Either they didn’t bring the 1-Up Mushroom hats or I forgot about them until halfway through the coloring phase. One of those two things happened.
Today's edition of the Secret Commentary is empty, because Dave failed to come up with something for it.
Wait, he’s not actually going to sit down and tell her, “Hey, I’m pretty sure Scar is your dad,” is he? That would be fucked on soooooo many levels. Selkie is…7? 8? She doesn’t need to know that right now. Even if you want her to know at this age, TIME AND PLACE! This is not the right time nor place!!
Lord.
No, he’s going to have a discussion now about the difference between cartoon villainy and what Scar did, and maybe a soupçon of forgiveness and not holding things against people when they’re trying to atone in good faith, without getting Selkie’s hopes up that Scar may be able to reverse the damage dealt by the suppressor that Plo Quar built.
Thank you for your wise words of wisdom. I have -0- brain today, and needed the explanation. Cause I was all, “whaaaa???”
Imo, Scar should try to atone and do good with his life going forward and society in general should give him a chance to do that, but not one particular person is required to personally forgive him – and especially not the ones who actually got wronged by his actions.
I will, yet again, mention my personal opinion (based on half a century of observation, and subjective experience; that forgiveness is not required to be extended to the villain in any situation. The injured party may or may not forgive, as the bad actor may or may not re-think (re-pent), regret, or attempt restitution for the wrong. But the person wronged is the one for whom forgiveness is a healing balm. Those that hold the poison of the hurt inside themselves will find themselves hard-hearted and bitter as they age. Forgiveness doesn’t absolve the villain of restitution, AND it doesn’t mean the injured party is required to forget the injury. But forgiveness will prevent the scars from becoming septic.
Just my arrogant opinion.
Pressure from people like you that I need to forgive or I will be bitter, angry, etc. are far more toxic and damaging than my lack of forgiveness. This is based on my 40 years of experience since I was molested and abused. I don’t think about them most of the time. I have a partner and friends who care about me, and have helped me heal. I’m not bitter as a general personality trait. Your arrogance in assuming what I and others who have been harmed need isn’t helpful, it’s harmful. Please stop.
Here are a few links that explain eloquently why that pressure on victims is harmful. “If you don’t do x, y (bad thing) will happen” is not a positive way to encourage them to x.
https://sometimesmagical.wordpress.com/2013/01/11/forgiveness-is-bullshit/amp/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/disturbed/201208/why-you-dont-always-have-forgive?amp
https://www.nytimes.com/2013/02/23/your-money/why-its-not-always-good-to-forgive.html
https://www.anniewrightpsychotherapy.com/forgiveness-why-you-dont-need-or-have-to-forgive-anyone-if-you-dont-want-or-feel-ready-to/
Lyrical, in some ways, I think you actually already have forgiven the person who hurt you. Forgiveness is not saying “what you did was okay,” even though that’s what a lot of people seem to think.
Forgiveness is more of a “I am choosing to move on with my life. I will not let this person take more of my life by being bitter and angry.” That’s what helps people who have been hurt, and it sounds like you’ve already done it.
Yeah, this is a bit of a beef I have with this comic (and other stories like it)—as much as I enjoy it. It’s fabulous when the villain/bully/abuser/chronic liar turns around and actually makes it worthwhile they received that second chance, but real life doesn’t usually work out that way—nor does apologizing for something actually reverse the harm done.
I think it is also unkind (or downright rude/arrogant) to project beliefs and motivations onto people who have be victimized. Each person heals from a trauma in their own way as everyone is different and how traumas happen and impact people can be very different. While it’s a lovely notion we should all find peace, the path to attaining it is different for each who has lost it (or never had it to begin with). Sometimes that includes forgiveness. Sometimes it cannot.
“It’s fabulous when the villain/bully/abuser/chronic liar turns around and actually makes it worthwhile they received that second chance, but real life doesn’t usually work out that way”
I don’t wanna air too much of my dirty laundry here, but yeah I’ve seen some of this too. People admitting they were wrong and trying to make it right is a nice idea that can make for an enjoyable story, but in real life they mostly tend to just double-down on their bullshit excuses and justifications.
You know, Dave? It’s tricky, because I have been an idealist a lot of my life and want to see good in everyone. I still try to as well, but I find I need to be a cynic a chunk of time just to make sure people do not step on me and the folks close to me. It’s a tough balance—especially for those of us who grew up embracing Star Wars. At the same time? Embracing cynicism can be a terrible, terrible thing and takes away enjoyment of stories and also can cause someone to misjudge other people which further creates situations that actually perpetuate injustice.
Dancing4Jesus, I disagree. I consider him and his wife to be two of the very rare people I have interacted with who are truly evil. I believe the world will be a better, safer place without them in it (especially him).
I rarely think about him, but comments like Geneseepaws’ about forgiveness, or hearing about similar things happening to other kids, bring it up again.
I hope that we can all agree that it would be monstrous and unreasonable to tell a Holocaust survivor that they need to forgive Hitler and the people who carried out his orders. Likewise for the parents of the kids who have been kidnapped by ICE, and abused or “lost in the system” are almost certainly not going to forgive Trump, the judge, the ICE agents, and the people who abused and kidnapped their kids.
Molesting over 40 girls, by his own admission, including me and the two he went to prison for, isn’t quite on the same level as Hitler, Stalin, or Trump. God may be able to forgive him for it. I can’t. I’m not God.
I am relieved and happy that the sex offender website led to him losing his job and being driven out of the country. I feel scared for the children in his neighborhood, and his church, and the children of his students (he is a university professor).
I contacted the head of his department and HR at that university and informed them of what he did, including links to newspaper articles and court records. I didn’t hear anything back, so probably they didn’t do anything about it. I felt I had to try.
His wife has stood by him all this time, including the years while he was in prison. She also had the nerve to lecture me and the other Jr. High girls she was teaching. She claimed that we needed to wear skirts past the knee, lest we cause men to sin by lusting after us. She also failed to protect her foster daughter, and accused her of lying about him attacking her. Her evil and cruelty aren’t on the same level as his, but I blame her as well.
Dave, sorry if this is too dark for the comments section. I understand if you don’t approve it or need to edit it.
Dave and DotCom, nearly all of the other people who abused or harmed me wound up apologizing. My parents apologized once I was an adult. I can understand that they simply needed education on parenting, rather than they were actively malicious. It still leaves a hole in my heart, and our relationship is relatively superficial. Knowing that I couldn’t rely on them to have my back, that they would accuse me of lying and believe others over me when I was telling the truth, starting at 5, isn’t something I can completely heal. You’re right about consequences. I wouldn’t say that they have a second chance, but they’re not actively harmful to me, and I don’t hate them.
I was scared of the kids who used to beat me up, and who still bullied and picked on me. One of the boys (named Johnny), who hadn’t hurt me asked why I was acting that way. I told him that they used to hit me. He looked really concerned and sad. The bullying died out gradually over the next month or so.
Two months later, every single boy in the class (I hadn’t had issues with the girls) apologized individually to me. They had chipped in the pocket change they got for allowance during that time, and bought a box of chocolates as a peace offering. I gave them each a chocolate as they apologized.
It felt kinda symbolic, and the right thing to do. None of them bullied me after that. A few even wound up being encouraging and friendly. I’m still impressed that Johnny was able to pull it off. I’m even more amazed that they were able to maintain it for the 3 years I was at that school afterward. I figure he had a Charisma of 20, proficiency in Persuasion, and got a crit on his roll. 😉
Sai Fen is right, but Soleil’s a recurring villain so she can’t be decisively beaten up now – she’ll be back and get beaten up again… and again… etc. (Which will be fun since she is, after all, a ‘Bad Guy’ and it’s quite acceptable to beat her up. A major reason to have recurring villains in the first place.) ;-}}
I see Sai Fen’s one who agrees with my previous comments regarding Soleil and flyswatters.
Good move, Todd. Open with bribery.
I find that it is harder for people to get into a self-riling spiral if they are stuffed with heavy foods,… fondu, pizza, steak, tacos, burgers, cheesecake, flan,… so sate their appetite and then bring up the heavy subject, and they will not so easily fly off the handle. For the win! :—)
…unless the reason they “rile” themselves is their overeating habit.
What is this bacon loaf and does anyone have a link?
I read bacon loaf and had to look it up myself. This is what I found, if it’ll let me link it, but I am a bit disappointed. I’m cajun, this recipe needs… modification.
https://www.tastefullysimple.com/recipes/bacon-loaf-1514
https://tasty.co/recipe/bacon-bbq-chicken-loaf looks more appealing, I think. It would need some modifications for obligate carnivores, though.
They’re also just leftovers. Tasty sounding leftovers that I’ll glance at those links later for, when at home on a computer.
https://selkiecomic.com/comic/selkie1299/
I agree with some of the comments above that people sometimes put too much into the concept of forgiveness. It’s nothing more than than releasing the demand for restitution.
if you steal my wallet with $20, forgiveness means I’m letting go of my demand /right to get that $20 back. It does not mean that I’m saying that it was right for you to steal. Nor does it say that you are restored to the same level of trust as before: I do not have to leave my wallet out around you ever again. It just means the letting go, the moving on.
I’d say it’s a case of equivocation: We’ve managed to stuff a lot of concepts under one word, and then argue about the word instead of the concepts. This is not uncommon for controversial issues, and it’s a key way for two people to hold the same opinions yet argue as though they don’t.
“Forgiveness” seems to encompass some portion of the Venn diagram surrounding these concepts:
1. Letting go of the ongoing experience of negative feelings toward the one who hurt you — bitterness, anger, hatred, and so forth.
2. Letting go of the demand for restitution — allowing life to proceed without the ongoing feeling that you are owed something because of how you were hurt.
3. Accepting that the person does not actually deserve your negative feelings, even if you still experience them.
4. Reconciling with the one who hurt you — returning to some form of ongoing positive relationship, despite there having been actual hurt or harm done.
5. Allowing the person who did actual harm to stop being stuck in that harm — accepting that they have moved beyond it, without either person forgetting that it happened.
…and there are likely several other related concepts that aren’t coming to mind offhand.
The thing is that these concepts are not tied together, but experienced separately. And some are mutually exclusive: “Forgiving” a person who did actually hurt you is not the same as “forgiving” a person who you’ve felt negative feelings toward but who never actually did you any harm (or who wasn’t responsible for it, if they did).
A person can choose to let go of negative feelings (#1) independent of the one who hurt them. For example, if the one who hurt you is already dead, then continuing to harbor negative feelings toward them cannot hurt them and probably isn’t helping you; letting go of those feelings and moving on is the only thing you *can* do.
Letting go of the need for restitution (#2) can mean forgiving a debt, or speaking up in court to say you no longer wish for the person to suffer a severe sentence. Or, in more extreme circumstances, say that you’re in a battle and happen across an enemy who is the one who killed your son; if you killed her now, you would not be held to account for it, because it’s war, but you choose instead to let her go, which is a form of #2 and possibly #5.
Accepting that your negative feelings are out-of-keeping with the reality (#3) can happen if you find out that the person who harmed you was not in their right mind at the time. Perhaps they have a mental illness, or perhaps they were high or drunk but not because they had *chosen* to get high or drunk (e.g. someone spiked their drink). Perhaps the situation is very different from how you understood it (e.g. you thought that they killed your kid, but really your kid sacrificed herself to save her friend). Perhaps you discover that their background makes you less willing to judge them so harshly, even though their actions severely affected your life.
Reconciliation (#4) generally happens only when you’re convinced that the harm is not likely to happen again, or when you care enough about the person that the risk of continued harm is less significant than losing that person in your life. It’s best if the person who harmed you shows clear and believable remorse, though this is not necessarily a factor in the second case. Those who don’t show remorse are unlikely to take steps to avoid doing later harm, because they evidently can’t see what was so bad the first time.
And it’s perfectly possible to forgive someone in the other ways here without ever wanting to reconcile with them. “I do not give you permission to continue being part of my life” is a perfectly reasonable attitude to take when you’ve been hurt.
Allowing the person who hurt you to move on (#5) is also tied up in having some conviction that they have moved beyond being the type of person who hurt you. This might be as simple as having gotten therapy (or gone on a drug regimen) that deals with the underlying cause. It might mean that you see them trying to fix their life, and you grant them the freedom to do so. Again, this is easier when you see remorse, but it’s not a necessity; perhaps you’ve gotten to the place where you can truly wish them well (just far away from you and yours).
So there are many different concepts under that one word, and they get tangled up when we try to discuss the issue.
Thank you for your clear map of the many concepts covered by and the some of the pitfalls from using that word: forgiveness. It was nicely laid out, and clearly stated, and clarified a lot for me. Thx, again.
Curious where this is going. I believe Todd will hold off discussing his suspicions about Selkie’s parentage until he talks more with Selkie and Scar. I feel for him either way. Conversations that are difficult like this (where a child’s heated feelings are involved—especially when they are justified) are never fun. It’s also tough for parents who have had their own difficult childhoods. They have to make sure self-care if we get triggered and that can happen easily there was abuse/trauma in their own childhood.