I wanna thank everyone who commented on the style sheet I posted over the weekend. I have a few more “playing around” ideas I wanna try before I start taking style changes live, but so far I really like the ideas I’ve been getting from everyone’s feedback. Thank you.
Also, for those who don’t remember, Amanda’s GameKid would later meet a terrible fate.
-EDIT- I completely spaced on mentioning this last night, but as another reminder, for those in the Springfield IL area, I am exhibiting with several other emerging artists at Breaking In this Saturday (Sept 15) at 1022 S Pasfield. One of us made a facebook page last night, I’d love for it to be mentioned/liked/shared if you could. Thanks!
http://www.facebook.com/events/518389334841380
There is a part of me that distresses over Heather's use of the term "real kids", but I also feel "biological kids" is a bit of a mouthful for her, and I don't feel her thought process would phrase it that way.
finally, the men in black show themselves
That was my first thought, too. XD
“Real kids”?
Heather doesn’t seem the PC type. “Real Kids” is clunky, but it’s easy, and if she’s not offended by it (as an adopted kid herself) she probably doesn’t even think anyone else might be.
Also, Selkie’s foreign speech bubble is epic.
I’m definitely on this side of the equation. This is a story. The characters are true to themselves, not necessarily to you, and definitely not to whatever society’s current (warped) view may be. To Heather, biological children are real kids. So that’s how she says it.
EDIT: And I totally can’t math. Or speak, considering when I uttered that I said spell instead of math.
If you’re one side of an equation, you are math!
It’s not even that she is a PC ‘type’ (give her a few years with her parents. She’ll learn). Kids are not PC. They are not PC till they are taught better. Or worse. Depending.
The use of “real kids” is touching, it shows how Heather’s still not feeling accepted herself.
Thanks everyone, I didn’t understand what Heather meant by “real”.
“Biological”. Tch, obvious now.
Imaginary… obviously! All this is in Amanda’s miiiiinnndd… oooOOOoooOOoo! LOL
She doesn’t know any better.
I like the way you portray Heather’s memory-images. I have to say, though, I feel as though there must be more to the story than she knows. If Amanda’s former adoptive parents had to go through the same long process that Todd and other adopters did,(including home visits) surely their biological children’s reactions to the impending adoption would have been brought up BEFORE adoption plans were finalized?
Actually, the kids get taken in BEFORE the adoption process happens. Usually, though, it doesn’t go like it does in Calumet City– the kids and parents are paired up BEFORE the kid’s name gets “put on the form”– you don’t get approved and then get run of the place to go pick out someone. Usually you adopt a specific kid, paired to a specific adoptive family. What happened to Amanda shouldn’t happen to anyone, and the adoption agency/orphanage does a LOT of work to make sure it doesn’t happen.
Not so. My mom was a foster kid who was never adopted. Same process. The kids are on board when they think it’s like getting a friend, but eventually some get evil. ‘Mom doesn’t like you more than me because I’m the REAL daughter.’ Stuff like that. You see it in step-siblings too. Mom says sometimes the kids in the house would think they owned her. “Clean my room, do my homework.” When she refused they’d tell her they were going to tell their parents to “send her back.” Sometimes the parents just laughed it off, but then the kids would get mad because they weren’t getting their way. So they took it out on her, other times the parents would treat her like a bad dog that “wasn’t meshing with their family” and rarely they’d try to sit down and talk it out- sometimes this ended with the kids fighting and the parents telling her to start getting along or maybe they would need to find a different child. The family that came the closest to adopting her sent her back because she got hurt really bad and they didn’t want to deal with that. She was just a kid and had just been told she would never walk again, and they abandoned her. I don’t think people know what they will do until push comes to shove. Ever heard about those animals that are ‘returned to the wild’ or dropped off on a farm? People get a pet, think it’s amazing until the fantasy dies away and they tire of it. So they get rid of it. It happens with kids too, and it happens waaay too much.
It’s things like this which make me glad that I haven’t had any experience with it.
That’s horrifying on so many levels I can’t….
My dad ran the Juvenile Hall where I grew up. That meant he was in charge of all the foster parents and was the official guardian of the foster children. Situations like this happen, but not a lot– the kids always talk all kinds of trash, but the parents can easily defuse a lot of it by being very careful in how they treat the new kid in relation to the other kids.
A friend of mine had to be fostered as a kid from age 6 onwards with another family because his father wasn’t in his life and his mother couldn’t take care of him (she had mental problems), and it took the social services 3 tries before they found a family that he could actually belong to.
The first family had no kids and would have wanted to adopt him, but his birthmother didn’t want to give him up for adoption. Then his fostermother got pregnant (they’d been trying to have a baby before) and they got rid of him to make emotional room for the newcomer (nasty karmic justice that it ended in a miscarriage).
The second family had a toddler-aged girl and a kid around his age (at this point he was 10, the other family’s boy was 11), and his fosterbrother made his life a living hell not just at home, but also in school, where he got all his friends to torment my friend. My friend’s biological family stepped in, when he showed up to the monthly meeting with them with facial injuries.
The 3rd family’s biological children, both girls, were nearly adults, both on the cusp of moving away from home to study further away, and the family had a farm (strawberries, wheat, oats, fruit trees and vegetables), and my friend really found a father figure in the father of the family. He also got to work on the farm for some money (like you would have paid any underage summer worker) that was put on his bank account, so that when he turned adult, he had some savings to help him along.
He wasn’t adopted at any point, but all of those families had taken him in with the understanding that he would be their kid until he turned 18, all of those families had been approved by the social services (and that’s a lengthy legally binding process) to act as foster homes, yet only one of them truly delivered. So I’m not surprised that similar or worse things happen when kids are actually adopted into those families. I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if the first couple had managed to adopt him, would they have still given him up to make mental space for the “real kid”?
Thank you to Eve and Hanna for sharing their stories.
Seconded. Your stories are very powerful, thank you for sharing them with us.
I’ve always thought something like this had happened to poor Amanda. She’s just a little girl who’s frightened, sad, hurt beyond belief and acting like a child about it; exactly what she is. She couldn’t even begin to understand how to handle something as awful as this, so she takes it out on the people around her, and has made a scapegoat to channel her angry energy onto.
She needs a hug. Noone is horrible for no reason. From the very beginning she’s just radiated sadness.
There are some that are- but there is something truly biological wrong with them- that is *rare*.
Most are made horrible. I feel for Amanda and I also fear for her- the same way I fear and feel for Selkie.
Every bully has their justifications. That doesn’t mean they had the right to torment others.
+1
I love this page. It’s beautiful.
When you adopt weither it be children or animals you are bring them into your home and making them one of your family. I think its aweful that happened to your mama eve. My mama never legially adopted but we had a lot of kids who would come to her and consider her mama because she was there for them with hot food, a place to sleep and shoulder to cry on. I consider them all my siblings. Right now I just wanna give Amanda a hug….also cause that’s my name too and it means “worthy of LOVe” in latin! She should have love!
Did anybody else catch the Secret Service looking gent in Heathers last memory? That meshes with the strange government paperwork in Selkies file.
Yeah, I saw it. And I don’t remember the details of the drop, but since this is apparently a little later, it makes sense that the authorities do know about her. “Uhh, she’s blue, she speaks a weird language, and she throws up when she eats vegetables. We’re not gonna call ghostbusters for this one…”
My reaction was “Who’s the person on the far left, on the opposite side of the secret service/MIB agent?? Cuz that ain’t Selkie’s mom.
“Real kids” fits, good choice. So the Men in Black brought Selkie in. Interesting.
Now I’m curious about who the woman with the yellow hair in the last panel is. I have a feeling she’ll be back as part of a greater story about the day Selkie was dropped off later on. She’s wearing the same shirt as Selkie and looks more suspicious than the man in black to me. BTW I like that Selkie’s speech bubble looks like a smiley face. I also like the reference back to the game she broke.
I’ll add my vote to supporting the choice of “real kid.” Thats how kids talk. The same age kids would be prone to talk about their “real mom” (or dad) in the same way (whether in reference to step parents, adoptions, foster care, etc).
I had a conversation with a couple of 11 year-olds the other day (I’m an adult) and one of them thought the second was making a joke when he said he had a “half-sister.” The second felt hurt that the first laughed and asked if his sister was half zombie, but the first kid honestly didn’t understand the intricacies of the different types of family organizations. Things seemed to smooth over when everyone realized that it was a vocabulary gap.
On a side note, I’ve seen a lot of foster kids or adopted kids who are horrendous and outright malicious towards their new families. It goes both ways, they can be the victim or the bully.
One of my cousins is adopted and he tormented his siblings to no end. He cut one of the girls hair off in her sleep. My aunt and uncle seriously considered giving him back at one point when he killed one of their cats and threw his younger brother down the stairs. He eventually stopped, because they told him they were going to send him back if he didn’t shape up and that scared him a lot.
Another instance with him, he was tormenting my little brother and called him a stupid retard that no one wanted. My little brother is disabled and he didn’t fully understand this, but it made him cry. I told my cousin to stop, but he kept pushing it so I eventually beat him up after he told my brother he would die soon anyways. If I remember right we were 8 and 10; me being the older of the two. My brother was 6.
To this day, I still cannot stand that particular cousin and I just find him to be a bad seed. He’s improved a lot and isn’t violent, but he’s still very malicious at times. He recently laughed at my siblings and are AT OUR MOTHER’S FUNERAL saying it was funny that she died because now we were in the same boat as he was. The only reason I didn’t beat him up this time is because it would have been disrespectful to do at our mother’s funeral.
Sounds like he was a sociopath. That has nothing to do with being adopted or fostered. Biological children can behave this way, too—and I’ve met plenty who *are*.
So what? My point was adopted children aren’t all sunshine and roses. It very well may have been because he was adopted, no one really knows what he went through before he was adopted. He was just a bad kid regardless of whatever.
Children aren’t all sunshine and roses period. Even “good” ones. Part of being a halfway decent parent is accepting this and if you get in over your head, you get help. I have a 3 year old and have seen quite a few kids grow up in my ridiculously large family–including an adopted cousin who committed suicide last year. Most people I’ve met with “bad seeds” are not prepared or not interested in towing the lines as parents.
You’re missing my point. I wasn’t trying to say all adopted children are bad, I’m saying some can be just as bad as any other child.
And really what is the point of pointing that out? I think most people understand that adopted children aren’t to be put on pedastals. Quite frankly, I think you are missing my point. Children do bad things. Children can have behavioral probelms from bad parenting or biological issues, but there is no such thing as a “bad” or “evil” child. I’m sorry about the problems with your cousin, but it could have just as easily gone down that road if he shared your genetic material. It sounds like he has serious mental problems.
Just so you understand…most of my biological family is mentally ill and violent. I get told by those who know me it is amazing I’m alive and never ended up with a substance abuse problem. I grew up being told I was a horrible child all my life (and many many worse things). I believed it until I got away from them. So this is part of why it really bothers me when people label kids as “bad.”
I am sorry for your loss. But… wow, what a thing to say.
Thanks, my mom died back in February. I had just turned 20 so it was a fairly big loss for me. She was my rock in life and I miss her terribly. I have my fiance, so at least I have that.
Also, your comic is what inspired me to consider adoption. In the end I decided I would prefer to have biological children, but your comic made me greatly consider the possibility of adoption! So you have a pretty powerful comic. In the end my fiance really, really, really wanted biological children.
Lily, thanks for considering adoption. Us “not-so-real” kids approve 🙂 (and yes, they really do talk like that. Even as a little boy I shrugged it off, it wasn’t like I had a vote on the matter when I was 6 months old …)
I’m still considering it, but I want a biological child first so I can experience pregnancy and the bonding it includes through it as well. Though we may adopt a child afterwards.
It depends. If you are talking about adopting a baby (not a child) versus giving birth—don’t let your fear of inexperience or bonding get in the way. If your fiance supports it, research it. Bonding is not instant—even with biological children. It takes time to get to know each other (out of the womb 😉 ). You will also find that when you become a parent, there is no experience that prepares you for each child. They are their own individuals—even siblings who are biologically related can be vastly different from each other. Having multiples may give you experience in patience and some techniques, but truthfully each child can be a new parenting experience in itself. Now, if you are comparing having a baby versus adopting an older child (when you haven’t had any experience with older kids), that is a little more understandable. There is a lot more that goes into adopting older children and it takes very special people to do it.
Only thing holding me back is my husband doesn’t want to. That’s okay. I respect his comfort level (he doesn’t handle change easily), but if he ever felt differently I’d dive right into it. Right now, one child fills our family, and that’s okay. 🙂
Best of luck pursuing parenthood. 😀
I’m on Lily’s side with most of this argument. I do know that there really are bad kids, regardless of whether they are adopted or not. I’m not saying that circumstances and environment can’t make a child bad or tough, but there are cases where there is something wrong with the child themself. This is most often seen in cases of sociopaths, people who are not able to feel compassion which you can attribute to a mental problem (as seems to be the case with Lily’s cousin). However, there are sociopaths who function in society, because children do learn the difference between right and wrong at a young enough age when they know doing certain things is wrong or “evil” by our standards. It is the choice of the child/person to then direct their actions in a positive or a negative way. If the child CHOOSES to do cruel, malevolent things, it doesn’t just matter that they don’t feel empathy, it was a willful choice of their own.
Why they take pleasure in seeing the suffering of others (even if there is no visible benefit to themselves) I can’t say unless it’s the feeling of power. A true sociopath would be completely impassive, but you have to wonder about the ones who derive enjoyment and pleasure from it.
Also please do not mistake me for saying people with valid mental health issues like paranoid delusions or neurochemical imbalances that cause rage are “bad”. I’m only using it to refer to people who make their own choice to commit atrocities like Belle Gunness or Pedro Filho.
This really gives new meaning to her smashing the gamekid when she found out selkie got adopted. I feel really bad for Amanda right now, but this still doesn’t excuse her behavior. She needs someone to understand her.
She also needs someone to be afraid of, because as long as she’s the biggest and baddest (I shudder to think what’ll happen if Andi adopts her, because then Amanda can emotionally blackmail her with the fact that she gave her away at birth, and again have everyone under her thumb), or at least untouchable (I doubt the orphanage people are allowed to give a child a spanking), no matter what she does, she will be very, very unlikely to give away the feeling of being in power (aka bullying an manipulating others), especially when she feels there’s so little in her life that’s under her control.
I knew a guy in high school who had been adopted -the full shebang- and when I asked him about it, cuz I’d never known anyone who was, he just grinned and said “Your parents HAD to have you, mine CHOSE me.”
So I can kinda understand going from that feeling to being returned would be devastating for anyone.
XD I rather like that answer he gave you… sarcastic yet true.
Srivastra, there seem to be two schools of thought amongst us adoptees. I was more like your friend in high school, I thought it was this kind of strange state to be in but didn’t freak out over it. But I know other (adult) adoptees who are insistent that they find their “real” families.
It’s a very complex subject. That’s part of the reason I like this comic, it doesn’t present the matter as simply as a Hollywood movie.
I´m not adopted, but if I was I think I´d actually be both. I think knowing that my (adoptive) parents knew what they were getting but still decided in my favor would strengthen my bonds with them – but ultimately I would also want to find my birth parents, at the very least to find out why I was given up. Even in the worst case, if I wouldn´t want to stay in touch with them, knowing my birth parents should give some sort of, well, “closure” I guess – it would remove the uncertainty of wondering who they are, what they are like and why I was given up.
I think in most countries, when you become legally adult, you’re allowed to view your own file. It may not have your parents’ names, if they’ve wished to remain anonymous (the agency might have them, but they wouldn’t show it to you in that case), but it might have other details of them and reason you were given up. Unless one was one of those unfortunate but very existing cases where a baby is just found at the orphanage door one morning, or worse yet, found abandoned somewhere else. Then you might not have a lot to go on.
The way I’m interpreting Amanda’s bullying and acting out towards Selkie is it’s rather similar to that of “middle child syndrome”. Sure they’re not related, but they have the same caretakers and were given up around the same time, but Selkie didn’t speak English and Amanda could, Selkie couldn’t tell them what was wrong but Amanda could.
It wasn’t Selkie’s fault that she couldn’t be understood, just like it wasn’t Amanda’s fault that she “got dumped” as Heather put it. The fact of the matter was Selkie required more attention and teaching and understanding… but unfortunately it was at Amanda’s expense. All she wanted from the adults was an explanation, but unfortunately Selkie was their priority.
Thus Amanda began acting out and blaming Selkie for not getting the attention she wanted. If it weren’t for that, who knows, they could have been friends…
I see that this was foreshadowed on page 779. I love the way you’re obviously not making up the story as you go along!
You’re right. Wow, this really shines a light on things. Being brought back to the orphanage isn’t just a fear for these kids have after being given up already by their biological parents. They’ve seen it happen before.