When your wife chooses the same ice cream as your parents, when you’re in a different ice cream clan altogether? Them’s not the sort of differences you can live with.
Oh, I think his anger and obliviousness to her feelings factor into it together, but Andi takes plenty of the blame, too. Her horrid passive-aggressiveness and irresponsible choices hurt a lot of people—worst of all her own daughter. And I’m sure it initially came down to way more than her telling Todd that adopting a child would be too much like “baby-sitting.” It was a terrible thing to say to him—yes—but it sounds like he was pressuring her adopt and while all people have a say in their reproductive choices (which always should be respected), it’s 100X more so for moms who lost pregnancies/children and/or were unfairly pressured/forced to adopt out their first child. Yes, Todd didn’t know the truth but he thought Amanda died so if he was hassling Andi to adopt a child (which it sounds like he was) her ugly remark about adopted kids was very possibly self defense.
If he hassled her to adopt and used the argument of “A way to replace the one we lost,” which strikes me as the sort of oblivious thing Todd might accidentally say, it would be particularly bad, and I can see why Andi would have snapped. Even if Amanda really had died, that would have been a stupid thing to say.
Not saying that’s how it happened, obviously. Andi would have been conflicted enough when Todd was talking about adopting (do I tell him about Amanda, oh God I’ve got to, wait, could I trace Amanda without him knowing and then we just happen to adopt her, that would solve everything, wait that won’t work agh I can’t deal with this) for her to make a cutting remark to try and stop it. That she’d come up with the babysitting comment makes a lot more sense than it would have seemed to to Todd — adopt someone *other* than your own kid? Not that you know about that, but still.
This is why I tend to fall more on the go-a-bit-easy-on-her spectrum — and obviously, I’m just reading this, not part of the story, and my background is pretty far removed from any of this. But having let herself be bullied(?) into giving up the child, which was actually from what we’ve seen probably the best decision at the time, and then panicked, not been able to tell Todd and made the mistake of lying to him — that was the easy solution, made in a panic, and something she’s had to live with ever since. The consequences from this one thing done when she was a scared teenager are unending, and there’s no way out from them. That one thing has left her with, essentially, no good choices.
And she doesn’t even know about all the people on the Internet who hate her.
Yeah, Rabid Rabbit, the Internet is a harsh mistress. And Not in a good way, 😉 although the webz has Web-Comics-yes!! The comic goodness of TWC, and Webcomics List, and others does tend to make me affectionate toward the whole internet of things and instant communication, annoying as that is…. Having so many against one, when one is only a character, fictional at best, based on a known human at worst, is a new phenomenon to me.
And I don’t care for it.
“If he hassled her to adopt and used the argument of “A way to replace the one we lost,” which strikes me as the sort of oblivious thing Todd might accidentally say, it would be particularly bad, and I can see why Andi would have snapped.”
It’s not quite that simple. First, it’s really crappy pressure anyone to have children or choose to have children in a way they clearly don’t want to—all the more so for women (sorry, we have uteruses and this gives us some clout in a relationship with procreation—though of course the other person has the right and choice to find someone who shares their desires, too).
Ideally a mismatched couple should break up if one wants kids and the other doesn’t—or they both have very strong (but opposite) feelings over pregnancy versus adoption. I’ve met too many couples where one did not like/want kids and having one didn’t change his/her feelings. So terrible for the child!
But really? It doesn’t matter if he said they should adopt/have a kid to replace Amanda or not. Pressuring a woman who lost children if/how to have more is *cruel*. There are a lot of really good pregnancy/child loss sites that talk about what not to say like this one: http://pregnancyloss.info/
And while this is a bit complicated given Todd’s and Andi’s relationship, it’s kind of the same deal. A partner needs to treat the mother who lost his/her child *very* gently when the topic of having more children comes up. The feeling of loss is terrible for the person who was carrying the deceased baby. And I would guess there is a similar feeling of grief for a woman who was pressured to adopt out her baby before she was ready.
And as for Amanda’s situation of being adopted out? I don’t think it was good at all—not for Amanda OR Andi. First, it is *wrong* to pressure a young woman who just gives birth to give away a child. After birthing is a situation NO ONE should be making giant life-altering decisions in. I ran a couple marathons *and* had a kid. The marathons were less work! And there was a lot less hormones involved. 🙂 Women who are in the process of birthing and have just given birth are in very *vulnerable* places. This is why there’s a lot of reports of medical abuse happening to women at hospitals, and why every woman should have the option to have a Doula present during her pregnancy/birth.
And while there’s a good chance Amanda’s parents would not have stayed together, she’d probably have had a much happier childhood if she had stayed with Todd and Andi. Andi’s mother may have kicked her out, but Todd’s parents probably would have supported the kids until they got on their feet.
Yargh, I’m so wanting to get in on this Selkie fan comic thing, and I’m caught up in other things and also kinda stumped — every thought I’ve had is more about other things I’m interested in lately than about Selkie characters or setting or anything in that vein.
And I know it’s gonna take a while to finish the strip, not just throw it together overnight. I do a lot of things last-minute but I’m not sure this is something I can even pull off if I don’t get it done ahead of time :\
And I’ve been trying to get Teddy Bear the Tigger to do one, but she’s afraid it won’t be good enough. I did point out that pencil and paper is a much easier medium than chunk-o’-charcoal and sidewalk, but she’s still not convinced…
It’s hard to convince perfectionistic brains that the standard other people hold you to is lower than your own and that that’s okay.
It’s like a cross-stitch pattern I’ve been working on… for years now. There is a single stitch I made backwards. It is highly, highly, almost unaccountably improbably that a person would ever figure out that the stitch is backwards — it’s totally disguised by the overall design, and the people I plan to give it to wouldn’t know enough about the work to even be able to tell. It’s also crazy to think that anyone who noticed would even care, much less think ill of me, the creator.
But try telling my brain that it’s not a big deal. Go on, try.
…also the inability to go back and edit tiny errors like “improbably” is one of the tiny things that bugs me about this forum setup. I’m actually really good with proofreading, so the few times an error sneaks through it’s because I’ve let my guard down and been concentrating more on the message and my emotions than on the physical form of the words. This venue can do that to me. Which is a good thing, I guess.
Still hope a better forum setup happens eventually.
That’d be a great argument if I were from one of the two groups I understand to hold that sort of standard: Muslim/Arabic (not sure which specific groups, but they deliberately make errors within their most intricate designs), or Ancient Greek (specifically Arachne’s hubris at challenging Athena to a weaving contest and actually winning).
My beliefs are more along the lines that God created us in His own image (soul, not body), which includes creativity and the desire to make things of beauty and lasting impact that can be appreciated by others. Which is why every single human being is creative in some way, even if they’ve been schooled to think that “creativity” falls under a very narrow subset (“I can’t X or Y or Z, I’m just not creative”). It’s in our nature. It can’t help but spill out of it.
But, because we’re not perfect, the creativity that spills out of us is not perfect. Sometimes it gets close. And the yearning for that perfection, or something expressing as much of it as a human can possibly create, is a powerful force all on its own… but it has been twisted, corrupted by this idea that anything less is unworthy or shameful.
Which leads to creative paralysis, at the very heart of perfectionism. But the thing is, just understanding that my mindset is irrational doesn’t do anything to FIX it. It takes a TON of energy to push past it to do a project of any significance. I have a lot of down time between projects just to let my energy regen so I can try again.
On the up side, I managed to use NaNoWriMo this year to push past my perfectionism enough to start my Zazzle store. And I met my goal of ~30 items in the early part of November, and I’m up to 40-odd.
The most notable idea I came up with is my “Unforgotten Birthday” line, for kids born close to Christmas who tend to lose out on proper recognition of their birthdays. The wrapping paper says “Hey! I got a birthday here too!” as does the gift tag, and I’m hoping to add a card soon.
When I was a kid, I doodled little cartoony guys I call my “Whozits,” and I’ve got two of the six up on buttons. I’ve always liked them, but that perfectionism is making it hard to just make a version and stick them up there.
Yesterday I added a new birthday wrapping paper after figuring out how to make a balloon-shaped brush (it takes a while for it to show up on the site, though); there’s also my “Shimmershine” wrapping paper with its starry design. And there are seasonal clocks with paraphrased verses on them that I think turned out well (except for the Spring clock, which is hard to read so I need to redo it). And several bandanas and blankets with just gradients or ribbons of color that I had fun working out.
So I think I made a goodly amount of art this year. It just took a lot of energy to push aside most of the perfectionism panic and just post my designs. I’m glad I got over that hump.
If anyone’s interested in looking at my art, my Zazzle store is called ZeyovianPathways. I’m not sure how you could get feedback to me without just posting it here (not really what this forum is for), but I haven’t had much feedback yet and the lack of feedback ramps up my anxiety, so….
Also, the “unforgotten birthday” idea. Mine falls near Thanksgiving. Gifts are not affected, but I’ve never had a birthday cake. I get a birthday pumpkin pie! Not griping; love pumpkin pie. Just sayin’.
I like your use of bright colors. And if it’s any consolation you’re still doing better than me in the merchandise department. I removed the link to the Selkie Store when I swapped webhosts so I could make some more designs and ideas and… am still…. doing……….. thaaaaaaaaaaaaat. >_>
I completely understand perfectionist paralysis, and the intransigence of the uncooperative brain.
Can’t remember when I first encountered the concept of deliberately introducing a flaw into one’s work as an exercise in radical humility. Was I reading about Navajo blankets? Tibetan sand paintings? I thought I knew the answer to that question but have been racking my noggin for some time now with no results.
One might reply to it: But if you think you have to make a flaw deliberately in order to render your work imperfect, is that not the opposite of humility? Is that not in fact hubris?
To that I reply: It’s more a matter of “I can’t stand the suspense, so let’s just get it over with! There; now the perfection boat has sailed and I can just get on with it.”
Ugh Mari and Todd STILL glaring at Andi when she didn’t even say anything remotely antagonistic or rude. And STILL in front of Amanda. I guess his daughter calling him a dumbf*ck wasn’t enough of a hint for him to at least save the glares for when Amanda isn’t around…
Also, no Amanda, you’re weird. Pecan Ripple is waaaaaaaay better than chocolate… chocolate ice cream always tastes like sweet dirt to me lol
I know, right? I mean, ice cream and 90 minutes of acting like civilized humans should have wiped the slate clean by now. But no, Tod and Mari are being all dramatic and “living in the past”. How hateful of them. They’re determined to be martyrs and keep coming back to the bit about 8 lost years and faking the death of a family member that ultimately exposed a child to the very sort of abuse Todd endured as a little boy.
I’m sorry about the sarcasm, SpringPop, but my Family of Origin had a default setting of doing harm, then demanding that you act like it never happened. It takes time, sometimes years, sometimes a lifetime, and never doing deceitful shenanigans again before the anger eases.
I’m on board with the “this didn’t wipe the slate clean,” and I’ve heard horror stories about families that try to keep even child abuse and rape as “things you just don’t talk about, let’s pretend it’s all over and done with” and such, so I do sympathize with your point of view.
Also, they may look worse in rough draft than in final draft, so I’m reserving judgment.
That said… it’s one thing to acknowledge that there is more to work on, and another to glare and angry-eyebrows all the time.
And on the third hand, it’s hard to control your expression and the tension emotions give to your body. Especially if you’re not trained in suppressing your reactions. So I guess I just talked myself out of my initial point. Huh.
Yeah, I got to agree with Bunny here. The fact they are actually *trying* to be civil to her (versus tearing her a new one and suing for full custody—even in front of Amanda) is remarkable. What Andi did was atrocious (still really, really hope it turns out her mom was behind most of it). If anyone heard about someone doing the equivalent in RL, 98% of people would justifiably write that person off—and a good number of people who are normally easy-going and peaceful would be using very ugly language at the least. The kind of person to lie like that and cause so much harm is often someone who does this kind of thing regularly—either passive aggressively ignoring horrible things or irresponsibly living their lives whatever way they choose—even when it harms others. Andi appears to be not such a person, but we are getting glimpses of her that Mari and Todd are not.
That’s not Amanda’s problem. Amanda just spent the first 8 years of her life as an orphan including a stint with an abusive family. Whatever Andi deserves Amanda doesn’t need it. Sure.. Todd and his parents have every right to be very angry with Andi. So what? Todd already broke up with her. How many times can you tell someone ‘I’m angry with you’. What does it solve?
Personally, I would just cut her off. No communication with Andi except for things regarding Amanda. I wouldn’t even make small talk. So long as she doesn’t seem to be doing anything additional to hurt Amanda. In that case it would be time to go for custody and try to completely cut her out forever. I’m not expecting that to be necessary though. Andi seems to be trying to be a good mom, even if she’s late at it.
It’s not like some amount of scolding is going to do anything to get those 8 years back or even lessen the hurt and anger. This issue is way to big for that.
Doing the “no communication with Andi unless it directly involves Amanda” seems to be what they *are* doing. Plus, how they treat Andi in front of Amanda obviously affects Amanda.
I’m not saying they shouldn’t talk about it, they totally need to talk about it, but glaring at Andi when she was simply thanking them is pointless and seems very backhanded. Not to mention doing so in front of Amanda is stupid after her little outburst. They don’t need to pretend like it never happened, but they have no reason to glare at her for thanking them for allowing her over to let them see Amanda. If they were going to glare, why even say sure in the first place when she asked to speak? They might as well have flat out said, “No. We don’t want to hear you say anything.”
It may be “so long” for Andi, but it’s a very fresh, recent, pain for everyone else. They only *just* found out the full magnitude of her lies and betrayal.
It’s kind of unfair the if the pressure that gets put on people who have been hurt to forgive as fast as possible, as if their pain and and the time they need to heal are secondary to the societal pressure to smooth things over and make nice.
Definitely on board with this one. There’s a lot of social pressure to ignore the hurts that have been done and just “let bygones be bygones” even when they’re not actually over and done with, and even when ignoring their impact can lead to greater problems in the future. When I hear anecdotes about this kind of stuff — even so far as a family pressuring a rape victim to play nice to her rapist since “he’s family” — it sets up a slow-burn rage inside me.
“You dwell on it and let it fester. It isn’t healthy.”
I’d love to see studies on that… It’s right up there with Freud’s theory on Penis Envy and Oedipal Complex (which I heard someone in RL quote as fact not too long ago). XD
There is no festering. You can let anger ruin your life, but that usually happens who you bottle it, don’t find healthy outlets for it, and also continue letting people who create your anger hurt you.
People are entitled to feel angry as long as they need as long as it isn’t disrupting their lives or hurting people (at least the ones who aren’t directly causing the anger). As long as Todd and Mari aren’t doing thing to hurt Amanda or being violent, glaring is just fine. Chances are they aren’t even aware of it given how fresh those feelings of betrayal, hurt, and rage are (they’ve only known what? A WEEK?).
What’s *not* healthy is feeling pressured to forgive a person who did horrible things to you before you are ready—and putting yourself in a position for them to continue harming you. No one gets to tell another person how long they should be angry.
Anger is an emotions. Emotions are not something you can prevent. They are like rain. When rain comes when it comes. While you can’t stop it, you can redirect the flow. The heavier the rain, the less control you have over the flow or the more time you need to build things to redirect it. Mari and Todd are currently caught in the middle of an unexpected long flooding downpour which came down even harder when they saw Amanda and how much she looked like Todd after was just pulled from his abusive family.
Sometimes you need anger to keep from letting your guard down. Heck, sometimes you need smoldering hatred to build that wall and leave the bridge burned and broken. Been there, done that. (Emotional abusers with silver tongues suck, especially when they’re a parent.)
Andi keeps trying to act as if nothing happened and everything is peachy between them, they are letting her know no it’s not and it’s never going to be, you are only here for the kids sake.
Well, he IS Super-Grandpa Theo, whose super power is; I dunno, … Truthiness? Trustiness? Attractive unicorn hair of adorable? I dunno, he’s like Todd, only calmer, and like Selkie, only not purple. Right? Or you at least get what I mean?
Can’t be truthiness. Truthiness is a term meaning “not true, but it certainly SOUNDS like it’s true.” Like a lot of urban legends and weird stuff like that, or principles that a lot of people take for granted that just don’t fit the facts.
While I am insane for chocolate in pretty much all other forms, personally I find ice cream an inferior form of chocolate delivery. But that’s just me.
In general. However: Get some mint-choc-chip ice cream. Get some baker’s chocolate — yep, the straight, bitter, unsweetened stuff. Grate a little of the latter over the former. I swear to FSM, it hits me like a drug.
because it IS… i don’t remember the specifics of the article i read, but somebody did a chemical analysis of brain chemistry and how chocolate effects it, and they found the same type of endorphin’s being produced after eating chocolate as those produced during … um.. er… orgasms, and also some types of narcotics…
Go look up the Minecraft version. It might or might not be easier on your brain. I love being able to redirect potential earworms into more interesting fanmade parody songs.
I get the anger but what’s with all the long talk stuff? They know what happened. Is there really anything more to be said about the past? As for the future… I see three questions. How much visitation, when and seal the deal on getting his name on the birth certificate.
Sure.. custody battles can get long and drawn out but I don’t see anyone really battling here. Andie is trying to kiss butt due to her guilt and their anger. Todd seems pretty reasonable plus I doubt he wants to take Amanda away and be a single parent of two kids all by himself.
I see a short talk, only long if they insist on repeating themselves as people often do in emotional situations.
What’s to talk about? Plenty! Like asking her why she even did such a horrible thing to them and Amanda. Their rage is pretty well-placed. At least it will be *talking* and not screaming or threatening (that’s the impression I have anyhow).
He likely wants details on Amanda’s background. He knows the very broad outlines; he probably wants it all filled in. I would, in his shoes. Whether or not I could do anything about what happened, I would want to know, so I could better handle things going forward.
He may want to know exactly, in detail, when the kids aren’t around, why things happened the way they did. Not to get back together, but for his own benefit, to gain a better sense of closure, to be able to get a better understanding on it. Even if he doesn’t end up trusting her version of the facts, KNOWING is still better than guessing, and it’s not the kind of thing that’s easy to just not think about.
Basically, he could probably more easily shunt it all to the side and keep it minimal if it weren’t for the kids. But he has not one but two kids from the same orphanage, both of whom have gone through traumatic experiences before and since being adopted. He needs information, and he needs to find some way to balance his own emotions in all that because dealing with what the kids need on their own is hard enough without dealing with his own into the mix. So yeah – a long talk seems definitely called for.
I wouldn’t be surprised if that then spawns ‘a long talk’ with Lillian and the others at the orphanage, both to get another perspective on it and to maybe find a way to close some of the gaps which led to all these different things happening – to pay it forward, reduce the chances of it happening yet again. After all, Todd was abused, Amanda was abused… pretty sure Todd feels strongly about this.
And child support. Andi’s apartment has only one bedroom, so she’s sleeping on the sofa. She’s a tattoo artist vs. Todd, who is an architect, which = more money. Kids are expensive from Day One and only get more so. Andi could go to court and get an order for him to pay if she wanted to. It would be a hostile move on her part, but she could do it.
Anyone else think this storyline is too slow? I mean, watching them eat ice cream is great and all, but let’s get to the part where Todd kills Andi already.
Regarding the supposed unforgiving glaring: Keep in mind it has only been FOUR DAYS since Todd, Mari, and Theo first learned the appalling truth. They’re still in shock. They haven’t had nearly enough time to BEGIN to process this. Meanwhile, Andi is all *Well, nobody’s killed me yet, so everything is okay now, right? Right? We can pretend, anyway, can’t we?* I mean, under normal circumstances the normal reply to the normal-sounding sentence “Thanks for having us!” would be, “Sure, sweetie, our pleasure, any time! Love to see you!” That Todd and Mari are giving her reproachful *Are you kidding me?!” looks is scarcely remarkable.
With the additional stuff readers know about her, I’d say she isn’t asking them to pretend anything. Andi’s “Thanks for having us!” actually translates to “Thanks for going this easy on me, even if it is only for Amanda’s sake. You all could have been much, much, much nastier to me about this, and I know that, and I appreciate it. Thank you for being good people.”
However, with what Todd and Mari know, I also think your interpretation of why they’re giving her those looks is right on the money.
The way she says “and I’m glad I could bring Amanda”, that makes it sound like she’s putting the stress on thanking them for inviting Andi with Amanda being allowed to come along, when the stress was on inviting Amanda, with Andi being allowed to accompany. That’s how it comes across to me, and I’m even in the “let’s go easy on Andi” camp. I understand that she’s struggling to find the words to say, but those were definitely the wrong ones to use.
I should make it clear: I empathize with Andi. All too easily. I don’t think I’ve ever done anything quite that rotten, but I definitely get the lifetime policy of *maybe-it’ll-go-away-if-I-squeeze-my-eyes-shut-tightly-enough-and-long-enough*. Also, it does not astonish me to observe a bulldozer mother in the vicinity of a passive, feckless daughter.
So I cut Andi the same amount of slack I cut myself: Zip.
PS, further clarity: The “rotten” was not giving the child up for adoption. The “rotten” was lying about it for eight years to people who had a legitimate emotional vested interest.
Same here. I absolutely understand why Andi was acting the way she was once the deed was done, and it was not ‘abusing Todd’ or whatever commenters have come up with. If she was torturing anyone, it was herself )=
@Dave: not trying to nit-pick, but it’s really confusing at first: in panel 6 Todd’s mouth opening looks like it is colored the same as the rest of his face, even though i’m pretty sure that you have it colored the same as the floor behind them, you might want to color his lips or something to break up that color combo…
also, the way you drew his left ear in that same panel has it sticking out of his head at a really odd angle. instead of going from the hair-line FORWARD towards the eye, making it look like his ear is actually ON his CHEEK, it should be drawn, starting AT the hair-line, going backwards and cutting into the hair instead of jutting out in front of the hair, take a look at panels 2 and 4. yes you are drawing it from the back looking forward, but his ear didn’t suddenly bend forward so that you needed to be looking at the back-side OF his ear, you’d still see the outer curly-que portion of it, just from a different angle. try looking at a person from the same two angles and you’ll see what i mean.
When I eat ice cream too fast, in order to keep the back of my throat from freezing, I’ll let it melt a little in my cheek before swallowing. Sometimes I’ll also do that with ice cream if I really like the taste, keep it in my cheek and suck it slowly to prolong the pleasure.
I TOTALLY agree that things would be better in the world if more people just sat down and ate ice cream together. (And another shout-out for Moose Tracks here!)
I am really liking this current story arc. I like how Todd is able to realize that he lost his temper with Andi, which wasn’t constructive. I like that he was able to admit that to Amanda and Selkie. I like that Amanda seems to be doing her best to make up for her past failings. I like that Todd’s parents are patient with everyone. And. mostly, I like the interactions between Amanda and Selkie.
I am probably over-personalizing here, but I was pretty seriously bullied as a child. I’m a woman, which means that bullying mostly took the form of emotional rather than physical abuse (I’m not being sexist here. Girls tend to be emotionally bullied while boys tend to be physically bullied – look it up!). The worst episodes of bullying were the worst because they were somehow so *impersonal* – as if the other girls bullying me didn’t even really want to engage with me at all and kind of wished I was dead. It was as if they didn’t want to engage with me at all because I was so far “below” them. While Amanda and Selkie DO have many problems with each other, the degree to which they engage with each other suggests, at least to me, something more than bullying on either side. OF COURSE neither Amanda nor Selkie are “off the hook” here and Amanda has recently said some REALLY not-okay things about Selkie. But, as I posted a couple of strips ago, their fighting seems to have a deep-hidden current of affection below it; it reminds me of the way I fought with my younger sisters.
In conclusion, with all the winter holidays coming up/already happening, I think it’s so great to have this narrative that celebrates non-traditional families! 🙂
Boy, if this ISN’T why Andi and Todd broke up, what the hell ELSE happened in this relationship to provoke such anger from Todd? Anger. Screams. Lava.
When your wife chooses the same ice cream as your parents, when you’re in a different ice cream clan altogether? Them’s not the sort of differences you can live with.
Oh, I think his anger and obliviousness to her feelings factor into it together, but Andi takes plenty of the blame, too. Her horrid passive-aggressiveness and irresponsible choices hurt a lot of people—worst of all her own daughter. And I’m sure it initially came down to way more than her telling Todd that adopting a child would be too much like “baby-sitting.” It was a terrible thing to say to him—yes—but it sounds like he was pressuring her adopt and while all people have a say in their reproductive choices (which always should be respected), it’s 100X more so for moms who lost pregnancies/children and/or were unfairly pressured/forced to adopt out their first child. Yes, Todd didn’t know the truth but he thought Amanda died so if he was hassling Andi to adopt a child (which it sounds like he was) her ugly remark about adopted kids was very possibly self defense.
If he hassled her to adopt and used the argument of “A way to replace the one we lost,” which strikes me as the sort of oblivious thing Todd might accidentally say, it would be particularly bad, and I can see why Andi would have snapped. Even if Amanda really had died, that would have been a stupid thing to say.
Not saying that’s how it happened, obviously. Andi would have been conflicted enough when Todd was talking about adopting (do I tell him about Amanda, oh God I’ve got to, wait, could I trace Amanda without him knowing and then we just happen to adopt her, that would solve everything, wait that won’t work agh I can’t deal with this) for her to make a cutting remark to try and stop it. That she’d come up with the babysitting comment makes a lot more sense than it would have seemed to to Todd — adopt someone *other* than your own kid? Not that you know about that, but still.
This is why I tend to fall more on the go-a-bit-easy-on-her spectrum — and obviously, I’m just reading this, not part of the story, and my background is pretty far removed from any of this. But having let herself be bullied(?) into giving up the child, which was actually from what we’ve seen probably the best decision at the time, and then panicked, not been able to tell Todd and made the mistake of lying to him — that was the easy solution, made in a panic, and something she’s had to live with ever since. The consequences from this one thing done when she was a scared teenager are unending, and there’s no way out from them. That one thing has left her with, essentially, no good choices.
And she doesn’t even know about all the people on the Internet who hate her.
Yeah, Rabid Rabbit, the Internet is a harsh mistress. And Not in a good way, 😉 although the webz has Web-Comics-yes!! The comic goodness of TWC, and Webcomics List, and others does tend to make me affectionate toward the whole internet of things and instant communication, annoying as that is…. Having so many against one, when one is only a character, fictional at best, based on a known human at worst, is a new phenomenon to me.
And I don’t care for it.
“If he hassled her to adopt and used the argument of “A way to replace the one we lost,” which strikes me as the sort of oblivious thing Todd might accidentally say, it would be particularly bad, and I can see why Andi would have snapped.”
It’s not quite that simple. First, it’s really crappy pressure anyone to have children or choose to have children in a way they clearly don’t want to—all the more so for women (sorry, we have uteruses and this gives us some clout in a relationship with procreation—though of course the other person has the right and choice to find someone who shares their desires, too).
Ideally a mismatched couple should break up if one wants kids and the other doesn’t—or they both have very strong (but opposite) feelings over pregnancy versus adoption. I’ve met too many couples where one did not like/want kids and having one didn’t change his/her feelings. So terrible for the child!
But really? It doesn’t matter if he said they should adopt/have a kid to replace Amanda or not. Pressuring a woman who lost children if/how to have more is *cruel*. There are a lot of really good pregnancy/child loss sites that talk about what not to say like this one: http://pregnancyloss.info/
And while this is a bit complicated given Todd’s and Andi’s relationship, it’s kind of the same deal. A partner needs to treat the mother who lost his/her child *very* gently when the topic of having more children comes up. The feeling of loss is terrible for the person who was carrying the deceased baby. And I would guess there is a similar feeling of grief for a woman who was pressured to adopt out her baby before she was ready.
And as for Amanda’s situation of being adopted out? I don’t think it was good at all—not for Amanda OR Andi. First, it is *wrong* to pressure a young woman who just gives birth to give away a child. After birthing is a situation NO ONE should be making giant life-altering decisions in. I ran a couple marathons *and* had a kid. The marathons were less work! And there was a lot less hormones involved. 🙂 Women who are in the process of birthing and have just given birth are in very *vulnerable* places. This is why there’s a lot of reports of medical abuse happening to women at hospitals, and why every woman should have the option to have a Doula present during her pregnancy/birth.
And while there’s a good chance Amanda’s parents would not have stayed together, she’d probably have had a much happier childhood if she had stayed with Todd and Andi. Andi’s mother may have kicked her out, but Todd’s parents probably would have supported the kids until they got on their feet.
Yargh, I’m so wanting to get in on this Selkie fan comic thing, and I’m caught up in other things and also kinda stumped — every thought I’ve had is more about other things I’m interested in lately than about Selkie characters or setting or anything in that vein.
And I know it’s gonna take a while to finish the strip, not just throw it together overnight. I do a lot of things last-minute but I’m not sure this is something I can even pull off if I don’t get it done ahead of time :\
Ditto.
And I’ve been trying to get Teddy Bear the Tigger to do one, but she’s afraid it won’t be good enough. I did point out that pencil and paper is a much easier medium than chunk-o’-charcoal and sidewalk, but she’s still not convinced…
It’s hard to convince perfectionistic brains that the standard other people hold you to is lower than your own and that that’s okay.
It’s like a cross-stitch pattern I’ve been working on… for years now. There is a single stitch I made backwards. It is highly, highly, almost unaccountably improbably that a person would ever figure out that the stitch is backwards — it’s totally disguised by the overall design, and the people I plan to give it to wouldn’t know enough about the work to even be able to tell. It’s also crazy to think that anyone who noticed would even care, much less think ill of me, the creator.
But try telling my brain that it’s not a big deal. Go on, try.
…also the inability to go back and edit tiny errors like “improbably” is one of the tiny things that bugs me about this forum setup. I’m actually really good with proofreading, so the few times an error sneaks through it’s because I’ve let my guard down and been concentrating more on the message and my emotions than on the physical form of the words. This venue can do that to me. Which is a good thing, I guess.
Still hope a better forum setup happens eventually.
So much yes ?
Try this frame instead: To produce perfection is offensive to the gods, because it presumes to be superhuman. You leave that stitch alone.
That’d be a great argument if I were from one of the two groups I understand to hold that sort of standard: Muslim/Arabic (not sure which specific groups, but they deliberately make errors within their most intricate designs), or Ancient Greek (specifically Arachne’s hubris at challenging Athena to a weaving contest and actually winning).
My beliefs are more along the lines that God created us in His own image (soul, not body), which includes creativity and the desire to make things of beauty and lasting impact that can be appreciated by others. Which is why every single human being is creative in some way, even if they’ve been schooled to think that “creativity” falls under a very narrow subset (“I can’t X or Y or Z, I’m just not creative”). It’s in our nature. It can’t help but spill out of it.
But, because we’re not perfect, the creativity that spills out of us is not perfect. Sometimes it gets close. And the yearning for that perfection, or something expressing as much of it as a human can possibly create, is a powerful force all on its own… but it has been twisted, corrupted by this idea that anything less is unworthy or shameful.
Which leads to creative paralysis, at the very heart of perfectionism. But the thing is, just understanding that my mindset is irrational doesn’t do anything to FIX it. It takes a TON of energy to push past it to do a project of any significance. I have a lot of down time between projects just to let my energy regen so I can try again.
On the up side, I managed to use NaNoWriMo this year to push past my perfectionism enough to start my Zazzle store. And I met my goal of ~30 items in the early part of November, and I’m up to 40-odd.
The most notable idea I came up with is my “Unforgotten Birthday” line, for kids born close to Christmas who tend to lose out on proper recognition of their birthdays. The wrapping paper says “Hey! I got a birthday here too!” as does the gift tag, and I’m hoping to add a card soon.
When I was a kid, I doodled little cartoony guys I call my “Whozits,” and I’ve got two of the six up on buttons. I’ve always liked them, but that perfectionism is making it hard to just make a version and stick them up there.
Yesterday I added a new birthday wrapping paper after figuring out how to make a balloon-shaped brush (it takes a while for it to show up on the site, though); there’s also my “Shimmershine” wrapping paper with its starry design. And there are seasonal clocks with paraphrased verses on them that I think turned out well (except for the Spring clock, which is hard to read so I need to redo it). And several bandanas and blankets with just gradients or ribbons of color that I had fun working out.
So I think I made a goodly amount of art this year. It just took a lot of energy to push aside most of the perfectionism panic and just post my designs. I’m glad I got over that hump.
If anyone’s interested in looking at my art, my Zazzle store is called ZeyovianPathways. I’m not sure how you could get feedback to me without just posting it here (not really what this forum is for), but I haven’t had much feedback yet and the lack of feedback ramps up my anxiety, so….
Well, my first impression after a quick browse: I love your palette.
Also, the “unforgotten birthday” idea. Mine falls near Thanksgiving. Gifts are not affected, but I’ve never had a birthday cake. I get a birthday pumpkin pie! Not griping; love pumpkin pie. Just sayin’.
I like your use of bright colors. And if it’s any consolation you’re still doing better than me in the merchandise department. I removed the link to the Selkie Store when I swapped webhosts so I could make some more designs and ideas and… am still…. doing……….. thaaaaaaaaaaaaat. >_>
I completely understand perfectionist paralysis, and the intransigence of the uncooperative brain.
Can’t remember when I first encountered the concept of deliberately introducing a flaw into one’s work as an exercise in radical humility. Was I reading about Navajo blankets? Tibetan sand paintings? I thought I knew the answer to that question but have been racking my noggin for some time now with no results.
One might reply to it: But if you think you have to make a flaw deliberately in order to render your work imperfect, is that not the opposite of humility? Is that not in fact hubris?
To that I reply: It’s more a matter of “I can’t stand the suspense, so let’s just get it over with! There; now the perfection boat has sailed and I can just get on with it.”
Relax. Enjoy. Think of England.
I’d love to see her do a guest comic!!! 😀
She could always do the comic on the sidewalk and then take a picture of it. ^_^
This time of year it’d be washed away lol
Ugh Mari and Todd STILL glaring at Andi when she didn’t even say anything remotely antagonistic or rude. And STILL in front of Amanda. I guess his daughter calling him a dumbf*ck wasn’t enough of a hint for him to at least save the glares for when Amanda isn’t around…
Also, no Amanda, you’re weird. Pecan Ripple is waaaaaaaay better than chocolate… chocolate ice cream always tastes like sweet dirt to me lol
I know, right? I mean, ice cream and 90 minutes of acting like civilized humans should have wiped the slate clean by now. But no, Tod and Mari are being all dramatic and “living in the past”. How hateful of them. They’re determined to be martyrs and keep coming back to the bit about 8 lost years and faking the death of a family member that ultimately exposed a child to the very sort of abuse Todd endured as a little boy.
I’m sorry about the sarcasm, SpringPop, but my Family of Origin had a default setting of doing harm, then demanding that you act like it never happened. It takes time, sometimes years, sometimes a lifetime, and never doing deceitful shenanigans again before the anger eases.
I’m on board with the “this didn’t wipe the slate clean,” and I’ve heard horror stories about families that try to keep even child abuse and rape as “things you just don’t talk about, let’s pretend it’s all over and done with” and such, so I do sympathize with your point of view.
Also, they may look worse in rough draft than in final draft, so I’m reserving judgment.
That said… it’s one thing to acknowledge that there is more to work on, and another to glare and angry-eyebrows all the time.
And on the third hand, it’s hard to control your expression and the tension emotions give to your body. Especially if you’re not trained in suppressing your reactions. So I guess I just talked myself out of my initial point. Huh.
Yeah, I got to agree with Bunny here. The fact they are actually *trying* to be civil to her (versus tearing her a new one and suing for full custody—even in front of Amanda) is remarkable. What Andi did was atrocious (still really, really hope it turns out her mom was behind most of it). If anyone heard about someone doing the equivalent in RL, 98% of people would justifiably write that person off—and a good number of people who are normally easy-going and peaceful would be using very ugly language at the least. The kind of person to lie like that and cause so much harm is often someone who does this kind of thing regularly—either passive aggressively ignoring horrible things or irresponsibly living their lives whatever way they choose—even when it harms others. Andi appears to be not such a person, but we are getting glimpses of her that Mari and Todd are not.
That’s not Amanda’s problem. Amanda just spent the first 8 years of her life as an orphan including a stint with an abusive family. Whatever Andi deserves Amanda doesn’t need it. Sure.. Todd and his parents have every right to be very angry with Andi. So what? Todd already broke up with her. How many times can you tell someone ‘I’m angry with you’. What does it solve?
Personally, I would just cut her off. No communication with Andi except for things regarding Amanda. I wouldn’t even make small talk. So long as she doesn’t seem to be doing anything additional to hurt Amanda. In that case it would be time to go for custody and try to completely cut her out forever. I’m not expecting that to be necessary though. Andi seems to be trying to be a good mom, even if she’s late at it.
It’s not like some amount of scolding is going to do anything to get those 8 years back or even lessen the hurt and anger. This issue is way to big for that.
Doing the “no communication with Andi unless it directly involves Amanda” seems to be what they *are* doing. Plus, how they treat Andi in front of Amanda obviously affects Amanda.
I’m not saying they shouldn’t talk about it, they totally need to talk about it, but glaring at Andi when she was simply thanking them is pointless and seems very backhanded. Not to mention doing so in front of Amanda is stupid after her little outburst. They don’t need to pretend like it never happened, but they have no reason to glare at her for thanking them for allowing her over to let them see Amanda. If they were going to glare, why even say sure in the first place when she asked to speak? They might as well have flat out said, “No. We don’t want to hear you say anything.”
Also, being angry for so long does nothing but hurt you. You dwell on it and let it fester. It isn’t healthy.
It may be “so long” for Andi, but it’s a very fresh, recent, pain for everyone else. They only *just* found out the full magnitude of her lies and betrayal.
It’s kind of unfair the if the pressure that gets put on people who have been hurt to forgive as fast as possible, as if their pain and and the time they need to heal are secondary to the societal pressure to smooth things over and make nice.
Definitely on board with this one. There’s a lot of social pressure to ignore the hurts that have been done and just “let bygones be bygones” even when they’re not actually over and done with, and even when ignoring their impact can lead to greater problems in the future. When I hear anecdotes about this kind of stuff — even so far as a family pressuring a rape victim to play nice to her rapist since “he’s family” — it sets up a slow-burn rage inside me.
“You dwell on it and let it fester. It isn’t healthy.”
I’d love to see studies on that… It’s right up there with Freud’s theory on Penis Envy and Oedipal Complex (which I heard someone in RL quote as fact not too long ago). XD
There is no festering. You can let anger ruin your life, but that usually happens who you bottle it, don’t find healthy outlets for it, and also continue letting people who create your anger hurt you.
People are entitled to feel angry as long as they need as long as it isn’t disrupting their lives or hurting people (at least the ones who aren’t directly causing the anger). As long as Todd and Mari aren’t doing thing to hurt Amanda or being violent, glaring is just fine. Chances are they aren’t even aware of it given how fresh those feelings of betrayal, hurt, and rage are (they’ve only known what? A WEEK?).
What’s *not* healthy is feeling pressured to forgive a person who did horrible things to you before you are ready—and putting yourself in a position for them to continue harming you. No one gets to tell another person how long they should be angry.
Anger is an emotions. Emotions are not something you can prevent. They are like rain. When rain comes when it comes. While you can’t stop it, you can redirect the flow. The heavier the rain, the less control you have over the flow or the more time you need to build things to redirect it. Mari and Todd are currently caught in the middle of an unexpected long flooding downpour which came down even harder when they saw Amanda and how much she looked like Todd after was just pulled from his abusive family.
*wobbles a hand*
Sometimes you need anger to keep from letting your guard down. Heck, sometimes you need smoldering hatred to build that wall and leave the bridge burned and broken. Been there, done that. (Emotional abusers with silver tongues suck, especially when they’re a parent.)
Maybe it’s just because it hasn’t been colored yet but Todd seems to look more hurt than furious to me.
Andi keeps trying to act as if nothing happened and everything is peachy between them, they are letting her know no it’s not and it’s never going to be, you are only here for the kids sake.
Amanda and Theo, second panel. Just saying’
She’s leaning back on his knees like… she likes him and trusts him!
Well, he IS Super-Grandpa Theo, whose super power is; I dunno, … Truthiness? Trustiness? Attractive unicorn hair of adorable? I dunno, he’s like Todd, only calmer, and like Selkie, only not purple. Right? Or you at least get what I mean?
Can’t be truthiness. Truthiness is a term meaning “not true, but it certainly SOUNDS like it’s true.” Like a lot of urban legends and weird stuff like that, or principles that a lot of people take for granted that just don’t fit the facts.
Theo is nothing at all like that.
I’m pretty sure you mean “trustworthiness.”
Love it! If only her body language could relax a little. Hoping to see that more in the future.
Wow, for once a situation in which Amanda is COMPLETELY RIGHT.
Who doesn’t like chocolate?! (Selkie gets a pass due to biology, but the humans?)
Yeah, Who doesn’t like chocolate?!
Another “Precocious” reader?! Excellent!
I’d pass on chocolate for Moose Tracks…but then again it has CHOCOLATE. 🙂
While I am insane for chocolate in pretty much all other forms, personally I find ice cream an inferior form of chocolate delivery. But that’s just me.
In general. However: Get some mint-choc-chip ice cream. Get some baker’s chocolate — yep, the straight, bitter, unsweetened stuff. Grate a little of the latter over the former. I swear to FSM, it hits me like a drug.
because it IS… i don’t remember the specifics of the article i read, but somebody did a chemical analysis of brain chemistry and how chocolate effects it, and they found the same type of endorphin’s being produced after eating chocolate as those produced during … um.. er… orgasms, and also some types of narcotics…
See, I knew it was nommy.
Tod says “talk”. My brain fills in “WeeeeEEE are never ever ever getting back together.”
Thanks, brain.
Go look up the Minecraft version. It might or might not be easier on your brain. I love being able to redirect potential earworms into more interesting fanmade parody songs.
Really? What’s to talk about?
I get the anger but what’s with all the long talk stuff? They know what happened. Is there really anything more to be said about the past? As for the future… I see three questions. How much visitation, when and seal the deal on getting his name on the birth certificate.
Sure.. custody battles can get long and drawn out but I don’t see anyone really battling here. Andie is trying to kiss butt due to her guilt and their anger. Todd seems pretty reasonable plus I doubt he wants to take Amanda away and be a single parent of two kids all by himself.
I see a short talk, only long if they insist on repeating themselves as people often do in emotional situations.
What’s to talk about? Plenty! Like asking her why she even did such a horrible thing to them and Amanda. Their rage is pretty well-placed. At least it will be *talking* and not screaming or threatening (that’s the impression I have anyhow).
He likely wants details on Amanda’s background. He knows the very broad outlines; he probably wants it all filled in. I would, in his shoes. Whether or not I could do anything about what happened, I would want to know, so I could better handle things going forward.
He may want to know exactly, in detail, when the kids aren’t around, why things happened the way they did. Not to get back together, but for his own benefit, to gain a better sense of closure, to be able to get a better understanding on it. Even if he doesn’t end up trusting her version of the facts, KNOWING is still better than guessing, and it’s not the kind of thing that’s easy to just not think about.
Basically, he could probably more easily shunt it all to the side and keep it minimal if it weren’t for the kids. But he has not one but two kids from the same orphanage, both of whom have gone through traumatic experiences before and since being adopted. He needs information, and he needs to find some way to balance his own emotions in all that because dealing with what the kids need on their own is hard enough without dealing with his own into the mix. So yeah – a long talk seems definitely called for.
I wouldn’t be surprised if that then spawns ‘a long talk’ with Lillian and the others at the orphanage, both to get another perspective on it and to maybe find a way to close some of the gaps which led to all these different things happening – to pay it forward, reduce the chances of it happening yet again. After all, Todd was abused, Amanda was abused… pretty sure Todd feels strongly about this.
And child support. Andi’s apartment has only one bedroom, so she’s sleeping on the sofa. She’s a tattoo artist vs. Todd, who is an architect, which = more money. Kids are expensive from Day One and only get more so. Andi could go to court and get an order for him to pay if she wanted to. It would be a hostile move on her part, but she could do it.
If everyone just sat down and had ice cream together, the world would be a happier place.
Or made chocolate chip cookies. That would work too.
Anyone else think this storyline is too slow? I mean, watching them eat ice cream is great and all, but let’s get to the part where Todd kills Andi already.
Your comment seems to me like it’s straying close to ‘troll’ territory. ISTM there needs to be a wrap-up page for the arc and this is it.
Pfft!… this ain’t NUTHIN’…. the comic “The Mansion of E” took almost TEN REAL-TIME YEARS… for the first 48 HOURS of comic-time…
Wow! How frequent did(does) it update? Because this sounds like even during a nonstop archive-binge comic time would move slower than real time.
Regarding the supposed unforgiving glaring: Keep in mind it has only been FOUR DAYS since Todd, Mari, and Theo first learned the appalling truth. They’re still in shock. They haven’t had nearly enough time to BEGIN to process this. Meanwhile, Andi is all *Well, nobody’s killed me yet, so everything is okay now, right? Right? We can pretend, anyway, can’t we?* I mean, under normal circumstances the normal reply to the normal-sounding sentence “Thanks for having us!” would be, “Sure, sweetie, our pleasure, any time! Love to see you!” That Todd and Mari are giving her reproachful *Are you kidding me?!” looks is scarcely remarkable.
With the additional stuff readers know about her, I’d say she isn’t asking them to pretend anything. Andi’s “Thanks for having us!” actually translates to “Thanks for going this easy on me, even if it is only for Amanda’s sake. You all could have been much, much, much nastier to me about this, and I know that, and I appreciate it. Thank you for being good people.”
However, with what Todd and Mari know, I also think your interpretation of why they’re giving her those looks is right on the money.
The way she says “and I’m glad I could bring Amanda”, that makes it sound like she’s putting the stress on thanking them for inviting Andi with Amanda being allowed to come along, when the stress was on inviting Amanda, with Andi being allowed to accompany. That’s how it comes across to me, and I’m even in the “let’s go easy on Andi” camp. I understand that she’s struggling to find the words to say, but those were definitely the wrong ones to use.
I wonder if she meant, “I’m glad I could BRING HER BACK so you could meet her.”
I should make it clear: I empathize with Andi. All too easily. I don’t think I’ve ever done anything quite that rotten, but I definitely get the lifetime policy of *maybe-it’ll-go-away-if-I-squeeze-my-eyes-shut-tightly-enough-and-long-enough*. Also, it does not astonish me to observe a bulldozer mother in the vicinity of a passive, feckless daughter.
So I cut Andi the same amount of slack I cut myself: Zip.
PS, further clarity: The “rotten” was not giving the child up for adoption. The “rotten” was lying about it for eight years to people who had a legitimate emotional vested interest.
Same here. I absolutely understand why Andi was acting the way she was once the deed was done, and it was not ‘abusing Todd’ or whatever commenters have come up with. If she was torturing anyone, it was herself )=
What flavor of ice cream is Agent Brown having?
I don’t think you have sufficient clearance to warrant a response to that inquiry.
@Dave: not trying to nit-pick, but it’s really confusing at first: in panel 6 Todd’s mouth opening looks like it is colored the same as the rest of his face, even though i’m pretty sure that you have it colored the same as the floor behind them, you might want to color his lips or something to break up that color combo…
also, the way you drew his left ear in that same panel has it sticking out of his head at a really odd angle. instead of going from the hair-line FORWARD towards the eye, making it look like his ear is actually ON his CHEEK, it should be drawn, starting AT the hair-line, going backwards and cutting into the hair instead of jutting out in front of the hair, take a look at panels 2 and 4. yes you are drawing it from the back looking forward, but his ear didn’t suddenly bend forward so that you needed to be looking at the back-side OF his ear, you’d still see the outer curly-que portion of it, just from a different angle. try looking at a person from the same two angles and you’ll see what i mean.
It looks like they’re all chewing their ice cream. What kind of superpowers do people in this world take for granted.
When I eat ice cream too fast, in order to keep the back of my throat from freezing, I’ll let it melt a little in my cheek before swallowing. Sometimes I’ll also do that with ice cream if I really like the taste, keep it in my cheek and suck it slowly to prolong the pleasure.
I TOTALLY agree that things would be better in the world if more people just sat down and ate ice cream together. (And another shout-out for Moose Tracks here!)
I am really liking this current story arc. I like how Todd is able to realize that he lost his temper with Andi, which wasn’t constructive. I like that he was able to admit that to Amanda and Selkie. I like that Amanda seems to be doing her best to make up for her past failings. I like that Todd’s parents are patient with everyone. And. mostly, I like the interactions between Amanda and Selkie.
I am probably over-personalizing here, but I was pretty seriously bullied as a child. I’m a woman, which means that bullying mostly took the form of emotional rather than physical abuse (I’m not being sexist here. Girls tend to be emotionally bullied while boys tend to be physically bullied – look it up!). The worst episodes of bullying were the worst because they were somehow so *impersonal* – as if the other girls bullying me didn’t even really want to engage with me at all and kind of wished I was dead. It was as if they didn’t want to engage with me at all because I was so far “below” them. While Amanda and Selkie DO have many problems with each other, the degree to which they engage with each other suggests, at least to me, something more than bullying on either side. OF COURSE neither Amanda nor Selkie are “off the hook” here and Amanda has recently said some REALLY not-okay things about Selkie. But, as I posted a couple of strips ago, their fighting seems to have a deep-hidden current of affection below it; it reminds me of the way I fought with my younger sisters.
In conclusion, with all the winter holidays coming up/already happening, I think it’s so great to have this narrative that celebrates non-traditional families! 🙂
*Virtual hugs and cookies for all!*
I meant: “ANDI seems to be doing her best to make up for her past failings.” I think I need a new tablet! 🙁
-neither Amanda nor Selkie are “off the hook”-
Selkie shouldn’t be “on the hook” to begin with as she’s the who keeps being attacked and insulted.