The alcohol bakes out, just saying. >_>
– – – – –
Fan Art update to share! LadyObvious drew a grown-up Selkie for me:
Thank you!
Andi please include raisins in that rum cake, lest thou be a heathen.
The alcohol bakes out, just saying. >_>
– – – – –
Fan Art update to share! LadyObvious drew a grown-up Selkie for me:
Thank you!
You’re welcome,Dave. I just thought Selkie looked cool like that. And I wanted it to be a slight peace offering. To make up for my nastyness. I promise that I’m going to watch my temper from now on.
And wow. Andi was going to have Amanda at her house for Christmas. My instinct was right. I was hoping it wasn’t. :l That’s just really rude.
Not trying to start a fight. It just feels a bit rude. Like. :/ If she was going to have Amanda on Christmas Day? Why not let Todd have her for the night?
I can understand how it feels rude – I think honestly most of it comes down to a lack of proper communication beforehand between Andi and Todd (and to a degree, Amanda). Definitely with Amanda’s issues – abandonment in particular – I think it is good that Andi is there, at least initially, for the family gathering, because we’ve seen what happens when she ran off that one time; Amanda (very understandably) started to freak out.
Now, had there been good communication? It might have been okay. If Todd and Andi had discussed it with each other and then with Amanda, they could maybe have worked it out so that it wouldn’t have been too overwhelming. That didn’t happen, unfortunately (and there’s blame to go around there, since both Todd and Andi made assumptions and did not clearly communicate, in which Amanda is the one stuck in the middle).
That said … I think Andi needs to be there for Amanda because everyone else there is, for Amanda, a relative unknown. She’s still building a relationship with Todd, doesn’t trust him completely, and Todd right now is more ‘Selkie’s dad’ to Amanda than ‘MY dad’. Andi is the one person in the whole gathering who is wholly and unequivocally hers, who she views as (rightly or wrongly) as there for her and able and willing to protect her. Everyone else is at best something of an unknown or likely to have compromised alliance because of Selkie, who Amanda views herself as in competition with.
Those issues can’t really at age 8 be set aside for a day, even Christmas day. So while it’s definitely rude to the Smith household (especially the lack of prior notice and arrangement), it at the same time is, I think, in Amanda’s best interests that Andi be there.
No it isn’t. She’s making unnecessary stress and manipulated Todd to agree. Is being emotionally draining by being there for some of them at least. And why can’t Todd spend Christmas Eve without Andi being there when it’s obvious she’s going to have all of Christmas Day with her?
Feels wrong. Very wrong to me. 😐
I agree with you that it was incredibly crass of Andi to assume she was invited, and having her there is causing a lot of unneeded stress on Todd’s family. But the fact is, the most psychologically vulnerable person there is Amanda, and assuming she believed Andi would be there, her suddenly announcing she wouldn’t be would also be pretty stressful for a child with serious abandonment fears. If there had been more chance to speak with her about it, there wouldn’t have been a problem, but it was very short notice when the miscommunication was realized.
Yeah, if this were explained to her and sorted out back in November, probably everyone would be fine and Andi wouldn’t be attending. Day before Christmas Eve? Yeah given Amanda’s issues and the fact Todd had just realized the problem with Selkie was still ongoing, best to have Andi there for her. (Because if nothing else, no one wants a Christmas Eve where they ended up having to physically separate Amanda and Selkie getting into a huge nasty fight and then waiting for Andi to show up or Todd having to leave Selkie to take Amanda back or something. And I trust the adults more than I trust the eight-year-olds.)
How is being emotionally manipulative going to help? Andi does this whenever she hears “no”. And it was just one evening with the Smith’s. Not two days. One night. But Andi couldn’t let them have this? It’s unfair. Very unfair.
One: Amanda and Selkie cannot be trusted to get along for just one night. LITERALLY, AMANDA CANNOT YET BE LEFT ALONE WITH SELKIE. It isn’t safe for Selkie there. Todd just found that out the day he agreed to letting Andi come along, and that may have been a factor.
Two: Amanda would need to have this explained well in advance, because Amanda has abandonment issues and would take a change of plans (from her perspective, because if Andi was operating under the unspoken assumption she was coming to Christmas Eve then Amanda probably was too, whether Andi had talked about it for her to expect that or not) as potential evidence that her mom doesn’t really love her, or that her dad will make her stay here and live with Selkie, or start worrying that everyone will hate her and like Selkie more than her. (Because remember: Abandonment issues, eight-year-old psyche, and history of abuse. Amanda doesn’t think of ‘new family members’ as safe because historically family hasn’t been, because she thinks the “bad things” she’s done make her unworthy of love, and because her new family includes Selkie who she blames as the reason behind her suffering. Even if it’s just one night, it’s one night with new people and with her mom not there, and both of these facts compounded with “Christmas is special and when your family’s together” cultural stuff means it’s still a potential anxiety thing.)
She wouldn’t be alone though. She’d be surrounded by family members whom she is getting along with just fine. And wouldn’t let her get away with picking on Selkie either.
No one knew how she’d get along with the other family members before introducing her to them. That’s a wild card, especially since Marta and Antoine already know and accept Selkie. (Which might have been a stress factor if Amanda was meeting them without Andi as parental backup.)
And since they don’t know Selkie as well, Amanda AT ALL, and would probably defer to Todd on Sarnothi things and the sibling dynamic? Can’t promise the aunt and uncles would be equipped to recognize what’s going on if Todd didn’t. After all, there’s friendly family teasing, which Selkie even engages in on occasion… and then there’s the bullying Amanda gets in, usually while the others aren’t watching (and they’ve all got other people to potentially interact with) and which has like five different levels of subtext that no one in the cast is partial to all of.
(Subtext one: Amanda’s nickname for Selkie is actually extremely insulting.
Subtext two: Because Selkie is actually non-human, and as such calling her a fish reads uncomfortably to adults like a racial slur.
Subtext three: Amanda is at least vaguely aware Selkie’s not like other humans, only making point two all the worst.
Subtext four: Amanda has crushing psychological issues as a result of her abuse and abandonment, and Selkie’s arrival at the same time as her meant she didn’t get the help she needed even if the orphanage could give it to her and caused her to blame Selkie for the fact she wasn’t cared about.
Subtext five: Which was all made FIVE THOUSAND TIMES WORSE after the revelation that Todd is her biological father, he chose Selkie over her, and while she has some of the story there Amanda still feels he should have magically known and still resents Selkie for the place that was rightfully hers.)
And again, since Amanda has such severe abandonment issues, even saying “it’s just for one night because your dad wants to celebrate with his family and he and I aren’t together anymore, he still loves you, I still love you, and I’ll pick you up afterwards” isn’t going to be enough reassurance. The Sandersons probably didn’t say they were going to take her to the orphanage and leave her there forever, after all. On top of that, she’d probably ask why SELKIE has to be part of her family but her MOM, her REAL MOM, who CAME BACK FOR HER isn’t. Nuance and eight year olds don’t mix.
Like, I really don’t know how to put this any clearer. AMANDA HAS INCREDIBLE TRAUMA AND ANDI IS THE ONLY PERSON WE KNOW FOR A FACT SHE CURRENTLY CONSIDERS UNAMBIGUOUSLY SAFE. Amanda does not respond well to things when she’s stressed, and tends to do impulsive harmful things in that state. Selkie would be an easy target there, and even if other relatives stepped in there it might just reinforce to her that she’s “bad” and doesn’t deserve their love and now they hate her and love Selkie too like everyone else, and then the whole thing becomes a major catastrophe loop.
Amanda’s vulnerable. They know how to handle that. One of those ways to handle it though is trying to make sure the kid feels comfortable and safe in new situations, and like it or not Andi’s presence is an important part of Amanda feeling comfortable and safe.
Amanda seems fine. With or without Andi. Especially when there are adults she knows. Like her grandparents and dad.
Andi isn’t helpful in this. And it wasn’t even going to be for a long while. Just a couple of hours to spend time together like a family. Of which Andi is no longer apart of because of her lying. Also he’s picking her up and dropping her off. It’s kinda obvious she’s spending time with him. And she already knows they aren’t in love anymore.
So it isn’t about Amanda. This is about Andi and how she burned all her bridges. Now that she’s on an island,she’s trying to swim back to the people she’s hurt.
Also you don’t need to repeat that part. I know Amanda’s been traumitized. But for cripes sake,Andi hasn’t been the best with her. And sometimes it’s good for a kid to have alone time with their other parent.
Todd may be oblivious at times,but is a very good Dad. Now that he knows about the problems,he can look for them. Also her paternal grandparents are there. She seems to be well behaved around them. So unless she corners Selkie in the bathroom,Amanda won’t have a chance to hurt her.
But considering she’s in a pretty happier mood lately. I doubt she was going to anyway.
It was just Christmas Eve. She’s been without Andi on days at Todd’s. Andi gets all of Christmas Day.
Also, might I add my admiration for the image.
Thank you. 🙂
Oh, she is unnecessarily stressing everyone else out and has very little business being here, agreed. Personally I think the first meeting with the extended family should have been going to a movie together or something, a public venue where Amanda could acclimate to everyone and Andi’s presence would be less intrusive because it wouldn’t be Christmas With The Family. (Much as the Smiths don’t like it, Andi is part of the Amanda package and particularly critical right now with her abandonment issues and taking it out on Selkie.)
But AMANDA is not aware of the level of crap that’s going on. Amanda is an eight-year-old who already has serious abandonment issues, and while the Smiths love her she doesn’t really know them that well and still has issues with Selkie that spending Christmas Eve together could exacerbate. Having Andi there and ready to intervene is actually serving a purpose, it’s just that all of their expectations for the holidays should have been hashed out months ago and planning for things like Amanda meeting the aunt and uncles with failsafes in place so she isn’t totally overwhelmed/there’s an out if she starts seriously antagonizing Selkie should have been made then, and not the night before the event.
She’s having Amanda Christmas Day. This was just an evening family event. That makes Andi in the complete wrong and being wholly manipulative. It isn’t good for anyone.
Seriously. Todd wanted to have a little time with his daughters. Andi gets this now and Christmas Day. It’s selfish and just horrible.
It was an evening family event that was also THE FIRST MEETING OF THE AUNT AND UNCLES. It’s going well now, but this wasn’t a guarantee and if things had gotten overwhelming, having someone who could take Amanda home or even just her being able to go over to her mom or look at her and see she has not yet abandoned her is important.
And Todd can’t fulfill that role for her yet, for a variety of reasons but the biggest one is that Amanda blames Selkie for her crushing psychological trauma and not getting the attention she needed at the time, attention she now views as rightfully “hers”. Until that’s sorted out (get this child some therapy!), every interaction that puts Amanda and Selkie in the same place? Is gonna be fraught. Especially since this is a new situation with new people, Andi should be there when Amanda’s meeting the extended family so that Amanda has that failsafe and SELKIE has that failsafe if Amanda reacts badly. Also as the art gallery incident illustrated, more supervision = better for everyone.
Like, here’s the thing. Abandonment issues are BAD. I know someone who’s been grappling with them in therapy for literal decades and is mostly a stable, functioning adult, and even then she still has moments of needing reassurance. Even then, she’s still constantly pushing and proving herself “useful” because otherwise people might leave her. I have a social anxiety disorder and I still feel more secure in my relationships than that because my formative experiences do not include being abandoned by a family member, much less an ENTIRE FAMILY the way Amanda was.
Todd having time with his daughters on Christmas Eve? Totally fine. Andi not being there? Again, could work. But it would have needed to be explained to Amanda WELL IN ADVANCE that Andi wouldn’t be there and that both her parents still love her and aren’t going to take her away from the other one (seriously, get this kid some therapy), it shouldn’t be the first meeting of the aunt and uncles, and it would have to be after they’ve proved that Amanda can be there around Selkie for a big family event and for an extended time without Amanda getting nasty. Which so far? She hasn’t. So for the time being? Andi being there, even as a barely-tolerated presence who causes them all stress, does serve an important purpose as THE POTENTIAL IMMEDIATE AMANDA TAKEAWAY VEHICLE.
A POTENTIAL IMMEDIATE AMANDA TAKEAWAY VEHICLE IS NECESSARY AT THIS TIME. Amanda knowing that if she needs a getaway, she has one is necessary at this time. Amanda knowing her mother has not abandoned her and that the father who chose fish girl over her isn’t going to keep her from her mom is necessary at this time. (And her view of everything is inaccurate, but she’s eight, even without all the other issues all eight-year-olds have distorted views of their parents.)
It’s stressful for the rest of the family to have her there, but no matter when she was meeting them Andi would have been needed the first time because they were unknowns to her and Andi was Her Person. This shouldn’t have been Christmas Eve, but no one communicated between each other to ensure that meeting happened before this so right now we’re stuck with Christmas Eve. And given the Amanda-Selkie thing came up again on the 23rd? Andi became more necessary for this event because Amanda cannot be trusted alone with Selkie.
I agree. It seems to help to have two pairs of adult eyes on Amanda when the two girls are together. She tends to get away a lot more with picking on Selkie when Andi is not there. One recurring weakness Todd has is he can be oblivious at times—especially in regards to negative things from Amanda. I want to hate on Andi as most people I know who have traits like her (pushy, dishonest, fearful to the point of being elusive) have rarely come clean and tried to change, but she seems to have self-awareness—which is something that has been rare in people I’ve known who have her negative traits.
Yeah, Andi’s issues are myriad, but she has seemed to be making an honest attempt to not screw things up more than she already has with regards to Amanda (she’s… if she’s attempting with the Smiths by this point, she sure isn’t doing enough of it to matter and is failing spectacularly.) Between that and the fact that Amanda needs therapy and both the girls need supervision and lots of space from each other to have anything resembling a functional relationship, Andi as monitor is a useful thing.
And it just so happens that for Amanda to get what she needs, Andi gets what she wants despite the fact that absolutely nobody feels she deserves it, or really wants her around for the family christmas, and is in fact making things distinctly more stressful just by her presence.
If she’s really serious about getting back into the Smith family’s good books, this was the absolute worst way to go about it.
This is my take on things as well. At some point, they’ll definitely need to have Amanda not have Andi there as the safety net – but not for first meetings and not a major holiday which is emotionally charged and in the presence of her obviously loved rival.
It is a very nice drawing. I hope some day I could also submit a picture.
Thank you. :3
I like the picture. That’s a cute take on her. I can’t draw worth a darn and am always impressed by those who can.
Thank you very much. :3
I appreciate that, thank you. 🙂
I’m glad you like it. ?
That is one heck of a pic LadyObvious! Kudos to you! Selkie’s body shape is mature, pleasing to the eye and draws attention in the right ways. I wholly approve of the ‘twintail’ style of hair and the dyed bangs, they suit her skin tone well. Also choice of clothing further accents Selkie’s features as well as your choice of color palette for the clothing. One of the best ‘potential future’ Selkie drawings I’ve seen.
Thank you. :3 I figured it would suit Selkie’s metal personality to a T. ?
Very nicely drawn. She’s so cute. 🙂
Actually, not all of thr liquor bakes out.
Well, she didn’t say that she couldn’t be around liquor baked in cakes. 😉 I kind of imagine her not wanting to open the bottle at all right now!
I got drunk from a piece of homemade Italian rum cake when I was 9. I crashed on the couch and my parents couldn’t wake me for school the next morning.
Oh for…so this WAS something they could have split. Andi did indeed use Amanda to weasel in where she wasn’t wanted. Ugh. She is still not getting that she is no with Todd anymore…
It’s kind of selfish of her. I mean I can understand it,she might be doing this to spend more time with Amanda. It is their first Christmas together too. But it is coming off as a wee bit…intruding. For a lack of a better term.
I’m gonna give Andi the BOTD that she’s just doing this to be with Amanda.
Even then – Todd and his family deserve some time non-Andi to have at the holidays. I go back to Andi didn’t even mention it was for Amanda’s sake until after Todd had said no. I really hope her Christmas present from someone (anyone – Santa? Zeus?) is a few paid therapy sessions.
Yeah. Good point.
Nail on the head; much as one can understand for Amanda’s sake why; Andi should have hashed this issue with the family a long while ago. Hopefully she’ll take any vitriol in stride, since well the family has a right to be annoyed with her. Just as much as I hope the Smiths don’t go overboard displaying their displeasure she’s there. A fine balancing act is required here; but I do agree whether or not she’s done what she’s done for Amanda’s sake or herself; it was rude to more or less get yourself invited to someone else’s Christmas time.
Yeah, I imagine if this had been settled back in November with either “since it is the first meeting and the first Christmas, we’ll allow it this year but not next year” or “it is just not going to work at Christmas, but let’s arrange something for her to meet Antoine and Marta early in a situation we can be civil around you and some suggestions about how to talk about it with Amanda”, the preparedness would go a long way to help this situation.
Unfortunately, as usual things were left to unspoken plan until the last possible second, at which point a guaranteed good solution was no longer available.
Yup. Andi is incredibly immature. And now she is going to be raising a child with her own issues. The heartwarming Hollywood comedy outcome is that she gains maturity while helping Amanda deal with her issues. The more real world scenario is excrement hits the ceiling mounted cooling aparatus and it becomes a total dumpster fire. *sigh*
I definitely prefer the Selkie and Todd + Selkie Mythology storylines to the Andy/Amanda ones, but i’m sure others find this more interesting. People like what they like after all.
Good luck Andi, you’ve walked into the dragons den and she’s cranky. You’ve got pretty much zero margin of error tonight.
You think those of us who are raising our own children don’t have issues? Boy, you oughta meet MY family.
The best I can do is to hope that MY issues don’t hurt my kids too much.
Andi has to deal with her issues and look at how they affect Amanda, and has to make sure she is not using Amanda as a tool to not deal with her problems. This is what she has done here.
I know I may be in the minority here by having some degree of empathy for Andi (and Amanda, for that matter). I’m probably over-personalizing, since I’ve done some pretty lousy stuff in my life (although, I’ll admit, NOT approaching Andi-levels of lousy). I know how it feels to *desperately* want to make up for your mistakes, and how grateful you can feel when someone gives you a chance to do so (and sometimes overdo it in your gratitude).
I have to say I find Andi kind of endearing here: “I can make a rum cake!” However, I don’t think Todd’s mom *owes* her anything and I think being confronted like this is probably fair to her and ultimately good for her. Also, as someone who identifies as female, I’ve got to say that Todd’s mom is kind of holding out an olive branch here, albeit (and rightfully) angrily. My mom would not let ANYONE she completely hated into her kitchen during the holidays. 😛
Also, Dave, I apologize if any of my comments have been offensive or led/contributed to offensive discussions. I’m a sporadic commenter here (although I’m a regular reader) and I try to stay clear of “flame wars” in general. I would say that a lot of people (myself included) seem to be relating very personally to your narrative. To me, that’s one of the markers of good art and literature and a credit to your work. 🙂
I think, about now, I’d be saying something like, “If you really REALLY feel that strongly about me being here, I’ll just take my daughter and leave. And when people say, ‘What happened to Amanda?’, you can self-righteously explain that you threw my sorry ass out, and I selfishly took my child with me.”
That is pretty selfish though. Andi wasn’t invited at first and seems to have had plans with her on Christmas Day. So why not let the rest of the family be with Amanda without her?
I get it’s their first Christmas in all but still.
Andi should absolutely be with Amanda on Christmas. Sorry, but it’s their first Christmas together, and Todd’s not her legal guardian.
Why didn’t she just leave Amanda with Todd’s family on Christmas Eve and take her back home for Christmas?
I ain’t sure. She kinda seems to be trying to get back with Todd and uses Amanda as a shield whenever the word “No” is uttered by him. But it could be just my cynicism leaking in here and clouding my judgment.
Nah, she’s totes trying to get back with Todd. The idea of getting Amanda back didn’t cross her mind until Todd and Andi had that chat (right before the stolen shirt incident) and talked about their breakup. Getting Amanda back, to me, has always felt like Andi’s last ditch effort to get back together with Todd.
If Andi has put his name on the birth certificate (as alluded before) and it has been re-recorded with the City, he IS her legal guardian. This is what the grandparents were wanting previously.
“Cool, see you in court for visitation rights arrangements, paternity claims, and possible custody battle.” Though honestly I would love to see how Andi would handle interrogation by lawyer and judge. If you think the Smiths are being cold and cutting you have no idea what family court is like.
I agree Alpo.
And if I was Mari, I would let Andi walk out since Andi would be wholly in the wrong to do that. Andi deserves the anger and the fire, she is not in the right here and manipulated and wormed her way in. She wanted both events, well she has it and sometimes there’s a price to it. Little miss tree ashes is getting what she deserves.
What’s Andi going to do? Cry that her treatment is unfair later? Pshhh.
If I was mean enough,I’d let Andi go get the things from the truck. Then lock the door. XD But I’m not and Mari isn’t.
I like that, and if kids weren’t there, everybody moon her! But that is immature. Funny, but immature.
And as much as I ain’t a fan of her. I really wanna see her mature and be treated nice. Well. After she grows up.
Andi’s not going to do that, though. No chance. Zero. She will accept whatever blame Mari puts on her, and endure. She knows she did something terrible. Anything Mari says to her, she knows she deserves it. She’ll suffer, and squirm, and try to divert the attack with pathetic social moves like, “I can make a cake!” but she won’t ever pick up and leave.
The sad thing is, she still wants their approval. She wants it even more, I think, than she wants to get back together with Todd. In fact, being accepted into Todd’s warm family life was probably what she liked best about being his girlfriend. On a person to person basis, apparently, they hadn’t been getting along all that well for quite a while, even before the breakup. We’ve seen glimpses of what Andi’s mother is like. I can easily believe she had come to feel Todd’s family was her own.
Thing is, she’s NOT their daughter. She just wishes with all her heart that she was.
If she still wants their approval, this was the absolute worst way to attempt to get it. Emotional blackmail in order to force them to let her in to family time on the grounds that the alternative might be bad for Amanda? Yeah, no.
And Mari is absolutely right to point this out — if Andi is serious about trying to get back into their good books, she needs to be told what does and doesn’t work because evidently the last discussion on this topic wasn’t sufficient.
Also, I’m not getting a vibe of “everyone goes back to their own place for Christmas”. It feels more like grandma and grandpa are going to put people wherever they will fit – kids in their old rooms, someone on the couch, sleeping bags on the floor.
Because otherwise, why would Andi be planning to sneak presents onto her bed?
I mean, really? Their first Christmas together and Andi doesn’t have a tree for presents to be under, or Amanda have a stocking up? That seems unlikely.
The only reason I can see for sneaking presents onto the foot of her bed is because she won’t be home to get them under the tree. She’ll be at Grandma’s Christmas morning. And Andi is putting stuff on her bed so she’ll get the presents from her mother first. Then she can go see what the other adults put under the tree for her.
Actually– it’s likely the whole “Santa put presents at the foot of your bed” thing. Because Andi might not have room for a tree in her home, or maybe that’s just how she does her own traditions.
Otherwise, Gramma wouldn’t have said “So you’re having your own Christmas with her, AND…”
If the adults are staying at their mom n’ dad’s with their SOs, that’s one thing. I imagine, if Andi hadn’t come, she could’ve swung by and picked Amanda up at bedtime. I know this paragraph seems pretty assume-y, but the point is that Andi/Amanda clearly had plans on Christmas Day. That’s what we’re finding out on this page. So yeah, Andi used Amanda to weasel her way into Dave n’ Family’s Christmas Eve.
But why does Andi respond to Mari’s question with “I was gonna sneak some stuff on the foot of her bed?” It seems like the response doesn’t exactly fit the question.
Probably silly and over-thinky of me, but because I know there are several readers who follow Selkie with their young kids, I wanted to have Andi say, “I am giving her presents from Santa” without overtly saying it and wrecking the Santa Story for younglings reading the comic.
I get that, I focused on wrong part.
In panel 2, Andi explains why she tagged along, so shouldn’t Mari have said “You have Christmas with her”? instead of asking her about what she’s doing for Christmas morning.
But I think I get it now. Mari asked Andi about what she is doing for Christmas morning so that she can really make Andi realize how selfish she is for tagging along when she will be with Amanda the whole next day anyway.
It wouldn’t have been as effective is she had just said “you’re going to be with her for Christmas day, there was no need for you to be here.”
And it’s cool that you think of the children, Dave.
And Andi loses any excuse at all to be here, glad Mari even calls her out on it.
She wants her daughter to be with everyone who loves her on Christmas. Nothing wrong with that.
It’s wrong when she manipulated Todd and used Amanda as a shield. It feels like she’s using Todd’s emotions to strong arm herself back into the picture. I might be wrong but that’s how it looks.
That’s an unreasonable want when two people separate and have children. Plus it seems more like she wants to be with her daughter on Christmas rather than the other way around.
Yeah, after my parents split up I think it was at least 2 or 3 years before my mom started going to Dad’s family’s holidays again. Meanwhile this family has endured a MUCH more painful situation MUCH more recently.
Everything wrong with it when it means causing emotional harm to other people in order to have things YOUR way. Andi created this whole problem in the first place by lying to Todd, its on her to make it right, not everyone else to simply forgive her and give in to her every desire. Andi needs to learn that, she needs to grow up, she needs to take responsibility, and so far she’s not.
And if that “just happens” to get her what she wants — more ‘family time’ with Todd — that’s just how it conveniently works out.
i´m kinda greatful to grandma that she´s blunt+honest with andi, she manages to poke holes in her flimsy excuses without getting mean…..and who knows, maybe the persistent prodding of everyone of the smith family might one day succeed in bursting andi´s most persistent bubble – her thinking that her and todd still are together or will get back together again.
also, i´m kinda curious whether andi only brought presents for amanda or included a small gift for selkie as well – personally, if i´d be in a position to celebrate with another family, i´d have a little something for everybody, but a gift for selkie is the barest minimum.
as for that cake….you can´t call it a REAL rumcake if it isn´t doused in generous amounts after baking. that baby has to be moist from it! and make you feel it after a couple of slices, hell yeah!
So Andi was gonna be alone with Amanda on Christmas, anyway? Does Todd know that?
That’s what I assumed all along, and why her demand to come along seemed inappropriate and unnecessary. Amanda is fine, and I doubt she would have minded Andi not being over for one visit if Andi hadn’t made it into an issue to begin with.
It’s too bad that Andi really seems like she didn’t put any thought into any of this. I liked the idea that Blue Coyote suggested that Andi’s trying to prevent Amanda from asking about her maternal grandparents, but is still hanging back so Amanda gets a look at the family without worrying how they look at Andi. But she really is making it seem like “I wanted Amanda to have both parents around at Christmas.” Is her only logic despite Amanda being somewhat accepting of how she doesn’t live with her dad and thus gets regular visits up to this point. Maybe she can prove to be more self-aware in the coming pages.
Par for the course for Andi.
I’m going to throw something out there that just occurred to me when I was reading panel 2 of the post prior to this one.
Maybe, just maybe at least some of Andi’s motivation for being there is that she was afraid Amanda would freak out or feel like an outsider.
Her thought bubble says “She’s getting along with everyone… Thank you, God. Maybe this will go smoothly after all.” To me that says that she was anticipating there being some sort of conflict. Maybe she is actually showing some maternal instinct. Mama Bear wants to make sure her kid is ok and doesn’t feel like an outsider. Even if part of Andi’s motivation is that she wanted to be part of Todd’s family again or just was selfish enough that she couldn’t bear to not be there to see all of Amanda’s first family holiday I think Andi really does want to be there for her kid’s sake.
I agree that if she and Todd had communicated better and taken the time to prep Amanda for the visit without Andi it would have probably been fine. I can also see why it might be good for a child with Amanda’s history to have her primary caregiver on hand at what might become an emotionally charged event.
That’s true too. And there may be a bit of Andi taking more responsibility of being able to ground/punish/or just keep Amanda being not-bullyish by being there. Amanda’s behaved so far, so maybe the talk Andi had with her helped (at least for now) but Andi wants to make sure it’s enforced. But it still could have been brought up before the we’ve always been together type attitude she had. So – I feel hopeful that she will be a good parent, but not as hopeful she will be a good adult about the Smiths.
Even I think that Andi’s really in this for Amanda’s sake (even if selfish reasons are involved too), but I’m worried that if Todd finds out about this at the last minute, he himself isn’t gonna take it very well..
Lest it pass without notice, it IS September, and Seltember 19th IS talk like a Pirate Day, so the Captain is appropriate, just not today, and not in Mari.
Actually, I kinda took the offer of a cake as one of two things. 1) Maybe an excuse to get the rum out. For herself, or for Mari. Maybe she knows Mari loves rum, and is usually a “cheerful tipsy”. Maybe it’s for herself. Personally, I took it as 2) An attempt at humor, in the awkward way people in an emotional corner sometimes do it (not like ME, of course! 😉 ) You know, something like “Gee, it’s soooo stressful right now, and I’m soooooo busted/embarrassed, I could use a good stiff one! How about you? Ha ha ha….. hee heee?? Um….. never mind. 🙁 “
Lady O i like your picture
Thanks. :3
Honestly, I don’t understand the whole ‘Amanda needs both parents for Xmas thing’. I have a long-term partner and his family is more strongly Christian than my family are. AS SUCH, I spend Xmas with his family and boxing day with my own. My cousin often does something similar. Whats wrong with that?
I understand this isn’t a great analogy since Amanda is a child …but she is also a girl who has spent every single Christmas without a parent, isn’t suddenly doing to need TWO around. Honestly, I think it’d have better for her to spend Xmas with only Andi given that is who she is living with. Time with Todd is good – but extra.
I can’t fathom Andi’s reasoning here. Perhaps she felt this growing up and is self-identifying too much? We haven’t seen a father – maybe she wanted her dad around? hmmmm
i agree, in my experience most kids would be like: i´d get to celebrate twice? with more presents? score!!
Yeah, I think she should spend Christmas Eve with Todd and his family and spend Christmas Day with Andi, personally. Everyone would be happy that way.
“she is also a girl who has spent every single Christmas without a parent”
Exactly.
Now she knows she has two of them.
If she only got to spend the holiday with one of them it feeds directly into the “Why doesn’t he/she want to spend Christmas with me?”
There are serious insecurity issues in a situation like this.
Yes open communication could resolve some of them but even if it’s split up with Mom getting one day and Dad getting the other it’s incredibly important for Amanda to know that they both want to spend the holiday with her.
So should the whole family go over to Andi’s for xmass morning?
Not enough space for the entire clan and I can see trouble forming there.
I don’t think it’s clear whether Amanda was going to go home or stay at Grandma’s…. my gut feeling immediately was stay, so I didn’t understand Mari’s comment at all.
I’m not an expert on Christmas tho.
I feel like a heathen, I never have raisins in my rum cake…
Then again, we also generally make a semi-molten, triple chocolate rum cake with a rum glaze, so… I’m pretty sure I’m okay with being a blasphemer. =D
every receipe that contains the word ‘tripple-chocolate’ is worth going to hell for….where can i get it?
the Ikea cafeteria…
I hope she at least got Selkie some presents. Hearing that she intends to leave gifts at the foot of Amanda’s bed tells me no. It tells me she doesn’t want to give those gifts publicly because she’s cutting someone out of it.
She hardly knows Selkie, and Selkie’s not her family member. Why would she get her presents? Just to be polite? Does she even know what Selkie likes?
Selkie is Amanda’s half-sister, even if she isn’t Andi’s direct blood-relative. If Andi wants to promote family ties (and especially if she is trying to weasel her way further into Todd’s life), getting Selkie a present seems like a good idea. Yeah, she probably doesn’t know Selkie all that well, but “the kid wears ghost hair clip all the time — let’s get her a variety pack!” Simple, inexpensive, and easily available from Walgreens on Christmas Eve on the way over to Todd’s family’s house.
Arrgh, not “ghost hair clip”, that old hair clip. Foiled by autocorrect!
> ghost hair clip
I mean… autocorrect isn’t exactly WRONG, in this instance. ;P
Selkie would definitely like a Sue and Kathryn hair clip.
I don’t think that’s necessary, Selkie is noone to her, they haven’t even known each other long enough to be considered just friends. Andi clearly isn’t getting any presents from the Smith’s either, nothing wrong here imo.
We don’t know what Andi was getting out of the car though
Would Todd even be OK with Andi giving Selkie a gift? I’m not sure he would, lest Andi intrude further into what he considers his happy family time. He doesn’t consider Andi family, so her acting like it may rub him the wrong way.
File under: More things about this family dynamic that they either have talked about offscreen or REALLY REALLY NEED TO, stat. Which I’m gonna guess means “they have not yet talked about it and need to and will probably not realize they need to until Andi oversteps another major boundary or bungles another one.” (I mean in fairness to Todd he has been thrust into this whole confusing situation pretty fast, but still. This system is not working well for anyone.)
Personally, I think Andi should have had Amanda at her house on Christmas Day and let Todd take her for Christmas Eve.
Amanda and Andi should absolutely spend the holiday together, and Amanda being with Selkie on Christmas would just result in drama. But Todd’s family does need to spend time with Amanda too.
This would’ve been the best solution, and Todd’s parents wouldn’t have been upset by it.
Hey Dave, could we get some clarification on whether or not Andi and Amanda will be back in their own home for Christmas day? Like, I’m still unsure if that’s what’s going on here.
🙁 I was hoping this strip would help clear that question up a bit.
Andi and Amanda will be returning to their home once the gathering is complete, as will Todd and Selkie to their own home. Each parent/child pair will then have their own personal Christmas Morning festivities. Andi is planning to quietly place presents at the foot of Amanda’s bed so she wakes up to a small pile of gifts.
Ahhh thank you. That makes things more clear.
I still think Amanda may not have wanted to go without Andi though and think Andi mostly wanted to go simply to keep an eye on her or make Amanda feel more at ease. The, ‘thank god she’s getting along’ comment makes me think so anyways. True, she probably also wanted to come along herself, but I think it was a much less manipulative move than we assume it to be. I think she just didn’t want Amanda to make a bad impression because she may have been in a sour mood without the comfort of Andi being nearby. She seemed legitimately worried that Amanda might not get along with everyone.
Also, this is her first Christmas Eve and Christmas with her family. Future ones makes perfect sense to be split up, but her first one, where she still just barely knows most of her family, I’d say it’s a smidgen different due to circumstances. Amanda might have felt a bit alienated with all these people that Selkie knows very well, but she knows not at all.
Future Christmas though, Andi needs to stay home with Amanda and maybe ask Todd if he wants them to stop by or come over for an hour or so if he wants or feels comfortable with it.
Thanks for the clarification!
This is going about as well as I expected.
Hello! First of all, I want to say that this comic is great and second; if Andi want Amanda celebrate Christmas with both of parents, that’s fine. Why not suggest to have a holiday lunch or dinner for the four of them? Was it really necessary to celebrate with Todd’s family? I know that Theo don’t mind and we know what’s Mari’s feelings. What about Marta or Antoine? Oh boy, I can’t wait to see their reactions when they see Andi. It could be civil or scary. And Marta might fill up the swear jar but who knows?
jesus. it’s clear she’s sorry. At this point they’re just beating her up because they deemed her an acceptable target. Yeah what she did was wrong but if she had asked for their side of the family to be there christmas morning, she would’ve said yes. It’s downright uncomfortable to watch.
Yes she did wrong, but this family’s vindictive streak is cruel in of itself.
Now, now, it’s a tad unfair to lump the entire family together with Mari and Todd. Theo is reasonable and we’ve got no idea how Todd’s siblings feel and Todd himself is at least trying a little bit. I agree Mari is being very spiteful about this, but it is a rather large pill to swallow. They were led to believe Amanda was dead. Although, not one of them has asked Andi how or why and they should. They need to hear her side before they condemn her forever.
That being said, their anger is not unwarranted. Their betrayal at Andi’s hands run deep. Mari does need to try a little more though. If she’s going to be passive aggressive every time she sees Andi, she’s going to be in for a rude awakening. Andi also should stop acting like nothing is wrong and avoiding the situation. She needs to talk to them like an adult.
It was a serious betrayal, and I don’t blame Todd for being like “I am literally never going to forgive you for this” (he shouldn’t, it was BAD,) and Mari for being seriously angry at the girl who hurt her son and kept her from knowing her granddaughter for so long.
But yeah, they really need to ask Andi what in the name of EVERYTHING she was thinking when she did this, what she was thinking coming to Christmas, and hopefully at some point that’s going to bring up the stuff about her mom – the lie was all on Andi and they don’t have to forgive her for that, but the realization Patricia still wants nothing to do with Amanda eight years later when Andi’s in a stable position to take care of her and regrets the decision, because of what Amanda represents to Patricia? The “Wait, who tells their daughter to make this decision and then isn’t there to help her explain things to the father” “Maybe she thought Todd wasn’t coming?” “But she was panicking wouldn’t you want to stay with your daughter and comfort her after that”? I think when it sets in that A: Andi effectively doesn’t have any other family and B: Patricia’s parenting style raises some alarm bells, if nothing else…
Like I mean, I still don’t think they’ll LIKE Andi after that, but I think they will be able to understand that she wasn’t getting the support she needed during the pregnancy and that was the crux of every desperate panicky thing she’s done since. (Which I would define as “like at least two thirds of Andi’s onscreen actions” – I can see the people who read this stuff as manipulative, but honestly it reads to me as “getting royally screwed over by your maladaptive coping mechanisms, avoidance chief among them.”) In that light, she comes off as much pathetically pitiable as she does anything else.
Although this discomfort could have easily been avoided, had Andi not invited herself to Mari & Theo’s family get together.
#justsayin’
Oh yeah, but if it ended in Amanda seriously lashing out at Selkie and/or having a total breakdown with new relative overload/where’s my mom have I been dumped again, this discomfort seems like a better alternative.
I have to disagree. It could easily explained off.
“Amanda, your mother did something that hurt us, all of us, very badly. She’s not a bad person, but we need space away from her for the time being.”
If I could upvote this one I would
@Darynluna very much like the comment section.
I’ll pipe up – this ain’t being impolite about the drapes or a spill. It was faking a death – for years. Super bad.
And they still allow her in the house, allow her to help, albeit grudgingly, and are still putting both Selkie’s and Amanda’s feelings first. I don’t want Andi dead or anything like that. But she needs to but the heck out of their lives and quit making them feel like dirt by seeing her.
This is the first christmas. This is kind of an important event that rips open any healing stitches, and as Anne has so kindly pointed out, this is not spilling grape kool aid on the drapes.
Everyone is going to react to this differently, some like Theo are going to be solvers. Some like Mari are going to be attackers. Anger and rage is not something that you just let flare up and then it just simply goes away. True anger is a complex emotion that you have to strip away slowly and sometimes it flares up.
That’s something everyone might need to remember, they’re going through a healing process and healing is really quite painful. Pain creates anger at times and that anger gets directed at the person who caused the pain if they’re there.
What she did goes beyond wrong, it was horrific. She told Todd his daughter was DEAD. She let him and his family believe she was DEAD for years. Do you not understand the pain and loss they most have gone through? She also said some pretty harsh things about adopted kids despite Todd being adopted AND having put her own (not dead!) daughter up for adoption. Andi has dug herself into a MASSIVE hole, and Todd and co. have every right to be furious with her.
Yet despite that, for Amanda’s sake they have already been civil to Andi and included her in at least one large family gathering. They are making an active effort to get to know Amanda despite the fact that it means making Andi a part of their lives.
I would hope Andi is sorry, and I’m sure part of her is, but being sorry is not nearly enough. Andi needs to make amends, and part of that means putting the welfare of the people she hurt before her own. In this case she did the exact opposite. She completely disregarded how Todd, his parents, his siblings, etc. would feel and forced herself to be included when she was very much not wanted. Sure, its might be nice for Amanda if she is able to spend time with her whole family, but it might also be worse because of the discomfort and distress Andi’s presence creates.
It’s pretty clear plans were made for Amanda to spend Christmas Eve with Todd’s parents and Christmas with Andi. Andi in her continued delusional belief that she is going to be a happy part of Todd’s life assumed, despite being given no reason to believe otherwise that she too would be welcomed. The mature and adult thing to do would have been to discussed the plans with Todd WELL in advance and to be very clear about whether Andi was or was not welcome. If in her judgment as Amanda’s parent she felt it was more important that she and Amanda be together then should could have communicated that choice. Instead she didn’t plan ahead, she didn’t think of how others might feel about having her around, and at the last minute she blackmailed Todd in to including her.
I’d say there is a LOT wrong with that.
Amanda’s feelings matter, and Andi’s do too, but so do Todd’s and Mari’s and Selkie’s and everyone elses, and if Andi wants to make ammends for the horrible thing she did she’s going to need to start taking everyones feelings in to account and realize that sorry, she can’t always get what she wants.
I think the biggest problem is Andi won’t talk to them. She can be sorry, but until she explains herself and talks to them, that won’t matter. I know she’s timid and can’t take confrontation at all, but she needs to talk to them and by extension, talk to Amanda about this situation.
The only thing is, I think even if she did talk, no one would listen and just trample on her. Still, she should make the effort to talk, even if it leaves her defenseless, she needs to be brave and let it happen. They will lash out, she needs to accept that, but she needs to find her voice. Shell feel better once she does and I think it’ll be less of a burden on everyone once she does.
What is there to explain? There is no excuse for what she did, it’s not like they are missing some information that would make them view her actions in a different light.
I think Andi just needs to stop thinking they’ll be friends again and simply keep her distance as much as possible and be content with forced civility when they do have to interact.
Knowing Theo and Mari have helped kids in pushed/abused situations, and speculating that they have had some contact with Andi’s mother – if she explained her mother is the one who convinced her to sign them at the hospital when Todd was trying to get there. (Yes, we haven’t seen physical abuse from Andi’s mother, but the picture about all the cant’s does say a lot) I think would help them to have some understanding/closure as to why this would happen – and direct some of the anger away from Andi (also, perhaps rightly)
Thing is, giving Amanda up is not the problem with what happened, I support Andi in that fully, it absolutely was her decision if the didn’t want the kid and she did not need to -ask- Todd, just -tell- him. The issue is with the how, that is, saying she died rather than just admitting she gave her up and therefore giving him a chance to claim Amanda for herself. From what we’ve seen the lie was all Andi, as Patricia didn’t even seem to be aware of it last time they talked.
Heck as far as she seems to know,she just gave Amanda up. Seems really unfair and unreasonable to call her abusive when she shows no signs of being an abuser.
https://selkiecomic.com/comic/selkie193/ Yea this is the comic in question, hard to find as no tags on it but wanted to link it for reference.
I guess some of it is up to interpretation due to the speech bubble thing but to me it seems like Patricia is being supportive here, Andi herself is who brings up that she does not want the kid, but worries about what Todd will say, and Patricia tells her to not worry about Todd, if she does not want to be a mother she should give her up.
So to me this does not look like Andi is being forced or pushed into anything at all, rather she is encouraged by her mother to do what she wants rather than what Todd would want. And it only got tits up after that when she actually faced Todd and just couldn’t own up to it.
While legally yes this is true, if she didn’t want to raise the child, and she knew not just Todd but his parents were wanting it, she could have signed custody to them. Giving it to strangers was kind of a jerk move to begin with, and then lying was just – well – horrible.
This might just be me not knowing how this works legally but I figure Todd could have gone and claimed Amanda right there had she told him, I don’t think they would have adopted her out right that very moment.
Actually I’m fairly certain that no she can’t give Amanda up for adoption if the father doesn’t consent, he would have parental rights. Pretty sure among other things adopting her out was a crime because of that.
“Hey, by the way, I’m giving our kid away to strangers. Doctor Mikael said I didn’t even have to ask you about it, just tell you. We good?”
She has the right to surrender HER parental ties. She does NOT have the right to surrender TODD’S parental ties. The only kind of people who think you can just give away someone else’s baby are… well, I don’t even know what sort of term to sort them under, but they certainly aren’t normal or reasonable and they don’t have and respect for the informed-consent free-will choice of the father.
And lack of respect for others’ informed-consent free-will choices is the deal-break in ANY relationship. That’s not even counting the legal problems with that idea.
*any respect
There’s potentially quite a lot they don’t know that may make them view her actions differently. They may still be angry at her, but they might not have as much hate towards her presence. It doesn’t mean they’ll forgive her, but they might understand her initial actions better and why she chose to lie for so long.
Andi needs to stop thinking they will think of her as they did before, but she doesn’t need to stop thinking that they may one day be friendly with one another. Keeping her distance us impossible as Amanda is part of their family and she’s Amanda’s mother. She shouldn’t expect to be invited to everything, no, but that doesn’t mean she can’t see any of them on occasions. And there’s no human being who would ever be content with forced civil hostility. She should indeed come to terms with the fact that they’ll never forget what she did and that it’ll always be a sore spot even many years down the road and that it’s possible she’ll never be forgiven for that.
That being said, everyone needs to move on and stop the spite if they intend to be part of Amanda’s life, just like Andi needs to move on and let go of the fact that Todd isn’t her boyfriend anymore and that his family no longer sees her as family. I’m not saying to forgive and forget what she’s done, I’m not even saying to not be mad about it, the wound is too fresh still, but to take steps to try and get used to Andi’s presence and treat her a little better simply because she’s Amanda’s mother. General being civil is what Andi should expect, but biting hostility under the guise of being civil is another thing entirely. They don’t have to like her, but they don’t have to make it abhorrently clear they hate her either.
Mari here is not even doing something wrong imo, she is being blunt but I’d still consider this conversation to be civil and very much within bounds, there is no shouting, name calling or insults here. But Andi forced herself into this gathering knowing she’s not welcome, should they all just pretend otherwise like Andi does rather than speak their mind plainly? Personally I think Andi still needs these reminders as the kind of relationship she is expected to have with the Smiths going forward still didn’t get through to her.
Here here. Andi still hasn’t shown that she grasps she and are not going to be romantically together again, and aren’t even really buddies. She has still only claimed for Amanda’s sake after the fact of being pushed away for her own.
Now, at that first meeting for Theo and Mari, she did swallow her fear of seeing them instead of running away, and did push Amanda to go inside – so she is thinking of Amanda, and having a good start. I just see her not as consciously manipulative, but just not getting that it can’t be made happy ever after for her – at least not with Todd.
sometimes, saying ‘sorry’ just isn´t enough. keep in mind that it wasn´t just one, albeit monumental, lie/betrayal, she was also watching for years(!) how everyone else grieved. there´s just no getting over it. todd will never be able to fully trust her again.
She should indeed come to terms with the fact that none of them will ever trust her again, even if she explains why and how she did what she did.
Still though, she’s Amanda’s mother and they have to realize that she’s always going to be around. She doesn’t have to be part of the family at all, but she’s still part of Amanda’s family and if they don’t want Amanda to hate them, they can’t hate Andi forever. They don’t have to love her like before, but they will need to at least be able to treat her like a business transaction. Polite, quick and professional with small exchanges.
Weird how she’s had visits without Mommy Dearest before. The sky didn’t turn to fire and Andi’s nose didn’t fall off. But I guess one small family event is just too much for her and she’s not going to let them have it.
Except that Andi seems to fail to understand this and appears to be hell bent to reinsert herself into their lives.
I’ve had “friends like that, who were really good at reasoning out how something they wanted to have/do was best for all concerned even if it made me personally uncomfortable to participate.
It took me much longer than it should have to realize just how toxic they really were.
As someone who came from a broken home and was forced to have to go from one location to another for holidays, Andi was right in thinking it would be a treat for the child to have them both together on a holiday. I can’t say how many times I wished I could just have both of my parents in the same building much less in the same room. They could never so much as speak kindly to one another.
That being said, I see the other side. Andi’s presence put’s a damper on the whole holiday proceedings which could otherwise be filled with revelry. It’s a tricky situation.
Andi was dumb for wanting to go to Todd’s family’s place and Todd was dumb for allowing it. Even if Andi came along because she was worried Amanda might not be comfortable there without her, Todd should have stated it would be a bad idea because his family would not accept her being there.
The longer they all postpone the “your mother lied” part to Amanda, the more that will seem a betrayal from them and not from Andi.
Doesn’t she already knew. I mean she heard Todd blame Andi for her winding up in the orphanage. I think she doesn’t care because Andi came back for her, just like she wanted her adoptive parents to come back for her even though her adoptive brothers beat the crap out of her.
Doesn’t she already know? I mean she heard Todd blame Andi for her winding up in the orphanage. I think she doesn’t care because Andi came back for her, just like she wanted her adoptive parents to come back for her even though her adoptive brothers beat the crap out of her.
It’s unclear whether she knows. It was never clearly stated to her that it was Andi who told Todd she was dead, though she might have put it together herself by now.