Aww Andi, lookit you, being a good parent and sensible adult. Proud of you. She knows that doing this over the phone or aline is a no go. She also knows even if Amanda can be a brat and has anger issues, she still needs love and attention.
Good on ya! Not to mention it clued Todd in to spend some quality time with Selkie. Bonus points~!
I didn’t see it that way, I think she just realized it would be better for both parents to discipline her. Whether or not the parents are married/in a relationship, they need to parent together and present themselves as a united front for the child to be able to benefit. If one parent says, “Oh, you broke my $100 vase? Don’t worry about it darling, as long as you’re not hurt.” And then they go and break their other parent’s $100 vase and the other one says, “I know this was an accident but you should be more careful! (then gives them a light punishment)” And their contrasting parenting/disciplining ways confuse them and they don’t know if what they did was really bad even if they didn’t do it on purpose, making them think that it was their fault it happened. Even the best of parents can screw up things like that, especially if the child is shared between two homes.
That’s just a simple example, mind you. Merely hypothetical.
It’s good that they’re parenting her together so when she goes back to one of them crying that “I got grounded for a stupid reason” and one of them calls the other and asks why the hell their child came home in tears about being grounded for ‘no reason’, this way they both get a word in on what to do and how to handle the situation. Besides, if it isn’t addressed then she’ll continue to do it while at one house or behind their backs and pretend she’s done nothing wrong no matter what they’ve seen or heard her do or say.
Hope this makes sense, I’m very half-asleep right now… ^^”’
I just feel Andi has been too passive on this front and mostly just let Todd do the parenting. Like sure it’s alright for them to meet and have a talk about things later but Andi too needs to put her foot down and tell Amanda her behavior is not acceptable. Otherwise Amanda might get the idea that it’s just Todd who’s the “bad guy”.
That’s also another aspect of this, having all four of them together might give Amanda the impression that she’s being ganged up on.
Todd taking part is very important. If he’s going to take his place as her father he has to take part in her punishment. It creates solidarity, which is what Amanda needs to erode her trust issues. Do I think Andi and Todd should pursue anything more? No, but they need to work together on this issue.
Regardless of Todd, Andi is a single mom, Amanda’s primary custodian and they share a household while Todd doesn’t. She won’t always have Todd there to help her out so she does need to learn dealing with things by herself too and not always rely on both of them handling everything, I think.
I think in this case though, there is a REQUIREMENT that they work together on this, for a few reasons:
1. This issue does involve Amanda’s treatment of Selkie, which means that both girls and parents should probably be there to hash it out.
2. Even if Andi is a “single mom,” Amanda IS STILL Todd’s daughter as much as Selkie is, and if Todd wants any sort of place in her life, he best address the issues now.
3. The family made a good point early on that there that if anything happened to Andi, rather than having Amanda go back to the orphanage, it may be best for her to stay with Todd and Selkie. If they co-parent now, it smooths over any upsets now, and there won’t be a fight if Amanda may have to live with Todd for a while (or even permanently).
We don’t even know if Andi is gonna say something to her. It’s been one strip. She very well may say something in the next strip. Also, she can’t punish Amanda for hearsay. Todd was very vague and never actually saw Amanda do anything. Andi coming down on Amanda for something that may or may not have happened in the past while she wasn’t present is bad parenting. She’s clearly annoyed with Amanda and aware of her behavior, especially her behavior towards Selkie. I imagine she’s going to have a very stern talk with her letting her know that if she catches her in the act or Todd catches her, that Amanda will suffer the consequences of her actions. As it is now, Andi knows BOTH girls can’t stand each other and she very well may think Selkie is lying simply to get Amanda in trouble. She doesn’t know Selkie well enough yet to judge what she will or will not do.
Besides that, it seems very much like a real possibility for Selkie to lie about Amanda in the future because she’s aware that all of the adults instantly blame Amanda. Selkie is just as capable as Amanda to be a calculating bully. We know she hasn’t lied at this current juncture in time, but it’s not out of the realm of possibilities in the future.
Andi did VERY well. Especially in saying EVERYONE, including Selkie, should be present and in person during this talk. She didn’t exclude anyone, nor did she give anyone else anymore power over anybody else. Andi knows what she’s doing here. It has nothing to do with her wanting Todd to parent solely. She wants Todd involved, because he should be. This concerns BOTH his daughters, while Selkie is unrelated to Andi entirely. Andi can’t do anything when it comes to Selkie. Maybe later on she can, but as of right now? She knows literally nothing of Selkie aside from that her and Amanda hate each other.
…I’m…puzzled as to your comments I’ve read over time about Selkie – spiteful and vindictive you called her at one point, and now you say that she’s just as capable as Amanda to be a calculating bully. Where exactly are you getting this from?
Well, the thing with Amanda is, everyone knows she has behavioral problems. She’s been in fights, she’s bullied people. Everyone is aware of it.
So, while Andi can’t go on hearsay, it wouldn’t be a massive leap of faith to just assume Amanda is being her same crappy self.
Granted Selkie has lashed out in the past, but it has almost always been when someone has been the aggressor. Selkie has shown NO tendencies for bullying, I think suggesting she could in the future is a far reach.
Frankly, besides her little outbursts once and awhile, like having to go to school after hours, or at the cafe, Selkie has been a pretty good kid. Far too good if you ask me.
Like I said Mikael, there is an underlying problem with Amanda and trust issues. If that get’s taken care of I am very sure her issues will fade away slowly, but surely. And that can only happen with both parents since she knows now both biological parents. Yes, Andi needs to learn to do more things on her own but at the same token it is a tag team job in many cases.
yep, it’s kinda easy to remember too… Port, Left, Red, (4 letters, 4 letters and 3 letters)and then Starboard, Right, Green (9 letters,5 letters, and 5 letters) the part to remember is that the words with more letters are together, and the shorter words are together for the opposite..
Based on the comic still being set in winter, and vague memory of an upcoming ‘Christmas storyline’ being mentioned at some point, I’m 90% sure red and green were chosen to reflect that holiday. (Just because Andi’s a modern artist doesn’t mean she won’t appreciate and use traditional seasonal colours.)
Perhaps they’re meant to be harbor lights she’s aiming herself through on her way “home”…in that case, “Red Right Returning” would apply and the colors would be correct. 😀
Pretty sure it’s just fun hair colors but hey, I like ascribing silly “logic” to random things so…why not?
I think Dave is from the Mid-West, and while HE has both oars in the water, he doesn’t know what having only one oar in the water means, because: no sailing/merchant marine culture. Red-right-returning is not a thing out there. It’s frustrating sometimes, when you gotta remember; landlubbers.
I am also from the midwest, Iowa, actually but you’re probably right. I know the rule because my mom is from Maryland and bought a little sailboat when she had the opportunity. She tried to get my sister and I interested in sailing. It didn’t really stick (I get seasick on lakes while inside the cabin, pathetic.) but I do remember the rules.
I am from Milwaukee. The Midwest is rife with sailing, especially Wisconsin and Minnesota because of our large freshwater lakes. I have boated and sailed my entire life. In addition there are iron ore boats on the Great Lakes at all times. I had to laugh at the running lights comment.
Yea, this. I think Selkie’s presence will just make Amanda more hostile and antagonistic from the get go than if it was just her and Andi having a heart to heart about it first.
The original bridge was burned but they still need to cross the river, so they’re going to have to build a new one. Or, to speak plainly: while, yes, it’s very unlikely there’ll be any renewed romantic attachment, Amanda absolutely needs her two parents to be on the same page about her behaviour.
I don’t think this is a terrible idea at all. Perhaps Andi will ask some questions beforehand, but whether she does or not, a frank discussion with all four present might be the best way to bring out some of the deep misconceptions that are driving Amanda’s resentment.
Of course, we must always remember that this is a story. Just sitting around a table talking isn’t very dramatic. I’m betting that Lina, below, is right, and something’s gonna happen before that planned meeting.
Also — “a stern talking to”? Really? How can anyone think that a stern talking to will fix anything?
Amanda needs a reason to stop picking on Selkie. A scolding isn’t a reason, it’s just more of the same disapproval she’s been running into her whole life long. Her self-image is that she’s the bad kid, so why shouldn’t she be as bad as everyone expects her to be?
This is true. Andi can talk to Amanda until she’s blue in the face to not pick on Selkie, but until she gives her a reason not to, Amanda will continue to do this. Until Amanda talks about her past and why she dislikes Selkie, nothing will be done. The problem is, no one has asked Amanda anything, they’ve just told her what they think she should do.
You don’t get answers by telling, you get answers by asking. I’m still disturbed as to WHY not a SINGLE adult in her life has ASKED her about the abuse she suffered in her previous home. I know they’re all damn well aware of it. Stop avoiding the subject and come to terms with it already holy crap.
The problem is that Selkie already knows the basics of Amanda’s problem with her.
She just doesn’t care. This isn’t because she’s mean or heartless; she has absolutely no obligation or duty to feel sympathetic towards her abuser, and it’s perfectly reasonable for her to just want Amanda gone — or at least, out of her life and no longer in a position to keep hurting her.
That’s what matters to Selkie. And for Todd to ask her to keep interacting with her abuser while the adults try to figure out what’s wrong with Amanda is highly unfair to her.
Todd, if you’ve any sense at all, make sure your parents can pick up Selkie for a day while you and Andi have that chat with Amanda.
I disagree. The truth of what Amanda has been feeling is much more likely to come out if both kids are present.
As you say, Selkie already knows why Amanda has a problem with her. She’s quite likely to say something like, “Heys, it’s nots fairs to blames me. It’s nots mys faults. I didn’ts makes everyones ignores you when you cames back from the Sandersons. I didn’ts even knows until Heather tolds me.”
Neither Todd nor Andi has this information. The only other way they can ever find out is if Amanda opens up enough to tell them. That’s not likely to be for a while — they’re not even asking.
But the problem with that line of thought is Amanda will always be in Todd’s life now unless Amanda decides she wants nothing to do with Todd. Which, in turn, means she’s part of Selkie’s life, whether she likes it or not. Selkie doesn’t want Amanda gone simply because Amanda picks on her, Selkie is selfish and doesn’t want to share Todd at all. I think she’d feel similar towards any potential girlfriend Todd had. She’d feel threatened and jealous by the competition. Todd needs to nip that in the bud and teach Selkie he is a person, not an object, and that he doesn’t belong solely to her.
Besides that, Selkie only knows what Heather told her. I think if her and Amanda had a talk, a real talk, a talk where each girl is allowed to express their emotions, would help. Let them get angry, let them call each other names, let them say they hate each other, let them vent. I think they will both have a better understanding of they’re not forced to talk the way the adults want AND it’ll be enlightening for the adults as well.
Also, if Todd forces Selkie to ‘go away’ each time he spends time with Amanda, she’s going to feel neglected and secondary. So that’s a terrible idea.
Also, also, everyone who’s ever been bullied is projecting hard onto Selkie on what she should do. Are you Selkie? Do you know what she wants? No. She may feel completely different than ANY of us are saying.
Sorry but I disagree with this. Selkie wants AMANDA gone, not some random sibling. I’d bet if Selkie found out she had a sister who wasn’t the person who had been torturing and abusing her for years she’d be much more happy about it and willing to share Todd’s attention. It hurts her because the person who is, in her view, taking Todd away from her, is the person who has made her life a living hell for so long, this is just the latest in a LONG line of such incidents in Selkies mind.
Selkie is part of Todd’s life, too. Legally speaking, she’s his daughter; Amanda is just his biological child that was given up for adoption (never mind that he never had a say in that part).
It is manifestly and grossly unfair to tell Selkie “Yeah, the person who has abused you for years is now going to be a permanent part of your life, whether you like it or not, and you’re just going to have to deal with it and hope we can find a way to make her be nice to you.”
Helping Amanda get over her own abuse trauma? That’s certainly a laudable goal. But that’s going to be primarily Andi’s job and responsibility. For Selkie’s sake, he’s going to have to put his foot down and make it clear that until and unless Amanda can learn how to stop being a horrid abusive little witch to his daughter, it’s probably best for all concerned if she doesn’t come over any more.
She’s an injured eight year old — injured by years of horrible abuse, rejection, and isolation.
You can’t fix unfairness to one kid by being cruel to another. Todd isn’t going to try to offload all the responsibility for helping her to Andi; that would never work. It would be horribly hurtful. Amanda already knows he’s her father. Having her father say, “You’re not good enough. I don’t want you around until you can meet my standards!” …
No. No way. Todd isn’t the kind of person to do that to a child.
Is he going to demand different behavior towards Selkie? Absolutely!
Is Selkie going to get a life without Amanda in it? Nope. Not gonna happen. Is that unfair to Selkie? A bit, but not overridingly so. Not enough to justify pushing Amanda away. Selkie can, will — and must — adapt to having a sister who used to be her enemy.
Eight year olds aren’t set in stone. They’re still growing and learning. Both of the girls will change.
Thank you. Apparently you’re one of the few sensible people who understands Amanda is a child and as much as Selkie hates it and it is a litter unfair for her, she’s now part of her life. An 8 year old doesn’t get to say who can be part of her shared father’s life.
Other things you don’t do to an eight year old abuse victim:
Require them to spend time with their abuser, because you think it may help the abuser recover from their trauma, and you believe “healing” the abuser is more important than protecting the victim.
No. It’s not. Amanda has a different thought process than most people because of HER ABUSE. Which, might I add, was pretty freaking terrible and much worse than what she’s ever done to Selkie. Now, who’s abuse is more important or worse isn’t the issue at hand here, but I just feel like people forget that Amanda was physically, emotionally and mentally abused for an undisclosed amount of time by people she loved and trusted and thought loved her back. Let’s not forget that she continued to suffer neglect and emotional abuse upon being returned to the orphanage.
She’s built up a wall around herself because she feels like everyone is out to get her. She’s also deluded herself into believing it’s Selkie’s fault and no one has ever given her any reason to think otherwise. In her mind, Selkie is out to ger HER and she’s just defending herself from a monster who’s taken away everything from her.
She’s friggin’ 9. Her thoughts and views on the world are skewed because she’s never been properly taught to think otherwise. She perceives things differently because she thinks she’s utterly alone and everyone she loves will desert her or that they secretly hate her.
At least, that’s what I think she thinks. I could be very wrong, but I’d like to think I’m in the ballpark.
But here, let’s put this in perspective.
Returned by abusive pricks. Selkie gets all the attention. Inadvertently Selkie’s fault.
Amanda gets passed over by people. Selkie gets adopted. Inadvertently Selkie’s fault.
Heather and Amanda have a falling out. Heather spills the beans to Selkie. Becomes friends with Selkie. Selkie ‘steals’ Amanda’s friend and knows a dark secret about her.
Snowball fight. Selkie gets hurt. Adults blame the non-orphans Giselle corners Amanda in the bathroom and states the orphans framed them. Amanda gets tormented by Giselle. Selkie inadvertently causes this because she freaked Truck out.
Todd is Amanda’s dad. Todd adopted Selkie because Amanda didn’t look like she needed a parent. Inadvertently Selkie stole her father.
Todd AND Andi are aware of their fights. Amanda might get in trouble because Selkie ‘told on her’ which again, is Selkie’s fault.
To Amanda, Selkie is the enemy and is doing things to make her miserable. She needs to blame somebody. She can’t vent or talk to anyone, she’s learned that the adults ignore her so she took it out on Selkie. Until the adults talk to Amanda and explain to her that none of what happened was Selkie being malicious, but rather she just happened to come upon these incidents at exactly the wrong time for Amanda, she will continue to blame Selkie. Telling her to just stop, because Amanda is bad and Selkie is good is just going to justify her actions even more in her mind.
Also, I can’t decide if having all four of them together will be good or terrible. I think it go go either way, so here’s hoping for the best. *crosses fingers*
Well, either Amanda manages to provoke Selkie into an outburst so that Amanda looks like the reasonable one and it appears to Todd and Andi that Selkie might have been maligning Amanda.
Or Selkie manages to restrain herself, while Amanda´s behavior makes it abundantly clear which of the two girls has been poisoning the relationship between the two of them.
I´m betting on the second one. Or hoping for it, at least. I´m sick of Selkie being told she should just try to get along with Amanda.
Good nigh’. I can’t help but notice the 180 degree turn of opinions here. The last two pages readers were bemoaning that Todd discussing Amanda over the phone was a terrible parenting decision and doing it face to face would be better. now it seems that readers are arguing against the in person discussion. That’s parenting critique for you I guess.
Hey, I was pretty silent, except for my stance on how to help Amanda the most. I don’t care if Todd and Andi plan on getting together over the phone or in person. I just care about how they tear down the wall Amanda put up with good reason on her part.
It’s pretty hard to know how to help someone, especially a kid who doesn’t won’t open up to be helped or in some cases has no desire to be helped. As far as Amanda is concerned, she’s fine; it’s everyone else who needs to stop being idiots and conform to how she wants them to be. And it is extremely hard to break that wall down when the person is misdirecting your help to something or someone else. The people helping can’t know they assistance is being misguided and cannot and will never break through unless the person wants to be helped. Both Todd and Andi are making their best efforts based on what they actually know and from whatever info, relevant or otherwise, Amanda has given.
Forgive me if I was overly aggressive in this reply. I do not mean to be irritable towards anyone. My writing often comes off as blunt and aggressive so please do not take my ‘tone’ personally.
Point taken, you can’t control the tone you project when you’re writing. No one can, and I don’t feel it is all that aggressive so no worries.
Yeah, she is not aware of the wall and she certainly can’t figure out how to communicate it even if she did. But if they can read her right (not so much Todd, he sucks at reading people, so here’s hoping Andi actually can.) then they can see it for themselves and conquer it. To use Lilian’s words, she’s not a bad kid, she’s just making bad life choices.
Looking at Amanda’s expression on this and the previous page, I see a blow up on the way. The reasoning might go something like this: Why should she be nice to Selkie? Selkie still stole her daddy. Amanda doesn’t need Todd. She has Andi, who came looking for her.
Amanda doesn’t have to get along with Selkie if she doesn’t want to, because she doesn’t live with Todd and Selkie. Why should Amanda do what he says? Todd was the one who picked Selkie over her. Todd was the one who didn’t see the resemblance. Todd’s the one who wants to spend time with her, so he’s the one who should be making nice.
I think there is a lot of sense in this. So long as Todd wants Amanda in his life, Selkie has no choice, he has to devote some of his attention to each girl, Amanda doesn’t have to share Andi with anyone, she can dig in and make life difficult to Todd. Worst case for her is she still has her own house and her own mom. Now maybe she wants Todd as a dad enough to try and change her behavior, but she doesn’t HAVE to. But Selkie has pretty much no choice in any of this, she gets whatever happens and has to deal with it.
I do feel sympathy for Todd, he’s been put in a challenging situation without any choice really, but I still am disappointed with his handling of it up til this point. I’m somewhat pessimistic about what will happen next, but we’ll see I guess.
Telling kids who don’t get along with each other to get along with each other is like telling them to do their homework—either they do or they don’t, and there is no inbetween.
Dammit can Todd just go off, hang out with the daughter he has, and keep assuming Amanda’s dead? She may as well be a totally different human being with how long it has been. He’s doing this out of a weird sense of biological obligation, and really, he picked Selkie. Just go and raise her well. Let Andi handle Amanda.
Recap: Todd always wanted Amanda from the very beginning. He thought she died. He picked Selkie. Then he found out Amanda was alive. Now he has two daughters.
There’s nothing in the least weird about being able to love more than one child. The vast majority of parents manage it!
He’s right though, Todd only cares about Amanda because she is biologically his, if Andi had adopted another kid that’s not related to him he wouldn’t care about either.
Not blaming him as most people would react this way, that “weird sense of biological obligation” is rooted pretty deep in our genes I imagine.
True, but now that he knows she is his he can’t just turn away no matter what. That “weird sense of biological obligation” and all. We keep using this phrase it’s going to look weird.
Yes, she is completely different from how he pictured she would be, but remember, he also picked Selkie because he could see the pain she was going through in himself. He finds out in full what Amanda went through, he’s going to see his pain in her and relate to her. And there it goes from obligation to need. A need to help her through this.
But what do you think would happen if it turned out Andi cheated (just hypothetically, I don’t actually think she did) on him and she’s not his after all?
Honestly, I think he’d still love Amanda as much… He loves Selkie even though she’s not her kid. As angry as he got at Andi for hiding Amanda for 8 years, he never blamed Amanda for it. And again, he saw himself in Amanda on page 712.
He adopted Selkie because he saw himself in her too. So yeah, I totally think he’d keep Amanda anyway. Especially now!
He’s just as much obligated to Amanda as he is Selkie. Not because of some weird biological bullshit, but because he WANTS to. Once he became aware of what Amanda went through, the same sort of thing he went through, he formed a kinship with her. He sees himself in her the same way he saw himself in Selkie. It’s that sense of abandonment, neglect, abuse and desperate need to be loved thehat draws him to BOTH girls. Before he saw Amanda as ‘daddy’s little cheerleader’ and some kid who was fine on her own. But now he sees Amanda just as in need of love as Selkie.
So no, it isn’t some biological crap that makes him want to help Amanda. It may be a part of it, it may be what initially had him involved, but now he sees it for what it truly is. It’s his childhood all over again and he wants to reach out and protect her, save her from what he suffered and make her feel loved.
So really it’s that weird sense of kinship you gain through mutual trauma that makes him have any sort of obligation to Amanda AND Selkie. He’d have chosen Amanda if he had ever been given the chance from when she was born. Being biologically related doesn’t make Amanda any more or less as important as Selkie being ‘chosen’ and that doesn’t make Selkie any more or less important either. They are equal. Todd chose them both now.
Until and unless he makes it clear by words and actions that Amanda continuing to bully Selkie will have consequences, all Amanda and Selkie will hear is “Stop, or I will say ‘stop’ again”
I understand that. I just still think you can love the other kid in the meanwhile. Aside from making Selkie feel safe and happy again, love for Amanda could also fuel the parents’ desire to change her behavior.
Aww Andi, lookit you, being a good parent and sensible adult. Proud of you. She knows that doing this over the phone or aline is a no go. She also knows even if Amanda can be a brat and has anger issues, she still needs love and attention.
Good on ya! Not to mention it clued Todd in to spend some quality time with Selkie. Bonus points~!
Not only that, it also gives Todd a way to get into Selkie’s good graces again.
Of course Andi couldn’t actually discipline Amanda by herself and just pushed it off on Todd… ah well, hope something actually comes out of the talk.
Good on her for suggesting Todd and Selkie have some alone time, Todd really should have thought doing that himself though.
I didn’t see it that way, I think she just realized it would be better for both parents to discipline her. Whether or not the parents are married/in a relationship, they need to parent together and present themselves as a united front for the child to be able to benefit. If one parent says, “Oh, you broke my $100 vase? Don’t worry about it darling, as long as you’re not hurt.” And then they go and break their other parent’s $100 vase and the other one says, “I know this was an accident but you should be more careful! (then gives them a light punishment)” And their contrasting parenting/disciplining ways confuse them and they don’t know if what they did was really bad even if they didn’t do it on purpose, making them think that it was their fault it happened. Even the best of parents can screw up things like that, especially if the child is shared between two homes.
That’s just a simple example, mind you. Merely hypothetical.
It’s good that they’re parenting her together so when she goes back to one of them crying that “I got grounded for a stupid reason” and one of them calls the other and asks why the hell their child came home in tears about being grounded for ‘no reason’, this way they both get a word in on what to do and how to handle the situation. Besides, if it isn’t addressed then she’ll continue to do it while at one house or behind their backs and pretend she’s done nothing wrong no matter what they’ve seen or heard her do or say.
Hope this makes sense, I’m very half-asleep right now… ^^”’
I just feel Andi has been too passive on this front and mostly just let Todd do the parenting. Like sure it’s alright for them to meet and have a talk about things later but Andi too needs to put her foot down and tell Amanda her behavior is not acceptable. Otherwise Amanda might get the idea that it’s just Todd who’s the “bad guy”.
That’s also another aspect of this, having all four of them together might give Amanda the impression that she’s being ganged up on.
Todd taking part is very important. If he’s going to take his place as her father he has to take part in her punishment. It creates solidarity, which is what Amanda needs to erode her trust issues. Do I think Andi and Todd should pursue anything more? No, but they need to work together on this issue.
Regardless of Todd, Andi is a single mom, Amanda’s primary custodian and they share a household while Todd doesn’t. She won’t always have Todd there to help her out so she does need to learn dealing with things by herself too and not always rely on both of them handling everything, I think.
I think in this case though, there is a REQUIREMENT that they work together on this, for a few reasons:
1. This issue does involve Amanda’s treatment of Selkie, which means that both girls and parents should probably be there to hash it out.
2. Even if Andi is a “single mom,” Amanda IS STILL Todd’s daughter as much as Selkie is, and if Todd wants any sort of place in her life, he best address the issues now.
3. The family made a good point early on that there that if anything happened to Andi, rather than having Amanda go back to the orphanage, it may be best for her to stay with Todd and Selkie. If they co-parent now, it smooths over any upsets now, and there won’t be a fight if Amanda may have to live with Todd for a while (or even permanently).
That being said, I hope there is a pre-talk talk, so that way Andi and Amanda can hash it out.
We don’t even know if Andi is gonna say something to her. It’s been one strip. She very well may say something in the next strip. Also, she can’t punish Amanda for hearsay. Todd was very vague and never actually saw Amanda do anything. Andi coming down on Amanda for something that may or may not have happened in the past while she wasn’t present is bad parenting. She’s clearly annoyed with Amanda and aware of her behavior, especially her behavior towards Selkie. I imagine she’s going to have a very stern talk with her letting her know that if she catches her in the act or Todd catches her, that Amanda will suffer the consequences of her actions. As it is now, Andi knows BOTH girls can’t stand each other and she very well may think Selkie is lying simply to get Amanda in trouble. She doesn’t know Selkie well enough yet to judge what she will or will not do.
Besides that, it seems very much like a real possibility for Selkie to lie about Amanda in the future because she’s aware that all of the adults instantly blame Amanda. Selkie is just as capable as Amanda to be a calculating bully. We know she hasn’t lied at this current juncture in time, but it’s not out of the realm of possibilities in the future.
Andi did VERY well. Especially in saying EVERYONE, including Selkie, should be present and in person during this talk. She didn’t exclude anyone, nor did she give anyone else anymore power over anybody else. Andi knows what she’s doing here. It has nothing to do with her wanting Todd to parent solely. She wants Todd involved, because he should be. This concerns BOTH his daughters, while Selkie is unrelated to Andi entirely. Andi can’t do anything when it comes to Selkie. Maybe later on she can, but as of right now? She knows literally nothing of Selkie aside from that her and Amanda hate each other.
…I’m…puzzled as to your comments I’ve read over time about Selkie – spiteful and vindictive you called her at one point, and now you say that she’s just as capable as Amanda to be a calculating bully. Where exactly are you getting this from?
Well, the thing with Amanda is, everyone knows she has behavioral problems. She’s been in fights, she’s bullied people. Everyone is aware of it.
So, while Andi can’t go on hearsay, it wouldn’t be a massive leap of faith to just assume Amanda is being her same crappy self.
Granted Selkie has lashed out in the past, but it has almost always been when someone has been the aggressor. Selkie has shown NO tendencies for bullying, I think suggesting she could in the future is a far reach.
Frankly, besides her little outbursts once and awhile, like having to go to school after hours, or at the cafe, Selkie has been a pretty good kid. Far too good if you ask me.
Like I said Mikael, there is an underlying problem with Amanda and trust issues. If that get’s taken care of I am very sure her issues will fade away slowly, but surely. And that can only happen with both parents since she knows now both biological parents. Yes, Andi needs to learn to do more things on her own but at the same token it is a tag team job in many cases.
Hahah. The reverse of that is it took Andi to suggest the solution for Selkie _today_ being a father/daughter day. LOL. Ironic.
Um. I know you probably didn’t have running lights in mind when you did Andi’s new hair. But if you did… red goes on the left, not the right.
I don’t know what you’re getting at, both here and in the one previous to it, red is on the right and green on the left.
From the point of view of the person wearing the lights / hair.
http://www.westmarine.com/WestAdvisor/Navigation-Light-Rules
I had no idea Port and Starboard were color-coded. Huh. O_o
yep, it’s kinda easy to remember too… Port, Left, Red, (4 letters, 4 letters and 3 letters)and then Starboard, Right, Green (9 letters,5 letters, and 5 letters) the part to remember is that the words with more letters are together, and the shorter words are together for the opposite..
*sings* red the port light, starboard the green
How will she know of the devils I’ve seen?
There’s also the “Wine” method: “Is there any Red Port Left?”
Based on the comic still being set in winter, and vague memory of an upcoming ‘Christmas storyline’ being mentioned at some point, I’m 90% sure red and green were chosen to reflect that holiday. (Just because Andi’s a modern artist doesn’t mean she won’t appreciate and use traditional seasonal colours.)
Perhaps they’re meant to be harbor lights she’s aiming herself through on her way “home”…in that case, “Red Right Returning” would apply and the colors would be correct. 😀
Pretty sure it’s just fun hair colors but hey, I like ascribing silly “logic” to random things so…why not?
I think Dave is from the Mid-West, and while HE has both oars in the water, he doesn’t know what having only one oar in the water means, because: no sailing/merchant marine culture. Red-right-returning is not a thing out there. It’s frustrating sometimes, when you gotta remember; landlubbers.
I am also from the midwest, Iowa, actually but you’re probably right. I know the rule because my mom is from Maryland and bought a little sailboat when she had the opportunity. She tried to get my sister and I interested in sailing. It didn’t really stick (I get seasick on lakes while inside the cabin, pathetic.) but I do remember the rules.
I am from Milwaukee. The Midwest is rife with sailing, especially Wisconsin and Minnesota because of our large freshwater lakes. I have boated and sailed my entire life. In addition there are iron ore boats on the Great Lakes at all times. I had to laugh at the running lights comment.
Yeah, I had no idea until everyone commented here Red and Green had a nautical connection. Interesting to learn, though.
I work in a industrial ship yard and didn’t know.
I dunno, maybe she just wanted her hair like that. 😛
Hmm. I wonder if Amanda is going to be worse to Selkie. Or if the adults will watch more closely now. Hopefully they will.
I’m pretty sure the adults will watch more closely. Whether they actually catch everything or not is an entirely different story…
No, no, no.
Putting these two together *before* Amanda has gotten a stern talking to about her abusive behaviour is a *terrible* idea.
Andi, stop trying to grasp at any excuse to behave like a couple with Todd. You burned that particular bridge quite thoroughly.
Yea, this. I think Selkie’s presence will just make Amanda more hostile and antagonistic from the get go than if it was just her and Andi having a heart to heart about it first.
If you burn your bridges at Both ends, they will not last the night; but ‘Oh,’ my foes, and ‘Ah,’ my friends, they give a lovely light.
The original bridge was burned but they still need to cross the river, so they’re going to have to build a new one. Or, to speak plainly: while, yes, it’s very unlikely there’ll be any renewed romantic attachment, Amanda absolutely needs her two parents to be on the same page about her behaviour.
I don’t think this is a terrible idea at all. Perhaps Andi will ask some questions beforehand, but whether she does or not, a frank discussion with all four present might be the best way to bring out some of the deep misconceptions that are driving Amanda’s resentment.
Of course, we must always remember that this is a story. Just sitting around a table talking isn’t very dramatic. I’m betting that Lina, below, is right, and something’s gonna happen before that planned meeting.
Also — “a stern talking to”? Really? How can anyone think that a stern talking to will fix anything?
Amanda needs a reason to stop picking on Selkie. A scolding isn’t a reason, it’s just more of the same disapproval she’s been running into her whole life long. Her self-image is that she’s the bad kid, so why shouldn’t she be as bad as everyone expects her to be?
This is true. Andi can talk to Amanda until she’s blue in the face to not pick on Selkie, but until she gives her a reason not to, Amanda will continue to do this. Until Amanda talks about her past and why she dislikes Selkie, nothing will be done. The problem is, no one has asked Amanda anything, they’ve just told her what they think she should do.
You don’t get answers by telling, you get answers by asking. I’m still disturbed as to WHY not a SINGLE adult in her life has ASKED her about the abuse she suffered in her previous home. I know they’re all damn well aware of it. Stop avoiding the subject and come to terms with it already holy crap.
The problem is that Selkie already knows the basics of Amanda’s problem with her.
She just doesn’t care. This isn’t because she’s mean or heartless; she has absolutely no obligation or duty to feel sympathetic towards her abuser, and it’s perfectly reasonable for her to just want Amanda gone — or at least, out of her life and no longer in a position to keep hurting her.
That’s what matters to Selkie. And for Todd to ask her to keep interacting with her abuser while the adults try to figure out what’s wrong with Amanda is highly unfair to her.
Todd, if you’ve any sense at all, make sure your parents can pick up Selkie for a day while you and Andi have that chat with Amanda.
I disagree. The truth of what Amanda has been feeling is much more likely to come out if both kids are present.
As you say, Selkie already knows why Amanda has a problem with her. She’s quite likely to say something like, “Heys, it’s nots fairs to blames me. It’s nots mys faults. I didn’ts makes everyones ignores you when you cames back from the Sandersons. I didn’ts even knows until Heather tolds me.”
Neither Todd nor Andi has this information. The only other way they can ever find out is if Amanda opens up enough to tell them. That’s not likely to be for a while — they’re not even asking.
But the problem with that line of thought is Amanda will always be in Todd’s life now unless Amanda decides she wants nothing to do with Todd. Which, in turn, means she’s part of Selkie’s life, whether she likes it or not. Selkie doesn’t want Amanda gone simply because Amanda picks on her, Selkie is selfish and doesn’t want to share Todd at all. I think she’d feel similar towards any potential girlfriend Todd had. She’d feel threatened and jealous by the competition. Todd needs to nip that in the bud and teach Selkie he is a person, not an object, and that he doesn’t belong solely to her.
Besides that, Selkie only knows what Heather told her. I think if her and Amanda had a talk, a real talk, a talk where each girl is allowed to express their emotions, would help. Let them get angry, let them call each other names, let them say they hate each other, let them vent. I think they will both have a better understanding of they’re not forced to talk the way the adults want AND it’ll be enlightening for the adults as well.
Also, if Todd forces Selkie to ‘go away’ each time he spends time with Amanda, she’s going to feel neglected and secondary. So that’s a terrible idea.
Also, also, everyone who’s ever been bullied is projecting hard onto Selkie on what she should do. Are you Selkie? Do you know what she wants? No. She may feel completely different than ANY of us are saying.
Sorry but I disagree with this. Selkie wants AMANDA gone, not some random sibling. I’d bet if Selkie found out she had a sister who wasn’t the person who had been torturing and abusing her for years she’d be much more happy about it and willing to share Todd’s attention. It hurts her because the person who is, in her view, taking Todd away from her, is the person who has made her life a living hell for so long, this is just the latest in a LONG line of such incidents in Selkies mind.
Wrong.
Selkie is part of Todd’s life, too. Legally speaking, she’s his daughter; Amanda is just his biological child that was given up for adoption (never mind that he never had a say in that part).
It is manifestly and grossly unfair to tell Selkie “Yeah, the person who has abused you for years is now going to be a permanent part of your life, whether you like it or not, and you’re just going to have to deal with it and hope we can find a way to make her be nice to you.”
Helping Amanda get over her own abuse trauma? That’s certainly a laudable goal. But that’s going to be primarily Andi’s job and responsibility. For Selkie’s sake, he’s going to have to put his foot down and make it clear that until and unless Amanda can learn how to stop being a horrid abusive little witch to his daughter, it’s probably best for all concerned if she doesn’t come over any more.
Amanda is an eight year old.
She’s an injured eight year old — injured by years of horrible abuse, rejection, and isolation.
You can’t fix unfairness to one kid by being cruel to another. Todd isn’t going to try to offload all the responsibility for helping her to Andi; that would never work. It would be horribly hurtful. Amanda already knows he’s her father. Having her father say, “You’re not good enough. I don’t want you around until you can meet my standards!” …
No. No way. Todd isn’t the kind of person to do that to a child.
Is he going to demand different behavior towards Selkie? Absolutely!
Is Selkie going to get a life without Amanda in it? Nope. Not gonna happen. Is that unfair to Selkie? A bit, but not overridingly so. Not enough to justify pushing Amanda away. Selkie can, will — and must — adapt to having a sister who used to be her enemy.
Eight year olds aren’t set in stone. They’re still growing and learning. Both of the girls will change.
Thank you. Apparently you’re one of the few sensible people who understands Amanda is a child and as much as Selkie hates it and it is a litter unfair for her, she’s now part of her life. An 8 year old doesn’t get to say who can be part of her shared father’s life.
Selkie can deal with a sister who used to be her enemy.
What she can’t – and shouldn’t have to – deal with is a sister who is her enemy invading her safe space with impunity.
Other things you don’t do to an eight year old abuse victim:
Require them to spend time with their abuser, because you think it may help the abuser recover from their trauma, and you believe “healing” the abuser is more important than protecting the victim.
Apparently the reason of “It’s a horrible thing to do and both your parents agree you need to stop it” isn’t enough?
No. It’s not. Amanda has a different thought process than most people because of HER ABUSE. Which, might I add, was pretty freaking terrible and much worse than what she’s ever done to Selkie. Now, who’s abuse is more important or worse isn’t the issue at hand here, but I just feel like people forget that Amanda was physically, emotionally and mentally abused for an undisclosed amount of time by people she loved and trusted and thought loved her back. Let’s not forget that she continued to suffer neglect and emotional abuse upon being returned to the orphanage.
She’s built up a wall around herself because she feels like everyone is out to get her. She’s also deluded herself into believing it’s Selkie’s fault and no one has ever given her any reason to think otherwise. In her mind, Selkie is out to ger HER and she’s just defending herself from a monster who’s taken away everything from her.
She’s friggin’ 9. Her thoughts and views on the world are skewed because she’s never been properly taught to think otherwise. She perceives things differently because she thinks she’s utterly alone and everyone she loves will desert her or that they secretly hate her.
At least, that’s what I think she thinks. I could be very wrong, but I’d like to think I’m in the ballpark.
But here, let’s put this in perspective.
Returned by abusive pricks. Selkie gets all the attention. Inadvertently Selkie’s fault.
Amanda gets passed over by people. Selkie gets adopted. Inadvertently Selkie’s fault.
Heather and Amanda have a falling out. Heather spills the beans to Selkie. Becomes friends with Selkie. Selkie ‘steals’ Amanda’s friend and knows a dark secret about her.
Snowball fight. Selkie gets hurt. Adults blame the non-orphans Giselle corners Amanda in the bathroom and states the orphans framed them. Amanda gets tormented by Giselle. Selkie inadvertently causes this because she freaked Truck out.
Todd is Amanda’s dad. Todd adopted Selkie because Amanda didn’t look like she needed a parent. Inadvertently Selkie stole her father.
Todd AND Andi are aware of their fights. Amanda might get in trouble because Selkie ‘told on her’ which again, is Selkie’s fault.
To Amanda, Selkie is the enemy and is doing things to make her miserable. She needs to blame somebody. She can’t vent or talk to anyone, she’s learned that the adults ignore her so she took it out on Selkie. Until the adults talk to Amanda and explain to her that none of what happened was Selkie being malicious, but rather she just happened to come upon these incidents at exactly the wrong time for Amanda, she will continue to blame Selkie. Telling her to just stop, because Amanda is bad and Selkie is good is just going to justify her actions even more in her mind.
Everything you said. Except Amanda is not even 9. She, like Selkie, is only 8 years old.
So… what you said, except even more so!
Yeah, well… Todd, a Daddy/Daughter activity is going to work much better when you chose an other one then the one Andi and Amanda are going too.
(trying to predict the plot here :-P)
(She said innocently, as if we didn’t see it coming– the elephant in the room.)
Was is Todd up to, I wonder?
Also, I can’t decide if having all four of them together will be good or terrible. I think it go go either way, so here’s hoping for the best. *crosses fingers*
*can go either way
Well, either Amanda manages to provoke Selkie into an outburst so that Amanda looks like the reasonable one and it appears to Todd and Andi that Selkie might have been maligning Amanda.
Or Selkie manages to restrain herself, while Amanda´s behavior makes it abundantly clear which of the two girls has been poisoning the relationship between the two of them.
I´m betting on the second one. Or hoping for it, at least. I´m sick of Selkie being told she should just try to get along with Amanda.
Good nigh’. I can’t help but notice the 180 degree turn of opinions here. The last two pages readers were bemoaning that Todd discussing Amanda over the phone was a terrible parenting decision and doing it face to face would be better. now it seems that readers are arguing against the in person discussion. That’s parenting critique for you I guess.
Not the same people I assume. :p
Hey, I was pretty silent, except for my stance on how to help Amanda the most. I don’t care if Todd and Andi plan on getting together over the phone or in person. I just care about how they tear down the wall Amanda put up with good reason on her part.
It’s pretty hard to know how to help someone, especially a kid who doesn’t won’t open up to be helped or in some cases has no desire to be helped. As far as Amanda is concerned, she’s fine; it’s everyone else who needs to stop being idiots and conform to how she wants them to be. And it is extremely hard to break that wall down when the person is misdirecting your help to something or someone else. The people helping can’t know they assistance is being misguided and cannot and will never break through unless the person wants to be helped. Both Todd and Andi are making their best efforts based on what they actually know and from whatever info, relevant or otherwise, Amanda has given.
Forgive me if I was overly aggressive in this reply. I do not mean to be irritable towards anyone. My writing often comes off as blunt and aggressive so please do not take my ‘tone’ personally.
Point taken, you can’t control the tone you project when you’re writing. No one can, and I don’t feel it is all that aggressive so no worries.
Yeah, she is not aware of the wall and she certainly can’t figure out how to communicate it even if she did. But if they can read her right (not so much Todd, he sucks at reading people, so here’s hoping Andi actually can.) then they can see it for themselves and conquer it. To use Lilian’s words, she’s not a bad kid, she’s just making bad life choices.
Looking at Amanda’s expression on this and the previous page, I see a blow up on the way. The reasoning might go something like this: Why should she be nice to Selkie? Selkie still stole her daddy. Amanda doesn’t need Todd. She has Andi, who came looking for her.
Amanda doesn’t have to get along with Selkie if she doesn’t want to, because she doesn’t live with Todd and Selkie. Why should Amanda do what he says? Todd was the one who picked Selkie over her. Todd was the one who didn’t see the resemblance. Todd’s the one who wants to spend time with her, so he’s the one who should be making nice.
I think there is a lot of sense in this. So long as Todd wants Amanda in his life, Selkie has no choice, he has to devote some of his attention to each girl, Amanda doesn’t have to share Andi with anyone, she can dig in and make life difficult to Todd. Worst case for her is she still has her own house and her own mom. Now maybe she wants Todd as a dad enough to try and change her behavior, but she doesn’t HAVE to. But Selkie has pretty much no choice in any of this, she gets whatever happens and has to deal with it.
I do feel sympathy for Todd, he’s been put in a challenging situation without any choice really, but I still am disappointed with his handling of it up til this point. I’m somewhat pessimistic about what will happen next, but we’ll see I guess.
Telling kids who don’t get along with each other to get along with each other is like telling them to do their homework—either they do or they don’t, and there is no inbetween.
Dammit can Todd just go off, hang out with the daughter he has, and keep assuming Amanda’s dead? She may as well be a totally different human being with how long it has been. He’s doing this out of a weird sense of biological obligation, and really, he picked Selkie. Just go and raise her well. Let Andi handle Amanda.
“…weird sense of biological obligation…” What?
Recap: Todd always wanted Amanda from the very beginning. He thought she died. He picked Selkie. Then he found out Amanda was alive. Now he has two daughters.
There’s nothing in the least weird about being able to love more than one child. The vast majority of parents manage it!
He’s right though, Todd only cares about Amanda because she is biologically his, if Andi had adopted another kid that’s not related to him he wouldn’t care about either.
Not blaming him as most people would react this way, that “weird sense of biological obligation” is rooted pretty deep in our genes I imagine.
True, but now that he knows she is his he can’t just turn away no matter what. That “weird sense of biological obligation” and all. We keep using this phrase it’s going to look weird.
Yes, she is completely different from how he pictured she would be, but remember, he also picked Selkie because he could see the pain she was going through in himself. He finds out in full what Amanda went through, he’s going to see his pain in her and relate to her. And there it goes from obligation to need. A need to help her through this.
Gonna back up Noose’s point with this page here
https://selkiecomic.com/comic/selkie712/
See the first four panels? The same thing happened when he first met Selkie. It was why he decided to adopt Selkie was it not.
Even if he didn’t feel as strongly for Amanda as a person (and not as his bio daughter) the whole time, he sure does now. 😛
But what do you think would happen if it turned out Andi cheated (just hypothetically, I don’t actually think she did) on him and she’s not his after all?
Honestly, I think he’d still love Amanda as much… He loves Selkie even though she’s not her kid. As angry as he got at Andi for hiding Amanda for 8 years, he never blamed Amanda for it. And again, he saw himself in Amanda on page 712.
He adopted Selkie because he saw himself in her too. So yeah, I totally think he’d keep Amanda anyway. Especially now!
He’s just as much obligated to Amanda as he is Selkie. Not because of some weird biological bullshit, but because he WANTS to. Once he became aware of what Amanda went through, the same sort of thing he went through, he formed a kinship with her. He sees himself in her the same way he saw himself in Selkie. It’s that sense of abandonment, neglect, abuse and desperate need to be loved thehat draws him to BOTH girls. Before he saw Amanda as ‘daddy’s little cheerleader’ and some kid who was fine on her own. But now he sees Amanda just as in need of love as Selkie.
So no, it isn’t some biological crap that makes him want to help Amanda. It may be a part of it, it may be what initially had him involved, but now he sees it for what it truly is. It’s his childhood all over again and he wants to reach out and protect her, save her from what he suffered and make her feel loved.
So really it’s that weird sense of kinship you gain through mutual trauma that makes him have any sort of obligation to Amanda AND Selkie. He’d have chosen Amanda if he had ever been given the chance from when she was born. Being biologically related doesn’t make Amanda any more or less as important as Selkie being ‘chosen’ and that doesn’t make Selkie any more or less important either. They are equal. Todd chose them both now.
Except that by saying “I choose both” he’s essentially saying “I value the person who abuses you as much as I value you.”
Sometimes not taking sides is very much taking a side.
I wouldn’t say that. He may not be very good at it yet, but Todd is trying to stop Amanda from hurting Selkie anymore..
You can love your child even if they’re acting up. You have to find a way to STOP them from doing it, but still.
Until and unless he makes it clear by words and actions that Amanda continuing to bully Selkie will have consequences, all Amanda and Selkie will hear is “Stop, or I will say ‘stop’ again”
I understand that. I just still think you can love the other kid in the meanwhile. Aside from making Selkie feel safe and happy again, love for Amanda could also fuel the parents’ desire to change her behavior.
Chillin’ in the comments. Waitin’ for that last minute to tick down.