What’s wrong with telling her. It’s *her* birthday party. Doing surprises like that with younger kids isn’t always the best move—especially when they are children who haven’t had much stability in their lives to begin with—unless Amanda initially begged for a surprise and is changing her mind.
I can see your point about a surprise party being a bit problematic given Amanda’s personality, perhaps not the best idea initially. However, its also important that she learn that she can’t just get what she wants by demanding it. ESPECIALLY when she threatens to throw tantrums. At the very least Todd should discuss it with Andi before deciding to spill the beans.
Whether or not Todd has made the “correct” decision here regarding whether or not to tell her about the party, he can’t encourage manipulative behavior. Telling her that doe eyes and begging isn’t going to work isn’t cruel– it’s parenting. Amanda has to realize that being manipulative isn’t going to work.
Still workin’ on it with my own daughter, and she’s 18.
LOL—then he could have just corrected her for the tone or told her it was unnecessary and *still* opened up about her birthday. It does not hurt to give a child control over matters than concern them. Given a birthday is about recipient, it is proper to let the recipient choose *how* it’s spent.
There is a point when trying to teach children to “toughen up” or “putting them in their place” really just teaches them you are a controlling jerk.
I’ve seen it over and over from being a teen myself (my most rebellious friends who got into the worst trouble always had overly strict parents) to watching other parents screw it up. Currently we know another couple who’s son seems a bit out of spazz. They are constantly yelling and nitpicking at him over stupid things that have no impact on them or whatsoever. They now have a kid who has become immune to being disciplined and does sneaky things behind their backs for all that.
when amanda´s got her ‘plotting face’-on she looks disturbingly like her mom…..which totally explaines were todd learned to recognise emotional blackmail so well (yes, i still don´t like andi. sue me)
You don’t have to like Andi; she is a heavily flawed character with numerous faults and a torrential past. However at this point of the story we have some fairly telling evidence that the character is legitimately trying to make amends for her past… you’re still not obligated to like her or even give her a chance. But it’s the mark of a great story teller if you can acknowledge that a character you don’t like is growing and developing past their starting point. For example, Severus Snape from Potterverse; I don’t like him. AT ALL. But he’s well written and does grow as a character as we see more sides of him.
So all I’m getting at is, dislike the character as you please, but I hope just as a fellow reader you don’t let that hate keep you from seeing character development? ?
My favorite part was the boat ride. Not the images, but the face he only had enough seats for those that got on. He was planning on offing that kid in the chocolate lake, otherwise it would have been embarrassing to be short two seats.
I’m gonna have to remember that for the next time I get “Daddy” in my text messages. Although I do love her *calling* me “Daddy”…at 18 it’s pretty obvious what’s going on when she says it.
See, this is where Not having kids separates the professional scientists from the amateurs. If I have kids and you don’t, you can accuse me of observational bias. If yu have kids and I don’t, you can accuse me of insufficient observational data.
You know, I realize now that a green-tinted set of shades might be better for Selkie to hide the glow AND still be able to see out of the lens effectively. Shades as dark as those will be kind of hellish to see through, particularly if one’s eyes have a luminary factor of their own.
Good technique for diffusing that behaviour! Calls her on it without being overly confrontational about it. (We use a similar one for making kitchen messes, but that one is easier to implement.)
Now now, Amanda, you can’t improve your game if you don’t get honest criticism. Learn and you’ll do better next time.
TELL HER TELL HER YOU HORRIBLE MAN
…wait, that was a bluff? Can they ALL do that?
WHAT’S TO STOP THEM TAKING OVER THE WORLD?
Oh right, nothing- eventually they must.
I wish I could up-vote this. 🙂
I wish there was an up-vote for her comment, too.
What’s wrong with telling her. It’s *her* birthday party. Doing surprises like that with younger kids isn’t always the best move—especially when they are children who haven’t had much stability in their lives to begin with—unless Amanda initially begged for a surprise and is changing her mind.
I can see your point about a surprise party being a bit problematic given Amanda’s personality, perhaps not the best idea initially. However, its also important that she learn that she can’t just get what she wants by demanding it. ESPECIALLY when she threatens to throw tantrums. At the very least Todd should discuss it with Andi before deciding to spill the beans.
Whether or not Todd has made the “correct” decision here regarding whether or not to tell her about the party, he can’t encourage manipulative behavior. Telling her that doe eyes and begging isn’t going to work isn’t cruel– it’s parenting. Amanda has to realize that being manipulative isn’t going to work.
Still workin’ on it with my own daughter, and she’s 18.
LOL—then he could have just corrected her for the tone or told her it was unnecessary and *still* opened up about her birthday. It does not hurt to give a child control over matters than concern them. Given a birthday is about recipient, it is proper to let the recipient choose *how* it’s spent.
There is a point when trying to teach children to “toughen up” or “putting them in their place” really just teaches them you are a controlling jerk.
I’ve seen it over and over from being a teen myself (my most rebellious friends who got into the worst trouble always had overly strict parents) to watching other parents screw it up. Currently we know another couple who’s son seems a bit out of spazz. They are constantly yelling and nitpicking at him over stupid things that have no impact on them or whatsoever. They now have a kid who has become immune to being disciplined and does sneaky things behind their backs for all that.
when amanda´s got her ‘plotting face’-on she looks disturbingly like her mom…..which totally explaines were todd learned to recognise emotional blackmail so well (yes, i still don´t like andi. sue me)
Or he could have learned from Selkie trying the puppydog eyes trick… It’s not exactly unique to Amanda. Kids the world over use that trick.
You don’t have to like Andi; she is a heavily flawed character with numerous faults and a torrential past. However at this point of the story we have some fairly telling evidence that the character is legitimately trying to make amends for her past… you’re still not obligated to like her or even give her a chance. But it’s the mark of a great story teller if you can acknowledge that a character you don’t like is growing and developing past their starting point. For example, Severus Snape from Potterverse; I don’t like him. AT ALL. But he’s well written and does grow as a character as we see more sides of him.
So all I’m getting at is, dislike the character as you please, but I hope just as a fellow reader you don’t let that hate keep you from seeing character development? ?
Russian judge.
When I hear a girl say “But Daddy!” I think of Veruca Salt from Willy Wonka.
Don’t, care, how, I want it nooooowwwwwww……..!
She was a bad egg.
And then a blue egg
No, it was Violet Beauregarde who turned blue.
My favorite part was the boat ride. Not the images, but the face he only had enough seats for those that got on. He was planning on offing that kid in the chocolate lake, otherwise it would have been embarrassing to be short two seats.
At the end of the book it was made pretty clear that Wonka knew it would be a game of attrition, and that only one kid would eventually be left.
Note also that the original group of 10 would NEVER have fit in the elevator.
I’m gonna have to remember that for the next time I get “Daddy” in my text messages. Although I do love her *calling* me “Daddy”…at 18 it’s pretty obvious what’s going on when she says it.
See, this is where Not having kids separates the professional scientists from the amateurs. If I have kids and you don’t, you can accuse me of observational bias. If yu have kids and I don’t, you can accuse me of insufficient observational data.
You know, I realize now that a green-tinted set of shades might be better for Selkie to hide the glow AND still be able to see out of the lens effectively. Shades as dark as those will be kind of hellish to see through, particularly if one’s eyes have a luminary factor of their own.
She might like the agent of evil / agent of government look.
I was thinking, if the whole “Dr. Terrorhammer” thing doesn’t work out for Selkie, with those shades she’d be a natural to join Agent Brown.
Todd is *good*.
Keep it a secret.
Good technique for diffusing that behaviour! Calls her on it without being overly confrontational about it. (We use a similar one for making kitchen messes, but that one is easier to implement.)