On the flip side of that, she’s not throwing fists and she is actively trying to calm down. She made a comment (the humming is annoying to her). Selkie took offense to that and then both girls doubled down. Not seeing how she’s entirely at fault here.
Yeah, like… the fact that Amanda hasn’t reacted with a physical outburst is something that should be commended. They can talk through this once everyone has cooled their respective jets.
Amanda’s allowed to be annoyed by the humming just as much as Selkie’s allowed to take offense at how she worded it. It’s up to their parents to discuss with them how to approach this in the future so that both parties don’t 1) have a misunderstanding; and 2) don’t react in the typical ways they have in the past (violence, anger).
Amanda has grown a LOT and her ability to self-regulate/turn to counting instead of fists does deserve to be commended.
Basically. Saying this is all Amanda’s fault is not correct. Did she start it? Absolutely. Did Selkie make it worse? Most definitely. My hope is Todd talks to her about how she needs to stop finding everything so offensive, that every comment is an insult.
Amanda is trying her best, she hasn’t been working on her anger that long, and the fact that she is still trying is impressive. It’s hard to remember that this has only been a few months in progress, not years, due to comic time.
I disagree. Her inability to not take verbal shots at Selkie continues. Is she allowed to be annoyed? Sure. Does she have to say that when Selkie is talking happily about her Echo stuff? No. I have lived through this kind of verbal abuse from my sister. It hurts every bit as much as a punch.
Look at the comic where the fight started. Amanda literally take a happy moment where Selkie is sharing about herself and Grandpa is praising her and makes Selkie out to be gross and annoying. She can’t let her have a good moment. Her being “better” at not hitting when she has caused a problem is not addressing her underlying need to say mean things under the guise of “it’s my opinion” and make sure other people don’t get to have attention. It’s still unaddressed, and it’s wrong. (And very true to life, sadly so bravo Dave)
I’m having a hard time seeing Amanda as the unreasonable instigator here. But maybe that’s because I’m quite sensitive to background noise and hums and such, often ones that other people ignore or can’t even perceive. (I’m also sensitive to the flicker of old-style fluorescent lights.)
Selkie has been using a particular behavior that she thinks is no big deal, that is annoying to other people, but apparently no one has ever mentioned that to her before. She has incorrectly assumed that criticism of the behavior is criticism of the self (“that hum is annoying” is not the same as “you, by nature, are annoying”). The behavior can be corrected, or can be indulged in when it’s not going to annoy other people, or can be used only around Sarnothi who might see it as a positive instead of a negative.
Clearly, Amanda could have phrased it in a more diplomatic way, but, again, she’s a kid. And it was done in the midst of a time when the girls were interacting pretty positively, with Amanda even being a bit supportive. To me, that feels like a time when you lower your guard a bit and admit to feelings and opinions that you usually stay mum about. And if Selkie hasn’t before heard that her hum is annoying, but Amanda has been annoyed by it for a long time, clearly Amanda has been staying mum about it.
“Oh, phew, things are going to change for the better and get rid of that thing that’s annoyed me for a long time” is an understandable reaction to that kind of moment, and I don’t see it as unreasonable.
I disagree. Selkie’s not wrong to experience emotions related to being emotionally abused and to express those emotions, or to call out Amanda abusing her. Selkie’s well within her rights to do both things.
Baby steps. They’re both pre-teens, and Amanda has a LONG history of behavioral issues in regards to her temper and physically lashing out – this is genuinely commendable.
The core philosiphy of positive reinforcement is rewarding behavior you want to see continued and exagerated. Amanda controlled her temper and counted to calm down, that gets rewarded. If you think “Oh but she did all of x and deserves nothing” then you have never worked with a child with special needs.
Or to exagerate your claim for comedy, “Amanda isn’t Mother Teresa, so nothing she does is worthwhile.”
I think Amanda’s come a long way already with her temper control, and changing your way of thinking comes with little steps.
She might have been frustrated there, but she did a good job of managing what used to be an explosive temper. I think she’s actually keeping a relatively level head even when Selkie’s ignoring her opinion, which is hard at any age!
I have three daughters, two of whom came to our house from an abusive situation. Of those two, one has violent coping mechanisms and neither one of them can interact for long without issues. As in, we can’t leave them in the same room without direct parental oversight. If I had seen what just happened between Amanda and Selkie, I’d be throwing a part of joy (internally) for the amount of self-control and use of non-violent coping mechanisms Amanda just showed.
I might honestly throw an *actual* party. She got angry and yes, the initial issue was her fault, but that’s not the point at the moment. She had an emotional anger trigger and instead of indulging in her violent coping mechanism, she *reached for her healthy coping mechanism and used that instead*. That can take *years* of reinforcement before you see an adult, let alone a *child* do that successfully.
While her picking at Selkie needs to be addressed, *but* Amanda just showed a major self-control milestone. That should be externally reinforced by caregivers praising the child or even rewarding them in some tangible manner. You want that to sink in just as far as it can go. Well done Amanda! (And, of course, great storytelling, Dave!)
From what I can tell in the comments, this is another situation where “becoming a better person” is actually treated realistically.
It’s all baby steps folks. Expecting anyone to instantly stop every single aspect of a bad behavior or mindset once it’s pointed out is naive, foolish, and should only be reserved for children’s cartoon shows. Real people do *not* work like that.
Personal growth, real meaningful growth, is slow and painful and every inch counts. So every step towards Amanda not being a complete angsty brat should be acknowledged and appreciated. Good on Andi for realizing this.
Yea this one’s on Selkie imo. She has a thing where she’ll freak out if anyone calls her out on her crap like being annoying, the drama queen thing etc when she has been all those things.
Oh good, cookies for making a rude comment, starting a fight, and continuing to pick at Selkie after they left the room. Yeah, good job. Gross.
On the flip side of that, she’s not throwing fists and she is actively trying to calm down. She made a comment (the humming is annoying to her). Selkie took offense to that and then both girls doubled down. Not seeing how she’s entirely at fault here.
Yeah, like… the fact that Amanda hasn’t reacted with a physical outburst is something that should be commended. They can talk through this once everyone has cooled their respective jets.
Amanda’s allowed to be annoyed by the humming just as much as Selkie’s allowed to take offense at how she worded it. It’s up to their parents to discuss with them how to approach this in the future so that both parties don’t 1) have a misunderstanding; and 2) don’t react in the typical ways they have in the past (violence, anger).
Amanda has grown a LOT and her ability to self-regulate/turn to counting instead of fists does deserve to be commended.
Basically. Saying this is all Amanda’s fault is not correct. Did she start it? Absolutely. Did Selkie make it worse? Most definitely. My hope is Todd talks to her about how she needs to stop finding everything so offensive, that every comment is an insult.
Amanda is trying her best, she hasn’t been working on her anger that long, and the fact that she is still trying is impressive. It’s hard to remember that this has only been a few months in progress, not years, due to comic time.
I disagree. Her inability to not take verbal shots at Selkie continues. Is she allowed to be annoyed? Sure. Does she have to say that when Selkie is talking happily about her Echo stuff? No. I have lived through this kind of verbal abuse from my sister. It hurts every bit as much as a punch.
Look at the comic where the fight started. Amanda literally take a happy moment where Selkie is sharing about herself and Grandpa is praising her and makes Selkie out to be gross and annoying. She can’t let her have a good moment. Her being “better” at not hitting when she has caused a problem is not addressing her underlying need to say mean things under the guise of “it’s my opinion” and make sure other people don’t get to have attention. It’s still unaddressed, and it’s wrong. (And very true to life, sadly so bravo Dave)
You’re not taking into the account that Selkie keeps pushing back just as much. I never said Amanda did nothing wrong, but Selkie is just as wrong.
I’m having a hard time seeing Amanda as the unreasonable instigator here. But maybe that’s because I’m quite sensitive to background noise and hums and such, often ones that other people ignore or can’t even perceive. (I’m also sensitive to the flicker of old-style fluorescent lights.)
Selkie has been using a particular behavior that she thinks is no big deal, that is annoying to other people, but apparently no one has ever mentioned that to her before. She has incorrectly assumed that criticism of the behavior is criticism of the self (“that hum is annoying” is not the same as “you, by nature, are annoying”). The behavior can be corrected, or can be indulged in when it’s not going to annoy other people, or can be used only around Sarnothi who might see it as a positive instead of a negative.
Clearly, Amanda could have phrased it in a more diplomatic way, but, again, she’s a kid. And it was done in the midst of a time when the girls were interacting pretty positively, with Amanda even being a bit supportive. To me, that feels like a time when you lower your guard a bit and admit to feelings and opinions that you usually stay mum about. And if Selkie hasn’t before heard that her hum is annoying, but Amanda has been annoyed by it for a long time, clearly Amanda has been staying mum about it.
“Oh, phew, things are going to change for the better and get rid of that thing that’s annoyed me for a long time” is an understandable reaction to that kind of moment, and I don’t see it as unreasonable.
I disagree. Selkie’s not wrong to experience emotions related to being emotionally abused and to express those emotions, or to call out Amanda abusing her. Selkie’s well within her rights to do both things.
Baby steps. They’re both pre-teens, and Amanda has a LONG history of behavioral issues in regards to her temper and physically lashing out – this is genuinely commendable.
The core philosiphy of positive reinforcement is rewarding behavior you want to see continued and exagerated. Amanda controlled her temper and counted to calm down, that gets rewarded. If you think “Oh but she did all of x and deserves nothing” then you have never worked with a child with special needs.
Or to exagerate your claim for comedy, “Amanda isn’t Mother Teresa, so nothing she does is worthwhile.”
I think Amanda’s come a long way already with her temper control, and changing your way of thinking comes with little steps.
She might have been frustrated there, but she did a good job of managing what used to be an explosive temper. I think she’s actually keeping a relatively level head even when Selkie’s ignoring her opinion, which is hard at any age!
Good work on showing Amanda’s progression!
I have three daughters, two of whom came to our house from an abusive situation. Of those two, one has violent coping mechanisms and neither one of them can interact for long without issues. As in, we can’t leave them in the same room without direct parental oversight. If I had seen what just happened between Amanda and Selkie, I’d be throwing a part of joy (internally) for the amount of self-control and use of non-violent coping mechanisms Amanda just showed.
I might honestly throw an *actual* party. She got angry and yes, the initial issue was her fault, but that’s not the point at the moment. She had an emotional anger trigger and instead of indulging in her violent coping mechanism, she *reached for her healthy coping mechanism and used that instead*. That can take *years* of reinforcement before you see an adult, let alone a *child* do that successfully.
While her picking at Selkie needs to be addressed, *but* Amanda just showed a major self-control milestone. That should be externally reinforced by caregivers praising the child or even rewarding them in some tangible manner. You want that to sink in just as far as it can go. Well done Amanda! (And, of course, great storytelling, Dave!)
From what I can tell in the comments, this is another situation where “becoming a better person” is actually treated realistically.
It’s all baby steps folks. Expecting anyone to instantly stop every single aspect of a bad behavior or mindset once it’s pointed out is naive, foolish, and should only be reserved for children’s cartoon shows. Real people do *not* work like that.
Personal growth, real meaningful growth, is slow and painful and every inch counts. So every step towards Amanda not being a complete angsty brat should be acknowledged and appreciated. Good on Andi for realizing this.
Hey, she’s using the term “freaking” from my childhood!
Yea this one’s on Selkie imo. She has a thing where she’ll freak out if anyone calls her out on her crap like being annoying, the drama queen thing etc when she has been all those things.