What? She said she was fine.
-EDIT- Added colors, and fixed Todd’s cell phone magically becoming a landline phone.
Running joke in my family, "Fine" NEVER means "fine".
What? She said she was fine.
-EDIT- Added colors, and fixed Todd’s cell phone magically becoming a landline phone.
feelings inside not expressed
Brilliant! I’m stealing that right now.
i stole it from rise of the tomb raider
My personal favourite is: Fine – Fearful Irrational Neurotic Emotional – to be used in sentences such as:
“Oh I’m fine, how are you?” – please don’t mention /feelings/ because I don’t want to acknowledge my crushing sense of despair
“I’m fine: isn’t the weather awful lately?” – my life is falling apart but I don’t know how to articulate this to anyone and I fear that I’d be a burden on you if I mentioned it in anything.
I hope the talk will be a constructive one for both parties.
All the “fines” reminded me of this, at 2:10 : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6X0MDBqyYZQ
“FINE…”
“BULLSHIT.”
“Fine” is the emotional equivalent of “Oops” in my house. “What do you mean ‘oops?’ … I know what I mean when I say ‘oops’ … what did you just do?”
“Fine” is the same kind of thing. I know what I mean when I say I’m fine. So… what’s wrong?
Does anyone ever say “fine” and mean it sincerely?
Well to nitpick when I say I’m fine I usually mean just that as a way of expressing my mood as being flat/neutral since I tend to ball everything I feel up and then bury it deep within me.
In American Sign Language the “I’m fine” sign (spread hand, put thumb on chest with palm facing to the side, wiggle it like a wave a bit) is, as far as I understand it, pretty normal to say.
I am of mixed feelings about the masking of feelings behind “definitely didn’t mean it” terminology. On the one hand, I have trouble with social cues and get paranoid about people saying things they don’t mean that I was supposed to pick up on… somehow.
On the other hand, I’m an introvert with a lot of things that I keep hidden. But when I say I’m fine about something, I don’t tend to mean I want anyone to pry. Most of the time.
If we’re talking physical hurt, then fine is sincerely fine. If we’re talking feelings, fine is our way saying “no, but I don’t wanna talk”
Now, for me, “Fine” means “Meh. I’ll live.” Which is… kind of what it should mean, right? As in “Yeah, $#!* happens, but I’m fine.”
Unfortunately, indicating that you don’t want to talk tends to make people want to pry more. There has to be a polite way of saying “Thanks, but no thanks. I can handle it.” that doesn’t just make others curious.
BTW, I know screaming “I’M FINE” into the phone like our little mermaid, here, isn’t one of them. 😛
As to the “Does anyone ever say “fine” and mean it sincerely?” and also “nothing ” yes I do, and did often, and my husband would never believe me even though EVERYTHING is FINE and NOTHING is WRONG, and if anything the problem would arise that he’s not believing me when I said it. So what are we supposed to say?
Obviously, that is not the case with Selkie, but just pointing out that it’s not always the case.
As far as I’m concerned, “Fine” is something you have to pay for committing a minor infraction of the law.
(And Todd’s face in the last panel is a classic “Oh Crap!” moment.)
Growing up, when I said fine to my mom, she would always ask me to repeat that while looking at my eyes. She explained that I couldn’t lie about my emotions because my eyes lit on fire when angry. Which while most of the time there was that fire, she started watching for intensity.
Unless I said it will be fine. In which case she sat me down and made me hang out with her because I was going to fix whatever was bothering me. And then she would get a phone call about me hurting little Timmy down the street or whatever the vexing was.
Anyone who says “fine” or “yes” like THAT usually means “no”
When I say I’m fine, what I mean is “leave me alone, I don’t want to talk”.
Or I mean “I’m not dead yet, therefore I am fine.”
Or quite possibly that I am, in fact, fine. But if I continue to be pestered about things, I won’t be.
Usually someone will ask me if I’m alright and I’ll sort of blink and say, “Huh? Yeah, I’m fine. Why do you ask?” because I’m legitimately fine. Sometimes I just zone out or I’m thinking about something or focused on something and people automatically assume I’m dying inside.
If I’m not fine, I usually say nothing at all or answer just, “Yes.” “No.” or “Mm.” because I don’t want to talk to anyone and wish they’d stop asking.
This reminds me of when I was a kid and my parents would keep asking me if I was bothered by something like Selkie’s Grandma is doing here. I would react just like Selkie is, not because something was bothering but because I was annoyed by their know-it-all attitude and them not believing me when I said I was fine.
What really pissed me off was when they would say to each other or to someone else that I was upset about something when I was completely fine by that something and only annoyed with their arrogance.
Parents tend to be that way. I often got told to drop a nonexistent attitude as a kid.
Then there was that time they were grilling me about something I didn’t remember (don’t even remember what it was… Something I’d written would be my best guess.). It went on for over an hour of no privileges until I eventually decided to just make something up they’d want to hear so the know-it-alls would leave me alone, after being told I’d get my privileges back when I ‘fessed up’. They then decided to go back on their word for ‘lying for over an hour’.
In a semi-related note, ‘tell them what they want to hear, not the truth’ was pretty much the only effective way to end an interrogation at my hour. My parents went about finding out about anything they wanted to know by deciding what the truth was, then asking questions aimed at getting that response. Any other response, no matter how true, was a ‘bold-faced lie’, and resulted in demands for the “truth” which may or may not have been asked physically.
*house, not hour
I’m glad my mom and I have always had a close loving relationship, especially after that. My mom never had to resort to such trickery and never would have anyway because it breeds mistrust and resentment.
Any prospective parents reading this, don’t do anything … says his parents did. It’s not some domination play, your kids are not the enemy that must be dealt with harshly. Don’t move the goalposts, and don’t change the conditions on the fly. When you tell your child to do something to get something as a reward and they do it, do what you promised. No, you are not their friend, but you are not at war with them either. You can be friendly and a responsible parent at the same time. There is a balance!
Honestly, I never saw the point of the ‘parent, not friend’ mentality, mainly because, with the exception of authority and caretaking, all the qualities that make a good friend also make a good parent.
A good friend treats you with respect (this is different from obedience), will do whatever they can to keep you out of harm’s way, will warn you of trouble if they see it coming, will stand by you no matter what unless they know for a fact that you’re wrong, and, even then, will at least not completely throw you under the buss and abandon you, is more than happy to pass on knowledge to you, lets you know your faults and strengths without ridiculing you or letting your head get too big, encourages you to pursue your interests without being a yes-man, among other things.
The way I see it is, a friend will sometimes not have the best of judgement, because they want to do what makes you happy, even if it’s a bad idea or because it seems harmless and fun to them even if it’s not.
A parent will put their foot down when needed without the fear of having their child ‘not want to be their friend anymore because you gave them rules to follow’ a good example of this is a parent who let’s their child go to a party because it makes them happy, even if they’re too young to attend such a party or you let your child have a boyfriend at an early age even though you know they’re not emotionally ready for it.
Case in point, my mother let my sister date at age 11 and let the two of them be alone when they wanted because she was her ‘friend’ and didn’t want to be ‘uncool’ about it. Guess who had an accidental teen pregnancy in high school! Guess who got beat up and called a slut because she slept with her boyfriend at 13? My sister. Guess who told her not to do these things from the start? Guess who got yelled at and said they were a crappy friend because they didn’t say what they wanted to hear? Me.
Indeed to be a good friend requires the same skills to be a good parent. But sometimes friends get too close. “I’m your parent, not your friend” is about keeping a few steps back to keep an eye on your child and protect them, and sometimes yes, pass punishment when needed.
I take that approach with my niece. I play board games with her, I give her as much of a positive male role model as possible. But, when it comes time, she knows I will take the happy nice uncle figure mask off and put the responsible adult figure mask on. Sometimes I have to drop the hammer on something she’s done, sometimes I have to put the hammer down to protect her. But she knows that I love her, but I am not buddy buddy with her and that that’s better than me being buddy buddy. Given she likes me more than her own dad because she knows she can rely on me, that’s a good thing.
I think that’s a running joke in most families!
yup… that’s a classic “fucked-up, insecure, neurotic, emotional” response there… it’s REALLY good for Todd to have talked to his mom right now, and that she recognized the symptoms…
Murderface has been achieved from three fines in a row. Everything is not fine.
‘Fine’ in my house normally translated to ‘I am enduring something but totally not happy about it.’ Or ‘I don’t give a damn either way’. Good thing most parents catch on to this or in this case grandma. I mean, she practically raised 3 kids she knows things.
Finally! <3 Mari.
“Fine” depends on the facial expressions and tone of voice. Said neutrally, it’s fine. Not good, but not bad either. Said happily, it’s good, but not quite good enough to warrant a “good”. Said dejectedly, then it’s not good, and I just don’t want to bother you with the details.
And there’s a kid who doesn’t want to talk and shut right down. Todd needed to address this ages ago, but hopefully knows how to diffuse that bomb now before opening the conversation up.
Hahaha…. Just noticed. What’s with all the corded phones? I’m not surprised Selkie’s grandparents have then, but Todd? Only (a few) Gen Xers and older generations seem to still own them anymore (let alone a landline). I crack up every time we have a playdate and someone’s kids ask what our corded phone on the kitchen wall is supposed to be. 🙂
It’s a magical phone:
It has been a cordless phone as long as Todd talked on it (previous page) but turnes into a corded one when he gives it to Selkie (btw: there is no cord in panel 2 either).
Ugh, god, you’re right. Just went back to look, and he’s on his cell phone in the previous strip, not the landline. >_< Good catch, thanks.
I bet it’s because grandma was talking into a corded phone in the previous page. Dave just forgot that Todd wasn’t also on a corded phone. It’s like Amanda’s earrings. So many characters without earrings, then Amanda, then so many characters without earrings, then Amanda…
Hah! Changed in the final version! 🙂
Todd has both a cell phone and a landline, although as Macareux noticed, he was using the cell phone previously. >_>
For such an unconventional family as Todd’s, their Christmas is shaping up to be rather traditional – i.e. relatives who hate it other exchanging barbs at dinner.
My aunt is a psychiatrist and she has always defined the word “fine” as F- fucked up, I- insecure, N- neurotic, and E- emotional. ( I was told this acronym well before I was old enough to actually say it myself; Aunt Donna pulled no punches)
From the looks of it, Amanda’s good at hiding that she’s still bullying Selkie, and for some reason, (fear?) Selkie is not telling Todd about it. 🙁 Wonder if someone should point out to Amanda she’s doing EXACTLY what her “brothers” did…biological kids bullying the adopted kid.
Side note, from the “fine” discussion here, I’m just loving how Mari calls Selkie her “little mermaid” now, and also how much Selkie loves/appreciates that nickname <3
I dunno, I think mermaid could be equally as insulting as fish. I mean, there are some very pretty fish in the ocean and likewise very horrid depictions of mermaids. I mean, her grandmother could be calling her ‘little fish’ and that seems equally cutesy to me.
There’s no mystery. Selkie is responding to the affection in Mari’s voice. From Grandma, “little mermaid” is a term of endearment. It delights her. From Amanda, “fishface” is a scathing insult. She hates it!
Any word can be an insult. It has nothing to do with the dictionary meaning. It’s all in how it’s said. Try spitting out “human!” with a curled lip and see if you’d like being called that. If you heard it said that way too often, you’d probably start to hate being called human.
Dave and A.Beth, I guess I missed a day! Just responded to the previous day’s comments, so to summarize repeat (sorry):
You and A.Beth ROCK!! Permission to give email to A.Beth, and to have you send me her info, whatever works, GIVEN. THANK YOU BOTH!
I did do a quick look at my email, though, so if you already sent me something, maybe I should check my spam folder?
Thank you both again!!
🙂
=-O
Glad to be helpful! If I don’t respond to something, poke me in the comments here till I check all folders. 😉
The experience of a
parent-of-3-children-and-grand-parent-to-a-couple-more
vs. a
been-a-parent-for-less-than-a-year.