No situation so dire nor life debt so high that a little sass couldn’t be delivered when an opportunity rises. I guess that’s the way of teenagers and always will be.
That was a solid Dad move, and while the bit of gaslighting sucked a little, I know his heart was in the right place, and he probably panicked and improvised. Learning lesson for both Benny and Avery. Also “To their graves?” Nah, once I was out of the house for a while, I think I fessed up to all the stuff I did as a kid. Moms forgive.
I also meant accidental gaslighting. I understand that wasn’t his intent, and that’s why I say its just a learning lesson. He’s a good guy. He wouldn’t do that on purpose.
Yeah, like Danny said, this wasn’t Gaslighting. Gaslighting would be trying to convince the other person *they* stuffed up, made the mistake, forgot that *they were* told that Benny was coming to the Village as well…
Gaslighting is making them doubt themselves, confusing them and giving you control. It is a form of domestic violence and not acceptable…
What Avery did here is the opposite. He was saying that HE must have forgotten to TELL HER. That it slipped HIS mind. NOT HERS. He is NOT Gaslighting her at all, but IS telling a White Lie to cover for Benny going AWOL, running off without telling anyone…
White Lies are lies told NOT to be malicious or hurtful, but to help someone. In a good way. Not to harm at all.
this is true but this white lie does/can have that affect nonetheless- “I could have sworn I told you” does put some of the onus of forgetfulness onto Carrie: “wait, did he tell me and *I* forgot?” would be an understandable thought. That being said, the step-child/parent relationship is a weird one and Avery chose what was probably best for Benny here, an unfortunate type of lie doesn’t change that.
Avery was acting decietfullly, yes. But true gaslighting is named for a movie where a woman’s husband tried to make her think she was insane, and that’s the defining trait of it: “You, Victim, are nuts.” But Avery is being dishonest, and that arguably would still not be okay.
Even knowing that he must hide things from his wife given his job — and that hiding things likely involves outright lying, on top of other dishonest and manipulative tactics — that’s qualitatively different from lying to one’s spouse regarding the actions of your child.
Even so, I’m not gonna judge him too harshly for this one. He knows people and has tactics built up for manipulation in various ways. This is a calculated move that fields a few specific issues. It reduces the stress on the mom, who has already lost most of her family and, yes, does not need the additional worry of her son willfully running away. It builds up a little “deposit” with the son, who now will likely feel a bit indebted and less likely to push back in certain ways. It also positions Avery as in Benny’s corner, not a man just waiting to rat him out — Benny really needs that awareness, that his stepdad is on his side.
Were it not for the quite understandable stress on the mom, I’d expect Avery to actually talk this out with her privately, but given circumstances it might actually be best that this plays out the way it does on the surface here. And it’s a level of “unique circumstances could’ve gone badly, thankfully nothing happened, will never happen again, let’s not lay that awareness on her shoulders.”
I’m not sure that I’d appreciate this kind of “making decisions *for* me,” but I have a friend who has repeatedly expressed a preference for *not* being told certain truths — being outright lied to, due to the effect the truth has on her feelings. Sometimes it *is* the more compassionate move.
I’m not going to argue about whether it was the right or wrong move. I’m just saying that when your profession involves lying to people all day, every day, it becomes an ingrained habit that remains even when you’re off the clock. Or for that matter, someone who has too many ethical scruples about lying would never have been accepted into the agency in the first place.
I think he feels a little guilt/remorse hearing Avery take that bullet for him—AND promising to maintain the cover, while having a calmer, more rational talk with him about it separately. Despite Benny’s resentments and anger, he knows Avery did him a huge Dad Favor.
No situation so dire nor life debt so high that a little sass couldn’t be delivered when an opportunity rises. I guess that’s the way of teenagers and always will be.
Aww. Hoping Benny warms up to Avery more 🙂
That was a solid Dad move, and while the bit of gaslighting sucked a little, I know his heart was in the right place, and he probably panicked and improvised. Learning lesson for both Benny and Avery. Also “To their graves?” Nah, once I was out of the house for a while, I think I fessed up to all the stuff I did as a kid. Moms forgive.
I also meant accidental gaslighting. I understand that wasn’t his intent, and that’s why I say its just a learning lesson. He’s a good guy. He wouldn’t do that on purpose.
“You must have forgotten that I told you” is gaslighting.
“I forgot to tell you” is not gaslighting.
Avery did the second.
Yeah, like Danny said, this wasn’t Gaslighting. Gaslighting would be trying to convince the other person *they* stuffed up, made the mistake, forgot that *they were* told that Benny was coming to the Village as well…
Gaslighting is making them doubt themselves, confusing them and giving you control. It is a form of domestic violence and not acceptable…
What Avery did here is the opposite. He was saying that HE must have forgotten to TELL HER. That it slipped HIS mind. NOT HERS. He is NOT Gaslighting her at all, but IS telling a White Lie to cover for Benny going AWOL, running off without telling anyone…
White Lies are lies told NOT to be malicious or hurtful, but to help someone. In a good way. Not to harm at all.
this is true but this white lie does/can have that affect nonetheless- “I could have sworn I told you” does put some of the onus of forgetfulness onto Carrie: “wait, did he tell me and *I* forgot?” would be an understandable thought. That being said, the step-child/parent relationship is a weird one and Avery chose what was probably best for Benny here, an unfortunate type of lie doesn’t change that.
Avery was acting decietfullly, yes. But true gaslighting is named for a movie where a woman’s husband tried to make her think she was insane, and that’s the defining trait of it: “You, Victim, are nuts.” But Avery is being dishonest, and that arguably would still not be okay.
Avery is a CIA agent. Being dishonest is basically his job.
Even knowing that he must hide things from his wife given his job — and that hiding things likely involves outright lying, on top of other dishonest and manipulative tactics — that’s qualitatively different from lying to one’s spouse regarding the actions of your child.
Even so, I’m not gonna judge him too harshly for this one. He knows people and has tactics built up for manipulation in various ways. This is a calculated move that fields a few specific issues. It reduces the stress on the mom, who has already lost most of her family and, yes, does not need the additional worry of her son willfully running away. It builds up a little “deposit” with the son, who now will likely feel a bit indebted and less likely to push back in certain ways. It also positions Avery as in Benny’s corner, not a man just waiting to rat him out — Benny really needs that awareness, that his stepdad is on his side.
Were it not for the quite understandable stress on the mom, I’d expect Avery to actually talk this out with her privately, but given circumstances it might actually be best that this plays out the way it does on the surface here. And it’s a level of “unique circumstances could’ve gone badly, thankfully nothing happened, will never happen again, let’s not lay that awareness on her shoulders.”
I’m not sure that I’d appreciate this kind of “making decisions *for* me,” but I have a friend who has repeatedly expressed a preference for *not* being told certain truths — being outright lied to, due to the effect the truth has on her feelings. Sometimes it *is* the more compassionate move.
I’m not going to argue about whether it was the right or wrong move. I’m just saying that when your profession involves lying to people all day, every day, it becomes an ingrained habit that remains even when you’re off the clock. Or for that matter, someone who has too many ethical scruples about lying would never have been accepted into the agency in the first place.
Benny looks almost bashful in that last panel.
I think he feels a little guilt/remorse hearing Avery take that bullet for him—AND promising to maintain the cover, while having a calmer, more rational talk with him about it separately. Despite Benny’s resentments and anger, he knows Avery did him a huge Dad Favor.
Perhaps they can be buried at sea.
I read this as burned at see ToT
sea*