Amanda’s therapist/counselor is something that’s been lightly referred too a few times before. Making a more definitive mention of him now, to make sure it’s a known thing.
↓ Transcript
AMANDA: I know I'm terrible.
AMANDA: I was super mean to everyone. Mister Caulfield said people would never forgive me.
TODD: Amanda, your therapist did NOT say that. He said that people you'd hurt might be angry even if you apologized, and to remember that those feelings are valid in their own way.
SELKIE: Damn right they are.
SELKIE: I... I've had nightmares about you.
AMANDA: I was super mean to everyone. Mister Caulfield said people would never forgive me.
TODD: Amanda, your therapist did NOT say that. He said that people you'd hurt might be angry even if you apologized, and to remember that those feelings are valid in their own way.
SELKIE: Damn right they are.
SELKIE: I... I've had nightmares about you.
All I remembr of my own childhood therapist is that he insisted on "meeting" my imaginary friends, and I felt completely ridiculous to be talking about them with a face-to-face person.
Thank you for this.
Looks like we’re tackling some issues that have been simmering under the hood for a while now…
Hey, Dave.. I know it’s for the sake of story and addressing the problems at hand. But child therapists conversations are strictly confidential between the therapist and kid. They don’t tell parents what’s been discussed and parents don’t get to listen in.
Unless the child agrees and knows that such things can be discussed
This. I’ve given permission for others to be told my therapy before.
Sigh. This is why I didn’t talk about it directly before, I didn’t want to misrepresent the process. God dammit, I knew I’d fuck something up with this.
You’re fine. I have specific experience with this and I’ll elaborate when I can get to a keyboard.
My son has been in one-on-one therapy, and what Katrina is telling you is incorrect, at least in the US. The therapist has great latitude with what they are allowed to share. If the child tells them “don’t tell my parents” they will honor that— if there is evidence of abuse the authorities will be notified— but in general, unless the kid says “no” the results of the session can and will be shared with the parents.
You sign a form before therapy starts that specifically details this, and your rights as a parent, and the rights of the child. It also warns you that CPS WILL be notified if signs of abuse or endangerment are determined.
We worked with the therapist to determine the best path forward for our kid, and they worked with us.
In this case (Todd and Amanda) the therapist is gonna WANT Todd involved, as he has a vital role to play in helping Amanda get through this.
We can go with the theory that it was family therapy, so Todd would have been present. I don’t see this as a huge failing, story wise. I don’t think anyone else does, either.
I just assumed it was some sort of family therapy. Or at least some sessions with one or both of her parents involved.
Family therapy is a thing, I’ve been there. It’s also possible, and not uncommon, for therapists to ask a minor child if they’re okay with having a parent present for certain big conversations if the therapist thinks it’s important for the parent to know about a certain issue.
So, no, you didn’t fuck it up. Therapy is not a one-size-fits-all thing.
Although what the commentator said is, strictly speaking, true, that’s only if it’s a one-on-one session without a parent present, and with no immediate threat of harm.
No, Dave. Katrina is wrong. In the US, there is NO doctor-patient confidentiality when the patient is a child and the people asking are the parents. The therapist WILL tell the parents everything that goes on in those sessions. The only exceptions are if a) the child asks the therapist not to, in which case it is a matter of the patient trusting the therapist and loss of that trust could result in the therapist no longer being able to help the child, and b) the therapist believes that telling the parents may endanger the child, in which case it will often result in a call to CPS instead.
IMHO, it’s perfectly possible Amanda volunatarily shared what the therapist said with Andi and Todd. Her therapist is correct but that’s an upsetting thing for anyone to hear, especially a child, and her initial understanding might well have been exactly what she said in panel 2. I can vividly imagine Todd asking, “Amanda, did your therapist *really* say exactly that?” and Amanda finally admitting that no, he actually didn’t.
(I’ve been in Amanda’s position many times before – and often at an age when I should know better – with my mom and my partner, amongst other people. “Partner, my Chairperson says she wants to get rid of me!” “Did your Chair ACTUALLY say those words, Jaime?” “….no.”)
BTW, a quick and not-at-all exhaustive search of the APA website yielded the not-surprising result that therapist confidentiality for minors is, and I quote, “complicated.”
Actually, to be fair? It could have been a family therapy session that involved Todd. That would actually be necessary. It would not be unrealistic that both of Amanda’s folks were individually seeing their own therapists as well given their own childhoods. Even if Amanda was a stellar child they completely raised themselves, parenting can be very triggering if you have survived massive childhood abuse. Seeing a good therapist helps a parent learn to manage those and further break the cycle. And give the current dynamics of the family? Therapy seems like it would be beneficial to everyone.
It may vary by state? I know in mine and for therapists I’ve heard speak about it there’s a form for parents to fill out to waive their right to the information because it isn’t automatic. However, finding a therapist who will treat a minor without that form may be more difficult; it’s certainly best practice to give the kid their privacy and I imagine Todd would. Maybe Amanda told him about it at a time where her brain was warping the words less? *shrug*
I hate to be “that girl,” but if the counselor feels that what the child has said is important/concerning enough to tell the parent, they’re gonna talk.
Or, the therapist simply decides the best way to “help” is to tell the very scared child’s father, whom she is afraid of, that she’s afraid. *Ask me how I know.* 😑
not true at all. ive been to LOTS of therapists and if you are a kid they WILL tell your parents exactly whats going on.
They are very much NOT confidential if the ones asking are the parents. Children do not enjoy the same privacy protections as adults in the US. Their parents have a legal right to know any medical (including mental health) information pertaining to their children, and the therapist WILL discuss their sessions with the parents, with only two possible exceptions.
Not all of them respect that rule.
My brother had a few shitty ones when he was a child who did a lot more harm than good. Some by sharing their interpretations of what he “meant” when he said things and others by encouraging him to do things dangerous to him and others without my parents consent (like the one who taught him to shoot a gun without my parents’ permission)
Seriously. Family therapy. Stat.
Obviously the therapist is not going to say *that* to Amanda, but that doesn’t make it untrue. Maybe Selkie will forgive her, maybe not, but there are definitely kids who will not forgive their bullies, from the moment it happens until the day they die.
I never needed an imaginary friend, because I had a pet dog.
Of course, no-one else could see him…
Kind of annoyed that Todd just let Amanda say that she’s terrible and he didn’t try to explain to her that she’s not terrible, just that she had done terrible things in the past. Kinda seems like a parenting fail to allow your clearly traumatized and self loathing 8-year old child talk down about herself like that when she’s trying to make a change. Holding herself accountable is one thing, but hating herself for something she’s sorry for and back when she wasn’t getting the help she needed is another thing entirely. She did many bad things, that much is clear, but it’s not like she wasn’t also an extremely abused and neglected child who was trying to process and cope with all the crap that happened to her too. It doesn’t excuse her actions, but it helps explain them and helps you realize she wasn’t just a violent little monster for shits and giggles.
I’m down to let her live with it for a while. You are what you do. At least from here on she might try to be a good person.
Well, this seems like the start of a long conversation, during which I’d expect Todd to reassure Amanda at some point. I think he’s doing well by reminding Amanda that her therapist basically said Amanda wasn’t so terrible that no one would ever forgive her, but that she would have to deal with the consequences of her actions. Also, Selkie is VERY upsetted right now. IMHO if Todd immediately busted out with “No, Amanda, you’re not terrible,” Selkie could easily take that as him dismissing her feelings (which are valid, as Todd and the therapist are both telling Amanda).
I’m also betting Andi could and will help out a lot here. She’s done some lousy things too and, like Amanda, seems to be trying hard to make amends for them.
> he insisted on “meeting” my imaginary friends, and I felt completely ridiculous to be talking about them with a face-to-face person.
Hahaha! As somebody who officially had 100 imaginary siblings–yes, that would have been very weird. Tell you stories about them? Sure. Introduce them to you? Uhhh…
And thus… the healing process begins in earnest. :’-)