I hereby avow and affirm that I did not forget about today’s comic. >_>
I may re-edit this one either later tonight or sometime tomorrow. I’m not happy with the dialogue flow on this panel layout.
Today's edition of the Secret Commentary is empty, because Dave failed to come up with something for it.
They’re gonna have to tell her eventually…
I hope Andi doesn’t try to take that barrette off before they get a chance to tell her the whole story.
Not going to lie, a small part of me does want that to happen to see her reaction.
Amanda flips out and Selkie teaches her the humming trick
There’s a teeeeeeeeeeeeeeny part of me that agrees with you.
Then I remember Andi’s reaction to learning that Sarnothi are a different species entirely and that Selkie isn’t just a kid with “a condition.” Does Andi even know about Sarnothi Echoes? I can’t remember. To find out that her daughter is capable of “alien magic” might be more than she can handle and I’d hate to have her immediate reaction to Amanda be horror or disgust.
🤣 This comic brings me so much joy. ♥️
I like the dramatic shapes of the panels, but yeah, the reading order is too unclear with this layout. You could cheat and put arrows; some of the older comic books used to do that. Might save you the trouble of redrawing everything.
or make the *WHAM* panel bigger, which will push the panel underneath it down
I think the jumble works well for the feels, but yeah. Visual flow is one of the issues to deal with as you grow as an artist; it’s not easy, especially as you start to experiment more with the structure.
If you intend for the eye to sweep diagonally down from right to left, then move to the right for the final panel, then you’ve got both balloons and panel structure working against that flow.
Firstly, a set of panels of the form “tall left panel + two right panels” will pretty much always be read with the leftmost panel first, not right-left-right. (That’s one of the few layouts that might never work without arrows.)
Secondly, the balloon in the middle panel and the balloons in the left panel are pretty much in the same vertical space, meaning it’s natural to read them out of your intended order… in fact, I can think of a few different ways to read the order of those three balloons, and the actual order isn’t particularly high on that list of possibilities.
Which leads up to the brain having to backtrack and recontextualize the elements, put them into a different order. Pretty much always a structural problem, unless you’re deliberately evoking equivocal phrases (where the brain backtracking is the point).
I’d move the central bubble up to overlap the Todd-and-Amanda panel somewhat, like she’s shouting that before she’s even fully in the room.
Then I’d actually do something I don’t often appreciate: Cross the bubbles. Have “I puked” on the right (above Andi) with a line pointing toward Amanda, and the “oh thank God” part on the left (above Amanda) with a line pointing toward Andi — which the eye could follow more naturally, I think, coming from the central panel. Have “I puked” overlap the border between panels, drawing the eye over and down.
…Actually, if the panel weren’t already crafted, I’d also consider rephrasing the leftmost panel’s wording, because right now the “No…” — which I assume is responding to Andi’s comment — is a little confusing. Is there a pause before Amanda says it? Is it responding to “motion-sick” (the most obvious reading) or to thanking God? I’d have “motion-sick” as the last word in Andi’s line, if I could manage it. (And I’d consider moving the barrette thing off to the next page, and having the end of this page be more about Amanda’s visible reaction(s) to her mom’s assumptions. It’d reduce the “clutter” of the page a bit.) But those don’t really matter so much.
Some kind of speed lines between the panels that directly follow one another may be all this needs. Just a little hint to the eyes. It’s still a somewhat natural kind of flow, all swooping across the page.
Yeah you really should have used those helpful arrows that you often see between panels whenever the cartoonist is forced to put the panels out of order or something.
Seconded, if you’re going to edit the dialogue the dramatic tension is begging for a “no, but…” and a trail off for Amanda in the bottom of fourth pannel.
You got a life it’s ok, and this webcomic currently ain’t raking in a livable wage. Arrows seem like a fine fix to me, no one is here for a big budget production or something else soulless. Do what you can and take that usual weekend! Don’t worry about us.
*Spongebob narrator voice* One. Explanation. Later.
I think if you moved the balloon of “I ran into the doctor guy” a smidge higher so it draws the eyes rather than the “I puked” one–which is a similar height–it would take care of it.
Yes, this would work. Also one arrow from top right to middle big one would also suffice.
Whatever changes you end up making, I just wanna say that panel 1 is pure wonderfulness. The panel shape, the action pose, the sound effect… everything. 😀
Instead of arrows, you can also use a series of motion lines in the gutters between panels. That was an old way of stringing together disjointed panels to create a sense of fast, frantic dashing all over that would fit this page’s content.
I think a reason it doesn’t flow so good is because Amanda’s “No…” is so far below the final panel’s dialoge…That’s the only thing I can think of that could maybe be an easy fix
Uh…yes…a new barette… And I got motion sick in the car going to get it. That is exactly what happened.
Yay, I’m FINALLY caught up!
This is a great story. And super meaningful to me as an adopting dad.