “Okay, well… you’re allowed to pick on each other a little bit, just so long as you don’t go too far.” He has to lay down a standard of conduct that is considerably better than is usually demanded of siblings who have grown up together since birth.
Where he’s going wrong is, he seems to think he can get this change just by demanding it. From Selkie… yeah, maybe. And Amanda may be scared into complying in the short term, but that’s going to go out the window pretty soon; for a real change he’s going to have to give a more convincing reason than Because I Said So.
You know, for me, I don’t actually enjoy human company all that much. I am pretty much an introvert. I’ll visit my family from time to time, but that’s about it.
I’ve always had the opinion you don’t HAVE to like/love ANYONE. That includes family members, but you do have to learn how to tolerate them and learn how to behave properly.
Further (and this can be really distressing) is the fact while Amanda is the love child of these people, Selkie is adopted. While Todd (and his family’s) opinion has always been they are family, the reality is, in this situation, it could appear different to Selkie and it could be a huge burden on her.
I feel terrible for Selkie because the fact is, having people try and FORCE you into a relationship with someone you don’t like (maybe even outright hate) isn’t fun. I’ve been there, I’ve done that. The only good part about being an adult is, you have the luxury of saying “no.”
Pretty much, really all that is needed is for Amanda to stop picking on Selkie, then as long as they can be polite around each other and not pick fights, they don’t need to be friends or even like each other.
For your second point, the counter argument to that is that Todd actually picked Selkie, he only cares about Amanda because he has to due to finding out they are related. So in that sense both girls have something to hold over the other if either one of them choose to get petty.
Second part – you are right, but to be fair, due to past behavior from Selkie I just don’t ever see that happening. But I do see Amanda saying some mean shit.
Well he’s smile reminds me of the Grinch. Just that evil smile
I mean Selkie’s not well he. Stupid auto correct
Well now we need fan art. Anyone up to the challenge?
Me!
I’m really glad Andi and Todd seem to be on reletively friendly terms again! That is so refreshing! But wait, “You can’t act the way you have been” implies Todd was aware that she’s been teasing Selkie at the house…? Todd? What the heck?
I don’t think he knows because he’s observed it. I think he knows because he’s dialysis connected the dots. Now if he would only notice the smug grin on Selkie’s face and flow up with something along the lines of “You’re both my daughters. That means we’re all on tee same team now. You’re sisters, not enemies now, and you BOTH need to start acting like it.”
Ahhh I see yes, that makes more sense.
Forcing two people to deal with each other doesn’t generally work in my experience as a kid.
It’s better to give them both space, and have outings together where they can learn to have fun in each other’s company.
Indeed, the forcing isn’t going to work. Kids who hate each other don’t respond well to being told they just have to get along because Adult Reasons.
On the other hand, events that happen while they are forced together can lead them to discover that the other kid has good points after all. I’m hoping there will be story developments along those lines.
I love how Amanda knows she’s in trouble the moment she’s mentioned. š
While that is interesting now, the end game is a state wherein Amanda can be proud enough of her decisions and actions, secure enough in her self-esteem and in her family’s support, that she no longer feels that way.
At least, that’s the ideal. Honestly, she’s been hurt enough that it may be impossible (IRL, at least) to get to that stage, no matter how much she changes.
Having to go on the defensive constantly, even when you’re trying to do everything right, is psychologically devastating.
She hasn’t been trying to do right yet though, at least not that we’ve seen. Actually trying to be nice and good for a change would help for sure, her expression makes me think she’s not very willing though.
That’s a nice end game to have, but the intermediate game is a state wherein Amanda stops tormenting Selkie every chance she gets.
It’s all well and good to empathize with Amanda and hope that with enough love and patience she’ll grow up and become a decent human being at some point, but from the viewpoint of her victim it’d be even better to make her stop doing what she’s currently doing first.
And it doesn’t look like Amanda is “trying to do everything right”. Judging from the smirks in the panels during the timeskip, she figured out what she could get away with and then gleefully went on doing it.
As for psychologically devastating things, how about having the one safe space you thought you had invaded by the person who’s been tormenting you for years and the parent figure you thought was going to protect you not notice?
All Amanda has to do to not “constantly having to go on the defensive” is to stop doing indefensible things.
Todd. You need to address the bullying for what it is.
I don’t think he knows what it is. I think so much flew well over his “everything is going to go so well now” head he can’t even look back on what has happened in the past or find out what else may have happened he doesn’t know about. I think both Amanda’s reasoning and the extent of how she has harassed Selkie will come as a surprise to him.
Suddenly thinking of how Andi’s hair could look Christmasy: one bang red, the other green. XD
Aaaaand post colors looks like I was right. XD
They look like one red and one green chilli. š
That’s what Christmas is all about! (New Mexico moment, ignore me.)
A.) The status is not quo.
B.) So Todd knew there was behavior going on and did nada? Just let them try to work it out?
C.) Is that… a banana with antlers/horns?? Charlie the Unicorn and the Banana King-much?
B) No, as we saw before he was utterly clueless until his mom helped him out. Then, seeing how upset Selkie was getting, he connected the dots that there was behavior going on he hadn’t noticed on both ends.
Oh Todd clueless Todd.
I think after Selkie brought up part of what was going on, Todd probly connected dots of what other acts of torment Amanda was doing. He had siblings so he does have experience.While he was clueless on the uptake but it was not stupidity. Many people need a few pieces of the problem to fit together before they can address or fix it. But I’m glad Todd is setting clear boundaries for Amanda and Selkie so there is no one-sided rules or favoritism.
Todd keeps saying, “You need to…” Just his way, I suppose, but it’s an odd way of laying down rules. It’s inviting a kid to think, “What you mean is, you want. Stop talking like you know all about me.”
Judging from her expression, Amanda hasn’t heard any good reason she should want to treat Selkie better. “You’re sisters,” doesn’t cut it. That’s about Andi and Todd, it doesn’t mean anything to her. What she’s hearing is, “You will change your behavior, OR ELSE.” She doesn’t know what the OR ELSE is, but she knows it’s a threat. In fact, judging by Selkie’s grin, that’s what both kids are hearing: a threat.
Amanda seems scared and worried, so the implied threat may result in a short-term improvement, but sooner or later, I predict she’s going to test the rule.
Amanda needs to start experiencing consequences for the way she acts.
Honestly some kind of treat or ultimatum like, “if you don’t stop being mean to Selkie you are no longer welcome here” would probably help.
Oh lord no that would not help. Amanda would read that as “Selkie is my real daughter cause I chose her not you”
Family is unconditional love. She needs to be grounded and have privileges taken away but LOVE is NEVER something that should be withheld as punishment.
I have to partially disagree here, I do agree that love should not be used as leverage to punish anyone. However, not being permitted to interact with others is a just punishment when an individual has shown they are willing to disrespect or damage another person, in this case, mental and emotional harassment abuse of Selkie.
My brother was and still is emotionally abusive and my family did nothing to stop it, and at times either enabled it and blamed me when I did lash out. I had zero self-confidence and self-worth growing up because of it. When I married my hubby put down the rule ‘anyone who demeans, humiliates or insults my wife is not welcome in our home until or unless a change of heart occurs.’ This included family. Now, we can keep in contact with each other, but I never allow my brother or father in without my hub there to support me. And this has drastically improved the relationship. Yes we are all adults but this sort of action would have saved me and probly my brother a lot of trouble, heartache and self-confidence growing up.
Not welcome in the house of her own father? I’m all for Amanda getting punishment, but that’s going WAY too far. That would put her in a place where she will never heal. No. I totally agree with Haukness here. Some punishment other than being banished from the house is a much better idea.
Not withold her love, but the privilege of coming into Selkie’s home.
Amanda has issues and does need help working through them but this can not happen at Selkie’s expense.
In this situation, though… Amanda is Todd’s daughter. Being treated like his daughter is not a privilege to be withdrawn as punishment, it is her right. Being his daughter includes being welcomed in his home.
I am pretty sure Todd is not thinking of withdrawing that welcome. That’s not in his universe of possibilities. He may not even realize that what he said sounded to both kids very much like a threat to do exactly that. He just wants her behaviour to change while she’s there, and he’s planning to watch more carefully to make sure it happens. There are many reasonable punishments that can be applied to an eight year old who breaks a clearly expressed rule. (Shoveling manure, for instance?) If he runs short of ideas, I’m sure Mari and Theo can come up with something that won’t translate into rejection.
Amanda might be intimidated now, by the threat she perceives Todd to have made, into behaving better in the short term. But we’ve seen that she doesn’t react well to intimidation. Nothing will have actually been fixed until someone convinces her she can stop hating Selkie.
She is welcome in his home, and to some extent should be but I think getting sent home when she misbehaves is an appropriate punishment to protect Selkie.
Ie Amanda visits, calls Selkie fishface, get a time out. After time out insults Selkie, is spoken too, and calmly sent home because she cannot play nicely that day. She is still loved and welcome, but part of that welcome is that she has to be civil.
Next visit is a clean slate, until she can behave kindly. Same goes for Selkie if she gets vindictive.
“Honestly some kind of treat or ultimatum like, āif you donāt stop being mean to Selkie you are no longer welcome hereā would probably help.”
No. Not only will that will not work well. It will feed Amanda’s sense of rejectionāas well as her aggression to Selkie. I think Todd paying closer attention to the girls and catching Amanda in the act would do so much more. They really should not be left alone in a room together until they have gotten past this. There’s plenty of ways to do this such as creating family situations everyone has to interact (positively) together such as the family game the grandparents pulled out.
Also, praise when the girls go out of their way to be genuinely kind to one another on their own. Affection, love, and presence should *never* be withheld. That only leads to more problems. Every child I’ve seen raised like ends up with serious issues as an adult they either aren’t aware of or need loads of therapy to become a decent and/or whole person. I can almost always point out a child who is raised like that, too. Their parents usually have the hugest insecurity issues.
And the children raised like that are also usually insecureāor totally tuned out to their parents. It is very sad to see things like that.
Yes. My daughter attended a school which had the policy of “catch them being good.” When a child was caught, they would get a voucher with which they could CHOOSE their own reward. There was no teasing or bullying. All the kids had a great sense of camaraderie. I have never seen anything like it.
Todd needs to keep an eagle eye on Amanda, as well. She needs to face consequences for being mean to Selkie. What gets me about this is that Selkie has been more than decent to Amanda and she needs a little reward for that…that she can choose.
I keep saying that until the adults get to the origin of her problem with Selkie and see how she thought (i.e. she was ignored when she desperately needed reassurance and help for what she deemed as ‘a dumb fish’) that they cannot begin to explain to her and make her understand. Amanda doesn’t need to be told what she -must- do and she doesn’t need threats. What she needs is understanding and people to see what her thought process was so that they can fully explain to her why the way she thought was incorrect. I truly think that if they do that she can finally begin to move forward and stop hating Selkie. As it is eight now, no one has given her a clear reason why she shouldn’t hate Selkie. Her thought process is different from others. She needs to know she’s safe and understood and have a full explanation of why her neglect wasn’t Selkie’s fault even if she was a factor and cause in the neglect.
I’m worried that she might end up pushing back so hard the situation ends up much worse before it gets better. Both girls need a good reason to get along with each other but Amanda is only hearing “play nice with the girl you’ve convinced yourself is responsible for most of your hardships and is also in the life you believe might be the end of all your pain because we said so and there will be Scary Things if you don’t” and Selkie is only hearing “play nice with the girl who harassed you for things you had no control over and didn’t even know until recently while she continues to harass you and invade your safe space because I said so”. All people tend to push back harder then before when forced to do something they hate and don’t understand, but kids are usually worse.
This doesn’t seem like a conversation that should have been done by phone. Todd needs the visual cues of how Amanda reacts; she needs to see that he still cares about her even though he is being critical.
Agreed — immediate dealing-with-things helps Selkie, but it’s not necessarily going to get through to Amanda in any good way. (Hopefully Andi can ameliorate it some, after.)
Frankly, it was kind of a no-win there. Either Selkie doesn’t get immediate reassurance, or he’s not so effective with Amanda. He’s probably trying to be compassionate in his voice, but voice-over-speakerphone is THE WORST for nuance.
This is an ok start, but there needs to be more. Amanda needs to be taught HOW to get there vs just being told do it. I have been reading for a long time and thinking about what I personally would do as one of these parents. So far the lack of structure and thoughtless ‘lets all hang out and see what happens’ with lack of consequences is super frusterating.
Amanda needs counsuling for her underlying issues but right now both girls need strict boundaries of civility.
Step one seems to be never, ever leaving them alone together even for a moment. Selkie needs to be protected and Amanda needs to be corrected early, Selkie needs to see that an adult will handle Amanda so she does not need to violently defend herself.
They both need guidelines of “do this, not this.”
If Amanda visits and calls Selkie fishface, she needs to be corrected and sent to time out, if it happens again she goes home no if ands or buts. Next visit can be a clean slate. If Selkie gloats or baits Amanda she gets time out and if it repeats grts sent to her room or a room with no tv/books. The next visit is a blank slate.
If they have a good day of being civil they both get rewarded with ice cream or whatever at the end of the day, and seperatly at home both parents lavish praise.
I don’t think a big family christmas extravaganza is a great idea.. The tensions and distrust are still there. Maybe if they have most of the day in their individual homes, with a shared family dinner.. Guess we will see!
Que Amanda lashing out at Todd about not knowing his real daughter or the like in 3… 2…
Seriously, kids when upset will say whatever they know will cause a reaction. It’s they main way they test their boundaries.
Baton down the hatches Todd, emotional storm ahead.
SO MUCH GREAT STUFF here!! Now, if only the commenters here represented the main population of parents’ awareness within the low income urban area of my life, I might not spend so much time trying not to cry, or trying awkwardly to comfort my children about the treatment they see on playgrounds and such. SERIOUSLY, folks! I may agree with specific points expressed to greater or lesser extent, but the caring and insight is impressive, and encouraging.
:’)
This has definitely put and end to that
Very telling how Amanda immediately reacts to hearing there’s concerns about her behavior with Selkie. That isn’t a “what is he talking about?”. It’s a “what, I got caught?”
I appreciate that Todd seemed to put the pieces together. But…there may need to be consequences involved here at some point. Because right now, there’s no consequences for Amanda’s behavior. There never has been – not with what she did with Truck, not for what she did to Heather, not for what she’s done to Selkie, or for her behavior at the museum. Part of her problems are that there have been…no…consequences. How’s she going to learn anything that way? Because Todd’s got good intentions, but telling someone you need them to do something is not going to suddenly change the complete behavior of an eight year old.
She has been punished for the museum incident, the other stuff happened before either parent had her to be fair.
I saw it as less of a, “What? I got caught?” and more of a, “Does he hate me? Does he think I’m a bad kid too now?” because of the reputation she has. Shes instantly scared that she will be cast away and judged.
They should be having these conversations in person. Todd is going about all of this so wrong. He doesn’t know, therefor he has no right to pretend. Andi, on the other hand, her raised eyebrow makes me think she’s fully aware of what Amanda can do at this point. I’m hoping after Todd finishes his awkward stumble that Andi can pick up the baton and finish strong. She needs to talk to Amanda and explain to her why Selkie isn’t a bad kid and why Amanda shouldn’t hate her. Andi doesn’t know she’s been picking on Selkie at the house, but she is aware they don’t like each other.
This is the perfect opportunity Andi!
Speaker was probably nooooooot the best decision. Amanda’s a kid with issues, too.
“No more picking a fight and no more teasing”
So Todd doesn’t want them to act like siblings.
Heh. My sister and I will -still- pick fights with one another and tease each other and we’re in our early 20’s now. It is pretty normal for siblings to try and rile each other up. Although in Selkie and Amanda’s case, they went from enemies to siblings pretty quick so it’s a bit different for them.
Yes, that’s exactly what he means. And he’s right, as far as that goes. If he wants to disrupt the hatred between these two girls, he can’t go for half measures. He can’t say, “Okay, well… you’re allowed to pick on each other a little bit, just so long as you don’t go too far.” He has to lay down a standard of conduct that is considerably better than is usually demanded of siblings who have grown up together since birth.
Where he’s going wrong is, he seems to think he can get this change just by demanding it. From Selkie… yeah, maybe. And Amanda may be scared into complying in the short term, but that’s going to go out the window pretty soon; for a real change he’s going to have to give a more convincing reason than Because I Said So.
Welcome to Family 90, kiddos. Lesson One: learning to deal with your relatives in spite of the fact that you don’t want to. š
You know, for me, I don’t actually enjoy human company all that much. I am pretty much an introvert. I’ll visit my family from time to time, but that’s about it.
I’ve always had the opinion you don’t HAVE to like/love ANYONE. That includes family members, but you do have to learn how to tolerate them and learn how to behave properly.
Further (and this can be really distressing) is the fact while Amanda is the love child of these people, Selkie is adopted. While Todd (and his family’s) opinion has always been they are family, the reality is, in this situation, it could appear different to Selkie and it could be a huge burden on her.
I feel terrible for Selkie because the fact is, having people try and FORCE you into a relationship with someone you don’t like (maybe even outright hate) isn’t fun. I’ve been there, I’ve done that. The only good part about being an adult is, you have the luxury of saying “no.”
Pretty much, really all that is needed is for Amanda to stop picking on Selkie, then as long as they can be polite around each other and not pick fights, they don’t need to be friends or even like each other.
For your second point, the counter argument to that is that Todd actually picked Selkie, he only cares about Amanda because he has to due to finding out they are related. So in that sense both girls have something to hold over the other if either one of them choose to get petty.
Second part – you are right, but to be fair, due to past behavior from Selkie I just don’t ever see that happening. But I do see Amanda saying some mean shit.
That goes double for Selkie~