Aaand now I’m picturing the “I am your father” scene from Star Wars. I recognize it to be drastically out of place with the current mood, but someone – possibly me – needs to draw fanart of Todd in the Vader mask and Amanda and Selkie both dressed as Luke.
Emotional responses on both sides are valid and well-portrayed, but I agree that this is a bit to public a setting to let Amanda in on this particular truth. However, considering Todd is … how shall we say … very, very upset, he may not recognize this. Or maybe he does recognize it as a bad idea but is going to do it anyway to hurt Andi.
Being upset can lead to errors in judgement … which is not an excuse to avoid the consequences of them; I appreciate that this has been acknowledged in various places in this story, but I am also cringing in anticipation of seeing it happen again.
Exactly. Todd’s shown that he has some impulse issues when he’s in an emotional state (kissing Mina after the PTA meeting, for instance). As upset as he is right now, there’s no telling what he’s about to say to Amanda. Hopefully he’ll realize how badly he would hurt Selkie, and leave it to just making small talk with Amanda for now.
Just remembered something – wasn’t Todd in the orphanage himslef as a child, due to abuse? And wasn’t he a bit mouthy at first arrival in the home of his adoptive parents?
Again – no excuse for his (future) actions. But it seems like an explanation for/proof of his impulse control issues.
Oh wow, I hadn’t thought of the genetics bit. I was simply trying to understand Todd’s lack-of-impulse-control-especially-in-emotional-moments, but this is true for Amanda too…
Also, something worth noting: If Todd hadn’t used the word ‘hello’ – if he’d just said, “I’m going to go talk to my daughter” – he could have meant either Amanda or Selkie. It’s pretty strongly implied that he means to introduce himself to Amanda, but I won’t be entirely shocked if that’s not what happens.
It’s a bad idea. I can see him wanting to meet his daughter. I can see him wanting to hurt Andi by telling Amanda what happened. But “full pissed-off mode” is not when you should be telling an emotionally fragile little girl that her mother dumped her and then lied to her father about her very existence.
It’s going to be a shock whenever Amanda learns what happened. But it’s like when you’re punishing your kid. Don’t do it when you’re angry. First, calm down and get control of yourself.
Don’t tell her at all. She already knows her mom. Give Andi until the end of the coming week to do it. Make plans to get together, the 4 of them the following weekend.
If Andi chickens or squirms out of it, then and only then it’s bomb dropping time. But.. only after calming down.
I’m glad someone else is seeing that too. I think he’s really, really angry right now, and definitely in an impulsive state, but he’s in control enough that he hasn’t actually yelled or done anything physical aside from pushing Andi’s hand away. I think (hope) he’ll have enough control in the coming moments to simply approach, greet, and maybe inform Amanda that he knew her mom (but not jump straight into “I’m your dad and she gave you up without telling me, but she did tell me & my family you were dead, how’s it going?”)
It’s still a messy situation, and it has all the potential to go really bad, but horribleness can be limited depemding on Todds introduction (again, wether it’s “Hi, I’m Selkie’s dad. You guys are friends/classmates?” or “Hi, I’m the parent that was told you died at birth, you’re mom is a monster” [hyperbole!])
Yeah, this is pretty much my take on it. His response to Andi is legit. I don’t know why she’d think that putting a move on him NOW of all times was even remotely a good idea, but I don’t at all blame him for his response.
And while he has trouble with impulse control, we’ve also seen him able to rein his temper in where Selkie is concerned. I doubt he’s going to be that much worse just because it’s in front of TWO kids of his instead of one.
Andi has rejection issues. Bad timing, Andi. Bad timing. (Frankly, I don’t think there’s any timing that could make that one work. While I am sympathetic to Andi’s tragic character flaw, that doesn’t mean I think Todd should forgive her anytime soon. If at all.)
Crossing fingers that by the time he gets there, he’s realized that talking to Amanda in front of Selkie at all is… almost certainly going to go nowhere good.
I don’t think that was a come on move. I think that it was a reaching out affirming-touch move. Trying to connect … — he wasn’t having any of it. He wasn’t touched by her story.
And I don’t think her being in her calm explanation allowed her to perceive where Todd was, getting the news right to the heart.
I know a lot of people suspected that Andi only adopted Amanda as a means of getting back with Todd, and it now looks like that was certainly part of it. And I was so hopeful that all she wanted was to have Amanda back in her life!
Just remember Andi: Amanda is a living being, not a bartering chip.
I believe going in that that was initial motivation. However meeting Amanda and learning about her behavioral issues, I think she has changed her priorities. Andi could have backed out of taking Amanda in her meeting with Lilian, but she didn’t. Perhaps the biggest reason Andi was afraid to tell Todd even after getting Amanda back was that she feared being completely rejected by Todd, a fear that has been proven out. Since they have to deal with Amanda’s needs they won’t be completely out of each others lives and without any kind of romantic overtures perhaps Todd might find the woman he once knew.
If indeed she got to the part where she was motivated primarily by the welfare of Amanda — heck, even motivated around halfway by the welfare of Amanda — then this attempt may have been the only way she saw to make the best life for Amanda.
We still don’t know what she thinks of single motherhood (or fatherhood, for that matter). But even if you assume she doesn’t know the statistics (that point to single motherhood as being vastly inferior to dual-parenting when it comes to the outcome of the child), it may be that she had the mindset that both parents should be parenting Amanda and that if both are parenting her then they should be together.
I know from experience — well, from an experience about a completely different subject — that once you get your mind thinking with a certain set of data, you may completely overlook possible options that are outside the data you thought was pertinent at the time. In my case it got my brother a ticket for driving my nephew around without a car seat, because I was so much in the mindset of getting my nephew to church — if I recall, the first time we’d been permitted to take him anywhere — that once we figured out they hadn’t left us a car seat, I analyzed the situation entirely with a mind to getting him to church, and ignored the option of just babysitting him at his house, missing out on church but obeying the law (and safety).
So yeah, I could easily see her getting so much in the mindset of them being a connected couple (obviously: there is a child who shares their DNA) that (useful/beneficial) alternatives didn’t even cross her mind, so she’s been doing the little she can see to do to make that happen.
Now maybe she’ll get that part out of her head and start to think in other terms.
I don’t think Amanda’s welfare and getting back with Todd have to necessarily be either the same motivation or one or the other.
She wants the best for Amanda. It probably even takes priority. But when Amanda was away, she ALSO (in addition, unrelatedly) tried to get back with Todd. If she thought he would be bad for Amanda, she probably wouldn’t have done that, but he’s not, so why not try?
Honestly? I am no longer concerned with her motivations. I see someone who did something wrong, covered it up/didn’t do the right thing by telling the truth for whichever is the full reason whether she was coerced or not, and has now adopted their blood child in at least partial hopes that it would make things better. Again, whatever her mental or physical state, it was not right and I am still a strong Todd supporter. If she showed something more, I’d support her, perhaps. I am waiting to see actual Amanda/Andi interaction. I feel that’s missing. I want to see them alone, want to see how she really treats her daughter and how her daughter acts when they are alone. Without that part, I cannot see all of Andi.
Maybe I’m just an idealist or I just have a soft spot for Andi but I interpreted her saying “try again” to mean friendship. Todd was being utterly uncommunicative and even his parents thought he was being harsh. I see Andi as trying her hardest to please other people, her mother told her it would be better for the baby and she believed it, many young mothers are heavily pressured to give up their babies and often even told by the people pressuring them to just “act like the baby died- it’s easier that way”. This is so very common and I have found many websites seeking to reunite adoptees and birth-parents and the stories are all heartbreakingly the same. I know this story is about Selkie, but I have gotten very invested in the whole Andi/Amanda dynamic and want to see more of them.
She gave him tree ashes and pretended it was their child. Andi didn’t just hurt him but Amanda as well. She’s disgusting. This is borderline abusive to both.
I’m actually quite curious how Andi is going to convey to Amanda how and why she made the decisions she did, regarding the funeral.
I’m interested in Amanda. I don’t have much reason to care about Andi yet, I’m not invested in her, and in some ways I find her less mature than the exploding brats have been. Is that only because Amanda has some established excuses for not having developed mature coping techniques? Because Andi sure needs some; she’s still kind of at the “hide under the covers so the monsters won’t eat me” stage of conflict resolution.
I wonder what sort of relationship they had outside their Relationship? If they did have a friendship before the Relationship, I could at least see your interpretation as possible.
I don’t think it’s likely, because fiction necessitates simplification, and it’s rare that this kind of thing happens without sex or at least romance implied. But then, I could be pleasantly surprised if she meant it some other way. It’s my opinion that modern society’s focus on sex has led to the mental ostracism of a lot of reasonable relationships that don’t involve sex — including intimate Platonic friendships, which is the big one, though the idea has even infected cross-generational friendships of even the most mild and inoffensive sort (“gasp! that old man is holding a child on his lap!”) and family relationships (“gasp! that dad is bathing nude with his two young daughters! let’s censor this wholesome family animated film immediately!”).
Regardless of what she meant, though, she’s burned the bridges and must learn to live with that. You don’t sit on a secret this damning for this long and expect to find some possible restoration of relationship later on. Or, well, you do, people do hope that, it’s common to hope that, but in general people are also deluded to think it’s even possible.
Another thematic component I’m touching on in my story is that change, repentance, that sort of thing, they can only be seen in retrospect, after years have solidified the person you’ve turned into. And trying to rush it, to get people to think of you as a changed person, is a sign that you aren’t, or at least that you aren’t changed *enough*, and in cases of abusive men it’s a sign that you’re unlikely to maintain it. Accepting that things have changed for good, and dealing with that as your new reality, can be a mark of maturity.
I’d imagine My Neighbor Totoro by Miyazaki, in the original version when they first move into the house there is a scene where the father takes a bath with his young daughters in totally traditional non-pervy Japanese style. I believe there was some kerfuffle about including the scene in the Disney release.
Todd, your introduction is something that should be done in private. Both sisters are going to have a bad reaction to their sibling, for different reasons, and you should not expose them to the wrath of the other one without warning. For that matter, maybe the wise counsel of your parents might be appropriate here?
He’s probably not gonna just walk up there and say “Hi, Amanda Marie. I’m your dad. See you later. Let’s go, Selkie”
He’ll most likely just say “Hi” without mentioning him being her father.
He’ll also want to talk to his parents about this first, as to how to break it to Selkie… if he wants to tell her at all.
Any bets that Felix has them both in his alien clutches, and Todd has to pick which one to save, and which to sacrifice to the alien? Because: Bug-eyed Aliens! They want our wimmin’!
Briar Patching is an awesome strategy. Though I recall thinking that getting thrown into a tangle of blackberry vines would do like the opposite of removing sticky tar from my person.
SPOILER ALERT – The tar baby was so Brer Fox and Brer Bear could catch Brer Rabbit and eat him. Being thrown in the briar patch saves him from being eaten after they clean him up.
I actually think they are either arguing about Felix or both enthralled by him. Don’t forget the De’Madeias are there with Selkie. I personally am hoping he will simply get to know her without the impulse reveal amidst all the chaos in his mind and at the scene and how he left “Miss McClellan”.
Really enjoying the way you’ve portrayed rage from Todd, and I’m really glad you didn’t let it get any more physical, too. I like that Andi tried to fix it immediately, that’s been consistent with most of my experiences of people saying they’re sorry to me. “Let’s forget about it!” And I’m SO glad Todd isn’t immediately going for it. Heck, I’ll be fine if he and Andi never make up. I’m just so happy Todd is having a realistic reaction and it isn’t entirely unhealthy (which kinda depends on what he says to Amanda)! Great job Dave! 🙂
Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh I’m personally withholding my thoughts on Todd’s handling of things until I see how he interacts with Amanda…
Meanwhile I’mma, just, uh, be in this corner, chewing my nails down to the quick…
(Fwiw I’m with you, EXCELLENT job on *realistic* human reactions Dave! Always one of the best-loved traits of your comic near-universally among us, it seems.)
I hope he pursues full custody of Amanda, which he could do. Especially with what’s just been brought to light. And especially if she really did get Amanda back in hopes of re-uniting with Todd.
I like this idea, honestly. Once Selkie & Amanda got over their hostility toward each other, they might finally realize they’re natural allies. And Amanda desperately needs a sibling that won’t put up with her craps but won’t be cruel to her, either. For an Evil Mastermind, Selkie is amazingly compassionate for her age.
Selkie may be very compassionate for her age, but I don’t see this going very well for Selkie at all. From her perspective, this would be being forced to live with her longest-time *bully* all over again.
And Amanda would have to deal with her issues of jealousy etc. that surround Selkie’s existence for her.
While it would eventually be healthier for both girls to work these problems out, neither of them would feel happy or *safe* in the beginning…
TRAUMA CIRCUS TIEMS
First, regardless of his qualifications, Todd is single and had to jump through a lot of hoops to get okayed for ONE adoption. A second one? Really don’t think so.
Second, Amanda’s reaction to “My biological father liked THAT FREAK more than he liked me” is going to be epic train wreck levels of horrible, and I can’t imagine her being anything other than utterly vicious and generally toxic to Selkie right until Todd loses his temper and yells at her to stop it, at which point she’ll whiplash into terrified please-don’t-abandon-me again.
That was to get a child from the state with no relation. His own child would be a custody battle/wrongful termination of parental rights lawsuit with Andi, not an adoption.
Honestly, I don’t think it’s the best for Amanda (from what *we’ve* seen), but realistically how could Todd not? Andi’s actions have been pretty extreme. It’d be one thing if she omitted Amanda’s fate and let Todd build his own conclusions. It’d still be crazy and wrong, but not on the level of there being a funeral and urn (unless *her mom* was behind it). If a friend told me he was going through what Todd was, and he asked for my advice, I’d strongly encourage him to get the kid the hell away from the other parent. How can you *trust* someone who orchestrates a lie on such a great and hurtful level? Look at all the horrors that happened to Amanda. And you have to wonder what her reaction will be if she finds out how Amanda lied. Hopefully, Todd will see how much Amanda needs to stay put and hopefully it will somehow slip out this all wasn’t completely Andi’s fault (though she totally deserves all the rage). I can’t imagine we’ve had all these little peaks at her being a halfway decent person only to find out she’s 100 times a more manipulative than we thought. I’ve yet to meet who does something so deceiving on such a grand scale (by themselves) who doesn’t do other horribly deceiving awful things—or even really get out of that “habit.” But I *can* relate to thinking “up” is “down” and ignoring a big ass elephant in the room, because your parent(s) fuck with your head. Coming to terms with oneself becoming a parent is a huge time when many of us wake up and choose to repeat history or take a different path.
I’d say the major note in Amanda staying with Andi is the abandonment trauma — ripping her away from the woman who finally came back for her would be a form of abuse all its own, even if Todd wasn’t trying to be abusive.
Dunno how much of that Todd would be aware of, or think of. But with the trauma and the girls’ relationship, I can’t see both girls under Todd’s roof being the ideal solution, not yet at any rate.
Except I don’t see Andi’s lying as an orchestrated scheme but more like one desperate misguided attempt to avoid pain after another, the lies built up and it was just easier to go along while she tried to think of a plan, then life happened and holy crap what do you mean it’s been eight years?
I know this is bad for Andi and especially Todd, but I can’t help feeling the most sorry for Selkie. Amanda here is finding and being reunited with BOTH her biological parents, and once again Selkie will be the odd one out. I mean yes, Todd loves her and chose her, but this would be a really hard pill to swallow, especially now that she’ll have to coexist more closely with a girl who is such a toxic influence on her young life.
If at least to apologize, yeah. Not that she should use talking to them as an ulterior motive or go behind Todd’s back or anything, but she does owe them an apology too (‘course, not as big as the one she owed/owes Todd).
I’m kind of hoping that Todd goes to Lillian with this information rather than doing anything drastic here. I feel that with her impartiality to Todd and Andi and her desire to do what’s best for both children involved, that she would be the best source before confronting either Amanda or Selkie with this information.
That does sound like a super-good idea. But … he’s going to need some proof he’s related to Amanda, otherwise I’m not sure Lillian can legally discuss her with him, even if she does believe him. (Let’s face it, the scenario does sound a bit implausible.)
Todd has amazing restraint not to let language fly (at the least) or punch a hole in a wall, but I keep seeing a real accurate portrayal of rage. It actually makes me *uncomfortable* reading this one. Andi deserves every tiny bit of it, though.
Just say “hello” and leave it at that. There’s time for getting involved in Amanda’s life later—some time after the news is broken to his other daughter.
Yeah, start again? Are you smoking crack Andi? How could she possibly think he’s be so okay with this that he’d want to reunite with her? Talk about living in a fantasy land.
They’ve been loud this entire time in close proximity to where the kids are. Next page they look over and see Selkie and Amanda staring at them with their jaws dropped after hearing this entire conversation. I only say this because they’ve loudly said Amanda’s name multiple times.
Why? Did you lie about your child being alive for 8 years, after having a funeral and all? And why does that make your husband a better man because he let you get away with it?
because when I’m having a break down, he’s there for me. No matter what happened. Clearly you don’t know what it is like to have a man who can handle himself when you need him. He’ll have his turn when I’m done sobbing and talking to him about what ever it is.
Hope you find someone who actually loves you one day.
Yeah, okay, glad you and your husband have a good and mutually supportive relationship, but in interests of a more accurate metaphor, let me ask you this:
Would he do all the things you’re describing for an ex-girlfriend/boyfriend?
Because Todd and Andi broke up before this comic started. They’re not just ‘not married’, they are currently ‘not in a romantic relationship at all’. And sure, friendship between exes is a thing, but these two won’t be able to sustain a “just friends” relationship until Andi accepts that Todd isn’t interested in dating her again.
Andi: I was pretty sure that a significant part of your motivation for adopting Amanda had to do with repairing your relationship with Todd. Given how much you wanted that, I understand that you almost literally had to ask. Todd responded in about the most predictable way imaginable. Please be willing to accept this – cry if you must – and move on. You have a daughter, and she needs a mother right now. Please don’t give up on her just because you won’t get Todd back.
Todd: Unlike us readers, you didn’t see this coming a mile (or several months) away. Your confusion, anger, and pain are real and understandable. But, the ball’s in your court now. Please try to calm down enough to do what’s best for your daughters, and that almost certainly means that you shouldn’t reveal yourself as Amanda’s father right now. Also…don’t know if you intended this, but telling Andi that you don’t know her…that almost implies starting over. You know, if we completely ignore the emotional overtones of the statement.
Amanda & Selkie: Just…keep doing what you’re doing. That octopus is pretty cool.
Readers: In response to calls demanding Andi’s resignation as a mother, character, or (fictional) human being, please remember: we learned very little about her today that we didn’t already know. We knew that she wanted to get back together with Todd, and we knew she has issues with confrontation. I don’t think that she’s being super manipulative: she didn’t orchestrate this meeting, she initially tried to run away! Also, she didn’t condemn Amanda to abuse: she gave Amanda up for adoption, almost certainly hoping sincerely that Amanda would have a better life. Despite her flaws and failures, the abuse that Amanda suffered should not be on Andi’s head. Please don’t tar-and-feather her just yet.
Dave: I love how you’ve been showing Todd’s rage by drawing uncolored and incomplete irises! Also, your comics generate lots of comments, many pertaining to what the readers hope to see or not see from the characters. Do these comments ever influence you in any way? And no, I’m not asking because I want to/have any delusions about influencing the comic.
Farmer John> No worries about the long post:) Also, gotta point this out: Todd saying he doesn’t know her anymore is a kind of disowning. Like, saying “I have no son.” when someone disowns a child in television/movies? It’s like that.
I actually am aware of that…I was just joking around with the literal meaning of the statement, which ironically seemed to (somewhat) confirm rather than deny Andi’s wish, as compared with the statement’s intended meaning.
A lot of times I’ll see someone say something they hope happens, or hope DOESN’T happen, and it’s a thing that’s coming up in the story, and I chuckle to myself, “Man they are gonna love (or hate) the next few pages.”
Occasionally a reader suggestion will sound like a fun idea to incorporate. When I do that I try to ensure I directly mention that a reader gave me the idea. I’m not interested in pretending.
It wouldn’t surprise me, that after Todd reveals he is Amanda’s real father to her, she’s going to be a) MARRY MOM SO WE CAN BE A FAMILY and/or B) WELL, YOU HABE ME NOW SO YOU CAN TAKE SELKIE BACK TO THE ORPHANAGE.
Those would definitely be the most in-character reactions. That’s one of the several reasons I hope he gets a stranglehold on his temper before he gets over there.
May I just say that I don’t think Todd is going over to *actually* tell Amanda he’s her father. I think he’s going over to say hello and chat in a friendly way – even as jumbled as his emotions are right now, he’s been logical and I think he realizes that right now isn’t the best time to say “What up, I’m your dad.” That’ll come soon enough, but I think he just wants to say hi right now.
That might be the plan, but I believe it will fail.
He met her, the first time, and passed over her. She decided he was not very bright. He came back, met her again, and not only passed over her again, but adopted a fish – her worst enemy. Obviously, along with not being very bright, he’s a jerk.
So if he comes over and just tries to be polite – Hi Amanda, how you doing today? – she’s going to sass him and insult him, and generally act like Amanda acts to people she does not like.
I hope he does not say, “Hello Amanda. I’m your father. Your mother told me you were born dead, eight years ago”, but I’m pretty sure that “being nice” is not going to work.
I hope Todd manages to get his temper together. Poor Selkie…this is going to be a repeat of Heather’s terrified “Please don’t send me back” from early on in the strip.
And when Todd realizes that his biological daughter is bullying his adopted daughter…that’s not going to go over too well either.
I think the best thing for Todd to do here is say hello to Amanda, tell her she should go talk to her Mom, and then go have a good rest of the day at aquarium. Maybe have a special treat with Selkie later to soften the blow when he tells her that he found out that Amanda is his biological daughter, but that doesn’t mean that Selkie is any less his and that he loves her no matter what. He will have to be very tactful about it so neither child ends up feeling unloved.
Unfortunately I think it is Andi’s place to tell Amanda what happened, because she is the one who made the decision to put her up for adoption.
I dunno about Todd but if someone dropped this bomb on me, I would not want to remain anywhere near this place. I would go back home and TRY to sort it all out, giving my adopted child a good excuse why we had to leave. I would not be able to remain interested in anything around me, and probably not able to hold my emotions in check.
i foresee a visit to his parents house Soon (Tm), with him storming in and grabbing the urn off the mantle and throwing it into the fireplace, with his parents freaking out about “WTF, are you DOING to Amanda’s ASHES!!! ???” then he flips out in turn, ranting and raving about all that he’s just been told… all with Selkie in earshot distance.
“I thought maybe we could…start over?”
It suddenly occurs to me that she may not be saying that she thinks she and Todd should get back together, at least not yet. It could mean that she’s simply hoping to get back on speaking terms with him, and to have him involved in his daughter’s life.
(I may well be wrong–I have been once or twice in my life, but if that is what she means, it’s a little more reasonable of a request to make.)
Pointe- I’m with you, I’m still hoping she meant “be friends again” since he had been totally freezing her out. Hand on knee can still be platonic, they are sitting next to each other in those crappy chairs and he had his arms folded (although I usually take arms folded to mean “don’t touch!” but I know some people who are very sensitive to being touched) and they had been partners for what nine years? Ten? Sure Amanda is eight, but they were together for awhile before that (plus the whole nine months cooking) so they in theory should know each other very very well. Idk, maybe I have an unusually close friend group but we all hug and hang on each other and will lay a hand on the nearest part of whoever we are talking to- arm, shoulder, knee- when having a deep or meaningful conversation.
She’s shown that she deserves it. Andi disrespected his entire family,lied about Amanda being dead and went to extreme lengths to keep up the charade. Andi doesn’t deserve Todd’s friendship or forgiveness. He ain’t required to give her either.
It seems less like she wants his forgiveness and more like she wants to ease her guilt. Which is manipulative and gross.
Yeah it was obvious she was hoping to rekindle a romance – we’ve been seeing that nonstop in this comic since the phone call near the start. I don’t agree with most of the people who think that “getting Todd” was the reason she went back for Amanda. She made it pretty clear that she thought Amanda would get a better life, and was horrified when she found out the opposite had happened. I don’t think she would have gone back to the orphanage if Todd had not adopted Selkie. However, if she had known what Amanda had gone through, I think she would have shown up there sooner.
Andi, Andi, Andi. Attempting to flirt at a time like this? Not a good idea. That’s the only way I can really interpret the hand on the knee along with the “start over” statement. You many not mean it, but it’s sure how you’re coming across.
I think it’s going to be a very, very good thing the Di’Medeas are here. Adults with the group who are already aware Todd’s upset about SOMEthing are in a good position to mitigate any damage that’s going to be done.
She did not put her hand on his knee. It was a spot between knee and inner thigh/crotch. Not a gesture someone uses to show compassion. I took it to mean something completely different and “romantic”.
Todd is generally a level-headed, thoughtful person who has been raised well. If he has time to think this through before he acts irreversibly, Andi will become less of a demon and more human to him. He has the capacity to act correctly.
First time poster here. Sorry if this is a little bit long, so I’m going to split this into two parts. Starting with the easy stuff: the smart thing for Todd to do at this point is to just say something like “Hi Amanda, it was very nice to meet you”, retrieve Selkie and get out of there. Talk to his parents. Talk to MINA, who knows what it’s like to lose a kid to unfair circumstances (if I remember correctly). But seriously, he needs to be someplace else PDQ. Now is not the time to drop the “I’m your Dad” bomb. First regroup. Consult with allies. Then tackle this situation with a somewhat clearer head.
I agree with those above who say that yes: when she finds out, Amanda is likely going to say something like “Wow, you should marry my mom, and then you can send Fish-face back to the orphanage because I’m your real kid and you don’t need her!”. Amanda will be hurt, badly, by the revelation that Selkie’s adopted dad is her biological dad, etc. But we have all seen that Amanda’s response to being hurt is always to lash out, not unlike a wounded animal. Don’t get me wrong, she is all the more tragic for the pain she suffers, and yes, she is still deserving of love, and support and sympathy. Absolutely. Unquestionably. That’s the only way she will ever get better. But that tendency to lash out makes her dangerous, physically and emotionally, and that needs to be taken into account when uncomfortable-revelation-time comes. She needs boundaries and discipline as well as love. Amanda should not be told the truth until her behaviour shows significant and sustained improvement. To do otherwise would harm not just her, but everyone around her, especially Selkie.
I think Selkie could and probably should be told the truth (by Todd+grandparents of course) before Amanda; so that she has time to reaffirm her knowledge that her father loves her, and will always be there for her, no matter what. This may take time for her to absorb and deal with. More importantly, she needs to do that so that when Amanda is told, she’s ready for the backlash. That backlash is probably inevitable. Selkie can only be prepared to face it.
Ideally, Todd/Andi should probably wait to tell the kids until they’re both a little older, especially Amanda.
Ok, here’s the harsh part. Andi is a profoundly selfish person. Look at Todd in those first two panels. Hands over his face, being torn apart by rage and pain, and possibly even some (misplaced) guilt. Unable to deal with the crap-storm of emotions he’s being assailed by. And there’s Andi, talking about how hard this is for HER, then making the most absurdly tactless segue ever: But it’s all out in the open now (no big deal), so let’s start over? That’s an incredibly crass, insensitive move, even if there’s zero romantic intention there. Which, let’s not kid here, there isn’t.
I don’t really think Andi cares about Todd at all. She says she does; she probably believes she does. But she doesn’t. Her actions simply don’t support that hypothesis. From the moment she was introduced, she has ruthlessly pursued her own desires, regardless of the feelings of others. What she wants, is to get Todd back, regardless of what he wants. From message-spamming Todd when he clearly wants distance, to abandoning her daughter in a crowd to avoid him, to right now, ignoring obvious Todd’s distress to blab about what she wants for them. And the big one: adopting the child she gave up for dead, was done with the end goal of getting Todd back. If she and Todd had never broken up, would she have given Amanda a second thought? Maybe, but I doubt it. Andi takes care of Andi. First, last, always. And yet, I don’t quite think she’s a sociopath. If she were, she wouldn’t feel guilty enough about what she did to apologize at all. She’s just selfish, and exercises consistently poor judgment.
Todd can’t afford to trust her again. And I think them getting back together is impossible now, she’s too toxic an influence on his life. Maybe in time he can forgive her. That alone would take an exceptionally forgiving person. But trust? Not if he’s smart. Remember Todd has Selkie to look out for now. Do you think step-mom Andi would be a positive influence on Selkie? Moral cowards don’t make good parents. I fear for Amanda as it is. As much as I’d like to see Todd burn that bridge behind him and never look back, Amanda needs him too, and if Todd wants contact with his biological daughter, it means some level of contact with Andi as well, and he needs to be very wary about that.
Todd and Andi didn’t just break up because of the Great Lie. They fought all the time. This relationship wasn’t working anymore, for other reasons. Andi just doesn’t want to let go. https://selkiecomic.com/comic/selkie162/
So sorry for the long post. That was like, six months’ worth of comment from me. Thanks for your indulgence. And thanks Dave for writing such a great comic! The depth of thought and feeling in the comments from everyone, every week is a testament to how much your work means to us.
I’m almost afraid to skim the comments. How many of them are whining about how Todd is obviously a misogynist for having any problem with any of this at all?
Please don’t mean that literally, Todd. This is NOT the time to be walking up to Amanda and telling her that you’re her father.
The rest of his reaction to Andi? Entirely justified.
Aaand now I’m picturing the “I am your father” scene from Star Wars. I recognize it to be drastically out of place with the current mood, but someone – possibly me – needs to draw fanart of Todd in the Vader mask and Amanda and Selkie both dressed as Luke.
Emotional responses on both sides are valid and well-portrayed, but I agree that this is a bit to public a setting to let Amanda in on this particular truth. However, considering Todd is … how shall we say … very, very upset, he may not recognize this. Or maybe he does recognize it as a bad idea but is going to do it anyway to hurt Andi.
Being upset can lead to errors in judgement … which is not an excuse to avoid the consequences of them; I appreciate that this has been acknowledged in various places in this story, but I am also cringing in anticipation of seeing it happen again.
Exactly. Todd’s shown that he has some impulse issues when he’s in an emotional state (kissing Mina after the PTA meeting, for instance). As upset as he is right now, there’s no telling what he’s about to say to Amanda. Hopefully he’ll realize how badly he would hurt Selkie, and leave it to just making small talk with Amanda for now.
Just remembered something – wasn’t Todd in the orphanage himslef as a child, due to abuse? And wasn’t he a bit mouthy at first arrival in the home of his adoptive parents?
Again – no excuse for his (future) actions. But it seems like an explanation for/proof of his impulse control issues.
I had forgotten that! You’re right. It doesn’t excuse Amanda’s behavior either but it can help explain it if genetics means anything.
Oh wow, I hadn’t thought of the genetics bit. I was simply trying to understand Todd’s lack-of-impulse-control-especially-in-emotional-moments, but this is true for Amanda too…
Also, something worth noting: If Todd hadn’t used the word ‘hello’ – if he’d just said, “I’m going to go talk to my daughter” – he could have meant either Amanda or Selkie. It’s pretty strongly implied that he means to introduce himself to Amanda, but I won’t be entirely shocked if that’s not what happens.
It’s a bad idea. I can see him wanting to meet his daughter. I can see him wanting to hurt Andi by telling Amanda what happened. But “full pissed-off mode” is not when you should be telling an emotionally fragile little girl that her mother dumped her and then lied to her father about her very existence.
It’s going to be a shock whenever Amanda learns what happened. But it’s like when you’re punishing your kid. Don’t do it when you’re angry. First, calm down and get control of yourself.
Don’t tell her at all. She already knows her mom. Give Andi until the end of the coming week to do it. Make plans to get together, the 4 of them the following weekend.
If Andi chickens or squirms out of it, then and only then it’s bomb dropping time. But.. only after calming down.
I’m with you on this one. I don’t see this ending well.
Talking to her and admitting he’s her father aren’t necessarily the same thing.
I’m glad someone else is seeing that too. I think he’s really, really angry right now, and definitely in an impulsive state, but he’s in control enough that he hasn’t actually yelled or done anything physical aside from pushing Andi’s hand away. I think (hope) he’ll have enough control in the coming moments to simply approach, greet, and maybe inform Amanda that he knew her mom (but not jump straight into “I’m your dad and she gave you up without telling me, but she did tell me & my family you were dead, how’s it going?”)
It’s still a messy situation, and it has all the potential to go really bad, but horribleness can be limited depemding on Todds introduction (again, wether it’s “Hi, I’m Selkie’s dad. You guys are friends/classmates?” or “Hi, I’m the parent that was told you died at birth, you’re mom is a monster” [hyperbole!])
Yeah, this is pretty much my take on it. His response to Andi is legit. I don’t know why she’d think that putting a move on him NOW of all times was even remotely a good idea, but I don’t at all blame him for his response.
And while he has trouble with impulse control, we’ve also seen him able to rein his temper in where Selkie is concerned. I doubt he’s going to be that much worse just because it’s in front of TWO kids of his instead of one.
Andi has rejection issues. Bad timing, Andi. Bad timing. (Frankly, I don’t think there’s any timing that could make that one work. While I am sympathetic to Andi’s tragic character flaw, that doesn’t mean I think Todd should forgive her anytime soon. If at all.)
Crossing fingers that by the time he gets there, he’s realized that talking to Amanda in front of Selkie at all is… almost certainly going to go nowhere good.
*covers eyes*
*peeps between fingers*
I don’t think that was a come on move. I think that it was a reaching out affirming-touch move. Trying to connect … — he wasn’t having any of it. He wasn’t touched by her story.
And I don’t think her being in her calm explanation allowed her to perceive where Todd was, getting the news right to the heart.
Respect!he handled that well and shows his
Priorities are in order going over to meet Amanda. But this is going to hurt Selkie so much…
Slapping away an unwanted touch is completely reasonable, be you a guy or girl. And thank you Todd for summing it up so very perfectly.
Wow. She really is self absorbed. That surprised even me.
“So your offspring is alive and I’m finally confessing about it after 8 years. Wanna be a couple again?” Andi are you serious
I know a lot of people suspected that Andi only adopted Amanda as a means of getting back with Todd, and it now looks like that was certainly part of it. And I was so hopeful that all she wanted was to have Amanda back in her life!
Just remember Andi: Amanda is a living being, not a bartering chip.
I believe going in that that was initial motivation. However meeting Amanda and learning about her behavioral issues, I think she has changed her priorities. Andi could have backed out of taking Amanda in her meeting with Lilian, but she didn’t. Perhaps the biggest reason Andi was afraid to tell Todd even after getting Amanda back was that she feared being completely rejected by Todd, a fear that has been proven out. Since they have to deal with Amanda’s needs they won’t be completely out of each others lives and without any kind of romantic overtures perhaps Todd might find the woman he once knew.
If indeed she got to the part where she was motivated primarily by the welfare of Amanda — heck, even motivated around halfway by the welfare of Amanda — then this attempt may have been the only way she saw to make the best life for Amanda.
We still don’t know what she thinks of single motherhood (or fatherhood, for that matter). But even if you assume she doesn’t know the statistics (that point to single motherhood as being vastly inferior to dual-parenting when it comes to the outcome of the child), it may be that she had the mindset that both parents should be parenting Amanda and that if both are parenting her then they should be together.
I know from experience — well, from an experience about a completely different subject — that once you get your mind thinking with a certain set of data, you may completely overlook possible options that are outside the data you thought was pertinent at the time. In my case it got my brother a ticket for driving my nephew around without a car seat, because I was so much in the mindset of getting my nephew to church — if I recall, the first time we’d been permitted to take him anywhere — that once we figured out they hadn’t left us a car seat, I analyzed the situation entirely with a mind to getting him to church, and ignored the option of just babysitting him at his house, missing out on church but obeying the law (and safety).
So yeah, I could easily see her getting so much in the mindset of them being a connected couple (obviously: there is a child who shares their DNA) that (useful/beneficial) alternatives didn’t even cross her mind, so she’s been doing the little she can see to do to make that happen.
Now maybe she’ll get that part out of her head and start to think in other terms.
I don’t think Amanda’s welfare and getting back with Todd have to necessarily be either the same motivation or one or the other.
She wants the best for Amanda. It probably even takes priority. But when Amanda was away, she ALSO (in addition, unrelatedly) tried to get back with Todd. If she thought he would be bad for Amanda, she probably wouldn’t have done that, but he’s not, so why not try?
It doesn’t have to be black and white.
Honestly? I am no longer concerned with her motivations. I see someone who did something wrong, covered it up/didn’t do the right thing by telling the truth for whichever is the full reason whether she was coerced or not, and has now adopted their blood child in at least partial hopes that it would make things better. Again, whatever her mental or physical state, it was not right and I am still a strong Todd supporter. If she showed something more, I’d support her, perhaps. I am waiting to see actual Amanda/Andi interaction. I feel that’s missing. I want to see them alone, want to see how she really treats her daughter and how her daughter acts when they are alone. Without that part, I cannot see all of Andi.
Maybe I’m just an idealist or I just have a soft spot for Andi but I interpreted her saying “try again” to mean friendship. Todd was being utterly uncommunicative and even his parents thought he was being harsh. I see Andi as trying her hardest to please other people, her mother told her it would be better for the baby and she believed it, many young mothers are heavily pressured to give up their babies and often even told by the people pressuring them to just “act like the baby died- it’s easier that way”. This is so very common and I have found many websites seeking to reunite adoptees and birth-parents and the stories are all heartbreakingly the same. I know this story is about Selkie, but I have gotten very invested in the whole Andi/Amanda dynamic and want to see more of them.
She gave him tree ashes and pretended it was their child. Andi didn’t just hurt him but Amanda as well. She’s disgusting. This is borderline abusive to both.
I’m actually quite curious how Andi is going to convey to Amanda how and why she made the decisions she did, regarding the funeral.
I’m interested in Amanda. I don’t have much reason to care about Andi yet, I’m not invested in her, and in some ways I find her less mature than the exploding brats have been. Is that only because Amanda has some established excuses for not having developed mature coping techniques? Because Andi sure needs some; she’s still kind of at the “hide under the covers so the monsters won’t eat me” stage of conflict resolution.
I wonder what sort of relationship they had outside their Relationship? If they did have a friendship before the Relationship, I could at least see your interpretation as possible.
I don’t think it’s likely, because fiction necessitates simplification, and it’s rare that this kind of thing happens without sex or at least romance implied. But then, I could be pleasantly surprised if she meant it some other way. It’s my opinion that modern society’s focus on sex has led to the mental ostracism of a lot of reasonable relationships that don’t involve sex — including intimate Platonic friendships, which is the big one, though the idea has even infected cross-generational friendships of even the most mild and inoffensive sort (“gasp! that old man is holding a child on his lap!”) and family relationships (“gasp! that dad is bathing nude with his two young daughters! let’s censor this wholesome family animated film immediately!”).
Regardless of what she meant, though, she’s burned the bridges and must learn to live with that. You don’t sit on a secret this damning for this long and expect to find some possible restoration of relationship later on. Or, well, you do, people do hope that, it’s common to hope that, but in general people are also deluded to think it’s even possible.
Another thematic component I’m touching on in my story is that change, repentance, that sort of thing, they can only be seen in retrospect, after years have solidified the person you’ve turned into. And trying to rush it, to get people to think of you as a changed person, is a sign that you aren’t, or at least that you aren’t changed *enough*, and in cases of abusive men it’s a sign that you’re unlikely to maintain it. Accepting that things have changed for good, and dealing with that as your new reality, can be a mark of maturity.
What animated film are you talking about?
I’d imagine My Neighbor Totoro by Miyazaki, in the original version when they first move into the house there is a scene where the father takes a bath with his young daughters in totally traditional non-pervy Japanese style. I believe there was some kerfuffle about including the scene in the Disney release.
Todd, your introduction is something that should be done in private. Both sisters are going to have a bad reaction to their sibling, for different reasons, and you should not expose them to the wrath of the other one without warning. For that matter, maybe the wise counsel of your parents might be appropriate here?
He’s probably not gonna just walk up there and say “Hi, Amanda Marie. I’m your dad. See you later. Let’s go, Selkie”
He’ll most likely just say “Hi” without mentioning him being her father.
He’ll also want to talk to his parents about this first, as to how to break it to Selkie… if he wants to tell her at all.
Any bets that by the time he locates both of them, they’re strangling and/or attempting to drown each other?
Metaphorically, if not literally. Almost certainly they’ll be trying to prove who’s head of the pack.
HA! No bet! 🙂 You’re probably right.
Any bets that Felix has them both in his alien clutches, and Todd has to pick which one to save, and which to sacrifice to the alien? Because: Bug-eyed Aliens! They want our wimmin’!
Felix is an Octopus… not an alien.
…… new headcanon.
“Any bets that by the time he locates both of them, they’re strangling and/or attempting to drown each other?”
Selkie’s all “oh, no, don’t throw me in *that* briar patch!”
I got that literary reference.
Briar Patching is an awesome strategy. Though I recall thinking that getting thrown into a tangle of blackberry vines would do like the opposite of removing sticky tar from my person.
SPOILER ALERT – The tar baby was so Brer Fox and Brer Bear could catch Brer Rabbit and eat him. Being thrown in the briar patch saves him from being eaten after they clean him up.
I actually think they are either arguing about Felix or both enthralled by him. Don’t forget the De’Madeias are there with Selkie. I personally am hoping he will simply get to know her without the impulse reveal amidst all the chaos in his mind and at the scene and how he left “Miss McClellan”.
I’m not sure the fact that they are sisters has quite occurred to him yet.
Ah, nobody ever said it was easy Todd
but then again you were the last to hear so you are forgiven.
Try and break the fish-biooffspring “mobius double reacharound” gently.
I’m not sure the fact that they are sisters has quite occurred to him yet.
Really enjoying the way you’ve portrayed rage from Todd, and I’m really glad you didn’t let it get any more physical, too. I like that Andi tried to fix it immediately, that’s been consistent with most of my experiences of people saying they’re sorry to me. “Let’s forget about it!” And I’m SO glad Todd isn’t immediately going for it. Heck, I’ll be fine if he and Andi never make up. I’m just so happy Todd is having a realistic reaction and it isn’t entirely unhealthy (which kinda depends on what he says to Amanda)! Great job Dave! 🙂
Yeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh I’m personally withholding my thoughts on Todd’s handling of things until I see how he interacts with Amanda…
Meanwhile I’mma, just, uh, be in this corner, chewing my nails down to the quick…
Haha, I know, I’m so apprehensive D: Internet cookie? *offers*
*swiftly snatches cookie*
*nibbles it down*
*goes straight back to nail-nibbling*
(Fwiw I’m with you, EXCELLENT job on *realistic* human reactions Dave! Always one of the best-loved traits of your comic near-universally among us, it seems.)
I hope he pursues full custody of Amanda, which he could do. Especially with what’s just been brought to light. And especially if she really did get Amanda back in hopes of re-uniting with Todd.
I like this idea, honestly. Once Selkie & Amanda got over their hostility toward each other, they might finally realize they’re natural allies. And Amanda desperately needs a sibling that won’t put up with her craps but won’t be cruel to her, either. For an Evil Mastermind, Selkie is amazingly compassionate for her age.
Also, just realized how much this comic influences my thought processes and language use. “Craps” was purely unintentional spelling.
You have no idea how much this comic has changed the way I talk to my cat.
Selkie may be very compassionate for her age, but I don’t see this going very well for Selkie at all. From her perspective, this would be being forced to live with her longest-time *bully* all over again.
And Amanda would have to deal with her issues of jealousy etc. that surround Selkie’s existence for her.
While it would eventually be healthier for both girls to work these problems out, neither of them would feel happy or *safe* in the beginning…
TRAUMA CIRCUS TIEMS
NO. no. no… she’s NOT an Evil Mastermind… she’s a MAD SCIENTIST! Please…, get your terminology correct. 😀
Can’t she be both?
Yeah, no.
First, regardless of his qualifications, Todd is single and had to jump through a lot of hoops to get okayed for ONE adoption. A second one? Really don’t think so.
Second, Amanda’s reaction to “My biological father liked THAT FREAK more than he liked me” is going to be epic train wreck levels of horrible, and I can’t imagine her being anything other than utterly vicious and generally toxic to Selkie right until Todd loses his temper and yells at her to stop it, at which point she’ll whiplash into terrified please-don’t-abandon-me again.
That was to get a child from the state with no relation. His own child would be a custody battle/wrongful termination of parental rights lawsuit with Andi, not an adoption.
Honestly, I don’t think it’s the best for Amanda (from what *we’ve* seen), but realistically how could Todd not? Andi’s actions have been pretty extreme. It’d be one thing if she omitted Amanda’s fate and let Todd build his own conclusions. It’d still be crazy and wrong, but not on the level of there being a funeral and urn (unless *her mom* was behind it). If a friend told me he was going through what Todd was, and he asked for my advice, I’d strongly encourage him to get the kid the hell away from the other parent. How can you *trust* someone who orchestrates a lie on such a great and hurtful level? Look at all the horrors that happened to Amanda. And you have to wonder what her reaction will be if she finds out how Amanda lied. Hopefully, Todd will see how much Amanda needs to stay put and hopefully it will somehow slip out this all wasn’t completely Andi’s fault (though she totally deserves all the rage). I can’t imagine we’ve had all these little peaks at her being a halfway decent person only to find out she’s 100 times a more manipulative than we thought. I’ve yet to meet who does something so deceiving on such a grand scale (by themselves) who doesn’t do other horribly deceiving awful things—or even really get out of that “habit.” But I *can* relate to thinking “up” is “down” and ignoring a big ass elephant in the room, because your parent(s) fuck with your head. Coming to terms with oneself becoming a parent is a huge time when many of us wake up and choose to repeat history or take a different path.
I’d say the major note in Amanda staying with Andi is the abandonment trauma — ripping her away from the woman who finally came back for her would be a form of abuse all its own, even if Todd wasn’t trying to be abusive.
Dunno how much of that Todd would be aware of, or think of. But with the trauma and the girls’ relationship, I can’t see both girls under Todd’s roof being the ideal solution, not yet at any rate.
Except I don’t see Andi’s lying as an orchestrated scheme but more like one desperate misguided attempt to avoid pain after another, the lies built up and it was just easier to go along while she tried to think of a plan, then life happened and holy crap what do you mean it’s been eight years?
I know this is bad for Andi and especially Todd, but I can’t help feeling the most sorry for Selkie. Amanda here is finding and being reunited with BOTH her biological parents, and once again Selkie will be the odd one out. I mean yes, Todd loves her and chose her, but this would be a really hard pill to swallow, especially now that she’ll have to coexist more closely with a girl who is such a toxic influence on her young life.
Yeahhhh even if it ends well, I can’t see it *going* well. :/
Was he able to have that whole conversation in a public place without getting loud enough to attract attention? That’s actually kind of impressive.
My guess is that everyone else is too focused on the exhibits in the aquarium.
Can you say “nightmare face”, boys and girls? I knew you could!
If Andi has any sense at all, she will go talk to Theo and Marigold.
If at least to apologize, yeah. Not that she should use talking to them as an ulterior motive or go behind Todd’s back or anything, but she does owe them an apology too (‘course, not as big as the one she owed/owes Todd).
I’m kind of hoping that Todd goes to Lillian with this information rather than doing anything drastic here. I feel that with her impartiality to Todd and Andi and her desire to do what’s best for both children involved, that she would be the best source before confronting either Amanda or Selkie with this information.
That does sound like a super-good idea. But … he’s going to need some proof he’s related to Amanda, otherwise I’m not sure Lillian can legally discuss her with him, even if she does believe him. (Let’s face it, the scenario does sound a bit implausible.)
Very very true. Paternity tests are not difficult to obtain, however.
Todd has amazing restraint not to let language fly (at the least) or punch a hole in a wall, but I keep seeing a real accurate portrayal of rage. It actually makes me *uncomfortable* reading this one. Andi deserves every tiny bit of it, though.
Just say “hello” and leave it at that. There’s time for getting involved in Amanda’s life later—some time after the news is broken to his other daughter.
Yeah, Andi, this was pretty much the only way it was ever going to go down and you were fooling yourself to think otherwise.
Todd, please don’t do something stupid in light of this. Please, please don’t.
Yeah, start again? Are you smoking crack Andi? How could she possibly think he’s be so okay with this that he’d want to reunite with her? Talk about living in a fantasy land.
Bad motive Andi.
They’ve been loud this entire time in close proximity to where the kids are. Next page they look over and see Selkie and Amanda staring at them with their jaws dropped after hearing this entire conversation. I only say this because they’ve loudly said Amanda’s name multiple times.
While the conversation has been…intense, I don’t think it’s been loud.
Andi deserves every bit of this. Exit stage left, Andi, and please don’t come back. I’m tired of seeing you.
100% agree. Knew all along she had ulterior motives.
Andi ain’t too bright, yo.
I freaking knew it. That self absorbed sociopath! Poor guy. 🙁
I’m glad someone agrees. 😛
I’m so glad that my husband is a better man than Tod. He is there for me if something like this happens… granted, they’re not married.
Why? Did you lie about your child being alive for 8 years, after having a funeral and all? And why does that make your husband a better man because he let you get away with it?
because when I’m having a break down, he’s there for me. No matter what happened. Clearly you don’t know what it is like to have a man who can handle himself when you need him. He’ll have his turn when I’m done sobbing and talking to him about what ever it is.
Hope you find someone who actually loves you one day.
Yeah, okay, glad you and your husband have a good and mutually supportive relationship, but in interests of a more accurate metaphor, let me ask you this:
Would he do all the things you’re describing for an ex-girlfriend/boyfriend?
Because Todd and Andi broke up before this comic started. They’re not just ‘not married’, they are currently ‘not in a romantic relationship at all’. And sure, friendship between exes is a thing, but these two won’t be able to sustain a “just friends” relationship until Andi accepts that Todd isn’t interested in dating her again.
I’m glad my boyfriend is a better person than Andi. Not that this takes much at all.
HA!
…oh no. No, no no no. Danger Will Robinson!
Andi: I was pretty sure that a significant part of your motivation for adopting Amanda had to do with repairing your relationship with Todd. Given how much you wanted that, I understand that you almost literally had to ask. Todd responded in about the most predictable way imaginable. Please be willing to accept this – cry if you must – and move on. You have a daughter, and she needs a mother right now. Please don’t give up on her just because you won’t get Todd back.
Todd: Unlike us readers, you didn’t see this coming a mile (or several months) away. Your confusion, anger, and pain are real and understandable. But, the ball’s in your court now. Please try to calm down enough to do what’s best for your daughters, and that almost certainly means that you shouldn’t reveal yourself as Amanda’s father right now. Also…don’t know if you intended this, but telling Andi that you don’t know her…that almost implies starting over. You know, if we completely ignore the emotional overtones of the statement.
Amanda & Selkie: Just…keep doing what you’re doing. That octopus is pretty cool.
Readers: In response to calls demanding Andi’s resignation as a mother, character, or (fictional) human being, please remember: we learned very little about her today that we didn’t already know. We knew that she wanted to get back together with Todd, and we knew she has issues with confrontation. I don’t think that she’s being super manipulative: she didn’t orchestrate this meeting, she initially tried to run away! Also, she didn’t condemn Amanda to abuse: she gave Amanda up for adoption, almost certainly hoping sincerely that Amanda would have a better life. Despite her flaws and failures, the abuse that Amanda suffered should not be on Andi’s head. Please don’t tar-and-feather her just yet.
Dave: I love how you’ve been showing Todd’s rage by drawing uncolored and incomplete irises! Also, your comics generate lots of comments, many pertaining to what the readers hope to see or not see from the characters. Do these comments ever influence you in any way? And no, I’m not asking because I want to/have any delusions about influencing the comic.
Everyone: Sorry for the long post.
Farmer John> No worries about the long post:) Also, gotta point this out: Todd saying he doesn’t know her anymore is a kind of disowning. Like, saying “I have no son.” when someone disowns a child in television/movies? It’s like that.
I actually am aware of that…I was just joking around with the literal meaning of the statement, which ironically seemed to (somewhat) confirm rather than deny Andi’s wish, as compared with the statement’s intended meaning.
A lot of times I’ll see someone say something they hope happens, or hope DOESN’T happen, and it’s a thing that’s coming up in the story, and I chuckle to myself, “Man they are gonna love (or hate) the next few pages.”
Occasionally a reader suggestion will sound like a fun idea to incorporate. When I do that I try to ensure I directly mention that a reader gave me the idea. I’m not interested in pretending.
It wouldn’t surprise me, that after Todd reveals he is Amanda’s real father to her, she’s going to be a) MARRY MOM SO WE CAN BE A FAMILY and/or B) WELL, YOU HABE ME NOW SO YOU CAN TAKE SELKIE BACK TO THE ORPHANAGE.
Those would definitely be the most in-character reactions. That’s one of the several reasons I hope he gets a stranglehold on his temper before he gets over there.
May I just say that I don’t think Todd is going over to *actually* tell Amanda he’s her father. I think he’s going over to say hello and chat in a friendly way – even as jumbled as his emotions are right now, he’s been logical and I think he realizes that right now isn’t the best time to say “What up, I’m your dad.” That’ll come soon enough, but I think he just wants to say hi right now.
That might be the plan, but I believe it will fail.
He met her, the first time, and passed over her. She decided he was not very bright. He came back, met her again, and not only passed over her again, but adopted a fish – her worst enemy. Obviously, along with not being very bright, he’s a jerk.
So if he comes over and just tries to be polite – Hi Amanda, how you doing today? – she’s going to sass him and insult him, and generally act like Amanda acts to people she does not like.
I hope he does not say, “Hello Amanda. I’m your father. Your mother told me you were born dead, eight years ago”, but I’m pretty sure that “being nice” is not going to work.
Andi, Andi, Andi…you delusional idiot.
I hope Todd manages to get his temper together. Poor Selkie…this is going to be a repeat of Heather’s terrified “Please don’t send me back” from early on in the strip.
And when Todd realizes that his biological daughter is bullying his adopted daughter…that’s not going to go over too well either.
I think the best thing for Todd to do here is say hello to Amanda, tell her she should go talk to her Mom, and then go have a good rest of the day at aquarium. Maybe have a special treat with Selkie later to soften the blow when he tells her that he found out that Amanda is his biological daughter, but that doesn’t mean that Selkie is any less his and that he loves her no matter what. He will have to be very tactful about it so neither child ends up feeling unloved.
Unfortunately I think it is Andi’s place to tell Amanda what happened, because she is the one who made the decision to put her up for adoption.
I dunno about Todd but if someone dropped this bomb on me, I would not want to remain anywhere near this place. I would go back home and TRY to sort it all out, giving my adopted child a good excuse why we had to leave. I would not be able to remain interested in anything around me, and probably not able to hold my emotions in check.
i foresee a visit to his parents house Soon (Tm), with him storming in and grabbing the urn off the mantle and throwing it into the fireplace, with his parents freaking out about “WTF, are you DOING to Amanda’s ASHES!!! ???” then he flips out in turn, ranting and raving about all that he’s just been told… all with Selkie in earshot distance.
“I thought maybe we could…start over?”
It suddenly occurs to me that she may not be saying that she thinks she and Todd should get back together, at least not yet. It could mean that she’s simply hoping to get back on speaking terms with him, and to have him involved in his daughter’s life.
(I may well be wrong–I have been once or twice in my life, but if that is what she means, it’s a little more reasonable of a request to make.)
Sadly, I think the “putting hand on leg” thing was more of a “go back to romance” move. Though it may’ve been many levels of Starting Over.
Maybe she’ll have a chance to revisit the line sometime — start over as people, for Amanda’s best interests.
Agree with A.Beth. Hand on leg… That was the clincher.
Pointe- I’m with you, I’m still hoping she meant “be friends again” since he had been totally freezing her out. Hand on knee can still be platonic, they are sitting next to each other in those crappy chairs and he had his arms folded (although I usually take arms folded to mean “don’t touch!” but I know some people who are very sensitive to being touched) and they had been partners for what nine years? Ten? Sure Amanda is eight, but they were together for awhile before that (plus the whole nine months cooking) so they in theory should know each other very very well. Idk, maybe I have an unusually close friend group but we all hug and hang on each other and will lay a hand on the nearest part of whoever we are talking to- arm, shoulder, knee- when having a deep or meaningful conversation.
She’s shown that she deserves it. Andi disrespected his entire family,lied about Amanda being dead and went to extreme lengths to keep up the charade. Andi doesn’t deserve Todd’s friendship or forgiveness. He ain’t required to give her either.
It seems less like she wants his forgiveness and more like she wants to ease her guilt. Which is manipulative and gross.
Yeah it was obvious she was hoping to rekindle a romance – we’ve been seeing that nonstop in this comic since the phone call near the start. I don’t agree with most of the people who think that “getting Todd” was the reason she went back for Amanda. She made it pretty clear that she thought Amanda would get a better life, and was horrified when she found out the opposite had happened. I don’t think she would have gone back to the orphanage if Todd had not adopted Selkie. However, if she had known what Amanda had gone through, I think she would have shown up there sooner.
Andi, Andi, Andi. Attempting to flirt at a time like this? Not a good idea. That’s the only way I can really interpret the hand on the knee along with the “start over” statement. You many not mean it, but it’s sure how you’re coming across.
I think it’s going to be a very, very good thing the Di’Medeas are here. Adults with the group who are already aware Todd’s upset about SOMEthing are in a good position to mitigate any damage that’s going to be done.
She did not put her hand on his knee. It was a spot between knee and inner thigh/crotch. Not a gesture someone uses to show compassion. I took it to mean something completely different and “romantic”.
Todd is handling this pretty well, actually. From anger right to acceptance. Andi seems stuck on denial/bargaining.
Todd is generally a level-headed, thoughtful person who has been raised well. If he has time to think this through before he acts irreversibly, Andi will become less of a demon and more human to him. He has the capacity to act correctly.
He wants to talk. Probably just standard stuff about the octopus.
I’d like to see Todd stalk angrily up to Selkie and Amanda, and immediately realize that it’s not as easy as he’d expected.
And then walk back to Andi and try to work things out.
He said he wanted to talk to her. Not tell her the truth.
First time poster here. Sorry if this is a little bit long, so I’m going to split this into two parts. Starting with the easy stuff: the smart thing for Todd to do at this point is to just say something like “Hi Amanda, it was very nice to meet you”, retrieve Selkie and get out of there. Talk to his parents. Talk to MINA, who knows what it’s like to lose a kid to unfair circumstances (if I remember correctly). But seriously, he needs to be someplace else PDQ. Now is not the time to drop the “I’m your Dad” bomb. First regroup. Consult with allies. Then tackle this situation with a somewhat clearer head.
I agree with those above who say that yes: when she finds out, Amanda is likely going to say something like “Wow, you should marry my mom, and then you can send Fish-face back to the orphanage because I’m your real kid and you don’t need her!”. Amanda will be hurt, badly, by the revelation that Selkie’s adopted dad is her biological dad, etc. But we have all seen that Amanda’s response to being hurt is always to lash out, not unlike a wounded animal. Don’t get me wrong, she is all the more tragic for the pain she suffers, and yes, she is still deserving of love, and support and sympathy. Absolutely. Unquestionably. That’s the only way she will ever get better. But that tendency to lash out makes her dangerous, physically and emotionally, and that needs to be taken into account when uncomfortable-revelation-time comes. She needs boundaries and discipline as well as love. Amanda should not be told the truth until her behaviour shows significant and sustained improvement. To do otherwise would harm not just her, but everyone around her, especially Selkie.
I think Selkie could and probably should be told the truth (by Todd+grandparents of course) before Amanda; so that she has time to reaffirm her knowledge that her father loves her, and will always be there for her, no matter what. This may take time for her to absorb and deal with. More importantly, she needs to do that so that when Amanda is told, she’s ready for the backlash. That backlash is probably inevitable. Selkie can only be prepared to face it.
Ideally, Todd/Andi should probably wait to tell the kids until they’re both a little older, especially Amanda.
Ok, here’s the harsh part. Andi is a profoundly selfish person. Look at Todd in those first two panels. Hands over his face, being torn apart by rage and pain, and possibly even some (misplaced) guilt. Unable to deal with the crap-storm of emotions he’s being assailed by. And there’s Andi, talking about how hard this is for HER, then making the most absurdly tactless segue ever: But it’s all out in the open now (no big deal), so let’s start over? That’s an incredibly crass, insensitive move, even if there’s zero romantic intention there. Which, let’s not kid here, there isn’t.
I don’t really think Andi cares about Todd at all. She says she does; she probably believes she does. But she doesn’t. Her actions simply don’t support that hypothesis. From the moment she was introduced, she has ruthlessly pursued her own desires, regardless of the feelings of others. What she wants, is to get Todd back, regardless of what he wants. From message-spamming Todd when he clearly wants distance, to abandoning her daughter in a crowd to avoid him, to right now, ignoring obvious Todd’s distress to blab about what she wants for them. And the big one: adopting the child she gave up for dead, was done with the end goal of getting Todd back. If she and Todd had never broken up, would she have given Amanda a second thought? Maybe, but I doubt it. Andi takes care of Andi. First, last, always. And yet, I don’t quite think she’s a sociopath. If she were, she wouldn’t feel guilty enough about what she did to apologize at all. She’s just selfish, and exercises consistently poor judgment.
Todd can’t afford to trust her again. And I think them getting back together is impossible now, she’s too toxic an influence on his life. Maybe in time he can forgive her. That alone would take an exceptionally forgiving person. But trust? Not if he’s smart. Remember Todd has Selkie to look out for now. Do you think step-mom Andi would be a positive influence on Selkie? Moral cowards don’t make good parents. I fear for Amanda as it is. As much as I’d like to see Todd burn that bridge behind him and never look back, Amanda needs him too, and if Todd wants contact with his biological daughter, it means some level of contact with Andi as well, and he needs to be very wary about that.
Todd and Andi didn’t just break up because of the Great Lie. They fought all the time. This relationship wasn’t working anymore, for other reasons. Andi just doesn’t want to let go. https://selkiecomic.com/comic/selkie162/
So sorry for the long post. That was like, six months’ worth of comment from me. Thanks for your indulgence. And thanks Dave for writing such a great comic! The depth of thought and feeling in the comments from everyone, every week is a testament to how much your work means to us.
I’m almost afraid to skim the comments. How many of them are whining about how Todd is obviously a misogynist for having any problem with any of this at all?
It’s strongly anti-Andi with a healthy dose of devils advocacy underneath