Agreed. I think pretending they’d always been cool would ring hollow, and would put her even more on edge. “We’ve had a lot of problems, and still fight, but it’s different now” is great progress. Especially for kids who are still getting emotional problem solving tools figured out.
That’s one of the key problems I see in a lot of stories, especially a lot of fanfics: Bob is so sure that X is true that he asserts it even when it flies in the face of obvious facts, so Jim has even less reason to trust Bob. Making “factual” statements based on idealism can be super not-helpful.
Example: “We’re not going to hurt you.” In a situation in which the character is at their mercy, and has already been (accidentally) hurt by them, and will likely in future be accidentally hurt by them again. I’ve seen this in a lot of Loki Slavefics, where the obvious takeaway is “So the humans are lying to my face and not trustworthy.”
Or: “We all love you / care about you.” In a setup where Odin clearly doesn’t, or where Odin’s love is suspect, and often where Thor’s love is suspect as well. Frigga’s assertion feels false and patronizing when clearly she’s projecting her own feelings (love) onto the other members of her family, rather than asserting “I love you, and I’m sure your father does too” (which is more reasonable) or “Regardless of anything else, *I* love you” (which is clear and unambiguous). Trying to assert too much just makes it feel like you’re lying about the whole thing, instead of mistaken about part of it.
Many schools have counselors available. If the kid does not have anyone else they can talk to, they can talk to the school counselor, and the counselor can work with the school to find ways to help the kid.
I don’t know that I agree with Sk that the school MUST be offering that to Amanda, because, as we’ve seen, Todd, Andi, and grandparents seem willing and able to help her work through these things. But that’s why they would have such a thing.
Those supports in schools aren’t JUST “if they don’t have anyone else.” Often the school works with family, and at times family advocating for support from the school is how kids access those supports in the first place. That said, plenty of kids who might benefit don’t get those services in part because there’s not enough support for that.
Overall, I agree with the point that in Amanda’s case (currently) it doesn’t seem like the school MUST provide that for Amanda, but it certainly wouldn’t be out there if they did. (And, keep in mind– Todd, Andi, the grandparents, they’re all fairly new additions to Amanda’s life; her issues have been going on a while.)
I dunno about the US, but where I am from the school is only allowed to legally help the child with counseling etc if the child accepts the help being offered. Otherwise it is considered as forcing them.
…and many schools DON’T have counselors too. Quite a lot of them in fact. The USA has a LOT of underfunded public schools.
Also there’s many schools with someone assigned to that role without any formal training or qualifications. I don’t know what training or education “Guidance Counselors” actually get, but I was never impressed with any I met while in school. I found them small-minded, and their thinking limited to what they’d been told; no critical thinking or judgement capabilities demonstrated whatsoever.
Certainly none seemed to have psychology training.
They were almost exclusively focused on future scholastic or employment goals; that is, getting the kid qualified for college or a job. Come to think of it, I don’t recall there being any “guidance counselors” prior to high school. Maybe I just never saw one.
Helping a student develop socially and emotionally kind of is part of a school’s job. Sk didn’t say “how is the school providing counseling.” But also, there are school social workers and school psychologists; school counselor’s may or may not fill that role.
We are getting ever closer to the day that Amanda breaks someone’s nose for making fun of Selkie, and then Selkie gave that same person a black eye for calling Amanda bad names after she’d done so. I look forward to that day.
Darn it, Dave, put those onions away!
Actually, the “Anymore” probably helped Amanda to accept this.
Agreed. I think pretending they’d always been cool would ring hollow, and would put her even more on edge. “We’ve had a lot of problems, and still fight, but it’s different now” is great progress. Especially for kids who are still getting emotional problem solving tools figured out.
That’s one of the key problems I see in a lot of stories, especially a lot of fanfics: Bob is so sure that X is true that he asserts it even when it flies in the face of obvious facts, so Jim has even less reason to trust Bob. Making “factual” statements based on idealism can be super not-helpful.
Example: “We’re not going to hurt you.” In a situation in which the character is at their mercy, and has already been (accidentally) hurt by them, and will likely in future be accidentally hurt by them again. I’ve seen this in a lot of Loki Slavefics, where the obvious takeaway is “So the humans are lying to my face and not trustworthy.”
Or: “We all love you / care about you.” In a setup where Odin clearly doesn’t, or where Odin’s love is suspect, and often where Thor’s love is suspect as well. Frigga’s assertion feels false and patronizing when clearly she’s projecting her own feelings (love) onto the other members of her family, rather than asserting “I love you, and I’m sure your father does too” (which is more reasonable) or “Regardless of anything else, *I* love you” (which is clear and unambiguous). Trying to assert too much just makes it feel like you’re lying about the whole thing, instead of mistaken about part of it.
So like…what is the school doing to help Amanda address these abandonment issues?
who knows? but at least her parents and grandparents are. that’s a marked improvement over some of the things I’ve seen online…skies above.
Why would/should the school be doing anything?
Many schools have counselors available. If the kid does not have anyone else they can talk to, they can talk to the school counselor, and the counselor can work with the school to find ways to help the kid.
I don’t know that I agree with Sk that the school MUST be offering that to Amanda, because, as we’ve seen, Todd, Andi, and grandparents seem willing and able to help her work through these things. But that’s why they would have such a thing.
Those supports in schools aren’t JUST “if they don’t have anyone else.” Often the school works with family, and at times family advocating for support from the school is how kids access those supports in the first place. That said, plenty of kids who might benefit don’t get those services in part because there’s not enough support for that.
Overall, I agree with the point that in Amanda’s case (currently) it doesn’t seem like the school MUST provide that for Amanda, but it certainly wouldn’t be out there if they did. (And, keep in mind– Todd, Andi, the grandparents, they’re all fairly new additions to Amanda’s life; her issues have been going on a while.)
I dunno about the US, but where I am from the school is only allowed to legally help the child with counseling etc if the child accepts the help being offered. Otherwise it is considered as forcing them.
…and many schools DON’T have counselors too. Quite a lot of them in fact. The USA has a LOT of underfunded public schools.
Also there’s many schools with someone assigned to that role without any formal training or qualifications. I don’t know what training or education “Guidance Counselors” actually get, but I was never impressed with any I met while in school. I found them small-minded, and their thinking limited to what they’d been told; no critical thinking or judgement capabilities demonstrated whatsoever.
Certainly none seemed to have psychology training.
They were almost exclusively focused on future scholastic or employment goals; that is, getting the kid qualified for college or a job. Come to think of it, I don’t recall there being any “guidance counselors” prior to high school. Maybe I just never saw one.
it’s… not the school’s job. Andi needs to get a qualified therapist, but a school’s guidance counselor isn’t usually qualified for long-term therapy.
Helping a student develop socially and emotionally kind of is part of a school’s job. Sk didn’t say “how is the school providing counseling.” But also, there are school social workers and school psychologists; school counselor’s may or may not fill that role.
Wow.
They’ve both come such a long way from where they were at the orphanage, that they can admit these things to each other. I love it! 🙂
“I don’t hates you, Amanda. Anymore.
“I don’t hates you any less, either.”
C’mon now – that was just SCREAMING to be said, and y’all know it. 😛
We are getting ever closer to the day that Amanda breaks someone’s nose for making fun of Selkie, and then Selkie gave that same person a black eye for calling Amanda bad names after she’d done so. I look forward to that day.