That being said, I’m still not relaxing about Truck. He still has not said anything that sounds remotely like personal responsibility. It could go in any direction…
If the little voice is an aspect of Selkie, it’s interesting that she doesn’t pluralize everything. This shows me that Selkie understands the language plural thing. (There’s a word for that, isn’t there?)
It is a culturally learned mode of speech which has been carried over into “English”. It’s I believe a spiritual thing if I recall the conversation with Pohl. They believe everything has like two souls or something to that effect without me going back and finding the strip… Anyway, it’s cultural and she doesn’t feel like changing it.
No he said that the plural “sometimes” has spiritual connotations, or social ones. Basically, the plural is used for a lot more things in Tensei than in English, so it comes up more often.
She’s actually totally aware of it. During the storyline where she meets with Pohl and his family, it was referred to, and she basically said it was fine.
Some time later, when back home, Todd mentioned the subject again and Selkie, not wanting to change it cause it was fine, actually started ‘overpluralizing’ on purpose.
It’s not a speech impediment, it’s learned behavior. Something she should be able to unlearn, eventually.
Obviously, an imagined aspect wouldn’t have it, as in the story this ‘Selkie’ is from, she didn’t have it either.
You’re correct on that, Speedy.
Once I got home (and off the cell phone I read them at work while hiding in the bathroom) I searched for Pohl realized I’d missed a few comics. The conversation about kidneys was hilarious! I was then up until four in the morning starting all the way from the beginning.
yeah, i agree with the others in that it’s just a little bit too soon for him to be attempting an apology yet, to me he still hasn’t gotten over that mental disconnect between him hurting her and that’s *why* she screamed the way she did, and his mental image that they were “just joking” and “i told you to stop but you didn’t” he STILL doesn’t realize that she is another PERSON yet, so far she’s still just an annoying *thing* that made him hurt (the screaming thing vs autism, which we’re not sure he actually has in-comic, yet) and can be treated any ol’ way he WANTS to treat it…
First step to stop a lot of bullying is to teach this early, often, and everywhere: “The spear in the Other’s heart is the spear in your own. You are he.”
I say that as a survivor of bullying and its oh-so-handy consequence, PTSD. (Being bullied gives you character? Hyeah right.) Most of the kids who did what they did to me were, from their perspective, being quite innocent, like a cat with a mouse, or righteously indignant, like a dudebro doxxing a feminist. If they had learned, early, “Wait, wait, this hurts, this frightens people–and that’s wrong” then they wouldn’t have started their crap.
Considering the young ages involved, I think we need to tell them the right stories. Lecturing won’t reach them.
I’m basically with Scantron and the others. He doesn’t understand why what he did was wrong, just that it was wrong. Which he already knew that since he was trying to hide it from his father.
I think this apology is more based out of fear he’ll be labeled as “crazy”. He still believes he was in the right, as made obvious by his roundabout way of thinking and still blaming Selkie for what happened.
Yeah, but come on, he’s trying. Even Selkie can see that, which is why she didn’t immediately go with tiny-lady-in-grey’s advice.
It’s not that Truck deserves this chance to talk with Selkie (what he deserves is expulsion and a restraining order), but in lieu of justice, it’s Selkie’s chance to get reconciliation and for Truck to at least realize that he really was wrong the whole time. Forgiveness is, again, more than Truck deserves, but this is a step in that direction, and Selkie may eventually decide that she wants to forgive him in spite of himself.
Eventually.
Maybe.
It would certainly go to prove how wrong Mister Trunchbull was about her…
Important things: 1. Forgiveness is about the victim’s well-being, not about the aggressor’s. 2. We’ve got to stop combining forgiveness and reconciliation, because you can have one without the other; you can forgive yet avoid getting back in a relationship (of any kind), and you can get into a relationship without having truly forgiven.
It is good to rid yourself of the negative emotions that will just go on hurting you. It is good to have a clear head, and avoid letting feelings put you back into a situation where you might get hurt again. But also, it is good to have a clear head that might allow you to reach out to others who are hurting, if you can do so safely, and help them realize true things (about themselves and about the situation), and give them the resources they need to make better decisions for themselves (whether they will or won’t).
Seeing someone actually trying to change is a good first step. Though it should also be pointed out that a lot of people who are trying to manipulate (consciously or unconsciously) can masquerade as people who are trying to change… which is why the “reach out a hand” bit is often better done a long time in the future rather than right away.
I’m of mixed feelings about this particular encounter, in part because it seems in keeping with the Power of Friendship vibe of this comic (and its distinctive lack of actual villains, which greatly appeals to me) that Truck be forgiven and potentially brought into the fold, or at least turned from evil to neutral. But my pragmatic side says this may not be the best way to approach actual real-life situations of similar character.
You know that little voice in the back of your head? The one that we rarely listen to because it usually gives us the worst advice at the worst possible time? Like when your standing on the roof of a building for some reason, and that voice manages to speak out;
“Jump, you can FLY!”
That’s what IMMEDIATELY came to mind for me when I saw the little voice.
I’ve been reading Selkie for quite a while, and I can honestly say this is one of my all-time favorite pages. Selkie’s had to deal with a lot in her life, especially recently, and I wouldn’t blame her a bit for turning her back on Truck.
Instead, she’s showing another side of herself. She may be an apex predator, but she can also have compassion for her enemies.
I don’t think Truck will actually get it, but maybe this will be something he’ll remember down the road when he actually starts taking responsibility for his actions.
At this point, I don’t trust him as far as Selkie can throw him.
Dave> I enjoyed thoroughly reading both the commentary you add visibly and the hidden clicky one:) Especially for this strip! And I saw it more that the storybook Selkie character inner voice atop her head right now is a symbol of her own inherent inner warning and more… feral… Sarnothi side, plus that character did flee the first chance she got, but hey, that’s how the story goes.
Kinda hoping Selkie will spell it out for him on the next page (even more than she has here)… clearly the counsellor hasn’t done it yet, or hasn’t gotten through to him.
AAAGH!! Why am I finding it easy to relate to him? Stop making your characters so human! AAAAAA! No, seriously Dave: well done. It takes someone with a real gift to make me feel sorry for a character who’s behaved as abominably as Truck did. Especially with painful memories of being bullied (and not being able to retaliate for fear of punishment). It’s kind of cathartic, actually.
He’s a child who hurt other children. By nature, children are ego-centric. They have to /learn/ how to empathise and care for other people. In a lot of children, this starts when they’re toddlers. Truck’s just taking a lot longer to catch up. But it looks like he’s finally thinking things through, and the fact that he’s actually listening to Selkie shows that some progress has been made, if not a great deal. Yes, he’s apologising due to the fear of being labelled crazy, but he’s trying to understand why what he did was wrong. No doubt there are people who’d disagree with me, but I think it’s admirable. Up until now, he’s not had people stand up to him and tell him why the things he was doing was wrong. At first, he believed he was right, everyone else was wrong. But now he’s starting to realise that the one in the wrong is him. He’s a child, even if he is a bully. Life is a series of lessons, often painful. I’m honestly hopeful that this will have a positive outcome for all of them, because I see opportunity for Truck to grow as a young person.
Bullshit. That is a myth. Google only child studies if you don’t believe me. The whole only child is weird/spoiled/crazy belief is as outdated and stupid as penis envy. And recent unbiased studies show only children tend to be better adjusted than multiples–not the other way around. This doesn’t mean a child in a single child household can’t be f’d up or have neurotic/spoiled and/or have emotionally abusive parents, but they aren’t very proportionally as common compared to kids in bigger families.
Hanna, I’m an only child. My parents TAUGHT me to think about the feelings of others, and I learned in preschool how to interact with other kids. You don’t need siblings, you just need proper parents.
What I meant was, only children don’t get the feedback from siblings that they need to, to grow into empathic beings. You kinda can’t avoid getting that if you DO have siblings.
YES, you can grow into an empathic being without siblings, I acknowledge this as a possibility.
HOWEVER, growing up as one of three, with 2 neighbours having 2 kids each, one neighbour’s 2 kids had such a large age difference that the girl that was about my age could’ve as well have been an only child, and 2 families with an only child – from my child’s POV at the time (though not with this wording of course) the only childs were selfish pricks.
They didn’t want to wait for their turn. They didn’t want to share. They always thought “me, myself and I”, rather than “us”. One of the girls we (the 7 of us who all had at least one sibling) didn’t even want to take into our games because she was so selfish, and only did because our parents made us. I didn’t learn this until I was an adult, but the girl’s parents had a shitty marriage and were paying her no real attention, instead giving her gifts, and they’d practically begged our parents to let the girl play with us, so she’d learn how to take others into account and all that.
As a child it felt like having a rude stranger (the other two who were the little princesses at their home, adapted quickly enough, though their parents never let us play indoors at their place) intrude into your games, someone for whom you had to explain and translate concepts even WE didn’t have words for. Of course you waited for your turn. Of course you shared. Of course you’d get into our games, if you followed the game’s rules. Of course you couldn’t cheat and expect to be let off.
As an adult I can look back and understand, but I don’t have to accept or forgive. Lucky for us (unlucky for her) that her parents divorced and she moved away with her mom. We got rid of… a real life version of Amanda. And not the nice, understandable Amanda either, because that understanding comes from the distance that age places between me now and me then.
So, YES, you can grow into an empathic being without siblings, but I never had that experience when I was a child – the other two “princesses” who adapted, did so because the rest of us became their surrogate siblings, sort of. And as siblings should do, we didn’t let them get away with their selfish crap.
I have examined this myself at times in writing — the subject of what makes non-sib children behave differently from those with siblings. I think it is more likely the parents. Why do they have a single child in the first place? I am a mother of two, both planned, and I see some of my friends have kids. Most have one and I think they realize one is enough for them. Kids aren’t tough for me. I think how parents react to being a parent has a strong bearing on if a non-sib child turns out a prick or not. Note that I am not bringing into perspective the option of people who can only have that one child ala medical reasoning. I mean those who make the choice. I also see that one child can sometimes walk all over the parents just as easily or even moreso than a house of a ton of kids. Just depends on the parents.
Yes, and now as an adult I can cerebrally completely understand that. And I now know some very lovely people who were the only child and grew up to be compassionate and caring adults. But the first instinct from way back from my childhood says “they’re jerks”. This does not mean I actually thought being an only child makes you a jerk.
But every time someone says “that’s not true!” or throws a stereotypia webpage in my face, I will continue to throw my personal experience right back at them.
(This not aimed specifically at you, Jade, more a continuance from what I said before.)
Here’s another data point for you. I grew up with a brother who acted the way that you seem to associate with an only child. My interpretation is that he believed that his position as firstborn made him the authority figure when our parents weren’t around.
I recall an incident in which little sister was in the basement, crying. Her feet were cold on the tile floor, and she wanted to go upstairs to put some socks on, but she was afraid. Big brother was sitting on the staircase, doing something irrelevant and unthreatening — but she was afraid to walk past him because he just might decide to punch her for no reason.
“I grew up with a brother who acted the way that you seem to associate with an only child.”
Just my personal experiences upon growing up – the same pattern kept beint repeated in school for the first 6 grades, too. That said, the worst bully I had in grades 7-9, was the middle child of five.
Being an only child doesn’t automatically make you a jerk.
Having siblings doesn’t automatically make you not be a jerk.
But having siblings gives you emotional feedback, usually more and more on your level than just parents can provide, even if one of them was a “housewife” (is there a male equivalent of that term in English?).
In one of my college classes, I once turned to one of my fellow students and said “You’re an only child, aren’t you?”. Those in the conversation were astounded by this deduction, but to me it was fairly obvious. He wasn’t especially egotistic or selfish, but I realized fairly quickly that he was displaying mannerisms that siblings would find annoying, and that he had never been told that these mannerisms were annoying. It’s not that he was acting mean or anything, just that he sincerely had no idea how “annoying” he was acting because his parent(s) treated him a certain way and siblings absolutely would have informed him that he was annoying them.
While not all only children are spoiled, even the ones who aren’t spoiled may miss out on a kind of socialization that’s only possible with siblings or relatives of close age.
I was friends with a spoiled only child in high school (not the same person as above), who was spoiled because his parents were hippies (not a figure of speech, they proudly identified themselves as such). I really think he would have had an easier time in high school if his parents hadn’t spoiled him so badly. I mean: our school sucked and there was an ample supply of jerks, but in some ways my friend had it much harder than me because he just wasn’t prepared for the behavior of people who didn’t care about him one way or another. But he did grow out of it eventually. Learning to be a “proper nerd” with useful skills that the jerks lacked seemed to help a lot as well.
“While not all only children are spoiled, even the ones who aren’t spoiled may miss out on a kind of socialization that’s only possible with siblings or relatives of close age.”
Thank you for putting it in better words than I could think of. 🙂
Others will tell you that you’re over-reacting and should consider how he’s not a meanie and blah blah blah. If this were real life, I’d agree with you. Bullies should not be allowed to breed.
But, as it’s a fantasy world, we might yet see some improvement. If nothing else, the kids he tricked deserve their turn at telling him off.
Eh, people change. There was a guy I met recently that I knew as a child who was always mean and cruel to me. I mentioned over the course of the evening that it was pleasant to talk to him this way because unfortunately all my impressions of him were of that behavior and it stuck with me. He was shocked and instantly apologized for all his behavior not realizing what he had done. The person we were a few years ago is not the same as the person we are today, its true for everyone.
A girl I knew in middle school as a terrifying bully grew up to be a fairly kind, compassionate human being who was somehow a good parent.
In middle school I had contemplated standing up to her in front of my father, who specializes in conflict resolution. He flinched and told me not to. In his words, “She will beat you to a bloody pulp, rip out your heart and eat it. Avoid that girl like your life depends on it, because it does. If you can avoid her for a month, the paperwork will process and it won’t be an issue anymore. Do NOT approach her.”
She disappeared from school soon after that.
When I met her as an adult, she was mortified to see me, but approached me to apologize, humbly and making no excuses. It was a bizarre experience to see the girl I’d known so full of rage as a grown woman active in her community, a loving parent, and full of empathy and remorse as she tried to atone for the actions of her childhood.
So, yeah. I can see Truck reforming. I’m not sure how, since I’ve only seen the beginning and end stages of that process; but I know it can happen.
Say what? Truck is a child. Children are not done growing. As they grow, they’re going to change and learn. What they learn depends on what experiences they encounter. Truck is in the middle of a huge learning experience right now… and you want to murder him because he’s still grappling with the lesson — which involves re-rigging his whole world view?
Try thinking about Dave’s characters as he’s portrayed them, rather than making cheap provocative internet-flippant pronouncements.
And the troll has successfully gotten moderate attention with minimum effort. If only such principles could be harnessed for science, we would solve the energy crisis and world hunger overnight…
C’mon, Selkie, tell your inner self that you’re the predator around here, and Truck’s just a hypersocial monkey that’s failing on the social part. You’ve got the shark teeth and venomous saliva, what’s he got? Soft human flesh that tears easily.
…in other words, Selkie needs an inner voice that’s a shark. 😛
I have no idea whether she realizes that he’s afraid of himself and of his sanity. I feel like she should be disarmed by his obsequious behaviour, at this point? I’m guessing that’s where the next strip goes?
My god, this is so tense for me, having been on both sides of this. That’s some seriously impressive writing. Are you writing from personal experience? I don’t know how much of you is in this, and am suddenly very curious, because I know I’ve been here…
Give the boy a break. Sure he screwed up and has far to go but who doesn’t? Not you n or I, so for ll our sakes learn to forgive. Like they say a grudge is too heavy a burden nor ever worth carrying.
I think that the big thing here is Truck is finally thinking instead of acting on impulse/reaction.
He is lucky that his wake-up call didn’t come too late.
I still feel bad for the kid. He doesn’t even realize what he did. He’s not even crazy. He’s just selfish to an extreme. Now he probably wouldn’t just ‘grow out of it’ due to the influences he has around him without some sorta outside help, but this isn’t even his fault. His parents try to make him perfect so he tries desperately to hide his faults, even to the extent of convincing himself that his lies aren’t lies at all. His teachers don’t help either. They’re just as much to blame. This kid is a victim here. A victim of the people around him. He has no real understanding of what he’s done. His idea of right and wrong is stunted and only the bare bones instincts give him little underlining hints that what he’s done is somehow wrong, but not at the same time and he has no idea WHY. This poor kid. The overwhelming feeling of confusion, loneliness and an enormous amount of other conflicting feelings and emotions must be stressing him out immensely. He’s only like what, 9? This poor kid…
There’s a difference between forgiving someone, which is healthy and necessary for your own sake, and trusting them, which may not be healthy at all if it puts you at risk or enables bad behavior.
I do like the “FLEE-IN-TERROR gnome”… Good touch.
That being said, I’m still not relaxing about Truck. He still has not said anything that sounds remotely like personal responsibility. It could go in any direction…
more like the flee-in-terror SELKIE, as that’s the character from the book she read about her in Dave’s linked reminder page.
I know, but it reminded me of the Veruca Gnome from Hogfather.
If the little voice is an aspect of Selkie, it’s interesting that she doesn’t pluralize everything. This shows me that Selkie understands the language plural thing. (There’s a word for that, isn’t there?)
Speech impediment?
It is a culturally learned mode of speech which has been carried over into “English”. It’s I believe a spiritual thing if I recall the conversation with Pohl. They believe everything has like two souls or something to that effect without me going back and finding the strip… Anyway, it’s cultural and she doesn’t feel like changing it.
No he said that the plural “sometimes” has spiritual connotations, or social ones. Basically, the plural is used for a lot more things in Tensei than in English, so it comes up more often.
She’s actually totally aware of it. During the storyline where she meets with Pohl and his family, it was referred to, and she basically said it was fine.
Some time later, when back home, Todd mentioned the subject again and Selkie, not wanting to change it cause it was fine, actually started ‘overpluralizing’ on purpose.
It’s not a speech impediment, it’s learned behavior. Something she should be able to unlearn, eventually.
Obviously, an imagined aspect wouldn’t have it, as in the story this ‘Selkie’ is from, she didn’t have it either.
You’re correct on that, Speedy.
Once I got home (and off the cell phone I read them at work while hiding in the bathroom) I searched for Pohl realized I’d missed a few comics. The conversation about kidneys was hilarious! I was then up until four in the morning starting all the way from the beginning.
Oof! Hoped you didn’t have to go anywhere today, haha.
yeah, i agree with the others in that it’s just a little bit too soon for him to be attempting an apology yet, to me he still hasn’t gotten over that mental disconnect between him hurting her and that’s *why* she screamed the way she did, and his mental image that they were “just joking” and “i told you to stop but you didn’t” he STILL doesn’t realize that she is another PERSON yet, so far she’s still just an annoying *thing* that made him hurt (the screaming thing vs autism, which we’re not sure he actually has in-comic, yet) and can be treated any ol’ way he WANTS to treat it…
Oh yeah, he’s got a LOOOOOONG ways to go.
First step to stop a lot of bullying is to teach this early, often, and everywhere: “The spear in the Other’s heart is the spear in your own. You are he.”
I say that as a survivor of bullying and its oh-so-handy consequence, PTSD. (Being bullied gives you character? Hyeah right.) Most of the kids who did what they did to me were, from their perspective, being quite innocent, like a cat with a mouse, or righteously indignant, like a dudebro doxxing a feminist. If they had learned, early, “Wait, wait, this hurts, this frightens people–and that’s wrong” then they wouldn’t have started their crap.
Considering the young ages involved, I think we need to tell them the right stories. Lecturing won’t reach them.
I’m basically with Scantron and the others. He doesn’t understand why what he did was wrong, just that it was wrong. Which he already knew that since he was trying to hide it from his father.
I think this apology is more based out of fear he’ll be labeled as “crazy”. He still believes he was in the right, as made obvious by his roundabout way of thinking and still blaming Selkie for what happened.
Yeah, but come on, he’s trying. Even Selkie can see that, which is why she didn’t immediately go with tiny-lady-in-grey’s advice.
It’s not that Truck deserves this chance to talk with Selkie (what he deserves is expulsion and a restraining order), but in lieu of justice, it’s Selkie’s chance to get reconciliation and for Truck to at least realize that he really was wrong the whole time. Forgiveness is, again, more than Truck deserves, but this is a step in that direction, and Selkie may eventually decide that she wants to forgive him in spite of himself.
Eventually.
Maybe.
It would certainly go to prove how wrong Mister Trunchbull was about her…
Important things: 1. Forgiveness is about the victim’s well-being, not about the aggressor’s. 2. We’ve got to stop combining forgiveness and reconciliation, because you can have one without the other; you can forgive yet avoid getting back in a relationship (of any kind), and you can get into a relationship without having truly forgiven.
It is good to rid yourself of the negative emotions that will just go on hurting you. It is good to have a clear head, and avoid letting feelings put you back into a situation where you might get hurt again. But also, it is good to have a clear head that might allow you to reach out to others who are hurting, if you can do so safely, and help them realize true things (about themselves and about the situation), and give them the resources they need to make better decisions for themselves (whether they will or won’t).
Seeing someone actually trying to change is a good first step. Though it should also be pointed out that a lot of people who are trying to manipulate (consciously or unconsciously) can masquerade as people who are trying to change… which is why the “reach out a hand” bit is often better done a long time in the future rather than right away.
I’m of mixed feelings about this particular encounter, in part because it seems in keeping with the Power of Friendship vibe of this comic (and its distinctive lack of actual villains, which greatly appeals to me) that Truck be forgiven and potentially brought into the fold, or at least turned from evil to neutral. But my pragmatic side says this may not be the best way to approach actual real-life situations of similar character.
Perhaps a special shampoo will get rid of this hair infestation…
Tuck has no valid reason, he’s a ****.
Yeah, Tuck sounds like a real ****, But Truck seems like he is genuinely confused, so I’m willing to give him the benefit of the doubt
You know that little voice in the back of your head? The one that we rarely listen to because it usually gives us the worst advice at the worst possible time? Like when your standing on the roof of a building for some reason, and that voice manages to speak out;
“Jump, you can FLY!”
That’s what IMMEDIATELY came to mind for me when I saw the little voice.
Too much symbolism. Why are we still stuck on this?
I think to annoy some of us…..
Because documenting the after effects is a thing.
I’ve been reading Selkie for quite a while, and I can honestly say this is one of my all-time favorite pages. Selkie’s had to deal with a lot in her life, especially recently, and I wouldn’t blame her a bit for turning her back on Truck.
Instead, she’s showing another side of herself. She may be an apex predator, but she can also have compassion for her enemies.
I agree.
I don’t think Truck will actually get it, but maybe this will be something he’ll remember down the road when he actually starts taking responsibility for his actions.
At this point, I don’t trust him as far as Selkie can throw him.
Dave> I enjoyed thoroughly reading both the commentary you add visibly and the hidden clicky one:) Especially for this strip! And I saw it more that the storybook Selkie character inner voice atop her head right now is a symbol of her own inherent inner warning and more… feral… Sarnothi side, plus that character did flee the first chance she got, but hey, that’s how the story goes.
Kinda hoping Selkie will spell it out for him on the next page (even more than she has here)… clearly the counsellor hasn’t done it yet, or hasn’t gotten through to him.
He has a long way to go.
Remain strong, Selkie! Know that words, spoken in a calm and reassuring voice, will make him beg for you to go back to shrieking!
AAAGH!! Why am I finding it easy to relate to him? Stop making your characters so human! AAAAAA! No, seriously Dave: well done. It takes someone with a real gift to make me feel sorry for a character who’s behaved as abominably as Truck did. Especially with painful memories of being bullied (and not being able to retaliate for fear of punishment). It’s kind of cathartic, actually.
He’s a child who hurt other children. By nature, children are ego-centric. They have to /learn/ how to empathise and care for other people. In a lot of children, this starts when they’re toddlers. Truck’s just taking a lot longer to catch up. But it looks like he’s finally thinking things through, and the fact that he’s actually listening to Selkie shows that some progress has been made, if not a great deal. Yes, he’s apologising due to the fear of being labelled crazy, but he’s trying to understand why what he did was wrong. No doubt there are people who’d disagree with me, but I think it’s admirable. Up until now, he’s not had people stand up to him and tell him why the things he was doing was wrong. At first, he believed he was right, everyone else was wrong. But now he’s starting to realise that the one in the wrong is him. He’s a child, even if he is a bully. Life is a series of lessons, often painful. I’m honestly hopeful that this will have a positive outcome for all of them, because I see opportunity for Truck to grow as a young person.
Basically the problem can be boiled down to two words: only child.
When you grow up with at least one sibling, you learn empathy or you die trying.
Bullshit. That is a myth. Google only child studies if you don’t believe me. The whole only child is weird/spoiled/crazy belief is as outdated and stupid as penis envy. And recent unbiased studies show only children tend to be better adjusted than multiples–not the other way around. This doesn’t mean a child in a single child household can’t be f’d up or have neurotic/spoiled and/or have emotionally abusive parents, but they aren’t very proportionally as common compared to kids in bigger families.
http://www.susannewmanphd.com/only-child-stereotypes/
Hanna, I’m an only child. My parents TAUGHT me to think about the feelings of others, and I learned in preschool how to interact with other kids. You don’t need siblings, you just need proper parents.
Ok, I worded that badly.
What I meant was, only children don’t get the feedback from siblings that they need to, to grow into empathic beings. You kinda can’t avoid getting that if you DO have siblings.
YES, you can grow into an empathic being without siblings, I acknowledge this as a possibility.
HOWEVER, growing up as one of three, with 2 neighbours having 2 kids each, one neighbour’s 2 kids had such a large age difference that the girl that was about my age could’ve as well have been an only child, and 2 families with an only child – from my child’s POV at the time (though not with this wording of course) the only childs were selfish pricks.
They didn’t want to wait for their turn. They didn’t want to share. They always thought “me, myself and I”, rather than “us”. One of the girls we (the 7 of us who all had at least one sibling) didn’t even want to take into our games because she was so selfish, and only did because our parents made us. I didn’t learn this until I was an adult, but the girl’s parents had a shitty marriage and were paying her no real attention, instead giving her gifts, and they’d practically begged our parents to let the girl play with us, so she’d learn how to take others into account and all that.
As a child it felt like having a rude stranger (the other two who were the little princesses at their home, adapted quickly enough, though their parents never let us play indoors at their place) intrude into your games, someone for whom you had to explain and translate concepts even WE didn’t have words for. Of course you waited for your turn. Of course you shared. Of course you’d get into our games, if you followed the game’s rules. Of course you couldn’t cheat and expect to be let off.
As an adult I can look back and understand, but I don’t have to accept or forgive. Lucky for us (unlucky for her) that her parents divorced and she moved away with her mom. We got rid of… a real life version of Amanda. And not the nice, understandable Amanda either, because that understanding comes from the distance that age places between me now and me then.
So, YES, you can grow into an empathic being without siblings, but I never had that experience when I was a child – the other two “princesses” who adapted, did so because the rest of us became their surrogate siblings, sort of. And as siblings should do, we didn’t let them get away with their selfish crap.
I have examined this myself at times in writing — the subject of what makes non-sib children behave differently from those with siblings. I think it is more likely the parents. Why do they have a single child in the first place? I am a mother of two, both planned, and I see some of my friends have kids. Most have one and I think they realize one is enough for them. Kids aren’t tough for me. I think how parents react to being a parent has a strong bearing on if a non-sib child turns out a prick or not. Note that I am not bringing into perspective the option of people who can only have that one child ala medical reasoning. I mean those who make the choice. I also see that one child can sometimes walk all over the parents just as easily or even moreso than a house of a ton of kids. Just depends on the parents.
“Just depends on the parents.”
Yes, and now as an adult I can cerebrally completely understand that. And I now know some very lovely people who were the only child and grew up to be compassionate and caring adults. But the first instinct from way back from my childhood says “they’re jerks”. This does not mean I actually thought being an only child makes you a jerk.
But every time someone says “that’s not true!” or throws a stereotypia webpage in my face, I will continue to throw my personal experience right back at them.
(This not aimed specifically at you, Jade, more a continuance from what I said before.)
Here’s another data point for you. I grew up with a brother who acted the way that you seem to associate with an only child. My interpretation is that he believed that his position as firstborn made him the authority figure when our parents weren’t around.
I recall an incident in which little sister was in the basement, crying. Her feet were cold on the tile floor, and she wanted to go upstairs to put some socks on, but she was afraid. Big brother was sitting on the staircase, doing something irrelevant and unthreatening — but she was afraid to walk past him because he just might decide to punch her for no reason.
“I grew up with a brother who acted the way that you seem to associate with an only child.”
Just my personal experiences upon growing up – the same pattern kept beint repeated in school for the first 6 grades, too. That said, the worst bully I had in grades 7-9, was the middle child of five.
Being an only child doesn’t automatically make you a jerk.
Having siblings doesn’t automatically make you not be a jerk.
But having siblings gives you emotional feedback, usually more and more on your level than just parents can provide, even if one of them was a “housewife” (is there a male equivalent of that term in English?).
“Househusband” is a real word, though “homemaker” is gender-neutral and less awkward.
In one of my college classes, I once turned to one of my fellow students and said “You’re an only child, aren’t you?”. Those in the conversation were astounded by this deduction, but to me it was fairly obvious. He wasn’t especially egotistic or selfish, but I realized fairly quickly that he was displaying mannerisms that siblings would find annoying, and that he had never been told that these mannerisms were annoying. It’s not that he was acting mean or anything, just that he sincerely had no idea how “annoying” he was acting because his parent(s) treated him a certain way and siblings absolutely would have informed him that he was annoying them.
While not all only children are spoiled, even the ones who aren’t spoiled may miss out on a kind of socialization that’s only possible with siblings or relatives of close age.
I was friends with a spoiled only child in high school (not the same person as above), who was spoiled because his parents were hippies (not a figure of speech, they proudly identified themselves as such). I really think he would have had an easier time in high school if his parents hadn’t spoiled him so badly. I mean: our school sucked and there was an ample supply of jerks, but in some ways my friend had it much harder than me because he just wasn’t prepared for the behavior of people who didn’t care about him one way or another. But he did grow out of it eventually. Learning to be a “proper nerd” with useful skills that the jerks lacked seemed to help a lot as well.
“While not all only children are spoiled, even the ones who aren’t spoiled may miss out on a kind of socialization that’s only possible with siblings or relatives of close age.”
Thank you for putting it in better words than I could think of. 🙂
Euthanasia is the only solution for a kid like Truck.
Others will tell you that you’re over-reacting and should consider how he’s not a meanie and blah blah blah. If this were real life, I’d agree with you. Bullies should not be allowed to breed.
But, as it’s a fantasy world, we might yet see some improvement. If nothing else, the kids he tricked deserve their turn at telling him off.
Eh, people change. There was a guy I met recently that I knew as a child who was always mean and cruel to me. I mentioned over the course of the evening that it was pleasant to talk to him this way because unfortunately all my impressions of him were of that behavior and it stuck with me. He was shocked and instantly apologized for all his behavior not realizing what he had done. The person we were a few years ago is not the same as the person we are today, its true for everyone.
A girl I knew in middle school as a terrifying bully grew up to be a fairly kind, compassionate human being who was somehow a good parent.
In middle school I had contemplated standing up to her in front of my father, who specializes in conflict resolution. He flinched and told me not to. In his words, “She will beat you to a bloody pulp, rip out your heart and eat it. Avoid that girl like your life depends on it, because it does. If you can avoid her for a month, the paperwork will process and it won’t be an issue anymore. Do NOT approach her.”
She disappeared from school soon after that.
When I met her as an adult, she was mortified to see me, but approached me to apologize, humbly and making no excuses. It was a bizarre experience to see the girl I’d known so full of rage as a grown woman active in her community, a loving parent, and full of empathy and remorse as she tried to atone for the actions of her childhood.
So, yeah. I can see Truck reforming. I’m not sure how, since I’ve only seen the beginning and end stages of that process; but I know it can happen.
Say what? Truck is a child. Children are not done growing. As they grow, they’re going to change and learn. What they learn depends on what experiences they encounter. Truck is in the middle of a huge learning experience right now… and you want to murder him because he’s still grappling with the lesson — which involves re-rigging his whole world view?
Try thinking about Dave’s characters as he’s portrayed them, rather than making cheap provocative internet-flippant pronouncements.
(Woops. Failed at closing the italics tag, which I only meant to apply to the word ‘murder’. Sorry!)
And the troll has successfully gotten moderate attention with minimum effort. If only such principles could be harnessed for science, we would solve the energy crisis and world hunger overnight…
For science! http://www.girlgeniusonline.com/comic.php?date=20140101
C’mon, Selkie, tell your inner self that you’re the predator around here, and Truck’s just a hypersocial monkey that’s failing on the social part. You’ve got the shark teeth and venomous saliva, what’s he got? Soft human flesh that tears easily.
…in other words, Selkie needs an inner voice that’s a shark. 😛
I have no idea whether she realizes that he’s afraid of himself and of his sanity. I feel like she should be disarmed by his obsequious behaviour, at this point? I’m guessing that’s where the next strip goes?
My god, this is so tense for me, having been on both sides of this. That’s some seriously impressive writing. Are you writing from personal experience? I don’t know how much of you is in this, and am suddenly very curious, because I know I’ve been here…
ignore this. I’m experimenting.
[i]italics[/i] [b]bold[/b]
aaaaand experiment failed 🙁
😛
let’s try html…
bold italics
Yup, that worked. Same basics as forum code, just use in place of [] ^_^
Apparently I’m not confuser-savvy enough to understand what you’re saying. Forum code? type htmlb/html bold htms/bhtml?
>bold< bold
*growl* uh… hm. the less than greater than symbols above the , and .
Aha. I have it. Thank you.
‘Course, I probably won’t have it next time I want to use it, but I’ve got it now. 😀
I’m a bit late, but yes angle-bracket code works in the comments, except for image links.
Give the boy a break. Sure he screwed up and has far to go but who doesn’t? Not you n or I, so for ll our sakes learn to forgive. Like they say a grudge is too heavy a burden nor ever worth carrying.
I’m fine with this, he doesn’t understand why what he did was wrong, but he accepts that it was wrong and seems genuinely remorseful about that.
I think that the big thing here is Truck is finally thinking instead of acting on impulse/reaction.
He is lucky that his wake-up call didn’t come too late.
I still feel bad for the kid. He doesn’t even realize what he did. He’s not even crazy. He’s just selfish to an extreme. Now he probably wouldn’t just ‘grow out of it’ due to the influences he has around him without some sorta outside help, but this isn’t even his fault. His parents try to make him perfect so he tries desperately to hide his faults, even to the extent of convincing himself that his lies aren’t lies at all. His teachers don’t help either. They’re just as much to blame. This kid is a victim here. A victim of the people around him. He has no real understanding of what he’s done. His idea of right and wrong is stunted and only the bare bones instincts give him little underlining hints that what he’s done is somehow wrong, but not at the same time and he has no idea WHY. This poor kid. The overwhelming feeling of confusion, loneliness and an enormous amount of other conflicting feelings and emotions must be stressing him out immensely. He’s only like what, 9? This poor kid…
There’s a difference between forgiving someone, which is healthy and necessary for your own sake, and trusting them, which may not be healthy at all if it puts you at risk or enables bad behavior.
Thomas: “Um…why do you have a tiny lady in a gray dress on your head?”
I like that the Selkie has become one of Nei Li’s inner voices.
Why is this maid her inner voice?