All the cool eight year olds have motorcycles, MOOOOOOM!
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Fanart Update! Saokara sent me this awesome drawing of the De’Madiea family taking a family photo:
Thank you, Saokara!
Giving Amanda a motorcycle would be a terrible idea, for the obvious reasons but also because she'd probably just do donuts in the cafeteria to show it off.
Bribery as a method of avoidance. Good job, Andi. (Yes that’s sarcasm) So far, Andi’s answer to difficult issues is “distract Amanda with stuff.” Hooray for poor parenting skills. đ
you act as if she had the time from when amanda was and infant to learn said parenting skills.. remember she has had amanda for maybe a week? or even less.
She’s had Amanda for about a week, yes. But it took months for Andi to find her. She has had time to learn how to parent via parenting classes (yes those exist), books, and talking to anyone she knows with kids. She could’ve looked into how to be a parent sooner. And she clearly chose not to based on the comic where she asks someone if eight year olds need diapers where she says “I have a week to learn this”. No. She had more time. She chose not to do anything to prepare herself for it.
Parenting classes exist???? O_O
Yes. I learned about them when I used to be a foster parent. There was a class that went over things that some parents would have to go through to get their kids back once they were in the foster system and parenting classes were one of them.
Yeah, they exist. I didn’t see they did much good. Taught my parents that breaking kid’s stuff as a method of discipline was acceptable – at which point my mother trashed my 21 year old, going to college sister’s irreplaceable artwork and she had to move her breakables into storage with me. Ymmv.
That sucks. Having had to take a course for Foster Care, I can assure you that not all parent classes do that. Still, I’m very sorry your parents chose a bad class set and that your sister’s stuff was destroyed. :<
It’s not a *terrible* way to parent if you do it in dire situations (ex – I see a a man staring up little girls’ dresses and want to get my kid off the playground ASAP after I tell the other girls’ moms – “Hey! Let’s get some snowballsâRIGHT NOW.”). I’m also not above using bribery to help a child overcome something that is super hard or distresses them (M&Ms and getting to pick out panties as a reward for potty training with #2). But it should *never* be used on that level and *not* to distract the child from something important to her/him or that gives him/her distress. That’s a great way to create a lot of mental issues. And stuff like cell phones? Not a great idea for young kids. If you buy them something big like that, *you* the parent make the choice. They don’t.
That first one’s also not bribery so much as distraction.
This is distraction for something that… yeah, let’s all be real here, she’s not going to have taken the time to think out a proper, tactful explanation on Monday. Partly because there is no way to explain that last part without totally freaking Amanda out, but partly because Andi’s fight-or-flight response is stuck firmly on flight, with a side order of freeze. To be fair, common anxiety response (Mine’s stuck there, too,) but it’s gotten her into a lot of trouble so far and I’m hoping she’s at least AWARE she’s handling it badly.
Also, she could probably answer at least some of Amanda’s questions now – “He and I were very close childhood friends, and I had you when I was very young, and we’re broken up now” – while trying to avoid the “Did he know I existed” questions for the time being, but it’s such a minefield and Amanda’s a very sharp kid. I don’t think she’d be able to avoid it without lying completely, and Andi has just learned why she should not lie to people she cares about. So I mean she could try and she probably should, but… you know, I’m not sure she’s equipped to handle things any better than that right now.
Oooh, this is gonna be a whole lot worse before it gets better.
She could omit he didn’t know she existed by simply saying, “Neither of us realized we could ever see you again.” This is actually true. It’s very unusual for babies who end up adopted to end back up in foster care as children, and many times biological parents are blocked from their children’s records. So it’s omitting part of the truth (the ugly part), but it’s still true and enough of an explanation for a child (or even an adult) to swallow.
BTW, bribery can be a form of distraction. đ What makes it absolute here, is that Amanda demands it which makes it both bribery and extortionânot a great start or pattern to get into with a child.
It’s bribery if Andi offers. If Amanda demands, it’s extortion.
I’ve got to confess to some reluctant admiration for how well Amanda is handling this. She’s beyond angry, she’s had her world turned upside down, her new mom is not giving her answers… and how does she respond? No fragile flower, this girl. No collapsing, she’s made of tougher stuff. She demands payment!
No, it’s not the world’s best response. Andi’s an idiot for letting her get away with it. But she’s a survivor, and in the long run, I think she’s going to survive even this.
I REALLY hope Todd brings his parents to the Monday meeting, though.
I really hope they come, too. I see this exploding in Andi’s face in a spectacular way. If Amanda ever learns the full truth to the story, or (even worse) ever sees the urn with her name on it, Andi is going to have to buy her an entire stable of ponies AND a motorcycle.
Ponies? Ha! A stable of Unicorns, from Rainbow Dash up to Celestial, a real working magic wand, a dinner with Millie Cyrus, and Justin Biebber, and a Disney World for Illinois, (which might be fun!) And a gown with more pearls on it than any owned by QE1. And a 96″ TV with premium channels (all of them), … as if any of that crap is going to make her anger abate, or make her feel better.
I think she needs a tight hug, and an “I love you” — but I don’t think she trusts Andi any more than I do.
Rainbow Dash isn’t a Unicorn, she’s a pegasus…
I sit corrected. Thanks for the heads up. :–)
I’ll go back to metaphors from the 60s and 70s.
She *can* be an alicornâat least according to my very imaginative child. đ
Hmmmm… Yes, she could do *worse*, but this showering Amanda in stuff thing (especially to distract her from the conversation) is a bit gratuitousâespecially with serious stuff like a cell phone.
Selkie has a cell phone…
I forget when my kid got hers — I think we had her on an iPod Touch for a while, but then it soon became evident that it was very useful, and she was pretty responsible with it.
Has nothing to do with the age and everything to do with the situation. My kid is six and I can see getting her a cell phone next year, but I’d not give in with her her to demanding one from me even after I asked her to do somethingâeven if it isn’t really reasonable to begin with (which isn’t cool either).
Now the most important questions is:
If both Selkie and Amanda have never been exposed to any version of The Parent Trap movie, will Todd and Andi have the sense to keep their daughters from seeing it? Because exposing them to that movie under these circumstances will almost certainly lead to shenanigans.
THE COUNTDOWN TO SHENANIGANS BEGINS NOW!
Oh dear god. The only thing scarier than Amanda and Selkie becoming enemies might be them becoming allies.
Cell phone, really? At age eight/nine?
Selkie’s got one.
So do a lot of kids these days, at ages younger than eight. It’s hard to keep up, isn’t it?
Selkie’s was for emergencies, right? She had a history of being bullied and get herself injured, I would give my kid a cellphone for that kind of trouble as well. But mine didn’t have those issues, luckily, and he’s 11 now, and just had his first telephone. Cell data switched off, prepaid SIM, so he can actually only use whatsapp and watch youtube at home.
And I was hesitant, even at this age.
My nephew is seven and he has one for emergencies. Plus he needed an iPad for KINDERGARTEN. The amount of technology kids are exposed to these days is ludicrous.
No, it’s logical. Me live in a world run by technology everything a child needs to learn is going to relate to that and the tools required will reflect that. Why get a kid a bunch of text books when you can have a table computer with ever book they need on it with learning applications to apply said texts. The amount of learning games for little kids on touch devices is amazing and something to be glad for.
The age doesn’t bother me. I could actually see getting one that is prepaid and has preset numbers in for my kiddo in a year or two (she’s six). It’s the situation. Andi is pretty much letting Amanda instantly extort it out of her versus talking with her (or at least listening). This builds a false sense of coping and also sets a child up for needing expensive distractions as an adult.
My daughter had a cell phone at eight. Not a bells-and-whistles smart phone, a Nokia brick that didn’t go to school but did go with her when we were out in public, she was over at a friend’s house, etc. It saved us all from a lot of possible badness a couple of times, and got her ready for the responsibility of having a smart phone now that she’s older. (Not that this has any real bearing on what’s going on with Amanda and Andi, just pointing out that 3rd/4th grade isn’t as ridiculous as it sounds for having kids get used to the idea of carrying a phone.)
Love that painting. A blood rain, very apropos for what’s going on.
I’m sure it caused a down-check on the home inspection portion of the adoption agency’s background check though…
Hey it could be worse. Andi probably had to get rid of her collection of stills from when the Smurfs got nuked into oblivion.
I think this was pretty well handled, actually. Not perfect, but who is?
Andi’s only real screw up today was pushing at Tod, and personally, I can understand the kind of stupid that leads to that.
Yep, I agree. Andi needs some time to wind down and think this through – @everyone who says she’s got all the time in the world before adoption, IT’S NOT FUCKING EASY. Andi’s got herself into a terrible situation, but once we focus on how she’s handling this situation once she’s in it, she’s not half bad. Reconciling her own needs with the kid’s, putting reasonable limits, reacting calmly and rationally to Amanda’s screaming.
Yes, bribery might not be the best tactic for dealing with your screw-ups, but it’s far from the worst. And Amanda needed a cell phone and new clothes anyway.
For an entirely new parent who didn’t know whether eight-year-olds needed diapers a week ago, Andi’s handling this surprisingly well. Her strengths – calm reaction to agitation, patience, willingness to acknowledge her faults and apologize and make up for them, seeing the child as an equal to a degree – are all what Amanda needs for recovery.
They are going to be fine.
Fortunately I think you’re right, it’s going to be alright. Unfortunately I think it’s going to take time and get worse before it gets better.
I disagree. Andi is dismissing her child’s feelings and using “stuff” to avoid talking with her kid about things that are really important to that kid. It’s not like Andi *hasn’t* had time to think about this either. She’s had the many months waiting to reunite with Amandaâalong with the few days they’ve been together. So while this stuff happened in an unplanned fashion, I really can’t see how she couldn’t have had time (or the mentality) to plan for itâeven if she expected Todd to come running back to her. I think she’s just following an unhealthy pattern of putting off talkingâthe same thing she did to Todd. She’s even putting it off until they meet with Toddâwhich kind of conveys she’s hoping he does all the dirty work. That is really crappy.
Andi, you involuntarily kept a terrible secret from Todd for 8 years because of fear, it’s time for you to wisen up and have a heart to heart talk with your daughter. Otherwise she might act out and demand Todd abandon Selkie and take her.
I actually find myself wondering… What the hell IS Andi waiting for? She’s alone with her daughter. Are you scared to talk to her? Afraid she’ll ask tougher questions than those what will come up at dinner on Monday? Man, she’s dumb. Her daughter thinks the world of her! Wisen up and do a practice round on Amanda, get through all her questions now so ya don’t get the total smack-down when it’s 3+ vs 1 at Monday’s dinner. Yet again, I am amazed at Andi’s denseness LOL. Whatta character.
For Andi to talk with her daughter it would require her to actually -think- about the situation and her own choices for the past 8 years. Even if she evaded the questions or answered Amanda’s questions in wishy-washy ways, she’d still have to actively, consciously face the burgeoning fall-out of her every lie and choice.
Also I think a lot of people are forgetting one important thing in all of this… where exactly is her network of support? Todd has his family, he’s got friends, even his neighbors if he chose to talk with them. Who does Andi have? Granted, she’s slit her own throat with Todd, she could have gone to him at the beginning (“Hey, about that death of our child… and the end result is I’m looking to go adopt her back”), but her own mother has shown she’s not ANY kind of supportive or nurturing influence.
Andi is on her own, she’s flying blind in stormy weather. That she hasn’t fallen apart or gone nuts yet is testament to her own sense of survival. Without good examples to follow on how to be a mother, she’s doing the best she can with what she’s got.
Oooh, yeah. Andi’s only real parental figures before now were probably her mother (again, so many questions about her AND she’s made it clear she’s not going to help) and the Smiths (out of the picture in this case for obvious reasons), and it looks like her friendgroup is made up of 20-somethings without children. (Which, given she’s 24 at oldest, is not surprising.) She’s really got a lot on her plate she wasn’t at ALL prepared for.
There’s also the fact that, well, she’s driving. It’s a complex situation, one she hasn’t thoroughly thought out in advance (which is admittedly part of the problem); in order to word things carefully and precisely and NOT cause Amanda to skyrocket even further, she probably needs more free attention than she can do.
She could pull over or she could wait til they get home, or whatever, but I have to say that I don’t think worse of her for not wanting to get into every bit of detail while driving. This is the sort of conversation where she’s going to want to be able to SEE Amanda’s reactions and be able to respond to them, particularly since Andi (and those of us in the audience!) have seen that Amanda can be pretty impulsive, including in unintentionally self-destructive ways.
And it’s already very obvious that Amanda isn’t going to LIKE what Andi has to say, no matter how Andi sugarcoats it. So … not dealing with potential major freakouts while in traffic honestly isn’t a problem to me. Waiting until Monday, on the other hand, I admit I disapprove of pretty strongly.
Except they’re not driving anymore in this comic. They’re already home.
Maybe she’s afraid of speaking on Todd’s behalf?
I mean, she JUST had a big conflict with him that ended with him acting in a way she didn’t expect, so she clearly doesn’t know what, exactly, his feelings are on it.
I admit I think she should try to prepare Amanda at least a little. Amanda’s already been broadsided once. Telling her absolutely nothing before a possibly big family meeting isn’t right, especially for a little girl Andi already knows has emotional issues and may well be in a fragile and volatile state.
Euuuuuuugh
Andi. Nooo.
Wow, I love the fan art! Such a cute family moment!
Thank you!!
What is going on perspective-wise in the last panel? o_O Are the chairs nailed to a wall?
nah, they are walking into an “open plan” room, we see the back side of the couch in the upper right, and the upper left, that is actually the edge between the tile floor and the carpeted/wood floor of the rest of the room, and we only see part of the chair that is on the tile floor, the rest of it being cut off by the wall to their left (with the painting on it) and a tiny bit of the wall on the other side of the room way up in the center top of the panel.
To be honest, that living room was rushed out at 1am because I wanted to get the coloring done and posted and my butt in bed at a decent time.
I’ll probably redraw it. It’s really rushed and quite frankly bad.
But basically you’ve got a kitchen nook with tile floor behind that wall the blood painting is on, a futon couch facing a television that is hidden by the top-down perspective.
Really the biggest issue here is I probably need to make the angle less extreme so you see that back wall more. Or at all.
Yeah, I know how hard getting perspective down is. Since it appears your trying for an over the shoulder shot, I’d try to place the vanishing point somewhere near the bleeding protrait, like the lower right hand corner. Not that I’m an expert or anything.
Andi seems to have a bad habit of over-promising on things she might not be able to actually deliver on.
i agree with that, and i fully expect that Andi is going to blissfully, ignorantly, expect Amanda will drop the ENTIRE subject until Monday night when they get together at Todd/Selkie’s place… TOTALLY OBLIVIOUS to the fact that she won’t have told her anything at all prior to her GOING TO SCHOOL ON MONDAY FIRST!!!, and I’ll bet every Moxana point i have that there WILL be some fireworks with Amanda and Selkie at school on Monday… almost certainly enough of an altercation that both sets of parents will be getting called to the school to help sort it out (similar to what happened with the shirt incident), and that’s when MINA finds out about Todd/Andi’s past… THAT will put a BIIIGGG dent in their budding relationship… and it will now get the school district officially involved in their child-rearing angst as well…
As an added bonus, come Monday – Todd will have already filled Selkie in on the whole issue. He was starting that process when we left them for Andi & Amanda. So SELKIE will be fully apprised of the situation before school on Monday and Amanda will still be somewhat in the dark.
Knowing Amanda, if she did get a motorcycle, she’d find some way to combine it with the “chopping idiot’s heads off with red-hot swords” thing.
Wow. That “no answers means I take you to task in the wallet” approach was unexpected. Further unexpectations included it actually working!
So. She’s expecting what, now? That Todd’s not going to be more honest with Selkie than she’s being with Amanda? That Selkie, Amanda’s long-term rival, will have some sort of compunctions or hesitation about informing Amanda of any truth she learns, in the most gleeful way possible? That Amanda’s not going to resent Andi, for having to learn the truth from Fish-face instead of her own mother?
Oh, wait. This is Andi. Andi doesn’t think. Andi *avoids*.
Todd’s developed into a pretty good father. He has every reason to be livid with Andi, but I think he’ll be careful in how much he says to Selkie. I bet he’ll tell his parents everything, though.
The questions that Selkie’s gonna ask, that MUST be answered, are: If Amanda is your daughter, why didn’t you adopt her? and, If Amanda is your daughter, does that mean you don’t want me anymore?
There’s no way Todd’s going to be able to evade those questions without breaking Selkie’s heart – and he’s likely to realize that – and any truthful answer he gives to either question is a nuclear weapon in Selkie’s hands come Monday morning.
Honestly, with this level of family drama going on, if I were Todd, I’d keep Selkie out of school until after the family meeting and after some form of ‘plan’ is actually put down. Call Mina, get the homework in advance, work with her over the weekend if need be (interspersed with loving grandparents time, since Todd’s going to need to talk to them too), and NOT have my kid go to school with a ticking time bomb.
Especially since he’s seen how vindictive Selkie CAN get (calling the cops without permission, singing pirate songs, etc). Trusting the restraint of an eight year old is a risky proposition under the best of circumstances, which these aren’t.
“If Amanda is your daughter, why didn’t you adopt her?”
“I didn’t know she was my daughter.” (Andi already told Amanda this, so that’s not a bombshell.) “If I had known I had a daughter, she wouldn’t have been there in the orphanage to begin with. And I might not have been looking for anyone else to adopt.” (An honest truth, but not weaponizable.) “A lot of things could have happened differently, but they didn’t. I met you, and I adopted you. That’s a good thing.”
“Now that you know Amanda is your daughter, does that mean you don’t want me any more?”
“Don’t be silly, of course not. You are my daughter. I simply found out today that I have two daughters. Now I’m trying to get used to the idea! And I guess you are going to have to get used to the idea that you have a sister.”
Guys, take god-mode off for a minute. Andi doesn’t know everything we know.
Andi spent 3 months trying to find her kid, which would’ve been something like a full-time job. She spent another couple weeks filling out reams of paperwork, another full-time job. And through all that was the fear that maybe she wouldn’t get Amanda back, possibly even her mother reinforcing that fear. Would you go to parenting classes when all you have is a vague hope, then a bit of a stronger hope? I sure wouldn’t, that would be spending money on something that might not even happen! Andi followed the “don’t count your chickens before they hatch.” Searching for Amanda, the eggs wouldn’t have even been laid yet! Plus, when would she find the time? Around all that searching and filling out papers, she still had to work to pay her bills and put food on her table. Probably also to put some money away for the day she can bring Amanda home. So, prepare beforehand? I can totally understand why she didn’t.
Now, she picked Amanda up the day before the extra-credit was announced. I was under the impression that the extra-credit was announced only a couple days before the extra-credit was to take place. Therefore, she’s only had about 3 or 4 days with Amanda. She’s still in “trying to get to know my daughter” phase. She didn’t know that Amanda went to the same school with Todd’s adoptive daughter until the second day with Amanda (two days ago). Initiate new plan of action. She didn’t know that Amanda and Selkie were enemies until the end of the extra-credit (say fifteen minutes of driving?). She just had her heart stomped on (her own fault? Yes, but that doesn’t make it hurt any less). A new plan of action is required, and she’s at least aware that she needs time to think of how to explain this all, plus that with her head spinning over Todd she really can’t think straight.
Todd was always her hope, her rock. She knows he’s better with kids than she is. She’s just realized that Todd is not reacting in the ways she’s hoped. Her rock has been washed out from under her, and she has no one to turn to. The only thing she can think to do is go to Todd for help, because he’s who she’s always turned to for help. Plus, it’s his kid, so he has to help her with this, right? (by her way thinking, that is) The fact that he invited them over shows that he wants to be part of the kid’s life, so there’s a ray of hope for her.
—Re-initiate god-mode.
I’m with those hoping that Todd invites the family over. I’m also kinda hoping he calls Mina to explain that some things have come up and he can’t make Monday’s meeting, could they maybe meet Sunday someplace public but not intimate. Mina definitely needs to be warned of the potential trouble.
To answer the question, yes, yes I would take parenting classes. Or at least hit the library and get some free books to help me prepare better. It’s best to have something and not need it than need something and not have it.
She had to know that this was going to be a challenge, that things wouldn’t go quite as smoothly as she expected. Children are a challenge, each one is different, but preparation makes things easier and if she didn’t take advantage of resources, then it is her fault and she should be called out on her foolishness.
And before you say Oh She Doesn’t Know About Parenting Books, we all know who Dr Spock is, and even if one isn’t a fan of his approach to child rearing, it still advertises that there is parenting books.
While i’ve never had the need to look into the legal requirements about adoption, i’d hazard a guess as to say that parenting classes may actually be MANDATORY for a potential adopter to take (or at least schedule to take) before getting the final green light for adoption in the first place… granted, we don’t see Lilian actually mention them, but it could have been gone over off-camera, too.
Parenting classes are mentioned when taking foster care classes, as I mentioned in a reply above. Someone, at some point, would have said something to Andi. I’m sure of it. I doubt it would’ve been a requirement, as Andi is Amanda’s biological mother, and biological relations is HEAVILY favored in adoption/custody cases.
That being said, most people would realize that it’s unwise to take anyone or anything into your home without knowing how to raise and care for said thing or person.
I adopted 2 kids, no parenting classes even mentioned. Now, the circumstances were different and I already had experience as a parent, but there’s no regulation requiring a neophyte to learn anything about parenting before adoption.
>She didnât know that Amanda went to the same school with Toddâs adoptive daughter until the second day with Amanda (two days ago).
Yeah, and by that evening, I’m sure Amanda had enough nasty stuff to say about Fish-face to let Andi know EXACTLY what the situation was.
If, y’know, Andi was actually paying attention to what was going on around her. Which doesn’t seem to be her strong suit, at ALL.
How could she *not* have thought about these things? She has had 8 years, plus the time it took to reunite with Amanda? If you are a mom, you *think* about these kinds of things before they happen. And really? It’s so simple. She tells Amanda she and Amanda’s dad didn’t have any idea they could reunite until recently (whichâwhile it eliminates the “I told your dad you were dead”âit is the truth). She tells Amanda she and Todd had broken up and were out of communication so she was waiting to find a way to approach him about it. This is all the truth, and it eliminates the ugly crap Amanda *doesn’t* need to know. It really doesn’t take rocket science to figure out.
I think there’s people that want to give Andi too easy a ride. I’m not going to take guesses to their reasoning. But just as there’s an Andi-Hating crew I’ve noticed there’s the opposite. I just like to call Andi out on her crap. The fact she is this ill prepared and skittish is crap and tells me much about her character.
Considering that Amanda has such an extreme problem, Andi would have been required to take classes now I think of it. Biological child or not, this situation would have required it. This isn’t a kitten, this is a human being. There would have been demands on Andi to help a child near the edge.
She is required to take classes to foster/adopt, but since she was reunited with her biological daughter that is probably a different situation. Thing is I don’t think classes would have made a difference. You have to be *willing to learn* in those situations for them to stick.
I agree, though. You don’t have to be an Andi hater to call crap on the way she’s handling this.
Haven’t noticed anybody wanting to give Andi an easy ride. A lot of people who’ve been in worse places dealing with their own family can understand and empathize with her tho. She isn’t like-able at this point but she’s definitely human. Most people call b.s. on what is b.s. but are interested in what might have shaped her to feel like that b.s. is a reasonable reaction when it’s pretty obviously destroying her life. And somebody who has a much worse version of Andi in their life is going to see what she did as bad but could’ve been worse.
…whereas somebody who’s either never had to deal with somebody like her or has been damaged by somebody on par with her is a lot more likely to see her as the devil.
I think for at least some if not most of the last eight years, she was upset and regretting her decision but didn’t think there was a chance she’d be reunited. She should have started thinking about what she’d say and all after she started trying to reconnect, ESPECIALLY after she could then reclaim her, but honestly it’s Andi so I’m not surprised.
I wonder whether the “leaving behind the coats” was intentional or just a slip like Amanda’s earrings (missing two pages ago, back on last page and gone once again here)
The coats, I figured tat Andi would just kind of grab Amanda and go full retreat with the way things went in the aquarium.
The earrings… well, those damned earrings are my Waterloo.
Those earrings are definitely the greatest water park in San Dimas.
Bill and Ted, good show LaughingTarget, good show.
The beauty of earrings is they *can* be removedâeven before they heal. Kids do such things. đ
I love that the solution to having left the coats at the aquarium is… buy new coats.