What Selkie just said may have been a harmless comment to her, but that was very demeaning to Amanda.
I’m happy to see Amanda responding to Todd’s words calmly. While she isn’t exactly responding with what he wants to hear, she is indeed at the very least responding without screaming or in erupting anger. I do hope that once she’s had time to calm down and talk things over with Andi she’ll be able to properly think about the things Todd said to her.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. Just because Amanda was disrespectful to Selkie doesn’t give her a free pass to do the same to Amanda.
Andi certainly should give Amanda a talking to about how her referring to Selkie as something less than a person is not ok at all, but Selkie being a smartass toward Amanda isn’t really going to help her with treating Selkie correctly it’s only going to make it harder. In time if it becomes apparent that Amanda outright refuses to acknowledge Selkie as a person then steps should be made to make her realize she is wrong. If it still fails then Todd and Andi should make them be civil with each other at school, but not force the girls to be friends. I’m not for forcing two people who detest each other to be best buds or even have to see each other outside of mandatory instances. If they really, truly cannot get along then their parents should accept that and make it so Todd and Amanda have their alone time (If Amanda even wants that.) and not force Selkie to be a part of it. Now I do not mean to exclude Selkie, but if they both hate each other and show no inclination to change that down the road, then why force them both to be involved with something they dislike?
I’m sorry but I disagree strongly with this. Not that what Selkie said is ok, but with the idea that it’s somehow on par with what Amanda has done, that these “two wrongs” are even remotely comparable. You are right that snarky comments might not help things much, but given the degree to which Amanda made Selkies life a living hell for years for no legitimate reason? Given that even now she continues to refer to Selkie as a thing, as a sub-person? Despite the fact that Selkie tried to show kindness to A,and a when all her other friends had turned on her? If the worst thing Selkie does to her continued bully is toss out the occasional snarky comment in response, well heck I’m not sure I as a grown adult could behave with such humility.
Even with allowances made for Amanda’s age and the pain she has suffered, it’s still above and beyond anything Selkie has done in return. Meanwhile Selkie just watched Amanda lash out at Todd, Selkies father and didn’t go nuclear herself.
Obviously these are all imaginary characters so what they do or how they act is up to the author and I’m more than willing to see where this goes, even if I think if I were in a situation like this in real life my reactions would be different.
But as far as whose behavior needs to be the focus here, it’s Amanda, all Amanda, 100% Amanda.
Meanwhile I’m hoping that Andi stepping in and finally taking full blame for Todd thinking his daughter was dead and thus would tha e possibly known to choose her, happens sooner rather than later (or never). It may be emotionally and psychologically understandable for Amanda to feel abandoned but Andi has the power to help start to change that and if she doesn’t use it then she is wrong.
You don’t need to apologize for disagreeing with someone.
I still stand by what I said. Allowing Selkie free passes at Amanda isn’t going to make Selkie a better person. I know what it feels like to be bullied and I think too many victims of bullying focus on being vindictive or that they’re allowed to bully back when an opening presents itself because they’re ‘justified’ in doing so. It’s wrong.
There are people out there that are mean and are cruel. Some of them for absolutely no reason whatsoever. It’s horrible and wrong, but I’m not going to lower myself as a person and be spiteful and vindictive, no matter how small, when I see an opening to hurt someone just because they’ve hurt me.
A good example is when my uncle called me a fat, useless f*cking c*nt I thought about retaliating and throwing it in his face that the reason why his wife of 17 years drank herself to death was because he’s a horrible person. What would that have accomplished? To make him angry? To make him feel bad? To make me feel better for a few seconds then feel horrible for using a person’s dead wife as a means to get even, even if the guy is a jerk? Why? I disagree with people who think they have a right to be cruel just because someone else treated them cruelly. You’ve become no better than the thing you hate at that point and I won’t do it.
Selkie is indeed handling things very well and I hope she continues to do so. She’s within her right to get angry and call Amanda out when she’s being cruel to Selkie, heck she’d even be in the right if she defended Todd from her. But it will NEVER be ok in my eyes to allow Selkie to get free passes at Amanda and insinuate that she was somehow better than Amanda in Todd’s eyes. Allowing things like that is just going to let Selkie think that she’s allowed to do ‘light bullying’ as long as it’s within boundaries.
Snark and sarcasm is one thing. I do that with my sister all the time. We poke fun at one another. But I would never, ever tell my sister I was better than her. I don’t think Selkie even considered that’s what she was implying so I hope Todd explains that to her.
I generally agree with you on this topic — the principle in our house (though not always followed) is that if both sides are not enjoying it, it’s not appropriate teasing — but it seems to me that Selkie’s jibe is a direct answer to Amanda’s jibe, which seems to me more appropriate than if it were just general teasing.
Amanda: You could have taken me, but instead you took THAT.
Selkie: You’re implying that you are somehow better than I am. I will turn that on its head and imply that I am somehow better than you are.
That kind of thing.
One of the art forms I have a fond appreciation for — in contrast to my general dislike of swearing — is the insult battle. It is not often done in a “both sides are enjoying this” sort of mindset, but still, the exercise is actually a test of character.
You have to be able to come up with insults that are cutting, but also to the point (not generic, but aimed at the other person’s particular weaknesses), and do so quickly. At the same time, you are proving your ability to remain cool, calm, and collected while your weak spots are being jabbed, and to give as good as you get, and think well under pressure.
For examples of this kind of battle, try Epic Rap Battles of History. (And if they annoy you, try the Yo’ Mama compliment battle, also on YouTube.)
I’m reading Selkie’s snark a bit through this lens: Accept a blow that hit you in a low spot, and give back a witty (if unformed) remark in similar vein, keeping your cool. I know in this particular family, and with Amanda in the picture and tempers already high, it’s not a virtue, but in general it’s a useful skill.
Honestly, I’m actually wondering if Selkie’s remark didn’t just help to defuse the situation here (by focusing Amanda’s annoyance away from Todd, if only briefly).
I’m not sure if you are going to see this or not, but I feel that I have to say that your uncle sounds like a DOUCHECANOE. It is HORRIBLE that he said that and I think you’re very strong for not responding in kind. As someone who has also been abused (but not NEARLY to the same extent), I have at least a wee bit of understanding of how painful it can be. Please tell me you’re working on getting out of your current situation! 🙂
While I don’t think that Selkie’s in the right, I’m much more inclined to cut her slack.
I faced a lot of horrific bullying and racism as a kid. Maybe the kids who bullied me had their reasons. Maybe they had bad home lives. I don’t know, and honestly, I’m not sure I care. Systematic, long term, bullying, like Selkie experienced at Amanda’s hands, can eat away at any sympathy you had for your bully. And calling Selkie a fish, or making fun of her appearance or mannerisms, isn’t much different from making fun of a kid’s race, appearance, disability, or anything else that they absolutely can’t change about themselves.
It takes years to undo the damage, and it never, every truly goes away. I’m glad Selkie’s made of stronger stuff than the childhood me was. But it angers me that people are acting as if lashing back against your bully is equally as bad as intentionally and methodically making someone’s life miserable for years. Both are bad, but one is far worse than the other.
And, given a chance to strike back at my bullies, I think I would have been much harsher than Selkie is being. As an adult I know that’s wrong. But as a child, I wouldn’t have hesitated for a second to inflict on my tormentors just a little taste of what they put me through. For a kid Selkie’s being remarkably restrained.
While it is understandable that Selkie would want to toss a snarky remark at Amanda, it does not mean her actions are justifiable or helpful to Amanda’s recovery. Amanda is already ornery as a polecat, and being mean back to her may feel good, but in the long run is going to make it difficult for Todd to form a relationship with Amanda and eventually between Selkie and Amanda. Not to mention, as Ian said, it is also disrespectful of Todd, as he was trying to explain things to Amanda and got interrupted.
And y’know, there are plenty of grown-up Amandas who’ve turned their back on parents for reasons that might have a tough time equalling “walked right past me, didn’t notice me, didn’t choose me, only wants me now because he HAS TO” – and it’s been the best possible decision for their mental health.
Amanda, child of the system, has had NO chances in her life to make decisions of her own about her own destiny. Looks like that’s changing.
I’m one of those Amanda’s. Though in my case, my father was present at my birth, was my father for a year, turned into a deadbeat dad, then called ME a greedy bastard when I had a chance to talk to him and tried getting him to follow the child support orders so my mom could rest easier.
That’s why I am a bit softer on Amanda than Andi. I understand where she’s coming from. Mine was just a bit more extreme.
Heh. Is it just me, or are all us frequent-flyers here in comment-land identifying REALLY HARD with various characters and situations in this strip?
I hate Andi because Reasons, and I hate Amanda because Reasons, but danged if I’m not starting to understand and identify with aspects of those Reasons that I never bothered to give much thought to before. Dammit, Dave, stop making me UNDERSTAND things. 😛
I know, right? When I was 26 I was so smart and knew how to fix all this stuff, but then I started learning, and finding bunches of .Reasons. Dang it! It’s so hard to be judgmental when you find out that: doing what They do – makes you one of Them. You know? Reasons– ughhh.
She doesn’t seem very afraid. Sassyness aside, she has been smiling during some of this like she’s happy Todd is working hard to work things out with Amanda. I think Todd’s really made things clear with her she isn’t going anywhere, and she just wants him (and even Amanda) to be happy.
That wouldn’t fix anything. Amanda isn’t interested in why Todd didn’t pick her. He didn’t, that’s all. She’s making very clear right now that she’s not going to stop holding it against him. “I only picked Selkie because I felt sorry for her.” Yeah, right. That’s going to make Selkie feel great, isn’t it? Giving Amanda a word-weapon to wound Selkie with is exactly not what Todd should be doing.
He’s a big boy, he said. He can live with her being angry at him, he said. Let’s see if that’s true. I think it is.
Not only will it make Selkie look bad, it’ll make Amanda think that because she was trying to seem nice and happy was the wrong thing to do and somehow it was her own fault she didn’t get chosen.
I was actually a wee bit confused by the Selkie head. I think a speech bubble arrow pointing out of the frame would have worked at least as well, given that it’s Selkie’s unique “accent.”
“If I take the deal, can I throw her in the ocean?”
“No, but you can throw her in the river.”
So they all go to the river – Mom, Dad, Grandma and Granpa, and the two loving sisters And Amanda pushes Selkie in. And Selkie just — sinks. Doesn’t come up, doesn’t do her dolphin impression like when her aunt and uncle were there. Just — sinks.
I know Andi would freak, but you reckon Amanda would? While she knows about “breathing in bottled water a couple of times a day”, it would be a big step from that to lying at the bottom of the river. I’m pretty certain that the orphans never went to the beach, and if they went to a pool, Selkie stayed out of it – chlorine, you know. Breathing that stuff is bad for everyone.
Suppose Amanda would be all “Oh God, I killed her”? Or more, “Yippie, the witch is dead”?
Instantly, Amanda becomes suspicious. Now why would the river be okay, but the ocean not? SALT. IT MUST BE THE SALT WATER. Now Amanda’s got a weapon. How long until she uses it? Tick tock. Tick tock.
I think what Alpo means is, Amanda wouldn’t leap right to SALT. Especially if the answer were a little different: “Too far. You can throw her in the river.”
(Except of course Todd isn’t actually going to say that. This is only us readers, imagining weird alternative scenarios.)
I don’t think Amanda would freak. She’d think — and probably say — “See? I was right. It IS a fish.”
Amanda has been relentless in her hatred of Selkie. RELENTLESS. Selkie, in the marker fight, was willing to set aside animosity and be playful. Amanda was not. Nor in the game afterwards. The most tolerant she’s been of Selkie was when they were spying on the adults in the hall, and all that means is that her snipes were quieter. No matter what Selkie does or doesn’t do, Amanda has been completely, utterly relentless in her hatred of Selkie.
Does that make Selkie’s retort “right”? No. But it does make it thoroughly reasonable – and in my eyes, excusable.
Using that logic, Selkie stole Amanda’s much needed cry for help during her return to the orphanage as well as her biological father. In Amanda’s eyes those are perfectly reasonable excuses for her behavior. “Oh some stupid fish came along and was like blah look at me I’m a fish I’m special pay attention to me.” To Amanda, Selkie wronged her and because of that she’s entitled to free passes at Selkie. Is that right? Should the adults excuse her behaviour because she had a good reason? If Selkie’s reasoning is, Amanda torments me so it’s perfectly ok for me to say mean things to her because she deserves it, then how is that any different from Amanda? Because Amanda’s anger towards Selkie is unjust? She doesn’t FEEL that way. She feels like it’s just and not one adult before now has explained otherwise to her!
Amanda is working with huge mountains in front of her. Shes had years of unjust hate for Selkie because no one has properly sat her down and explained to her that Selkie did absolutely nothing to her. That alone makes her feel like what she’s been doing is FINE. No one has corrected her! Sure they punish her for her bad behavior but no one EXPLAINS WHY or tries to figure out why she’s done what she has done.
Think about it, all any adult needed to do once they noticed her tormenting of Selkie was ask a simple question. “Amanda? Why do you torment Selkie so much? What has she done to you to merit this treatment?” And she would have said, “That stupid fish face hogs all the adults attention and gets special treatment just because she’s a dumb fish.” Which would have opened up, “Now why would you think that?” “Because when I was brought back to the orphanage no one paid attention to me, just stupid Selkie.”
If ONE adult had sat her down and tried to figure out the root of the problem then maybe, just maybe, Amanda wouldn’t have had such misplaced hate for Selkie. They could have even BONDED for all we know. The fact of the matter is, adults failed Amanda and Selkie pays for it. Doubly so because now Amanda has years of misplaced hate directed towards Selkie…
Which brings me back to how hard it’s going to be for her to accept that none of this is Selkie’s fault. It’s going to take so much work for her, Todd and Andi to overcome this. Amanda has to be reprimanded as well as assured she is loved equally as Selkie is. This is a tough battle for everyone involved and poor Selkie has been caught unintentionally in the cross fire because of negligent adults.
She won’t suddenly just see Selkie as a valued human being because she has to unlearn all the previous bad behavior that was never properly corrected. This could take years before she fully accepts Selkie as her sister. Selkie being mean to her or making passes at her- no matter how insignificant they may seem, especially if said passes go unpunished, will only FURTHER her anger towards Selkie.
So no, if Todd let’s the comment go and considers ot excusable then that only further solidifies that Amanda thinks that Todd sees Amanda as inferior to Selkie and that Selkie is allowed to get away with mean comments because Amanda ‘deserves’ it. I bet her precious step brothers thought Amanda deserved the things she got too, eh? So Todd and Selkie can treat her the same because she deserves pain and suffering? Let the cycle continue? Sure. Why not.
I’ve said a couple times in comments, and even up above somewhere, that I hate Amanda because Reasons – but that Dave has written this thing well enough that I am unwillingly, grudgingly taking a second look at Amanda (both the one in this comic and the “Amandas” of my past) with a new set of eyes.
Your comments above are insightful enough to make me revisit my concept of Amanda and wonder how much of my “hate” for her has to do with my loathing for certain aspects of my own past, and the person I’ve been.
So… well done, you. That’s some good work, right there, and a new insight is always useful.
All I can really counter with is — yeah, I feel Selkie’s comment is reasonable and excusable, but no, you’re right, it probably shouldn’t go un-addressed. The selfish, wounded part of me would like to see Selkie exact revenge upon her tormentor… the newly insightful parts of me are recognizing that her tormentor is just as wounded, and needs validation of her own.
Thank you for taking the time to show me a different perspective. I appreciate the insight, and will take some time to consider it.
I think I can get on board that general understanding. If Amanda weren’t carrying so much baggage, it’d be a different matter and Selkie’s comment wouldn’t be such a problem, but yes, I can see how it does need to be addressed to avoid other problems.
It’s interesting how the playing field changes once certain factors weigh in. Have to remember that in my own writing.
Good way to show that resolving this will take time. Todd certainly has the patience and empathy to go the distance in gaining Amanda’s trust. I also think even if Andi hasn’t quite shown the same resolve, she’s capable of developing it.
And between them and Todd’s parents, they can give Amanda and Selkie the stability, structure and support both girls need.
I don’t think jabs are ever gonna stop between these two, but perhaps the malice can be drained out of it all. Amanda has been bad towards Selkie for many years. Selkie probably believed she’d always have a hard time getting adopted, and Amanda never helped even when they were in the same boat. But they’re now in a position where not only was Selkie adopted before Amanda, but by her birth father (but that’s not anyone’s fault). In retaliation, Amanda told that one boy, Hamud, that Selkie ate people and got a laugh when Heather stole Selkie’s shirt. However, there are lines Amanda doesn’t cross. Remember how horrified she looked by Truck’s treatment of Selkie? I just hope they address this soon in a better fashion of “Well, now you both are sort of like sisters, so you’ll have to get along since you’re seeing more of each other.” Amanda needs to be told she has no reason or excuse to be mean to Selkie. Selkie knows where Amanda is coming from since Heather told her, and was willing to be understanding of why Amanda is the way she is. Competitive jabs are tolerable, like the “my mom is cooler than your dad” thing they had, but this whole thing where Amanda seriously considers Selkie not deserving of decent treatment needs to end.
Dave, I really love some of the subtle touches you put in here. In frame three, Amanda and Todd have the exact same profile. It’s a great counterpoint to the dialogue, and is like a symbol for the words being spoken. Despite Amanda’s current rejection of Todd, they can’t deny the kinship there, in similar traumatic experiences, in temperament, in the very features on their faces. Bravo!
You can definitely tell they’re kin. Amanda’s expression panel 3 = Todd’s expression panel 6. Also, they both possess the mutant ability to exude red mist when they’re angry.
There is a terrible loneliness in both these girls. Although Selkie’s comment is indeed snark at Amanda, to my mind it is primarily a reminder to Todd that he already has a daughter who loves him and still needs his love. Selkie is afraid, too. She KNOWS that Amanda is high-maintenance and needs/demands/deserves lots of attention.
I have a feeling Amanda doesn’t really mean it. She wants the attention and reassurance now that she didn’t get then. Acting like this is her way of getting more of it. She wants to be fussed over. Besides, there are Theo and Mari to be considered. Two more sources of love, affection and cookies.
She means it and she doesn’t mean it. She wants family, she wants attention, she wants love and acceptance and comfort, but she’s also desperately afraid of being hurt again, of being rejected again, and because of that she wants the control of being able to reject first. Todd’s already rejected her once by not noticing her, and now here he is laying down rules, about Selkie, SELKIE, who has always been in her way and taking up all the attention and Even Took Her Dad, and even if nothing goes wrong Selkie will always be the person who took over HER family FIRST, and yeeeeeeeah it’s entirely in character and logical for her to push Todd away. As for the grandparents, Mari’s still an unknown quantity, Theo has revealed himself to be Very Sneaky, and no doubt Amanda has built up her grandparent/s on Mom’s side to be placed reverently on a pedestal – it’s gonna be a kick in the teeth if Andi’s mother rejects her to her face, but meanwhile there’s no reason for Amanda to trust and accept anyone but the mother who has Proven Herself already.
The irony is that Amanda was so desperate to get adopted that she was pretending to be something she wasn’t, so when Todd showed up he saw the pretend Amanda instead of the ‘real’ one — and his heart went straight for the one who wasn’t pretending.
There’s a lesson in that. Pity Amanda will likely refuse to learn it because it’d involve admitting she was wrong about something.
What Selkie just said may have been a harmless comment to her, but that was very demeaning to Amanda.
I’m happy to see Amanda responding to Todd’s words calmly. While she isn’t exactly responding with what he wants to hear, she is indeed at the very least responding without screaming or in erupting anger. I do hope that once she’s had time to calm down and talk things over with Andi she’ll be able to properly think about the things Todd said to her.
In Selkie’s defense, Amanda DID just refer to her as “That.”
But yeah at least Amanda isn’t hollering and swearing at him any more. Progress is (hopefully) being made.
Two wrongs don’t make a right. Just because Amanda was disrespectful to Selkie doesn’t give her a free pass to do the same to Amanda.
Andi certainly should give Amanda a talking to about how her referring to Selkie as something less than a person is not ok at all, but Selkie being a smartass toward Amanda isn’t really going to help her with treating Selkie correctly it’s only going to make it harder. In time if it becomes apparent that Amanda outright refuses to acknowledge Selkie as a person then steps should be made to make her realize she is wrong. If it still fails then Todd and Andi should make them be civil with each other at school, but not force the girls to be friends. I’m not for forcing two people who detest each other to be best buds or even have to see each other outside of mandatory instances. If they really, truly cannot get along then their parents should accept that and make it so Todd and Amanda have their alone time (If Amanda even wants that.) and not force Selkie to be a part of it. Now I do not mean to exclude Selkie, but if they both hate each other and show no inclination to change that down the road, then why force them both to be involved with something they dislike?
I’m sorry but I disagree strongly with this. Not that what Selkie said is ok, but with the idea that it’s somehow on par with what Amanda has done, that these “two wrongs” are even remotely comparable. You are right that snarky comments might not help things much, but given the degree to which Amanda made Selkies life a living hell for years for no legitimate reason? Given that even now she continues to refer to Selkie as a thing, as a sub-person? Despite the fact that Selkie tried to show kindness to A,and a when all her other friends had turned on her? If the worst thing Selkie does to her continued bully is toss out the occasional snarky comment in response, well heck I’m not sure I as a grown adult could behave with such humility.
Even with allowances made for Amanda’s age and the pain she has suffered, it’s still above and beyond anything Selkie has done in return. Meanwhile Selkie just watched Amanda lash out at Todd, Selkies father and didn’t go nuclear herself.
Obviously these are all imaginary characters so what they do or how they act is up to the author and I’m more than willing to see where this goes, even if I think if I were in a situation like this in real life my reactions would be different.
But as far as whose behavior needs to be the focus here, it’s Amanda, all Amanda, 100% Amanda.
Meanwhile I’m hoping that Andi stepping in and finally taking full blame for Todd thinking his daughter was dead and thus would tha e possibly known to choose her, happens sooner rather than later (or never). It may be emotionally and psychologically understandable for Amanda to feel abandoned but Andi has the power to help start to change that and if she doesn’t use it then she is wrong.
You don’t need to apologize for disagreeing with someone.
I still stand by what I said. Allowing Selkie free passes at Amanda isn’t going to make Selkie a better person. I know what it feels like to be bullied and I think too many victims of bullying focus on being vindictive or that they’re allowed to bully back when an opening presents itself because they’re ‘justified’ in doing so. It’s wrong.
There are people out there that are mean and are cruel. Some of them for absolutely no reason whatsoever. It’s horrible and wrong, but I’m not going to lower myself as a person and be spiteful and vindictive, no matter how small, when I see an opening to hurt someone just because they’ve hurt me.
A good example is when my uncle called me a fat, useless f*cking c*nt I thought about retaliating and throwing it in his face that the reason why his wife of 17 years drank herself to death was because he’s a horrible person. What would that have accomplished? To make him angry? To make him feel bad? To make me feel better for a few seconds then feel horrible for using a person’s dead wife as a means to get even, even if the guy is a jerk? Why? I disagree with people who think they have a right to be cruel just because someone else treated them cruelly. You’ve become no better than the thing you hate at that point and I won’t do it.
Selkie is indeed handling things very well and I hope she continues to do so. She’s within her right to get angry and call Amanda out when she’s being cruel to Selkie, heck she’d even be in the right if she defended Todd from her. But it will NEVER be ok in my eyes to allow Selkie to get free passes at Amanda and insinuate that she was somehow better than Amanda in Todd’s eyes. Allowing things like that is just going to let Selkie think that she’s allowed to do ‘light bullying’ as long as it’s within boundaries.
Snark and sarcasm is one thing. I do that with my sister all the time. We poke fun at one another. But I would never, ever tell my sister I was better than her. I don’t think Selkie even considered that’s what she was implying so I hope Todd explains that to her.
I generally agree with you on this topic — the principle in our house (though not always followed) is that if both sides are not enjoying it, it’s not appropriate teasing — but it seems to me that Selkie’s jibe is a direct answer to Amanda’s jibe, which seems to me more appropriate than if it were just general teasing.
Amanda: You could have taken me, but instead you took THAT.
Selkie: You’re implying that you are somehow better than I am. I will turn that on its head and imply that I am somehow better than you are.
That kind of thing.
One of the art forms I have a fond appreciation for — in contrast to my general dislike of swearing — is the insult battle. It is not often done in a “both sides are enjoying this” sort of mindset, but still, the exercise is actually a test of character.
You have to be able to come up with insults that are cutting, but also to the point (not generic, but aimed at the other person’s particular weaknesses), and do so quickly. At the same time, you are proving your ability to remain cool, calm, and collected while your weak spots are being jabbed, and to give as good as you get, and think well under pressure.
For examples of this kind of battle, try Epic Rap Battles of History. (And if they annoy you, try the Yo’ Mama compliment battle, also on YouTube.)
I’m reading Selkie’s snark a bit through this lens: Accept a blow that hit you in a low spot, and give back a witty (if unformed) remark in similar vein, keeping your cool. I know in this particular family, and with Amanda in the picture and tempers already high, it’s not a virtue, but in general it’s a useful skill.
Honestly, I’m actually wondering if Selkie’s remark didn’t just help to defuse the situation here (by focusing Amanda’s annoyance away from Todd, if only briefly).
Hi Springpop,
I’m not sure if you are going to see this or not, but I feel that I have to say that your uncle sounds like a DOUCHECANOE. It is HORRIBLE that he said that and I think you’re very strong for not responding in kind. As someone who has also been abused (but not NEARLY to the same extent), I have at least a wee bit of understanding of how painful it can be. Please tell me you’re working on getting out of your current situation! 🙂
While I don’t think that Selkie’s in the right, I’m much more inclined to cut her slack.
I faced a lot of horrific bullying and racism as a kid. Maybe the kids who bullied me had their reasons. Maybe they had bad home lives. I don’t know, and honestly, I’m not sure I care. Systematic, long term, bullying, like Selkie experienced at Amanda’s hands, can eat away at any sympathy you had for your bully. And calling Selkie a fish, or making fun of her appearance or mannerisms, isn’t much different from making fun of a kid’s race, appearance, disability, or anything else that they absolutely can’t change about themselves.
It takes years to undo the damage, and it never, every truly goes away. I’m glad Selkie’s made of stronger stuff than the childhood me was. But it angers me that people are acting as if lashing back against your bully is equally as bad as intentionally and methodically making someone’s life miserable for years. Both are bad, but one is far worse than the other.
And, given a chance to strike back at my bullies, I think I would have been much harsher than Selkie is being. As an adult I know that’s wrong. But as a child, I wouldn’t have hesitated for a second to inflict on my tormentors just a little taste of what they put me through. For a kid Selkie’s being remarkably restrained.
Since Todd was trying to explain something to Amanda, it was disrespectful to him as well.
While it is understandable that Selkie would want to toss a snarky remark at Amanda, it does not mean her actions are justifiable or helpful to Amanda’s recovery. Amanda is already ornery as a polecat, and being mean back to her may feel good, but in the long run is going to make it difficult for Todd to form a relationship with Amanda and eventually between Selkie and Amanda. Not to mention, as Ian said, it is also disrespectful of Todd, as he was trying to explain things to Amanda and got interrupted.
XD That won’t harm her Amanda.
She might even enjoy it… that is if she wasn’t a fresh water species.
No it would hurt, she’s a fresh water dweller
Exactly what I was going to say. The salt would probably burn her gills or something.
Which is why I said “might” & “if.”
“Oh noes, don’t throws me ins thats briar patch!”
(I can’t get the pluralses to sound right.)
Not really. She’s a fresh water silkie, dropping her in the ocean would not be good.
I wonder how afraid this is making Selkie that she herself is going to be “returned to sender” now that Todd has his “real” daughter?
Todd has made it clear Selkie is his daughter. She doesn’t seem threatened by Amanda at all in terms of her taking away her father.
And Amanda is his “real” daughter. She’s a tangible being that is of his descent. 😛
But Amanda has the right to choose, too.
And y’know, there are plenty of grown-up Amandas who’ve turned their back on parents for reasons that might have a tough time equalling “walked right past me, didn’t notice me, didn’t choose me, only wants me now because he HAS TO” – and it’s been the best possible decision for their mental health.
Amanda, child of the system, has had NO chances in her life to make decisions of her own about her own destiny. Looks like that’s changing.
I’m one of those Amanda’s. Though in my case, my father was present at my birth, was my father for a year, turned into a deadbeat dad, then called ME a greedy bastard when I had a chance to talk to him and tried getting him to follow the child support orders so my mom could rest easier.
That’s why I am a bit softer on Amanda than Andi. I understand where she’s coming from. Mine was just a bit more extreme.
Heh. Is it just me, or are all us frequent-flyers here in comment-land identifying REALLY HARD with various characters and situations in this strip?
I hate Andi because Reasons, and I hate Amanda because Reasons, but danged if I’m not starting to understand and identify with aspects of those Reasons that I never bothered to give much thought to before. Dammit, Dave, stop making me UNDERSTAND things. 😛
I know, right? When I was 26 I was so smart and knew how to fix all this stuff, but then I started learning, and finding bunches of .Reasons. Dang it! It’s so hard to be judgmental when you find out that: doing what They do – makes you one of Them. You know? Reasons– ughhh.
She doesn’t seem very afraid. Sassyness aside, she has been smiling during some of this like she’s happy Todd is working hard to work things out with Amanda. I think Todd’s really made things clear with her she isn’t going anywhere, and she just wants him (and even Amanda) to be happy.
“The truth is… you seemed too happy. I went for the kid who looked like she had problems, like she really needed someone.”
That wouldn’t fix anything. Amanda isn’t interested in why Todd didn’t pick her. He didn’t, that’s all. She’s making very clear right now that she’s not going to stop holding it against him. “I only picked Selkie because I felt sorry for her.” Yeah, right. That’s going to make Selkie feel great, isn’t it? Giving Amanda a word-weapon to wound Selkie with is exactly not what Todd should be doing.
He’s a big boy, he said. He can live with her being angry at him, he said. Let’s see if that’s true. I think it is.
Not only will it make Selkie look bad, it’ll make Amanda think that because she was trying to seem nice and happy was the wrong thing to do and somehow it was her own fault she didn’t get chosen.
I was actually a wee bit confused by the Selkie head. I think a speech bubble arrow pointing out of the frame would have worked at least as well, given that it’s Selkie’s unique “accent.”
That Selkie head looks cute.
She does make a bit of sence, Todd only cares now because it turns out they are related… which is kind of true.
Todd’s handling things great though, kind of a shame (though not unexpected) that Andi isn’t doing anything.
My weird mind at work.
“If I take the deal, can I throw her in the ocean?”
“No, but you can throw her in the river.”
So they all go to the river – Mom, Dad, Grandma and Granpa, and the two loving sisters And Amanda pushes Selkie in. And Selkie just — sinks. Doesn’t come up, doesn’t do her dolphin impression like when her aunt and uncle were there. Just — sinks.
I know Andi would freak, but you reckon Amanda would? While she knows about “breathing in bottled water a couple of times a day”, it would be a big step from that to lying at the bottom of the river. I’m pretty certain that the orphans never went to the beach, and if they went to a pool, Selkie stayed out of it – chlorine, you know. Breathing that stuff is bad for everyone.
Suppose Amanda would be all “Oh God, I killed her”? Or more, “Yippie, the witch is dead”?
>“No, but you can throw her in the river.”
Instantly, Amanda becomes suspicious. Now why would the river be okay, but the ocean not? SALT. IT MUST BE THE SALT WATER. Now Amanda’s got a weapon. How long until she uses it? Tick tock. Tick tock.
They live in Illinois or Michigan or Wisconsin, or someplace like that. Upper midwest, on the Great Lakes.
Long damn haul to get to an ocean.
The school cafeteria has salt packets. Add water, shake, sabotage Selkie’s gill-flushing…
I think what Alpo means is, Amanda wouldn’t leap right to SALT. Especially if the answer were a little different: “Too far. You can throw her in the river.”
(Except of course Todd isn’t actually going to say that. This is only us readers, imagining weird alternative scenarios.)
I don’t think Amanda would freak. She’d think — and probably say — “See? I was right. It IS a fish.”
Absolutely. Amanda is too young to remember Alien Nation. 😀
Not cool, Selk. Rubbin salt in the wound is tempting but you just can’t. Makes ya look bad even if you were winning. Especially if you were winning.
Amanda has been relentless in her hatred of Selkie. RELENTLESS. Selkie, in the marker fight, was willing to set aside animosity and be playful. Amanda was not. Nor in the game afterwards. The most tolerant she’s been of Selkie was when they were spying on the adults in the hall, and all that means is that her snipes were quieter. No matter what Selkie does or doesn’t do, Amanda has been completely, utterly relentless in her hatred of Selkie.
Does that make Selkie’s retort “right”? No. But it does make it thoroughly reasonable – and in my eyes, excusable.
Using that logic, Selkie stole Amanda’s much needed cry for help during her return to the orphanage as well as her biological father. In Amanda’s eyes those are perfectly reasonable excuses for her behavior. “Oh some stupid fish came along and was like blah look at me I’m a fish I’m special pay attention to me.” To Amanda, Selkie wronged her and because of that she’s entitled to free passes at Selkie. Is that right? Should the adults excuse her behaviour because she had a good reason? If Selkie’s reasoning is, Amanda torments me so it’s perfectly ok for me to say mean things to her because she deserves it, then how is that any different from Amanda? Because Amanda’s anger towards Selkie is unjust? She doesn’t FEEL that way. She feels like it’s just and not one adult before now has explained otherwise to her!
Amanda is working with huge mountains in front of her. Shes had years of unjust hate for Selkie because no one has properly sat her down and explained to her that Selkie did absolutely nothing to her. That alone makes her feel like what she’s been doing is FINE. No one has corrected her! Sure they punish her for her bad behavior but no one EXPLAINS WHY or tries to figure out why she’s done what she has done.
Think about it, all any adult needed to do once they noticed her tormenting of Selkie was ask a simple question. “Amanda? Why do you torment Selkie so much? What has she done to you to merit this treatment?” And she would have said, “That stupid fish face hogs all the adults attention and gets special treatment just because she’s a dumb fish.” Which would have opened up, “Now why would you think that?” “Because when I was brought back to the orphanage no one paid attention to me, just stupid Selkie.”
If ONE adult had sat her down and tried to figure out the root of the problem then maybe, just maybe, Amanda wouldn’t have had such misplaced hate for Selkie. They could have even BONDED for all we know. The fact of the matter is, adults failed Amanda and Selkie pays for it. Doubly so because now Amanda has years of misplaced hate directed towards Selkie…
Which brings me back to how hard it’s going to be for her to accept that none of this is Selkie’s fault. It’s going to take so much work for her, Todd and Andi to overcome this. Amanda has to be reprimanded as well as assured she is loved equally as Selkie is. This is a tough battle for everyone involved and poor Selkie has been caught unintentionally in the cross fire because of negligent adults.
She won’t suddenly just see Selkie as a valued human being because she has to unlearn all the previous bad behavior that was never properly corrected. This could take years before she fully accepts Selkie as her sister. Selkie being mean to her or making passes at her- no matter how insignificant they may seem, especially if said passes go unpunished, will only FURTHER her anger towards Selkie.
So no, if Todd let’s the comment go and considers ot excusable then that only further solidifies that Amanda thinks that Todd sees Amanda as inferior to Selkie and that Selkie is allowed to get away with mean comments because Amanda ‘deserves’ it. I bet her precious step brothers thought Amanda deserved the things she got too, eh? So Todd and Selkie can treat her the same because she deserves pain and suffering? Let the cycle continue? Sure. Why not.
That is some great reasoning. Really sums up a lot of how I am feeling here.
I’ve said a couple times in comments, and even up above somewhere, that I hate Amanda because Reasons – but that Dave has written this thing well enough that I am unwillingly, grudgingly taking a second look at Amanda (both the one in this comic and the “Amandas” of my past) with a new set of eyes.
Your comments above are insightful enough to make me revisit my concept of Amanda and wonder how much of my “hate” for her has to do with my loathing for certain aspects of my own past, and the person I’ve been.
So… well done, you. That’s some good work, right there, and a new insight is always useful.
All I can really counter with is — yeah, I feel Selkie’s comment is reasonable and excusable, but no, you’re right, it probably shouldn’t go un-addressed. The selfish, wounded part of me would like to see Selkie exact revenge upon her tormentor… the newly insightful parts of me are recognizing that her tormentor is just as wounded, and needs validation of her own.
Thank you for taking the time to show me a different perspective. I appreciate the insight, and will take some time to consider it.
That right there shows that this is a successful comic. Way to go, Dave.
I know, right???
I think I can get on board that general understanding. If Amanda weren’t carrying so much baggage, it’d be a different matter and Selkie’s comment wouldn’t be such a problem, but yes, I can see how it does need to be addressed to avoid other problems.
It’s interesting how the playing field changes once certain factors weigh in. Have to remember that in my own writing.
I think the chief difference is that while Selkie’s presence has hurt Amanda, Selkie had NO control over it. She existed. That’s it.
Amanda’s tormenting of Selkie has been a long series of deliberate actions that she took while people – including Selkie – asked her to stop.
Selkie had no choice to not hurt Amanda, because it wasn’t her doing it, it was the adults around her.
So Amanda ACTS like Selkie has deliberately hurt her, but Selkie HASN’T. Selkie’s existence and differences are the “offense”.
That’s hugely different from Amanda’s constant bullying.
Everybody thinks their actions are justified. That doesn’t mean they’re right.
Good way to show that resolving this will take time. Todd certainly has the patience and empathy to go the distance in gaining Amanda’s trust. I also think even if Andi hasn’t quite shown the same resolve, she’s capable of developing it.
And between them and Todd’s parents, they can give Amanda and Selkie the stability, structure and support both girls need.
I don’t think jabs are ever gonna stop between these two, but perhaps the malice can be drained out of it all. Amanda has been bad towards Selkie for many years. Selkie probably believed she’d always have a hard time getting adopted, and Amanda never helped even when they were in the same boat. But they’re now in a position where not only was Selkie adopted before Amanda, but by her birth father (but that’s not anyone’s fault). In retaliation, Amanda told that one boy, Hamud, that Selkie ate people and got a laugh when Heather stole Selkie’s shirt. However, there are lines Amanda doesn’t cross. Remember how horrified she looked by Truck’s treatment of Selkie? I just hope they address this soon in a better fashion of “Well, now you both are sort of like sisters, so you’ll have to get along since you’re seeing more of each other.” Amanda needs to be told she has no reason or excuse to be mean to Selkie. Selkie knows where Amanda is coming from since Heather told her, and was willing to be understanding of why Amanda is the way she is. Competitive jabs are tolerable, like the “my mom is cooler than your dad” thing they had, but this whole thing where Amanda seriously considers Selkie not deserving of decent treatment needs to end.
Dave, I really love some of the subtle touches you put in here. In frame three, Amanda and Todd have the exact same profile. It’s a great counterpoint to the dialogue, and is like a symbol for the words being spoken. Despite Amanda’s current rejection of Todd, they can’t deny the kinship there, in similar traumatic experiences, in temperament, in the very features on their faces. Bravo!
You can definitely tell they’re kin. Amanda’s expression panel 3 = Todd’s expression panel 6. Also, they both possess the mutant ability to exude red mist when they’re angry.
There is a terrible loneliness in both these girls. Although Selkie’s comment is indeed snark at Amanda, to my mind it is primarily a reminder to Todd that he already has a daughter who loves him and still needs his love. Selkie is afraid, too. She KNOWS that Amanda is high-maintenance and needs/demands/deserves lots of attention.
I have a feeling Amanda doesn’t really mean it. She wants the attention and reassurance now that she didn’t get then. Acting like this is her way of getting more of it. She wants to be fussed over. Besides, there are Theo and Mari to be considered. Two more sources of love, affection and cookies.
She means it and she doesn’t mean it. She wants family, she wants attention, she wants love and acceptance and comfort, but she’s also desperately afraid of being hurt again, of being rejected again, and because of that she wants the control of being able to reject first. Todd’s already rejected her once by not noticing her, and now here he is laying down rules, about Selkie, SELKIE, who has always been in her way and taking up all the attention and Even Took Her Dad, and even if nothing goes wrong Selkie will always be the person who took over HER family FIRST, and yeeeeeeeah it’s entirely in character and logical for her to push Todd away. As for the grandparents, Mari’s still an unknown quantity, Theo has revealed himself to be Very Sneaky, and no doubt Amanda has built up her grandparent/s on Mom’s side to be placed reverently on a pedestal – it’s gonna be a kick in the teeth if Andi’s mother rejects her to her face, but meanwhile there’s no reason for Amanda to trust and accept anyone but the mother who has Proven Herself already.
The irony is that Amanda was so desperate to get adopted that she was pretending to be something she wasn’t, so when Todd showed up he saw the pretend Amanda instead of the ‘real’ one — and his heart went straight for the one who wasn’t pretending.
There’s a lesson in that. Pity Amanda will likely refuse to learn it because it’d involve admitting she was wrong about something.
Deal or no deal?
Seal
Todd: “Her people are fresh-water breathers. Throw her in a lake instead.”
Selkie: “HEYS!”
Amanda: “I’ll take that compromise!”