A hard conversation continues.
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I’m working the kinks out of recording screen-captures of the drawing of the strip and SHOULD have this strip’s drawing from inks to colors successfully recorded. Have to review it before I post it and find some royalty-free music to layer under it, but if all goes well the Patreon Page will have the video on the content feed tomorrow evening.
Patreon pledgers, if you have a preference on full-length or sped-up recording let me know on the Patreon wall. The full length will be about three hours, the sped-up will compress down to about five minutes.
Andi's hair may look silly, but I like drawing it. It's distinctive.
Somehow I dont think things will go like Andi wants tomorrow. I have a feeling she’s been declined and may not even get to meet Amanda.
At the very least she is seriously jumping the gun as to how fast getting her back will be. Lillian made no promises for a reason. I think in her mind because the adoption seemed so straightforward, she thinks the retrieval will be the same.
Also I think they may just ask her why now after 8 years and maybe also what her current relationship with the father is and is he aware.
I don’t know. Really? Look at how many people can get their kids back from adoptive/foster families. Not saying it won’t be easy (especially as I’m sure Lillian does not want Amanda to be dumped back again—her adoptive parents were horrible parents to do that), but I can’t imagine there’s going to be loads of red tape keeping Andi from getting Amanda back either. Bio parents almost always have clout unless they are extremely abusive/neglectful.
Splendid. Think Andi struck a nerve there. Great reaction face from the mother.
Andi is about to realize just how difficult this can all be. And without support from her own mother. Who just insinuated Andi ruined her life by being born.
“You’ll be turning her life upside down”
Her life is already upside down. Maybe this’ll set her on her feet again.
It’s going to get worse before it gets better. Unless Andi is extremely careful to keep this from Todd, and there’s no indication that she will be, then it’s not going to be pretty when Amanda puts two and two together.
No doubt it’ll get worse, but there is still a good chance of it getting better.
…when I read that last set of mom speech bubbles, the theme song for Fresh Prince of Bel-Air popped into my head. And hasn’t left. On the other hand, no win situations are no win.
I’m wondering if Andi’s Mother is an emotional abuser. She certainly has the makings of one. And Andi seems to be doing well money wise to have a kid.
So what the bleeping bleep is this woman’s issue? What? She can’t be a decent Grandmother or human being? Andi is way better off without her “support”.
She may be extremely emotionally weak, or suffering from undiagnosed depression, or just very cynical from a hard life, or any number of things that would make it very difficult for her to deal with things.
Or she may just be self-centered and unable to admit to the possibility of being wrong.
Or she’s abusive. I’m leaning towards that.
Maybe Andi has an older sibling, that she knows nothing about, that Ma had when she was 16 or so, and gave up.
Insisting that having a child at that age will ruin your life, and Andi was better off (and the child was better off) giving up Amanda, might help her to not think of herself as a terrible person, for giving away her baby.
Andi is an adult,has a stable income and adequate housing. Her Mother is being an asshole.
Being abusive wouldn’t rule out any of my speculations, in fact, they often go hand-in-hand.
Wow… emotional abuser? Really?
I take it you don’t think emotional abuse is a thing.
No, I take it you put a way too serious label upon a character, based on one conversation, way too callously.
I *have* a slightly mentally abusive mother, and she had a fiercely mentally abusive mother. It’s all about the guilt trips with people like that, and sometimes with crushing any future for their kids themselves.
They are usually the victims in their own mind, and since a few months my mom is actually starting dialogues with “I’m sorry that I…” instead of “I’m disappointed because you…”, which is a huge improvement.
Telling your kid, who is pregnant at 17, to give your own grandchild up for adoption is NOT mentally abusive.
It’s an act of trying to do what’s best for their child, even though it hurts.
If she’s been asking Andi all these 8 years “How could you give away my grandchild??” yes, THAT’s mental abuse.
Telling your kid that being pregnant at 17 would’ve destroyed your life is really harsh, true… but it’s not mentally abusive.
A truly mentally abusive mom would tell Andi: “How could you do this to me? Having this kid at your age will ruin MY life. How can I face my friends? What do I tell them? I have to quit [insert social hobby] because I have to care for your kid while your in school. How could you be so stupid?!”
And during those eight years, every moment they get, they’ll spoil the kid rotten and criticize your parenting skills. Using guilt: “How can you let her walk in those old clothes? Get her some new clothes? What? No money? Nonsense, here’s some cash” And a few bought clothes later “I constantly have to cloth your kid, when are you going to by clothes yourself?” etc. etc.
Sorry if I come across as touchy, but you (unknowingly) struck a nerve.
(Had to post in 3 times because i found out too late some characters were not allowed)
She’s definitely being unsupportive for lousy reasons. I mean, telling a teenager not to have a baby: fine. Telling a grown woman with an income not to go back for her child: inexplicable. Maybe she’s some kind of control freak?
And maybe abusive.
Abuse is short hand for abuse of power. Physical abuse = abuse of physical strength ie by hitting people. Emotional abuse = using knowledge and emotions to twist people into actions that aren’t healthy for them…ie lying, manipulation, guilt tripping, etc. Being strong emotionally or physically is not wrong…using your strengths to play the people around you to their detriment is. A control freak is definitely emotionally abusive, their need for control over situations regardless of whether it is good for anybody else rarely has balance and most of them refuse to look at how their need for control is damaging to the people around them. When that need for control forces them to resort to hitting, slapping, punching anyone who causes them to lose control, it becomes physically abusive. There’s lots of names for emotionally abusive behavior, most of it is made up to minimize calling it what it really is.
…someone misusing their position of power to get their way.
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Guys, Andi’s mom isn’t wrong. Trust me, I have four toddler cousins and when we see each other, I can tell they’re a handful. Not to mention the financial strain a child brings. It would have destroyed them at age 17. Right now, Andi’s being a selfish, manipulative…poodle, and her mother has every right to call her out on it.
How is she being manipulative? I can buy selfish, but manipulative? WTF?!
Manipulative in that the impetus for her actions is Todd, and the most likely reason for her going through the adoption process is that she has some idea that if she gets Amanda, it will fix things with Todd.
Emotionally manipulative of her mom, throwing her own failings/regrets in her face in an attempt to move her to do something Andi wants? Was that not obvious?
I know mothers who gave birth at 15-16. Heck, I know one who had her first child at 13. Their lives were not ruined. Yes it was HARD, but so is life. My own mother had her first at 18, and we had a wonderful life. It does not ALWAYS destroy you, especially with help. Todd probably would have been willing to take Amanda on his own, without help from Andi, and I imagine his family would have been more than happy to assist.
I feel the mother is being more manipulative than Andi.
Actually the most manipulative character is Andi’s mom. Regardless of her feelings and beliefs the fact she withholds support during a key time in Andi’s life is an emotionally abusive move. What has Andi asked of her? To help her raise Amanda? NO. She asked her to come down to the angency’s office to talk with them and maybe meet Amanda.
But then Andi’s mom seems to have a history of doing horrible thing like this. She pressured Andi to give Amanda away to begin with. It’d be one thing if they had talked about it for a long time and actually included Todd in the decision, but instead she layed the pressure on right after Andi gave birth. Do you have any clue how *wrong* that is? The most vulnerable time in a woman’s life is when she is birthing and right after she gives birth. That is absolutely the very worst time for any woman to be pressured to make any huge decisions. She is full of hormones, her body has gone through a huge transition, and her life has changed after what is usually 10-20-some hours of labor (f’n exhausting).
I have run two marathons, three half marathon, and a buttload of 5Ks. I’m in the top 25th of my age group too. Giving birth was 400 times more challenging and exhausting on my body than running my longest hardest races—and while my daughter’s birth wasn’t easy, it wasn’t anywhere near as complicated as it often is for other women.
This is why birth educators encourage new mothers and fathers to make a birth contract and inform medical workers of their decisions *before* the have a baby. This is a big part of why women have a lot of trouble with birth unless they are lucky enough to have a doula (even if you are married they can be very important).
So if you want to call Andi a “manipulative poodle” (whatever *that* is XD—poodles can be very intelligent and sweet), then Andi’s mom is an evil sociopath. Instead of trying to live her daughter’s life, she should have adopted her out to begin with, because she sucks sh*t as a parent.
BTW, to make it clear. I don’t think Andi is a manipulator (especially after this story arc) nor do I think her mom is an evil sociopath. It’s just if one was really one extreme than the other belongs in that spectrum. They are both flawed (and what Andi’s mom is doing is horrible and shows she needs to come to terms with her life and apologizes heavily to her kid), but I think they also very human. That’s what I like about Selkie. Even characters who are meant to be villains (like the principal and Truck) become human.
Yes. Yes the mom is speaking from experience. She has gone about it all wrong, but she wants to protect her daughter from her own life experiences. Andi did throw the mom’s life out of whack, off balance, and ruin her dreams.
That doesn’t excuse the mom’s behavior, but it does explain it. Andi clearly has no idea what it’s like to raise an infant and a toddler and a child. I’m not saying she couldn’t have, or that she and Todd together couldn’t have … but it would have been a very rude reality check for Andi, and it very well could have destroyed both their dreams.
To be fair,Todd isn’t exactly a child psychologist. He has slipped up at times. Just because Andi isn’t your typical warm,feminine and “normal” type of Mother doesn’t mean she can’t take care of Amanda.
Honestly, explaining a behavior doesn’t soften it when emotional abuse is regularly dispensed. From the very little we’ve seen of Andi’s mom this simply seems like the type of person she is. Even if it’s not, the fact she’s pulled it *twice* during two very vulnerable points in Andi’s life is pretty f*cked up. I’m won’t be completely surprised if she comes around (that would make a “nicer” story than her continuing to be a creepy abuser) but in real life when someone pulls that kind of crap—regardless of why—they are a toxic human being.
I judged the mom pretty harshly for her manipulation after the birth, but I don’t judge her harshly for this. I’ve seen adults of many ages get hurt from having kids yanked away then brought back then yanked away (one side of the family has been through what I term “the foster care nightmare,” which thankfully is almost over and has at least resulted in all four kids remaining in contact with the family).
A friend whose counsel I value once tried to persuade me to get out of the situation entirely — because an abusive family member is involved and I almost got punched by him while trying to defend one of the kids from him screaming in her face. I can’t abandon them; it’s not in my character to do so, even if it gets me physically hurt from unpredictable circumstances (we’re doing what we can reasonably do to stay out of the circumstances we can predict). But I do not judge ANYONE for withdrawing from the situation, whether out of fear for their physical safety or fear for their emotional safety.
When I saw how this situation hurt some of the grandparents, who got their hopes up repeatedly only to have them dashed repeatedly, and when I compared that to the way I feel each time we schedule a visit and it gets canceled — I thought, it might’ve been better if they had gotten out sooner than they did. That’s what I think Andi’s mom is doing here, bowing out before the emotional turmoil begins, exerting what control she can over the harm that could be done to her. I DO NOT JUDGE HER FOR THIS. She’s clearly borne her own burdens over the years and it has hurt her; you don’t know how low her batteries might be by now.
If Andi gets Amanda back, Andi’s mom can at any point step into Amanda’s life. It’s much harder to go the other way, even when it would be wise to do so.
Very well put.
It isn’t whether Andi could, it’s whether Andi should.
Kids do make big changes in your life but it doesnt mean they ruin it. Looks like Andi’s mum was secretely bitter about having her young so get why Andi is pissed about that statement. I’ve had friends who’s parents flat out told them “your only here cause I waited to long to get an abortion” it always hurts when you say stuff like that to your kids
Unless you have a solid income and some knowledge of children (ECE/ECD), you shouldn’t be a parent. Andi has neither of those, and Todd only has one, and is making up the rest (benefited, mainly, by the fact that there’s no book for the Sarnothi).
I don’t see why people are hateful at the mom, and I don’t know why Andi’s acting this way; Her mother’s absolutely correct, and Andi now seems like a deeply-emotional moron who forgot to take her meds for too many days. Her last line in the last comic was not at all what I expected it to be, and I’m sorta sad this is how she went…
Unless she’s not supposed to be likeable?
It’s not that Andi’s Mom doesn’t have a point, it just that she could have phrased it a lot better.
There’s a huge difference between saying that it would have been hard for two teens to raise a baby vs. having a baby would have ruined thier lives. Not to mention, the implication that Andi’s Mom think her daughter ruined her life.
I think you’ve done the best job of succinctly stating why Andi’s mom may not be right, but isn’t automatically the anti-christ that many other commenters are making her out to be.
Thank you. 🙂
ECE/ECD? A quick look says Early Childhood Education/Development. Please tell me you’re not suggesting that only people with degrees in education should have children. Or do you mean not a degree but still taking classes? 90% of the world gets by raising kids without formal education in how to do it.
Once you’ve got a baby on the way, you can easily seek out resources to help you with any bits you don’t understand. I know a lot of people don’t, but these resources exist. It’s not like Todd and Andi are stranded on an island somewhere.
As for Andi vs. her mom, I’m more on her mom’s side here too: It seems like Andi is rushing into things based on emotions without thinking through the consequences, and expecting everyone else to hop on board. I’m not clear on what her motives are but she’s moving too fast to pay attention to the warning signs, I think.
> 90% of the world gets by raising kids without formal education in how to do it.
And most of them are shit in it.
> Once you’ve got a baby on the way,
Which you shouldn’t, unless you have classes, a significant income, etc.
Most of my point is that this chick shouldn’t have had Andi, in terms of her QoL… if that’s offensive to Andi, I don’t really know what to say…
A lot of comments seem to be working from the point that Andi’s mom manipulated her into giving up Amanda, but Andi flat out says she didn’t want to be a mom, she said she was miserable with the idea.
Her mom was looking out for Andi’s interests, from her point of view Todd was either feeling the same way, (which she indicated she believed before the flashback) or he was pressuring Andi into making a choice she wasn’t comfortable with.
Maybe she didn’t have all the facts but if you look at it from her point of view she’s been spending 9 months taking care of someone who looks completely depressed.
And it was Andi’s decision to never tell Todd where Amanda was, again her mom said he could have found her at any time, and Andi disagreed, indicating that her mom didn’t know she choose to lie about what happened to the baby.
Now she finds out that her daughter let him believe that the baby was dead for 9 years. That’s a big bombshell. Is it surprising that she’s not horribly supportive of all this? Not really.
Is this a definitive summary, no, because it’s a webcomic and that means we don’t know all the details of everything, but this is a situation so fraught with emotions, I think it’s better to give both of the some slack…
Speaking from the viewpoint of someone with an emotionally manipulative mother, you seriously don’t know if you want to be a mom. As the daughter of somebody who was pregnant at 16 (altho she wasn’t a single mother) I can tell you kids know when they aren’t wanted and no sane person (after feeling that level of resent directed at them for simply existing) is happy to have kids themselves. I waited until I was 30 to even get married and I was completely ambivalent about being a mother when I did get pregnant. None of it had to do with me personally, it had everything to do with being afraid I was going to be as rotten a parent as my mother. While I don’t condone Andi’s choices (my son really did die at birth) I can fully identify with how she came to this pass and I really like the way her character is shaping up. I don’t like her, but I can identify with her.
I am sorry for your loss. Even with the ambivalence that you were feeling towards motherhood, I’m sorry that the choice was taken away from you.
Echoing Sybarite here.
I still think Andi clearly wasn’t ready or able to have a child at the time she did, and in that respect adoption was the better option.
I think the problem is that the only time Patricia appears to have ever brought it up in nine months with concerns about her daughter and her boyfriend’s ability to raise a child at that time was while Andi was in labor, with Todd gone, and left Andi in a situation where she was alone to explain to Todd she had made this decision without him. (Which, yes, Andi’s decision, but given how emotionally vulnerable Andi was at the time she was in no position to be making or defending this decision on her own) It looks EXTREMELY manipulative in that respect, and once the lie was made (a lie that, again, was a TERRIBLE decision but more understandable given Andi’s emotional state) there was basically no way to confess to it without things getting even worse. I wouldn’t have a problem with this in the slightest if Patricia had brought up these concerns with Andi and the Smiths and they all agreed in advance, but the nature of the concerns means that she hadn’t been on board with this before. And if it was just brought up at the last minute as a reaction to Andi’s panic, then she should have stayed to help break the news to Todd. Andi was immediately doubting herself and needed reassurance she was doing the right thing, she was in no position to explain it alone. (Still not condoning the lie, but I can see why she did it.)
Like, if it were just the act itself then I’d be much more on Patricia’s side, but every time I think more about how it specifically played out it looks worse and worse that she only brought it up then, with Todd gone and Andi in labor, and left after it was over but before Todd showed up.
Definitely “able”, because she did have Amanda; definitely NOT ready, for many of the reasons stated here.
I think what Regalli means is “ready or able to RAISE a child”.
Precisely, yes. She’s physically able to have a baby, but emotionally she wasn’t anywhere near ready.
So yeah, Patricia is almost certainly speaking from experience, and Andi almost certainly KNOWS it and is going “wait, you resent me?”
Again, she’s got a point in that Andi was not prepared to have a kid then, may not be prepared to have a kid now (though given her cast page bio I’m pretty sure she has a steady income source at least), and is going to be dredging up a LOT of unpleasantness for Amanda and Todd that she isn’t nearly prepared for.
But at the same time, I still think Andi’s Amanda’s best hope at getting some very necessary therapy. And even from Andi’s first appearances (they’re in the tag, though the flashback sequence wasn’t), she says Todd wanting kids brought back a lot of pain and she wants to fix some things that went wrong before, not just have another child. Todd doesn’t know what that means, but we do now. This really has been getting at her since before she and Todd fell apart. It’s going to get a hell of a lot worse before it gets better, I agree – but I still think it will ultimately get better.
Possibly not for another nine years, but eventually, it’ll get better.
I do feel that the bandwagon is correct in Andi wanting to try to use Amanda to try to fix the gap that has formed between her and Todd, but I honestly hope that she just feels that Todd’s adoption of Selkie gave her the kick she needed to want to fix the mistake she made so long ago.
Putting a child up for adoption can put an enormous strain on you. It’s something that you feel on your shoulders every moment you live and for every success that you experience, the corner of your mind reminds you that it was at the cost of that child’s youth. Those moments you could be raising a child properly instead of god knows what situation you put that little one in by your actions. Andi could know that she will never be able to even be forgiven for what Amanda had to go through, but she can do everything that she can to make sure that from now on, she will be the mother that Amanda deserves.
Happy Birthda, Dave!
Thanks!!
Yep:) Happy Birthday!
People got by just fine having kids at 17 for millennia. Maybe the problem here is that life is getting in the way of your having a kid, not the kid getting in the way of your life.
People used to be considered fully-trained adults at 17. Now, not so much. Having a kid at that age means that the most important parts of your education (at least to someone in H.R.) will probably be interrupted if not skipped entirely.
They didn’t get by just fine. They died at 30-40 because they were hunter/gatherer dirt farmers, which is why they started having kids as soon as they biologically could. Just because it’s possible doesn’t mean it’s desirable, especially if you want any kind of future for yourself. Go to college, get the degree, establish yourself in your profession and THEN have kids in your 30s instead of having the kids young, struggling to get by, and then maybe never being able to have the life you wanted for yourself or for them.
Classic pastbashing. People AVERAGED a short life of 30-40 years because so many of them died younger. Once you made it to adulthood you were probably going to survive to 60 like any normal person.
Fact is past your teens nobody has the energy to raise kids. that’s why they’re all palmed off onto daycare systems now and raised by strangers. And if education is so important, why does everyone hate it, suck at it, and it isnt helping them get good jobs anymore?
Hey, off topic… Been re-reading from the start. A lot of things stand out more than they did before. Does anyone wonder if Lillian and Mary *knew* Todd was Amanda’s biological child from the start? It’s kind of interesting Mary points out that Amanda is fond of him. It’s probably coincidence. If Todd’s name was on the records he probably would have been asked to sign them before Amanda was handed over. However, it’s a really interesting circumstance.
Does anyone wonder if Lillian and Mary *knew* Todd was Amanda’s biological child from the start?
^^^ Hahaha. D’oh! Bad typing. Only works in Dr. Who. XD I meant does anyone wonder if Lillian and Mary *knew* Todd was Amanda’s biological *father* from the start?
I like this scene. I feel for both characters, mostly because they are well-meaning, but flawed and hurting.
Andi not only seemed unable to raise the kid, but unwilling. Todd might have been willing to give up dreams of architecture in order to be a teen dad, but young Andi looked about waiting for her execution. So yes, I entirely understand that as a mother, Patricia did everything she could to try to save her daughter from it. Now that Andi is successful and has a degree, and emotional and financial stability, it’s easy to look back and say ‘I totally coulda handled a baby’, Yes, she has taken part in a seriously bad, no good lie towards Todd (if she knew about that) but I can understand, if not approve. It looked like Todd just didn’t recognize that Andi might not want a child. She might have felt he pressured her against an abortion. Or she might simply have decided that she was going to look out for her daughter, and damn the cost to Todd. She’s no angel, and maybe some comeuppance is to be expected. But I don’t consider her emotionally abusive or a sociopath.
“I’ve already said my good-byes to that girl eight years ago.”
Really, Patricia? Really? Look, you have a choice now. You can be there for your daughter. You can support her in doing this hard thing because she’s your daughter, even if you think she’s making a mistake.
Or you can say passive-aggressive things that add up to, “Poor martyred me. You, Andi, should be detached from her like me because you are like me. You are an extension of me. You ruined my life. This is all about me. I was right to twist your arm when you were at your most vulnerable. I saved you. ‘That girl’ was your enemy, just like you were mine. I saved you because I, ME, look at me, am a good and noble person. If you undo what I did, that’s a slap in MY face. That’s the same as telling me I was wrong. And this is always, forever, all about me.”
Not that I’m ready to judge her a chronic abuser. We haven’t seen enough of her to know how habitual this is. When something pushes the wrong buttons, even normally kind and generous people can start hitting below the belt. Nevertheless, right now she’s pulling every string she can think of, no matter how outrageously unfair, to stop this from happening.
So far she’s scoring two out of two on the Emotional Abuser scale.
I honeslty don’t see that vibe in her. From what I see, she actually thought raising that child would bring Andi an awful lot of harm (which I think is a very fair assessment, given how young Andi seems to loathe the idea of being a mother) So when the time came, yes, she advised against giving it up. I don’t see any ‘arm twisting’, I see a mother giving advice to the best of her abilities, with the well-being of her daughter in mind, less so of Todd and the granddaughter.
As to the guilt tripping, it wasn’t Patrcia who was bringing up the fact that Andi might have upset her plans, it was Andi. If Patricia had been saying ‘look, I know kids can be bad, because you should know Andi, how much I gave up for you, you ungrateful daughter’ I’d be right with you with the torches and pitchforks, but she very much avoids that, and when it was brought up, she clearly went quiet.
And would it be nicer to go along with Andi, even if you think going after that child is a huge, painful mistake. But I don’t see that as manipulation, I see that as honest ‘this is too painful’ thing. Guilt towards Todd and their daughter, and just knowing there’s probably going to be huge emotional fall-out. In her view, her daughter is about to cause herself serious emotional pain, nothing she can do can stop it and she doesn’t want to be there to see it. It is a weakness of her that she won’t. Which is why she apologizes, and says she ‘can’t’.
Well, maybe. Maybe.
I do think she sort-of meant well, originally. But if she felt so strongly about it, the time to have said these things would have been back when Andi was six months pregnant — and she should have brought Todd in on it. It would still have been a hard discussion, but it would have been honest. Biding her time, not bringing up adoption until Andi was in labour and at her most vulnerable, and Todd wasn’t even there…
So, okay. Mistakes were made.
Maybe she knows it. Maybe she regrets it too, and has built up a defense in her own mind. Maybe that’s why she keeps saying ‘that girl’ — she hasn’t let herself think about the baby as a real person. Maybe if Andi reclaims her daughter now, it will bring Patricia’s own internal wall of rationalizations tumbling down, and that’s why she’s resisting the idea so strongly.
Slight problem with this scenario. Intelligent emotionally abusive people don’t come right out and say “look, I know kids can be bad, because you should know Andi, how much I gave up for you, you ungrateful daughter”. Manipulation works best when the victim doesn’t quite realize what is going on, they just feel like they were hit by a sledgehammer from out of nowhere and then can be herded in the direction the abuser wants them to go while they’re still reeling from the shock of the “hit”. If it were that easy to identify their tricks, nobody would fall for it.
Some emotional abusers become that obvious as they age. That’s the issue I have with my mother now, at 60+ some she doesn’t feel like she has to hide her manipulations. But she was never that obvious when we were young, it’s something that developed relatively recently and might be tied to dementia. Or more possibly the fact I educated myself and call her out on her b.s. so she doesn’t feel the need to hide it any longer and can no longer use physical abuse on us to force her way so she got more heavy handed on the emotional side.
What Patricia did here is emotionally abusive. Anybody can be emotionally abusive, it’s a state of being human to want to get your way at all costs. Most people recognize the problem with that tho and learn to curb the urge to fight dirty because getting one’s own way becomes secondary to finding the way that does the most good for everyone involved. Emotional abusers make a pattern of being emotionally abusive, it isn’t an occasional mistake. Getting their way is a way of life. Right now the jury is out on Patricia, what we’ve seen makes me personally skeptical but we all know there’s going to be more to her story. So, yes, maybe this was only a two time thing and not a pattern. However, a person shows what they are made of when they are under stress and this altercation is not a good sign, nor are Andi’s own personal issues as thus far highlighted in the comic.
The intelligent abusers are very good at making it seem like they only want what’s best for their victim. For instance, my sibs and I only got beat on when we did something my parents considered wrong and they could label it discipline. However, is hitting a five year old with a crib bar until their butt bleeds good for that child, no matter what they did wrong? After all, it’s for the child’s own good, to teach them discipline. Emotional abusers use the same tactic, they often hide behind “it’s for your own good” but it’s much harder for outsiders to see what’s really wrong without the blood and bruises to point at. It looks like it might be true… if you don’t have years and years of experience to look back on.
The saddest thing? Once you have the stories behind people who are emotionally and physically abusive, they become sympathetic characters. Frequently they experienced severe and horrific abuse from their own parents. My own mother is not half as bad as her father was. That does not free her to ignore the damage she caused herself.
If Patricia is an emotional abuser, I expect her back story WILL make her extremely sympathetic. (She already is, until the reader focuses on the implied accusation that Andi ruined her life and realizes most of her justifications hinge on how much control/power she lost in her own life when she had Andi).
Most of them aren’t evil, they just have an extremely destructive way of interacting with others that creates as much damage for themselves in the long run as they do to others. Because most people have resorted to emotional abuse to push an agenda at one time or another, most don’t realize how destructive living in a pattern of it can be…for both parties.
Have I mentioned how much I love this comic for exploring issues like this?
“a child demands ‘it’s’ schedule”? I believe you mean ‘its.’ 🙂
Saying that she already said her goodbyes to the child 8 years ago makes it seem like she actually wanted the child. Maybe she’s just trying to make Andi feel better. “I said my goodbyes” is better than “I decided not to be involved with this when you first got pregnant.” Really, what’s her problem??
Hi Dave,
This is probably a weird comment, and off topic to the storyline… but I have an artistic critique.
The cup that Andi’s mother is supposedly drinking from is placed oddly on her face. It should be higher up and cover her nose. We should also see more of her chin.
It looks like she is doing that thing little kids do, where they take a plastic cup and cover their lips, sucking in air so the cup sticks to their face… 😛
Anywho, that’s all. This is in no way to be offensive or anything, just thought maybe between all the comments about storyline, you’d appreciate critique on your drawing style too.
I didn’t notice anything until you mentioned it, but to me it looks more like the old sight-gag about a guy holding a coffee cup and pointing to the rim of the cup that is FURTHEST away from him as he’s holding it, and saying “Never drink from THIS side of the mug…” and proceeds to do exactly that… he put’s that side of the cup to his mouth, without shifting his grip on the cup to put it as the CLOSEST edge of the cup where he puts his lips, he then pours the contents of the cup all over himself…
I still dislike both characters for reasons stated here by some, and for reasons that I am sure are yet to come:) Dave, you are sly.
Off topic, but I was wondering, which words does Selkie add an “s” to?
Rule of Funny ones…
Selkie’s S-additions generally follow a “does this sound okay when spoken out loud?” rule. If it sounds more awkward than is necessary (because it’s always a bit awkward), or doesn’t do it enough, I tweak accordingly.
Regardless of what is going on b/w Andi & her mom, I hope that Andi gets Amanda back for no other reason but that she will love her daughter. Amanda has never had a place to call home or anyone to love her. Though this is a completely different topic, it’s also my argument to anti adoption for why LGBTQ people should be able to adopt. Would you rather her grow up alone and unloved or be with someone you know will love & care for her? Andi may not have made the best choices, & her mom certainly did not go about the situation right at -all-, but it’s time to put that in the past. Andi and Amanda both need each other… not just to love, but to heal. They are two broken souls that have both suffered great injustice. Coming from someone who’s parents couldn’t take care of them/didn’t get to see their child until the age of 6 (and even then relied heavily on my grandparents for help), it’s important, no matter how long it’s been, to salvage that relationship. If Andi’s mom is truly heartless enough to reject her grandchild, then so be it. Andi & Amanda don’t need her. They need Todd who is going to be the catalyst for Amanda’s healing.. and Selkie to show Amanada that even if you get abandoned by your parents, there’s always a chance to find a safe, loving home & family.
I’ve been thinking about this topic from Amanda’s point of view (call me the Devil’s advocate), but here’s what I came up with.
Amanda was adopted out as a baby, so the adopted couple was the only one she knew as her parents. Now here comes this weird lady to say “Hey, I’m your real mom. I gave you up as a baby, and the parents who adopted you didn’t want you either, so they gave you up too.” This is not going to go well, especially if Amanda feels this is just going to be borrowed time and Andi will give her up again when she get’s bored. And then she’ll learn about her dad. “Yeah, his name is Todd, and guess what? He adopted a weird little girl from this orphanage. Do you know Selkie?” (Although I do think Amanda already knows Todd is her fathe some how, which is why she once accused Selkie of “stealing her dad.”)